by Jewel, Bella
She froze and lowered herself down as rejection flashed across her face. All happiness disappeared, and she stepped away like I was poison. The distance she put between us was immediate, as she crossed the living room toward the kitchen. This was so fucked up. She didn’t need this, she didn’t deserve this bullshit.
“Josh,” she said softly as she stood by the offending flowers. She turned back to look at me as the color fled her face. “Why did you send me roses? You know I don’t like roses.”
The look of unease on my face seemed to be the only answer she needed. Slowly, she began shaking her head as the stark reality of who brought the flowers collided head first with the fantasy that I had given them to her.
“You know I don’t like roses,” she repeated in a barely-there voice. The sparkle I saw when I first walked in had faded into a pit of emptiness. In a flash, I moved to the kitchen and grabbed both of her hands. The only thought I had was getting her as far away as possible from the flowers and all that they represented. We crossed the apartment, her eyes shimmering with hurt, until we hit the couch.
“Tell me what happened. When did you find the flowers?” I asked as we both took a seat.
Ashlyn pulled her knees to her chest as she sat on one end, as far away as possible from me. She twisted a piece of her long blonde hair around her finger and nibbled on her bottom lip. A million emotions appeared on her face, and it was obvious this was tormenting her, like the pieces of the puzzle were slowly joining to form the bigger picture.
She took a deep breath and dropped her gaze to lap. “I slept late, then got up, made coffee, and had some toast. Then I cleaned and did some blog work, before I had a bath and read for a bit. When I came back out, they were on the counter, and that’s when I sent you a text.”
When she finally looked at me, my blood began to boil. Utter defeat plastered her face, and the Ashlyn that began to reappear over the past few weeks had been stolen.
“It was Lachlan, wasn’t it? He was in here,” she whispered, her eyes pleading with me, yet contradicting themselves. One minute she looked like she was begging with me to tell her that he hadn’t been here, but then she was begging me to confirm her biggest fears.
“Who has keys to your apartment?” I stammered over my words. I already knew the answer, but it was the only way I could confirm her fears without saying the fucker’s name. If I said his name I knew I’d completely lose it, and losing it was something I couldn’t do while Ashlyn was on a one-way course to losing it herself.
“He could have come into the bathroom.” She shot up from the couch as the reality of the situation hit her. Her face clouded with anger, and her eyes, once fearful, now simmered with hatred and complete frustration. “Josh, he could have come into the bathroom while I was in there. I was here on my own. Shit, I didn’t even have my phone with me.”
She stormed out of the living room, hips swinging, hair flying behind her like a sheet on a windy day, and disappeared down the hall like a woman with a score to settle.
“Where the fucking fuck are you?” She growled in frustration. It was evident in her emphasis of the word fuck that she was beyond pissed.
Tentatively, I stepped into her bedroom to find her ripping at her bedding and throwing pillows to the floor. She was like a woman possessed, like a tornado on a mission to completely destroy anything in its path.
“Ashy, you’ve got to settle down.”
Immediately it hit me that I’d made a mistake when her body went rigid and she whipped around and offered me a hellish glare.
“Settle down?” She scoffed in disbelief. “He came into my house, Josh, and put the flowers I hate on my counter like it was some kind of prize. Worse still, he made me think they were from you, and in that moment I fucking liked roses because they were from you. You, Josh, not my psychotic ex-boyfriend, or whatever the hell he was, because apparently we weren’t dating when he put his cock in another chick’s pussy. I am seething mad. No, it’s beyond that. I am livid, and when I find my phone I will be telling him exactly that. This shit needs to stop. Now I’m not going to be able to take a shower or bath without thinking someone is walking around my apartment. He doesn’t deserve that control.”
What could I possibly say to that? I leaned against the doorframe, crossed my arms over my chest, and waited. Even though I knew she was ready to rip Lachlan a new asshole, I also knew that she would break when reality finally hit her, and I would make sure I was here to pick up the pieces.
