WE ARE ONE: Volume Two

by Jewel, Bella

  I stared out at the passing countryside without actually seeing anything but a green blur. Having this conversation was making my stomach churn.

  “You know I’d never do what he did, don’t ya? I’d never just up and leave.”

  I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t turn to face him.

  “I’ve never for a moment thought that you would.”

  I finally turned and looked his way. He took his eyes back off the road to meet mine.

  “You’re my future, Liam. You’re all that I want right now. But like I said, let’s concentrate on the renovations, get moved in, and plan our wedding. Then we can go from there.”

  He turned his gaze back to the road, and we drove the rest of the way in silence as The Fray told us how to save a life.

  * * *

  My grandparents’ place was a four-bedroomed, grade-two listed, detached farmhouse. It was set in over an acre of the beautiful British countryside, just outside of Newmarket and close to the Cambridgeshire border.

  Their move out to the country was supposed to have been a downsize for them. Although the house was a little smaller than the one Luke and I had grown up in, it still had as many bedrooms. Nan worried about where we would all stay when we came to visit and insisted she still have four bedrooms at their ‘downsize’.

  Most of the grounds were covered in grass, but there were a few large trees scattered here and there. There was a huge flower bed and a raised vegetable patch. An old barn stood to the side of the property which my grandad used as a potting shed, it also contained a beer fridge, an armchair, and a radio. He would disappear to “pot up some plants” for hours at a time some days. Whenever I’d go to fetch him in for his dinner, I’d find him asleep in his chair, horse racing on the radio, and a can of Guinness in his hand.

  The car tyres crunched on the gravel drive as we pulled up. The front door was wide open, and Winston, my grandad’s tan-and-white British Bulldog, came out. Most dogs bounded, but Winston was old and fat, so he plodded on his short legs towards us.

  I climbed out before Liam had even shut off the engine, and moved to give Winston a rub, trying at the same time to avoid getting his slobber all over my jeans.

  Liam walked around the car and bent down next to me to pat the dog’s head.

  “Sorry if you feel like I’m pushing you, Bub. I love you and want you to be happy. We’ll go at your pace, I promise.”

  I got teary instantly. I didn’t know why I was being such a bitch about things. This was a happy day. I was getting married. Liam was going to ask Grandad and my brother’s permissions first, then he was going to “propose” to me in private, and we would make the big announcement the following day. Obviously no one knew that Liam had already asked me, and I’d already accepted.

  We both stood, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “You’re not pushing me. My period’s due, I just need you to take off my bitch knickers so I can wear them.”

  He slid his arms around my neck and tried to pull me closer, but Winston had wedged himself between us and was now sitting on my feet.

  “Find a room, you two.”

  I looked around Liam to see my brother coming towards us, Nan behind him. Liam couldn’t step away from me quick enough when he saw her.

  Luke had driven up straight from work the night before and would also be staying the weekend. He loved it here, and although he’d never said as much, Nan had let slip that it was him that had paid for all the renovations they’d had done to the place. He was also the one who paid a gardener to come in once a month and a cleaner to come once a week.

  “Hey, Nan.” I ignored Luke’s comment and stepped around him to give Nan a cuddle. I swore she got shorter every time I saw her.

  I breathed in the familiar scent of her Anais Anais perfume that she’d worn for as long as I could remember.

  “Let’s take a look at ya, Sarah.”

  She held me at arm’s length and inspected me as if I were something on sale that she wasn’t sure about buying.

  She shook her head. “You get more gorgeous every time I look at ya. You lost some weight?”

  “Don’t think so, Nan, but I’ll take it if you think I have.”

  “So come on then. Introduce me to the Aussie fella I’ve heard so much about. Still curling your toes is he?”

  Liam cleared his throat from behind me, while I glared wide-eyed at her. What a traitor. Last time I’d been to stay, Sasha had been with me, and we’d sat up enjoying a few wines with Nan, discussing men and sex. I may have had a few too many and revealed things about my sex life that I had no right discussing with my seventy-six-year-old Nan.

