“I guessed that.”
“What did she say to you?”
“Do we really have to go into that?” I’d rather not recall what she said. It was actually quite vindictive and hurtful.
“I want to know baby. Please tell me.”
I drew in a breath to clear my head and released it, mirroring him by resting my hands on the table too. “She said I was nothing to you. She said you’d toss me to the side when you were done with me. She said that when you were with her people knew about it, but I must be the dirty secret. I know it was my idea, but that…really hurt me.”
I never expected the wayward tear that seeped out of the corner of my eye to drift down my cheek.
He stood up and walked around to me, crouching down and taking my hands into his.
He lifted my hands to his lips, kissed the tops, and covered them with both his hands.
“I love you,” he breathed, shocking me to the core.
“What?”
“I love you. Apart from my mother, no other woman has ever heard those words come out of my mouth.”
I stared at him, gazing deeply into his baby blues, feeling the love, warmth, and strength beaming from him.
“I love you too,” I told him.
His smile widened on hearing that. “I love you Paige, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that before, so that when you spoke to Alana you would have had that to hold on to. What she described was a version of me from the past. I didn’t know you then and maybe all that happened to me happened to put me in a position to find you. I plan to speak to my father at our meeting in two weeks. I’m going to tell him about us.”
“You are?” My heart stilled.
“I am. Can you give me just a little more time? I’ll talk to him and we can take it from there.”
I nodded. “Yes, of course.”
He moved forward to kiss me. The kiss drew me in and lulled me to the call of desire.
He stood, pulling me up and we continued kissing until he picked me up and carried me upstairs. His touch somehow felt more sensual…personal.
We tumbled into the bed, into the mindless oblivion of desire. Then layer by layer our clothes came off.
Skin to skin we fell into the overpowering call of passion. It took us, taking us to that place where we could be free to show how we felt. Free from everything. Like always, everything but my need for him was stripped away from my mind.
My body welcomed him as his cock seared into me, branding me as his. He lowered, lacing his fingers with my own, face pressed to mine, and then the magic of love took over. Mixed with passion, it was something else. It was something else entirely. Something I never wanted to be without again.
Lost in each other, the world faded away into the back of beyond.
And yet I could hear a slight tapping sound in the background. A part of my brain was still aware of my surroundings and I heard it, almost like a warning. A warning of something coming.
It happened again and Ryan heard it too. He lifted his head, but neither of us could do anything as the door swung open and there Ryan’s father stood looking at us.
Dr. James Dawson glared at us with a scowl so heavy on his face it made the deep wrinkles at the corners of his mouth deeper. It seemed to deepen when he looked at me. Although we’d never spoken before, I knew he recognized me.
Shit.
Damn it.
I couldn’t believe this. I couldn’t believe I’d just been caught in bed with a man I wasn’t supposed to be with.
He looked specifically at Ryan then slammed the door shut, leaving us.
“Oh fuck,” Ryan hissed. He jumped up, grabbed his boxers, and dragged them on.
“I’m sorry.” I winced, pulling the sheet up to cover myself.
“No, don’t apologize. I don’t know why he’s here. I wasn’t expecting him. He never comes without telling me first.”
“Ryan…”
“Stay there,” he said quickly and went through the door.
It didn’t matter that Ryan wasn’t expecting his father. What mattered was the damage. Whatever damage would result from what his father saw.
I had a really bad feeling about this.
Chapter 20
Ryan
I rushed down the stairs and found Dad in the living room.
He was over by the fireplace, eyes set on my pictures on the wall. Pictures of me graduating and various medical certificates and awards.
He turned to face me when I got inside, pure disappointment in the expression on his face.
“This has been going on the whole time, hasn’t it?” he balked. “Right from when Dr. Barry came to speak to me. You were with her from then and said nothing.”
“Dad, please calm down. I can explain,” I attempted.
“Explain what? What are you going to say to me? What could you say to explain this? You haven’t changed at all. You’re the same. The same lay-about, no good, sleeping around the hospital. Who else have you been with? How many more?” His voice, although bold, took on a frail edge.
“It’s just her Dad, I’ve only been with her.”
“All that time? I don’t believe you. Why should I believe you? I came here tonight because Scientific American contacted me for an interview with you, for your research. I wanted to tell you in person. Tell you how proud I was. Now I see there was nothing to be proud of.”
“Dad, this is insane. You can’t stop me from being with who I want to be with.”
“Ryan, last year I gave you an ultimatum. I won’t have my name dragged through the dirt again, not again. You won’t do this to me again. I won’t allow it. Consider this your absolute last chance. Either you get rid of the woman or you’re fired.”
“Dad—”
He held up his hand. “No, Ryan. No. If you were someone else I would have fired you well before now. It’s only because we share blood why I’m destined to keep giving you chances. Over and over again. I don’t trust you and it breaks me to say that. I don’t know why I became the fool and believed you’d changed. It was all a lie, a façade, while you continue your games. You have until tomorrow to give me your answer.”