With a hoot, she found her phone and waved it frantically at me like she had discovered gold. I pushed off the door and headed toward her before she could dial. My hand grabbed hers and halted her movements. She looked at up me, her wide eyes shimmering with indecision and contemplation.
“Let me do this, Josh,” she whispered. The fierceness in her had all but dissolved.
“I’m staying in here while you call him,” I stated, and took a seat on the edge of her bed.
Ashlyn began pacing as she held her phone to her ear. “He isn’t answering,” she hissed in frustration with a scowl etched firmly on her face. Even when she was beyond pissed, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world. “Why won’t he answer? See, that just pisses me off even more. Right, I’m leaving him a message.”
The caveman within me couldn’t wait to come face to face with him again. I’d enjoy every fucking part of destroying him. The fact that he had come into Ashlyn’s house without her knowing fucked with my head. What kind of asshole does that, and why? What did he honestly think he would achieve by putting fear in Ashlyn? He was an absolute mother fucker, and he would not be getting anywhere near her again. As soon as she was done with this call, we were heading to Lowe’s and getting new locks. That would be step one.
“Lachlan. This is Ashlyn. I would appreciate if you did not step foot in my apartment again. You do, and I will be calling the police. My brother, his best friend, and Josh’s uncle are all in the force, so think about that. Yes, this is a fucking threat. Do not come into my fucking apartment a-fucking-gain. Forget me, because I am quickly forgetting you.” She jammed her finger on the screen and then dropped her phone to the floor.
I shot up from the bed and wrapped my arms around her, and she didn’t fight me. There was no way Lachlan would have answered the call. He was playing with her. He was making sure he had the upper hand. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to absolutely, without a doubt, destroy him. First the engagement party debacle, and now this. I couldn’t let him have another opportunity at her. She was mine to protect and, although I would forever want to comfort her, I didn’t want to have to comfort her due to the fucked up mind games of Lachlan Johnson.
“Let’s take a trip to Lowe’s,” I said softly.
Her head lifted from its place on my chest. “Lowe’s?”
“You are about to see my handyman skills on display. I’m changing your locks and getting you a deadbolt. No one but me and you are getting into this apartment without an invitation.”
Her smile was a welcome sign. “It’s very confident of you to think I’d give you a key, Joshua.”
“Do you really want to get out of bed in the middle of the night to let me in? After a night out with Duke, I may want to come and spoon.”
“You want to spoon?” She laughed as we made our way to the door.
“Tonight we spoon and, if you’re lucky, tomorrow we might spoon again.”
“Josh, there are rules.”
“And I told you, I’m all about breaking your rules.”
“You are impossible,” she said with a shake of her head.
I counted that as a win.
An hour later, after one trip to Lowe’s, two arguments over the positives of spooning, and three new locks, I was back in Ashlyn’s apartment, changing the locks on her door while she was on the couch with her kindle. During our trip to Lowe’s, she never left my side. She fell into moments of silence before she’d offer me a small smile and come back to me. I told stup
id jokes, which caused her to giggle and tell me I was an idiot. I had never been more thankful to be insulted in my life, because it meant that Lachlan and his fucked up actions weren’t winning and the carefree Ashlyn was still with me.
“Why do you think he is doing this?” Ashlyn’s voice sounded behind me.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, before I shoved the screwdriver in my back pocket and turned to face her. The feisty woman that held my heart in her hands now looked like a meek little girl, desperate for reassurance and answers. It pained me to no end.
I crossed the living room and sat on the couch beside her. She shifted slightly closer to me, then lifted the blanket that was covering her legs and offered some to me.
I covered my bare feet, and replied with the only answer I could come up with, “He is realizing the mistake he made of letting you go.”
“There are a billion better ways of saying sorry than breaking into someone’s house and giving them their most hated flowers.” She sighed in defeat. “What would you do? I mean to say sorry.”