  “Don’t give me that look, Sarah. If he’s that good, I wanna meet him. Might even take him for a test run myself, so you better watch out.”

  I stepped aside and reached for Liam’s hand so I could pull him forward.

  “You’ll do no such thing, Nan. What would Grandad say if he heard you wanted to chase after younger men?”

  “He wouldn’t say anything. He’d just be happy that they were making me happy and saving him a job.”

  “Seriously, Nan, can we not go there?” I heard Luke say from beside me.

  “I’m sure there’s plenty of men out there that would love to make you happy, Mrs Carter, but this one is very much taken. I’m Liam, Liam Delaney, Sarah’s boyfriend.”

  Liam laid on the charm, giving her his best crinkle-eyed smile and a wink.

  “Oh my days, would ya hark at that accent. No wonder you let this one into ya knickers! I wouldn’t even bother wearing any around him.”

  “Nan!” I’m not sure who screeched her name louder, me or Luke.

  “Oh shut up, the pair of ya, I’m just pulling your leg.”

  She rubbed her hands together before holding one out.

  “Less of the ‘Mrs Carter’. It’s Mai or Maisie, whichever you prefer.”

  “Good to finally meet you, Mai. I’m sorry it’s taken so long to make it happen.”

  “Get here and give me a cuddle, and I might let you off.”

  Liam didn’t hesitate to step forward and embrace Nan. I watched as she ran her hands up and down his back, but my smile turned to a look of horror when they moved down to grab his arse cheeks.

  “Nah, you’re no good to me. You’re safe, Sarah, I won’t be running off with your fella, not unless he puts on a few pounds, he’s a bit too skinny for me right now.”

  “Who’s too skinny?”

  Grandad strode across the lawn towards us as he dried his hands on a small towel.

  “Not you, that’s for sure,” Nan called out.

  “Well that’s coz you keep feeding me, woman.”

  “It’s nothing to do with what I feed ya. It’s the beer you drink in that shed every day and the whiskey you sip in front of the telly every night. Not to mention the number of liquorice allsorts you polish off every week.”

  “I’m eighty years old, Maisie, I’ve worked hard all my life and raised these two fine people. I think that entitles me to drink, sip, and polish off whatever I bloody well like, which includes you when the mood takes me. So there’ll be no chasing after younger men, there’d only leave ya disappointed anyway. You’ve had sixty years of the best, there’s no going back from that.”

  He looked at me and winked.

  “Can the pair of you stop talking about geriatric sex for Christ’s sake? You should be done with all that by now.”

  “You jealous, son? Is your ol’ grandad getting it more than you?”

  Luke shook his head and headed back into the house.

  “C’mon, Winston, let’s go and get drunk.” The dog followed Luke.

  While Nan and Liam watched my brother’s retreat, I stepped into Grandad’s arms.

  Despite his age, he was as tall, as upright and agile as I’d always remembered him to be. His once sandy hair was a little thinner, and now totally grey, but he was still a handsome man.

  “How are you, Sunshine? Yo
u look well.”

  “I’m good, really good.”

  “The Aussie still looking after ya?”

  “Very much so.”

  I breathed in the scent of his Tabac aftershave, Ariel soap powder, mixed with a little bit of sweat, and something else.

  “You been having a sneaky roll up in the shed?” I asked him.

  Nan thought he’d given up smoking years ago, but I’d seen the tin of rolling tobacco and papers in the shed he had at our old house and knew that he enjoyed the occasional puff on a cigarette.

  “Come on now, thought that was our little secret.”

  “It’s not good for you.”

  “I know, but it’s only every now and then. Let’s meet him then, introduce me to the bloke who’s made my Sunny Girl smile.”

  “Yeah, good deflection there.”

  “You like that, did ya?” he asked with a sly smile.