He stormed out. Out of the room and out of the house, slamming the front door.
What a load of shit I’d gotten myself into.
Fucking hell.
I guess I knew earlier than later how my conversation would have gone with him in two weeks’ time. At least if I’d waited until then, the office would have been a better setting than finding me in bed with Paige.
Shit.
Footsteps sounded on the floorboards.
I turned to see Paige coming in the room.
The sadness on her pretty face was evident.
“Hey…” I walked over to her and kissed her, only briefly because she moved out of the kiss.
“Ryan. I heard him. I think you should choose your job.” She nodded and a tear ran down her cheek.
In just this one day I’d had Alana and Dad screw things up for me with her.
“No. Paige. I will talk to him tomorrow when he calms down.”
“No, Ryan. Listen to me…we knew something like this could happen. We knew it could happen. Maybe not like this, but it was kind of on the horizon.”
“He’s just pissed at me.”
“Do you really think so? Do you really think you can change his mind? I don’t. Tell me if you truly do.”
I couldn’t answer. I knew my father and what he was like. It was a surprise that he even gave me a chance. Another one.
“I’m going to try,” I replied.
“He didn’t sound like he’d be willing to listen, so that leaves you with the only other option. Losing your job. I couldn’t claim to love you if I just allowed that to happen. I can’t do it, so please don’t ask me to. Ryan…Scientific American…think about it. It can only be onwards and upwards from there.”
“Paige…”
S
he reached out and touched my face. “It’s okay. It will be okay. It was good while it lasted.”
She released me and backed away.
“Paige. Please...”
She shook her head, turned, and walked out.
I watched her go, leaving me standing there frozen to the spot feeling like a fool. A helpless fool.
Everything she said was right.
Except that her leaving just kicked my ass in gear. Worse than the threat of losing my job. Losing her felt like I’d lost everything.
***
At six a.m. when I heard my front door open I knew exactly who it was coming in.
Three people had keys to my place.
Dad, Cole, and Ben. Only two of those people used the keys like the place belonged to them, neither of them were Ben. One was here last night and wouldn’t be coming back or speaking to me unless the conversation involved my decision on the choice he laid before me.
So when Cole walked into the kitchen I wasn’t surprised to see him.
He held a drink carrier with two large coffee cups from Starbucks and a pastry bag from the little bakery on Mainstreet we liked going into sometimes.
“Don’t you dare tell me you’re on some kind of diet,” he stated pointing his finger at me.
I was already drinking coffee. He walked up to me, took the mug, and emptied the drink in the sink.
I just watched him. He came back, handed me one of the coffee cups from the carrier, and sat down in the chair opposite me.
He sighed and leaned back against the chair, looking me over in that weird assessing way I was used to.
“Thanks for the coffee,” I told him. I wasn’t sure how much more I should say. It was obvious Dad had spoken to him and that was the reason for his visit. I just wasn’t sure what his take on the situation was. Was he pro Dad, or pro me?
He knew about Paige. I’d never specifically said it out loud to him that I was seeing her, but I didn’t need to.
“Thought you might need something decent. Better than the shit you always have here,” he said.
“Well, you know me. I only drink it when I need it so I just get the bargain stuff.”
“That’s the wrong way of thinking though. Because you only have it when you need it. That’s even more reason to get the good stuff. Quality when you need it. Not crap.” He smirked. He looked like Mom when he did that. People always told him he looked like her, whereas I looked more like a blend of both my parents. When a serious expression washed over his face I knew the time for the lighthearted pleasantry had passed. “I spoke to Dad last night. I’m sure you guessed that.”
“Sure did. What I don’t know is what you think. You here to tell me I was an idiot for putting my career on the line?” I raised my brows.
He smiled. “No…I’m not here to tell you that. You already know that part.”
I rested my elbow on the table and intensified my gaze on him. “So, why are you here? You bring treats and good coffee to tell me what?”
“My take on the situation, I guess, and to offer some support. When Dad first laid down the law on you, I thought you deserved it. I knew you wanted nothing more than to be a surgeon because you gave up football. Football was the only other thing I knew you were serious about. I was actually shocked to shit when you turned down your chances at pro-ball for medicine. Didn’t think you were the type to sit down and study. You came through in your own way though.”
I sensed a shift from the way I thought this conversation might go. “I did come through in my own way.” He’d said it like that because my own way was barely studying. I’d always done well in school, but it wasn’t because I studied. I was the guy who could cram the night before and still get As. Not even passes or lower grades that would keep me in check. I just had a knack for understanding things.
College was different to high school but I did that in my own way too with minimal study. I took advantage of my natural talents and thought if I didn’t need to study as hard as everyone else I may as well screw with the other areas of my life.
