I rolled my eyes at her. “Kelly please, he’s my mentor.”
“So what? Did you miss the part about the man being hot? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t step over that line if you had the chance. You’re no friend of mine if you say no.”
I just stared at her. I wanted to say no, then I remembered how nice he’d been to me and how he held my hand this morning. As distressed as I’d felt at the time, it was nice.
But that was just it, he was just being nice.
I would be silly to go thinking any different and realistically I thought I’d shocked the man more than enough times with my antics and drama.
I picked up the cookie plate and held it out to Kelly. “Have a cookie, it will soothe your mind.”
She frowned at me and took a cookie. “Fine, I’ll just keep watch to see how things play out. You’re not confirming or denying one way or another.”
And I would keep it that way.
***
Today was good so far.
In fact, I would have said I’d had a really good, positive day. I was glad the surgery was in the evening so I’d had the day to prepare for it.
It was Mr. Porter. He was seventy-five and had a mitral valve prolapse. The condition was quite severe because he also had regurgitation where the valve flaps didn’t close tight enough and caused a backward leakage into the left atrium.
Tonight he was having the valves repaired with the hope that he would take to it and wouldn’t need a whole replacement.
Ryan was actually going to be conducting the procedure and performing it through minimal invasion.
By the time I met up with him down in the reception area of the operating room I was a mixture of nerves and excitement. Nerves because I was hoping I’d be okay and excitement because it was my first time seeing live surgery.
He smiled when he saw me come in.
We’d seen each other earlier today already, but seeing him again sparked something inside me. Something that gave me reassurance. I wouldn’t deny either that his smile was a nice sight to see and I couldn’t completely blame Kelly for the thought.
“Hey, you ready?” he asked as I approached him.
“Yes. I’m excited.” I smiled. This actually felt different.
He gave me a cautious look. “Paige if you start to feel like you can’t be in there let me know straight away. Once I start the procedure I won’t be able to leave.”
“I know. I think this may be different. It feels different.” It did and if Dr. Marion was right, I wouldn’t associate it with death.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
We walked together into the O.R. and joined the surgical team. The patient came in two minutes later wheeled in on the bed. The consultant in charge was Dr. Davis. He brought his own team of three other doctors.
I looked to the patient, Mr. Porter, and started my deep breathing, only I didn’t need it.
Mr. Porter looked nervous, more nervous when the anesthetist spoke to him and administered the anesthetic, then he went into the deep sleep we needed him to fall into.
I watched the whole thing and Ryan watched me.
I was fine.
I could have rejoiced. I looked at Mr. Porter, in his deep sleep, and then I remembered that was how I thought of it. All of it. A deep sleep. Some people sleeping deeper than others.
I could have rejoiced, it looked like I was going to be okay. I glanced over at Ryan just before he began the procedure and saw he was already looking at me with that smile of his.
He gave me a nod to which I nodded back and then it all began.
My first live surgery in the O.R.
Chapter 10
Paige
I couldn’t stop talking.
I was so excited I couldn’t stop talking. Talking to Ryan, talking to anyone who would listen. The procedure lasted for two hours.
Mr. Porter was in the recovery room and we were up in the breakroom. Ryan was doing his notes on Mr. Porter’s chart.
I couldn’t have been more impressed with the way Ryan carried out the surgery. He was just so good. The way he’d used his hands to make the incisions in Mr. Porter’s chest had impressed me the most. I was sure there would be no scars left. No one would know any different that the man had gone through serious surgery.
“It was just…wow.” I bubbled.
“Thank you but you’re embarrassing me.” He smirked and continued to write.
“I don’t mean to. It was just…I want to do that. I want to do it just like that. Your hands were so steady and precise.”
“I’m good with my hands,” he answered.
I blamed Kelly for the thought that popped into my head as I wondered just how good he could be with his hands.
He glanced up at me and smiled. “You’re blushing.”
My eyes widened. “No, I’m just…hot. It’s the room. The O.R. was cool. I don’t tend to come in here much.” That was true. I’d spend most of my breaks in the restaurant or the coffee shop. The part about me blushing because it was hot was a lie.
He chuckled. “Okay, whatever you say. Much as I love the praise I think we should give you some credit too. Good work today Dr. Taylor. I have taken back that strike.”
I smiled, proud of myself. “Thank you so much Dr. Dawson.”
“You are welcome. I’m really glad that you were okay during the surgery. Are you sure you didn’t feel anything?”
“Not a damn thing except excited. It was like the moment I’d lived for was happening.”
“We’re going to have to translate that into our work on the cadavers.” He nodded. “Next week I may try a few things. I ordered an assimilated mannequin for you, but it’s not the same thing. I learned using both and you can’t treat them the same.”
“I understand. I get it and I believe that too. I’ve used both and it isn’t the same. I…spoke to my therapist last night and she said it’s me associating dead things with death. I know that sounds weird but she’s right. I need to brave up and face the fear head on. I think because I know the mannequin won’t be real, it might not affect me the same.”