  Why did men think that by winking or smiling at a woman they could get away with shit? Why were women stupid enough to fall for it and let them?

  We both turned to face Liam and Nan. My mouth may have fallen open as I watched her touch her hair, giggle, and then reach out and touch the top of his arm. Nan was a serious flirt, and Liam was lapping it up.

  “Grandad, this is Liam Delaney. Liam, this is my grandad, Archie Carter.”

  Liam stepped out of Nan’s clutches and held out his hand.

  “Good to finally meet you, sir. I’m only sorry it hasn’t happened sooner.”

  I watched as Grandad accepted his hand and shook it, but didn’t say a word.

  “It’s a beautiful place you’ve got here, thanks for the invite. Sarah and I would love to have you come down and stay with us once our place is finished.”

  “You’re moving in together?”

  Liam’s face was a picture, he froze, moving just his eyes to look at me. I continued watching as his mouth opened and closed at least three times.

  I could’ve put him out of his misery and told him that my grandad knew full well that we were moving in together, but I thought I’d let him suffer for a little bit. Payback for flirting with Nan.

  “Well, nothing’s actually been finalised yet, but soon—at some stage—in the future, we’d like you to come and stay,” Liam blurted.

  “That right?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “So will you be making an honest woman of my granddaughter before you move into this house you’ve bought together? Or am I gonna have to wait years for that happen and be wheeled down the aisle next to her?”

  That was the moment I intervened.

  “Okay, Grandad. Enough with the inquisition. Liam’s got something in the boot of his car that might interest you, don’t you, Lee?”

  Liam stared at me blankly.

  “Wha?”

  Was all I got.

  “The boot, can you pop it and show Grandad what you brought with you?”

  “Ah, boot. Yeah, on it.”

  I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at Grandad before heading inside with Nan.

  Liam would soon win him over with the case, or slab as Liam called it, of some beer I knew he liked. And if that failed, the bottle of Macallan certainly wouldn’t.

  * * *

  That night we all walked down into the village and had dinner. The boys and Grandad walked ahead of Nan and me. I gathered she had something she wanted to say without them listening, so when she hooked her arm through mine and slowed her pace a bit, I didn’t resist. Which worked out perfectly because I knew Liam wanted to talk to Grandad about us getting married.

  Getting married.

  Me.

  I could hardly keep the smile from my face or the bats from flapping in my belly, but I tried because there wasn’t much Nan missed, and she’d soon cotton on that something was going on.

  “You did good there, Sarah. He’s a keeper and obviously besotted with you. Luke said that he was a nice bloke, so I had every faith that he would be.”

  “So, you couldn’t just take my word for it? Do you not think that I’m capable of making good choices when it comes to men?”

  I was a little put out by what she’d said, suggesting that my choices were okay, as long as Luke backed them up.

  “I didn’t mean it like that, so don’t take that attitude with me.”

  My grandad might be six feet tall, but it was my little five-foot Nan that I’d always been more scared of.

  “You told me you were in love. I’ve seen for myself how happy you are every time you’ve been to visit, but we still hadn’t met him. Of course I was curious and a little concerned. It wouldn’t have mattered what Luke thought of him, he could have said he breathed rainbows and shit gold for all I cared. Until I met him for myself and was able to make up my own mind, I would’ve worried.”

  “Could you not have trusted my judgement though?”

  “Of course I trust your judgement, but you’re in love. For the very first time, I might add. Women in love don’t always make the wisest choices. I just needed the reassurance of meeting him for myself. I won’t apologise for that.”

  Anger bubbled in my belly and rose to my chest. I knew exactly what was hidden behind what Nan was saying.

  “What you mean is, you were worried I’d be just like my mother and fall for a complete loser like my father, you can just come out and say it, Nan. I know it’s what you all think—that I’m just like her. I know that you’re all just waiting for me to turn into her.”