“So, I’m here because when Dad called me I knew you’d be at that place where you’d need support. Ryan, I thought you deserved the whole ultimatum and supervision thing, but you changed things up big time. It showed me that you can be serious about what you want in life, and the fact that you kept Paige a secret added to that. But I wished you hadn’t. I know it was messy, but let’s face it, it all got messier last night.”
I glanced down at the grooves in the surface of the table then back to him. “She left me. She wants me to choose my job. She heard everything and she said she couldn’t claim to love me if she allowed me to lose my job and the opportunity that came with it. Shit, Cole I never thought I’d ever have any interest from Scientific American.”
He laughed. “Don’t be so surprised. The thing about you is you’re innovative and you don’t even know it. You think outside the box and those are the kind of people that make big changes. Notable enough to get interest from Scientific American.” He sighed and tapped his fingers on the surface of the table. “Can I just point out that they were interested in you, not the hospital or the research being done there. They were interested in you and that says something. Ryan, Dad’s scared. He’s scared of you messing up again and personally if you were me, I’d be pissed at this ultimate ultimatum.”
My shoulders loosened, grateful to see he was on my side. All night I’d thought about this. My plan was to reason with Dad, but Cole’s words had opened my eyes to something else.
“I’d be pissed because it means he has far too much control over your life,” he added. “It’s just too much. I tried to talk to him and tell him that I was sure you were with Paige because you were serious about her. He wouldn’t hear of it. That’s what made me realize that this whole situation had gotten to a stage where it was blown out of proportion. Dad actually can’t make you choose between a woman or your job. He can’t. It’s not a thing he can do, especially when there’s no grounds. You don’t even work together other than through mentorship. I feel it’s just gotten to a stage where the wall is up and you can do better than this.”
Better…
“Better?” That could mean a few things.
“That’s all I’m going to say bro. The rest is for you to figure out. The problem here isn’t Paige, or you being with Paige, it’s Dad. The way I see it is you’re always going to have this problem with him because last year was so bad. Celina made trouble for you big time and it left a mark because it was close. She nearly did destroy you—and us too. I think that’s how he sees it. Sometimes you have to make bigger changes than the ones you made to not just achieve what you want, but also to have the life you want. As your brother I have to tell you that.”
I was listening, definitely listening, and planning.
He was right. I had changed, but there was room for more.
More that would allow me to have the life I wanted.
I smiled because now I had a plan.
Chapter 21
Paige
“Truth,” Kelly answered with a little smile.
I raised my brows. The last time she chose truth was when she was bursting to tell me that she’d made out with our substitute college professor the week before graduation.
Any other time was because she needed to talk. Kind of like me now.
“Truth? Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m going with truth.”
“Okay, truth it is.” My voice still had a rasp to it, from spending the night crying.
Thankfully Kelly was home last night when I got home and she played the listening ear I needed. She listened and comforted. I noticed though that she never offered any advice on what I should do. I knew it was most likely because I’d done the thing she would have done too.
I did the right thing, even though it didn’t feel like the right thing for me. I loved Ryan and I’d heard many times that if you loved someon
e you have to know when to let them go, it was just hard when the saying applied to you.
Letting him go didn’t feel right for me last night and it didn’t feel right now as I sat here at Carla’s.
We had a cinnamon roll each. Usually it was so sweet I didn’t tend to finish mine, but today I did. Today everything tasted bland to me. Bland and empty.
I thought of a truth question I could ask her, then it came to me. “What truth do you want to tell me?”
She smiled. “I like that. I swear we should probably change this game to Let’s just talk.”
“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have the same effect.” I managed a smile too, one I really didn’t feel. Today was the kind of day I would have preferred to stay in and hide under a rock someplace. I just didn’t want to face the world feeling like shit.
“It wouldn’t.” She brought her hands together. “Okay, so my truth is this. I’ve decided to go to Devon’s wedding. He’ll be back in eight months and I’m hoping I will feel better about the whole situation. I think if I didn’t go, then years to come I may feel really bad. Guys don’t tend to invite their exes to their wedding and we were friends once, so I’m…I’m gonna go,” she said.
I felt proud of her. It was a big decision and conclusion to come to. “I’m glad you’re going. I think if you can move past how you feel now then you’ll be okay, and even so, you probably would feel bad over time if you didn’t go.”
“I agree. I guess I didn’t want him feeling bad during this time if I declined the invite. Doesn’t matter what happened between us. Moving forward is the key. So…it’s your turn. Truth or dare?”
I shrugged. Tears pulled at the backs of my eyes and tension weighed down my shoulders. Usually we played truth or dare to cheer each other up. I wasn’t sure how I could cheer myself up when the last time I played this game it opened the floor to me meeting Ryan. My choice of dare sent me on a spiral of some kind of whirlwind romance.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what to choose from,” I answered.
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