One Page Love Story- Share the Love

by Rich Walls et al.

  See ya,

  Spence

  LETTER #2

  Dear Spence,

  Yeah man, it was cool seeing you and yeah, it was kinda weird getting a letter from you. You used to hate writing from what I remember. What can I say? It was a shock what you said. Partly cause I never expected to hear it from you. You were always the stud jock of the two of us. I mean, we used to jack off together about what’s her name? That cheerleader, Kristy. At least that’s what I told you I was doing it about.

  Truth was I was shocked you wrote me that letter cause I was thinking the same thing. I tried to get over you, thought it was just a passing phase, even talked to a priest about it who told me that. I went out with girl after girl, convincing myself that I just needed to meet the right one. But the truth was, I was running away from you. I wanted to be with you and no one else and the more I was around you, the harder it was. I didn’t want to tell you cause I didn’t know how you’d react. I didn’t know if you’d punch me, kill me or what. I definitely never expected this letter from you, ever. But it’s brought me a lot of relief that I’m not the only one who felt this way.

  Please, let’s talk about this some more. Maybe we can figure something out.

  Jack

  LETTER #3

  Dear Jack,

  Dude, this is so f-ing weird man. It’s like we were both feeling and thinking the same thing and never said it. My heart leapt like 400 times when I read what you said. It meant a lot to me. Finally, I have someone I can talk to about this shit. I mean, I’m not gay, man. I’m not wearing high heels and makeup. I’m not swishing my ass on the corner trying to pick up men. Sure, I’ve experimented a few times. I won’t lie but every time I did, I felt guilty like I was cheating on you or something, not on my girl — you. And I know that sounds bizarre since we haven’t even seen each other in so many years but I always felt like you were my other half or something. Like you were my partner in crime, my boyfriend, whatever you want to call it but you just didn’t know it yet.

  I even used to pray to God, I know it’s weird but I swear to God, I’d pray that somehow you’d call me or we’d run into each other and somehow end up together. Now that it’s happened, I don’t know what to say except that, there is a God.

  Hope to see you again very soon. Let me know.

  Spence

  LETTER #4

  Dear Spence,

  When are you free? I mean, when can we see each other again? I haven’t been able concentrate on nothing since I’ve been getting your letters. My girl keeps asking me what’s wrong with me, why I keep staring off into the distance with a silly smile on my face. Haha. I want to tell her, man. Truth is, I want to tell the world what I know cause finally the man I love, the one I’ve been wanting to be with my whole life, feels the same way about me.

  I know maybe this is too much too soon but have you ever thought about what it would be like to just walk away from it all, to like meet up, get a place, maybe a cabin somewhere and just live there.

  My girl would never let me bring my son though, man, and he’s my world. You’d love him. I always thought he looked like what our son would look like if we ever could have kids. I gotta figure out what to do with him. I mean, I love Maria. She’s a good woman but … I’m just not in love with her. You know what I mean?

  Dude, imagine just you and me though. We could do all the things we talked about doing back in high school. We could go fishing like at that bridge we used to go to. We could raise some pigs and horses and shit and just, I don’t know live. I’ve got this corporate job I hate. I don’t care how much money I make cause I’m miserable. I only got it cause my girl likes expensive things and likes to brag to all her friends all the places we’ve been to all over the world. It’s just not my thing. She knows it but I don’t think she gives a flying hoot.

  I hate being around her sometimes. Like I said, she’s a good girl deep down inside. It’s just, I hate going through the motions. I just want to be with the man I love.

  Jack

  LETTER #5

  Dear Jack,

  It’s funny you say that man cause I do think about that all the time, just leaving my lady and going somewhere, I don’t know where, the cabin sounds good to me. I don’t really care as long as that place is with you. I’m kinda in the same predicament. She’s a hot piece, I’ll tell you that. I’m still into girls you know. Can’t give that up but every girl I’ve been with, I just don’t feel nothing but the physical. Know what I’m saying? It’s nothing like when I’m around you. You and me, we’ve never really done anything together physically (Though, I was dying to kiss you last time I saw you) but there’s this thing with you. I mean, my heart flip flops whenever I’m around you. I’m smelling your last letter, brings back so many memories. I can smell your cologne.

  Dude, we ought to just do it man, I’m not joking but seriously just do it. Life’s too short to keep living the way other people think we should. What kind of life is that? They say and I think it’s true that there’s only one person you’re supposed to be with, I know it’s not Maria, I know that person is you.

  Let’s do it man, if you’re serious about this and this isn’t some bull, let’s make some plans and just do it.

  I miss you, I want to be with you, I’m dying to be with you. I’m dying to be inside of you to be honest. Haha.