  She stopped walking and turned to face me. I’d never seen her look so angry.

  “I should smack your arse for that comment. You are nothing like her, you’ve never been anything like her, and you never will be. We couldn’t be more proud of you. You and Luke. What on earth would make you say something like that?”

  Nan was close to tears, which made me feel terrible for my outburst.

  “Is that really what you think, that we’re all waiting for you to turn into Kate?”

  I wiped a tear from under my eye. I didn’t know why I was crying, probably because I felt ashamed of myself.

  My grandparents had stepped in and raised us when our own father was nowhere to be found. And they’d raised us well, supporting all of our choices and decisions as we grew up. We never wanted for anything, and we always felt loved. My issues were exactly that, my issues. They had nothing to do with my family.

  “No.” I sniffed. “I just get so scared sometimes, Nan.”

  “Of what, sweetheart?” She reached out and took both my hands in hers.

  “That I am like her. That she’s inside me somewhere, just waiting to get out.”

  “No, Sarah, that won’t happen. You and Kate are like chalk and cheese. You may look exactly like her, but personality wise, you’re polar opposites. You can’t go through life thinking that way, it’s not healthy.”

  I took a deep breath in, but my bottom lip still trembled when I spoke.

  “Liam’s been talking about marriage and starting a family when the house is finished, and we’ve settled in, but I’m scared. What if I’m a terrible mother?”

  She shook her head gently and then reached out and swiped the tears from my face.

  “I’ll tell you something that you probably won’t believe, but I’m going to say it anyway. Your mum was actually a really good mother at one time. She was a natural when it came to caring for Luke, but the depression got a hold of her, and we, we let her down.”

  Nan’s voice began to waver.

  “We didn’t spot it, not at first. When she split up with Vinnie, we thought it was for the best, and she seemed to be doing okay for a while, but then he’d reappear, then disappear, and every time he did, he seemed to take a little piece of her with him.”

  I knew exactly how that felt. I’d experienced it when Liam and I had our time apart, and we’d only been together a month. Imagine sharing your life with someone for years, having a child, and then separating, repeatedly.

  “We tried to keep him away from her.
Grandad did some digging and found out he was married and had two young kids, he even threatened to tell his wife if Vinnie didn’t stay away, but it didn’t work. She used to beg him to stay, but of course, he had to leave, he had a wife and family to get back to, not that she knew that.”

  I stopped walking.

  “Wait. What? She didn’t know he was married?”

  “She had no idea, not until he disappeared after she told him she was carrying you.”

  “I had . . . I didn’t know. I always assumed she knew he had a wife and just didn’t care.”

  “No, we’d only just found out and was going to tell her, then she told him she was pregnant, thinking that would be enough to make him settle down. It ended up doing the opposite, and he vanished. Grandad went looking for him at the house he lived in with his wife, but she hadn’t seen him either. He’d up and left both of them. Four kids, all left without a dad.”

  “Shit. What a depressing story.”

  “Depressing doesn’t cover it, not once you factor in the way depression took hold of her. She suffered from it all of the way through her pregnancy with you, but she attended all of her doctor’s appointments, checked in with the midwife regularly, and, despite us trying to get her to come home and live with us, she stayed at her own place.”

  “I wonder why when she so obviously needed the help.”

  “Him. She held out hope till the day she was killed that he’d come back, and every day that he didn’t, she died a bit more.”

  “Luke told me how bad things got. How come nobody stepped in? Why did nobody take us away from her?”

  She let out a long breath.

  “I’m not accusing you of anything, Nan. I just don’t understand how she could be so neglectful and get away with it.”

  “Don’t you dare repeat this, but Luke covered for her. He never once told us how bad things were, and if we came to visit, he’d always make up some story about her having a bad night with you. He was so frightened that they’d split the two of you up that he lied.”

  My poor brother. I really did owe him so much. We reached the pub, and both stood outside for a moment.

  “Thanks for telling me all this.”