“We’ll start with that just to bring you up to speed. Now I know you could rock in surgery but I want to make sure we eradicate anything that may stop you from excelling.”
I stared at him, grateful, but also noticing the effort he was making. Just for me. He had ten other mentees and they could have needed him too. He was, however, tending to me. Looking after me.
“Thank you for everything.”
“Thank me at the end of the year when I get you through to the next phase.”
It felt like a real possibility now. “I will.”
His gaze clung to mine and something seemed to cross his mind because he straightened up the way he did when he had an idea. “Do you want to get out of here? I’m done and so are you.”
“Out?”
“It’s Friday,” he replied as if that was enough of an explanation.
“Friday. It sure came quick.”
“Yeah, sure did. Do you like pool?”
“I do. I’m a real pro.” I picked up the talent in college and used to beat all the guys.
“We’ll see about that.” He winked at me and my cheeks warmed again. “Get dressed. You’re in for a long night.”
***
Half an hour later we were on the basement floor of The Curtains standing by a pool table holding our cue sticks.
It was the bar/club where we first met. He brought me back here. Unlike that first night, when he dressed smarter, he had on a black biker jacket, a navy t-shirt that clung to his chest showing off the muscles on his abs, and a pair of jeans that hung low on his hips.
He looked what Kelly would call mouthwatering gorgeous and I looked out of place next to him in my simple cotton camisole and jeans, and minimal makeup. It wasn’t what I would have worn back here. My only saving grace was my hair. Since I’d washed it last night and had
it wrapped up for most of the day it had the wavy appearance when I let it down. It looked like I did it like that on purpose.
We’d both had a drink each and came down here to play. This was our first game.
Ryan lined up the balls with the triangle, setting the eight ball in the middle.
“Ladies first,” he said, waving his hand toward the table.
“How nice of you. You sure you don’t want to go first to get a head start? You might need to. I am really good.” I laughed.
“Like I said, we’ll see about that. Ladies first.” He gave me a wolfish grin.
I stepped forward and lined up my cue stick with the white cue ball. I took my shot and the balls scattered. The eight ball spin near the hole at the left and nearly went inside with the yellow ball. If I’d sunken it in he would have swallowed his words. I would have won on my first shot.
“Good, but not great,” he taunted and moved around me to take his shot.
“It was my first go.”
“Sure.” He took his shot and most of the balls went in the pockets, leaving just five of them. He stood up and smiled. “That’s how it’s done princess.”
I laughed. “I know how it’s done.”
I took my shot and sunk the blue ball. He looked impressed.
“You know I actually thought you’d say no to this.” He chuckled. “Didn’t seem like it would be your thing.”
“So you invited me out to something that might not be my thing?”
“I figured you could watch me play,” he answered. “You know what else I never would have figured you for?”
I was interested to hear it. “What?”
“Surgery. At first glance you don’t look like a surgeon.”
“What do I look like?”
“Like…someone in marketing, or advertising. Or fashion.”
“Fashion? Have you seen my clothes?” I tugged on the edge of my top and his gaze drifted from my eyes and settled on my breasts for a few seconds.
“I see your clothes and stand by my words.” He walked back around to me, staring with open adoration that reminded me of the last time we were here.
Since I wasn’t sure what to say I leaned over the table and took my shot. I missed that time and thought he would make some comment about that. Only he didn’t.
I glanced at him over my shoulder and bit the inside of my lip when I caught him overtly staring at my ass. The look on his face was different to any I’d seen previously. Not him from that first night I’d bamboozled him and not him as my mentor. The glow of desire that sparked inside me at having such a man look at me like that was something I couldn’t quite tamp down. And he was still looking.
I cleared my throat. “Ryan…”
It was only when I straightened up that his gaze climbed back up my body in a slow sweep to meet mine.
“Huh?” His heated gaze held me in place and darkened with desire.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Were you just staring at my ass?”
I’d bet most women wouldn’t have called him out like that. He looked surprised too. I wouldn’t have asked the question if I wasn’t sure of the answer. If I hadn’t seen him for myself I would never have been so bold or presumptuous to make such a remark.
“No, I was looking at the table. It has nice curves and a great shape.” The smile in his eyes contained an alluring flame.
My cheeks warmed. “The table has curves?”
“That one does.”
“If you say so.”
I moved aside so he could take his shot. He didn’t though. He leaned on his cue stick and intensified his gaze on me. “It just occurred to me that we aren’t at work. This is off record time. You know, that social time where I’m Ryan and you’re Paige. We’re just a guy and a girl playing pool in a bar. So what if I was staring at your ass and not the table? As fine as it looks.”
What answer was I supposed to give to that?
This was Lizzie territory. If she was interested she’d say something blatantly sexual, like he could keep staring all he wanted to. If she wasn’t interested—and there would be no way that she wouldn’t be into this guy—she wouldn’t answer.