I didn’t even need to consider my answer, because there was only one response. “If I had you, Ashlyn, there is no way in hell that I’d do anything to hurt you. I certainly wouldn’t be putting my dick anywhere near another chick. To have you would be the greatest gift.”
Stillness fell around us, and the air immediately felt thick. I knew I had touched on a subject that would make her uncomfortable, but it was a chance I had to take. If I had to show her my intentions every day I would, and I wouldn’t back down. She pulled her lip between her teeth, but never broke my gaze. I could practically hear her brain ticking over, and I was sure she’d be coming up with an excuse.
“We would never work, Josh.”
“Why wouldn’t we work?” I ran my hands through my hair and narrowed my gaze. My interest in her response was soaring to extremes. She was dismissing being with me before I had a chance to prove to her how serious I really was.
“Because there is only one of me, and you need a smorgasbord of women. I’ve been your friend for years, Josh, so I’ve seen how you work. I can’t be that girl. As you said yourself, I’m not a casual girl.”
“I don’t need a smorgasbord of women when all I want is you.”
Ashlyn broke our stare and looked down at her hands. I was done with hiding my thoughts, so she would have to get familiar with hearing me lay it on the line. Finally, she looked up and softly said, “You’d get bored, and then I’d lose you. I can’t risk that.”
I shifted on the couch until I was flush against her. “I’d never get bored of you, Ashlyn.” I cupped her cheek with my palm, and her eyes closed under the sensation. With the pad of my thumb, I traced her bottom lip. She opened her mouth and took a broken breath. Finally, her deep greens found my eyes before they fell to my lips.
“How do you know that? I’m afraid of not being enough for you.”
“Forget Lachlan, forget your parents, and think about me, about us, about what you want. You are beyond enough for me, Ashlyn. Don’t you get it?”
She was my future, my forever girl. I had been in love with her for years, and wanted her in every sense of the word, but I made a huge sacrifice long ago. Did I regret it? Yes and no. I had to do what I did, but what I did regret more than anything was that she could have been mine. I could have protected her from all of this. Lachlan would never have gotten to her, and neither would any other man. But what could I do? It was a choice between my brother, my blood, and the girl I would always love. It was a fucked up position to be in, but I had to live with the decision I made.
“You’re vibrating,” she whispered as her eyes rose from gazing at my mouth.
Oh, I was vibrating alright.
“Your phone.”
Fuck.
I shifted my body to grab my phone from my back pocket. I glanced at it, and groaned when I saw Duke’s name flash on the screen. Worst timing ever.
“Duke,” I said quickly after I answered.
“I’ll be at your place in an hour.”
Fuck, I had completely forgotten that we were meant to be meeting up tonight for the game and beers. I looked at Ashlyn, who was now looking down at her kindle, and I knew there was no way in hell I’d be leaving her tonight.
“I’m going to have to give tonight a miss, something has come up.”
He scoffed loudly, and I knew he would call me out. “What? Don’t be a fucker. Get your ass to your apartment.”
I was about to reply and state the fact that I would not be there, when my phone was ripped from my hands by Ashlyn.
“Hey, handsome. Josh was helping me with a couple of things in my apartment, but he is finished now. Yeah I know. You truly are a ladies man, Duke. Yes, I am sure you are overdue for some random pussy as you so lovingly call it. I sure will. Talk soon.”
She touched the screen to end the call and handed me back my phone with a smile. “Go out with Duke.”
“I’m not leaving you here,” I stated matter of factly.
“I’m okay. I’ll be locked in, and no one will be getting in. I have a hot date with my kindle, the couch, and ice cream.”
“Nope, not leaving.”
She turned and gave me Bambi eyes. “I’ll make a deal with you. If you go out with Duke, you can use your key and come spoon with me tonight.”
“Are you blackmailing me?”
“Spooning or no spooning, the decision is yours.”
“You play a hard bargain, Ashlyn Hart.”
Her smile told me that she knew she had me by the balls.
22
Ashlyn
Three hours after Josh finally left to meet up with Duke, and only after doing a complete walkthrough of my apartment to make sure everything was okay, I found myself slowly beginning to relax.
After giving myself a stern talking to, I kept myself busy by cooking a huge pot of spaghetti and taking a long bath. I would not let Lachlan take away my love of baths by making me fear them. No matter how strong I tried to be, the fact that I turned up the television louder than usual and played music throughout the apartment while I was in the bath wasn’t lost on me. Silence was no longer my friend, but my worst enemy. Like a vindictive stalker, silence would consume me with fear.
As I got lost in another chapter, the sound of keys tore me away from my characters. Josh couldn’t be back yet, he’d only been gone for three hours, and nights with Duke always lasted into the early hours of the morning.
“Hey,” he grumbled as he entered my apartment. After placing his wallet, keys, and phone on the coffee table, he leaned in and kissed my cheek. “How's your night been? Everything, okay?”
“Um, it's been good,” I replied in complete disbelief.
He gave me the once over, running his gaze over every inch of my body as if he was checking to make sure I was indeed okay. With a nod, he headed to the kitchen, and I watched his every step in fascination. It was like I was watching a movie and waiting for the punchline to hit so I'd understand what the hell was going on.
“Josh, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you still with Duke?”
“What? A guy can't decide to come home and make sure you are okay?”
I put my hands up in defense, waving the white flag of surrender. “Okay, sorry. I was just asking.” I pulled my legs back to my chest and rested my kindle on the top of my knees. If he was going to be in a crabby mood, then I was going to get lost with my latest book boyfriend. I heard him move around the kitchen, and then the smell of the spaghetti I made earlier hit me. Even when a fresh beer was placed on the coffee table in front of me, I didn't shift my gaze from my kindle.
“What are you reading? You haven't looked up once,” he asked softly from behind the couch.
“A book,” I mumbled the obvious answer.
I was lost in a scene where the hero had just pushed the heroine up against the wall, when I first felt him. Hot air blew on the side of my neck and teased my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I f
ound him reading over my shoulder.
“Yep, he is totally going to fuck her against that wall. Have you had wall sex before? We should try it one day.”
He had absolutely no filter. Wall sex? Damn it, why did it sound so good? The rules I had set were slowly but surely being forgotten.
In one swift movement, Josh hurled himself over the back of the couch, causing my body to shudder from the force of him connecting with the cushion, and he moved in close so we were shoulder to shoulder.
“Next page, Ashy,” he demanded with a wiggle of his brow.
I looked at him with wide eyes. Were we seriously going to sit on the couch and read a book together?
“Fine, I'll do it myself.”
Josh ripped the kindle from my hands and, after pressing all the wrong buttons, finally figured out how to turn the page. I sat there stunned and staring at the screen, but not reading a word.
“I knew it! Now that is what I call a good fucking,” Josh said with a hoot, his eyes firmly locked onto my kindle.
“Are we seriously reading a book together?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yep. I need to see what all the fuss is about with these so-called book boyfriends you have. You never know, I might find myself a book girlfriend if I’m lucky.” He winked and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Oh my god, he was hilarious. I burst out laughing and, before I could stop myself, I clicked onto the next chapter and we fell into silence. Josh grabbed his bowl of spaghetti from the coffee table and ate while we read.
After he finished, he took his empty bowl and left the living room. I locked my kindle and placed it on the coffee table, before shifting on the couch until I had a good view of the kitchen. I watched as he put the leftover spaghetti in containers, packed the dishwasher, and made me a hot chocolate in my favorite mug. His eyes flashed to mine, and he offered me a divinely sweet smile as he held up the packet of marshmallows in silent question. All I could do was nod and watch him pop three into the mug. This Josh Crawford—the sweet, considerate, hot-chocolate making, kindle-reading guy—was extremely dangerous to my plans of putting a halt to my ever-growing feelings for him.