So what did I say?
“I think I prefer you looking at me rather than the table.” There, that came naturally.
He straightened up, walked over to the eight ball, and knocked it in the hole with his finger. “Game forfeited. Your turn again. You should bend over a little more next time. So you won’t miss.” He nodded like it was the best idea ever.
“Okay…I’ll bear that in mind.” My God. What was I doing flirting with him?
Good or bad, I didn’t care.
Like he said, this was off record time. He was just Ryan and I was Paige.
A guy and a girl playing pool.
That was how I thought about us for the rest of the evening which spanned for hours.
Hours of talking, and playing, and…flirting.
It was close to two a.m. when we left. Neither of us actually won a game. We were just playing and talking.
He took me home and made a show of opening the car door for me. Like Kelly he seemed to like fast cars because he drove a Ferrari and spoke about some others he had.
He leaned against the hood of the car and looked at me. The mingle of the moonlight and the streetlights gave his eyes a silver sheen that actually made them look brighter.
“So, what does Paige do on a Saturday morning?” he asked.
“Eat waffles and…watch Ren and Stimpy,” I chuckled.
“Waffles I like, Ren and Stimpy not so much. How can you stand it? It’s just as bad as Cow and Chicken.”
I bit the inside of my lip then laughed. “So I tend to watch Ren and Stimpy first then Cow and Chicken. It’s the essence of Saturday morning kids’ TV. It zombies you and you can’t move to switch the channel to something more adulty. Like the news.”
He was listening but seemed to be taking note of me. Not just what I said, but me.
“I hate the news. Always depressing.”
“I agree.” I should go. Say goodnight and go inside. I should do that if I wanted to preserve the semi-professional relationship we had. It had gotten to that part where awkward silences filling the space between our conversation could lead to anything.
“What does Mr. Paige watch?” he suddenly asked.
Mr. Paige…
I almost asked who that was. I was oh so slow and lame to catch on that he was asking me if I had a boyfriend.
“There’s…um, no Mr. Paige,” I laughed.
“No?” He motioned to the house. “You live in that big house by yourself?”
“I live with my best friend, Kelly. She’s a doctor too. Second-year resident at St. Michaels.”
“Oh yeah?”
I nodded, wanting to keep the Mr. Paige train of conversation going instead of talking about Kelly, who was probably staring out the window at this very moment and trying to listen in on us.
“What about Mrs. Ryan? What does she do on a Saturday morning?” Boldness took me. My curiosity about him must have been deeper than I thought.
He smirked. “There’s no Mrs. Ryan. That position has been vacant for a long time.” He straightened up. “Paige…why is there no Mr. Paige?”
My nerves scattered from the intensity of his stare. I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
The truth was I’d immersed myself in getting better so I could get my life back on track. I’d done it to such a degree that dating took a back seat.
He stepped forward and his gaze traveled over my face, resting on my eyes. A tingle rippled through my stomach when his large hand reached for my face and caressed the edge of my jaw.
“Maybe you won’t mind if I do this then?”
“Touch me?”
“Not just that.”
Time seemed to freeze around us as I watched him lower and press his lips to mine. It was a slight brush over my mouth
that sent a shiver of desire racing through my body.
It was a taste and I wanted more. The taste beckoned us both and he deepened the kiss, pulling me flush against him as he closed the space between us.
Need filled me as the kiss grew hungry. Desire fueled me as he swept his tongue across mine exploring my mouth. Hunger took over as I craved more but he pulled back, releasing me, leaving my lips burning with fire.
He pulled back and the shadow of worry washed over his handsome face, torment in his eyes.
“I…um. I should go.”
I never got to answer. He didn’t look at me as he walked back around to the driver’s side of the car, got in, and drove away.
It all transpired so fast I was barely able to register what actually happened.
We were kissing and then we weren’t.
Then he was practically fleeing from me.
All day, I’d felt like I was going to be okay.
Now I wasn’t so sure.
His kiss still lingered on my lips and I wondered what I could have done wrong.
Chapter 11
Ryan
Of all the idiotic things I could have done, kissing Paige was right up there at the top.
I was a damn idiot for kissing her for many reasons. The first being that I knew I’d regret it for the fact that I wanted to do more than just kiss her. The second being I knew I would want more, knew I was putting myself in jeopardy, and yet I thought Screw the consequences and gave in to the desire to taste her.
I wanted to taste her and I did.
In the moment there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do to talk me out of it because I’d decided from the second my eyes landed on her perfect ass that I was going to kiss her.
Now I was stuck with feeling foolish for running away with my tail between my legs like a coward.
She didn’t deserve that. It was thinking I wanted more that kicked me into overdrive again, and reality crept back into my mind.
I couldn’t just be with her if I wanted to. If Dad found out he’d have my ass and the fact that she was a first-year made it look like I was not only preying on first-year residents, but also abusing my role as mentor. That’s what it would look like.
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