  Let’s spend the rest of our life together and soon.

  Spence

  LETTER #6

  Dear Spence,

  Dude, I want to see you. You have no idea. I’m ready to just walk away from it all for you. I’m even trying to figure out a way to take my son with me. Don’t make fun of me okay cause what I have to tell you might sound a little, I don’t know but it’s just the way I feel. I’ve got to get this out. All these years, I’ve felt like I had a part of me missing. I didn’t have anyone I could really tell it to and I hoped that by getting married and having a kid that it might fill it but it didn’t. You were the one that was missing in my life. You were the one I thought of in the middle of the night or when my girl would drag me to one of those romance movies, it was her I was holding hands with but when I closed my eyes, I imagined it was you.

  It was you I was kissing when we made love, not her. It was you that I thought about growing old with. It was you that I thought about raising kids together, not her. I thought something was psychologically wrong with me. I thought that I could just stuff it and bury it away but no matter what I did, getting drunk, even high sometimes, working to death, it wouldn’t go away.

  You have no idea what seeing you and reading these letters from you all this time has done to help fill my heart.

  I feel the same way you do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I just have to see you again. If you’re interested.

  Love you man,

  Jack

  LETTER #7

  Dear Jack,

  Sorry for all the ink stains on the paper. Just wanted to tell you that ahead of time cause you got me all misty-eyed, man. It’s what I wanted and needed to hear. I never used to believe in all that soulmate crap. It was for sissies and women that love Nicholas Sparks books but the truth is, I’ve always thought about you in that way. I feel like, I know it’s weird to say it but that you’re my other half.

  I remember that time when those bullies were chasing after me in the 6th grade and I knew for sure I was going to get my butt beat and out of nowhere, it was like you were my guardian angel or something, you just told the guy, can’t remember the loser’s name, “Hey, no. Leave him alone!”

  And before I know it, you pounded the guy in the nose. He was a bloody mess and the loser ran off crying like a little weeny. You always had my back, man.

  There were times when I was all alone, in college and the room was full of people but I just felt like I was the only one there and I had this empty space in my heart and you’d come into my mind. And it was weird cause we hadn’t talked in like forever but I always thought about you, wondered wher
e you were, what you’d done with your life, if you ever thought about me.

  Anyway, the reason I’m writing you is that I’m ready to do it, to just live my life. Forget about what people think we should do. I want to be with you. It’s been too long.

  If you feel the same way, meet me at the bridge where we used to go fishing this Thursday night at 10:45am. I’ll be wearing that Crimson Tide jacket. The same one you bought for me back then cause I was too broke to buy it on my own. I can’t believe I still fit in it but I’ve been working out a lot so that I can be in shape for you. I’m gonna need a lotta stamina. Haha.

  Can’t wait to be with you again, man.

  I love you more than you can know, Jack. You’re the love of my life.

  Spence

  LETTER #8

  Dear Spence,

  That’s pretty messed up, man. I already told my girl that I wanted to split up cause of you. You told me you loved me. You told me that you wanted to be with me. I waited there for you just like you asked at the bridge where we used to go fishing and you didn’t even show up. I waited for four hours! I tried to call you but you didn’t answer. Left a million messages for you. How could you do that to me? Was this all just some big joke? Were you trying to ruin my life, get back at me for something I might have done?

  I never thought you of all people would ever do that to me!!!

  Well, whatever it was, you did it. I can’t just go back to my girl and tell her I made a big mistake. I had to say goodbye to my son. Tried to take him with me but my lady said she’d call the cops. Tore me up and I promised my little man I’d come back for him. Dude, I was willing to leave him for you. And my girl, she told everybody, even told my parents, they were crushed. Kids are making fun of my son at school, calling him a faggot lover. Thanks a lot, man.

  I hope you rot in hell. And if I ever see you again, I hope that it’s 6-feet under.

  Jack

  LETTER #9

  Yo Spence,

  Hey man, I just wanted to say I was sorry for the stuff I said the last time. Didn’t mean to go off on you like that. I was just frustrated. The truth was, getting away from my girl was the best thing I ever did. Our relationship was stale at best and a miserable nightmare if I was to be honest. It’s been a few months since I heard from you. I figured you had to have time to cool off and figure things out. Maybe you were confused. Maybe I did something to make you mad and you just haven’t told me about it. Maybe you have some explanation that you haven’t told me about. The Spence I know would never leave me hanging like that. The Spence I know would kill for me, die for me, always had my back.

  That’s the Spence I know. The one I saw six months ago at the grocery store. The one whose eyes lit up when they saw me. The one with that impossible crooked sweet smile. The one that smelled so good who felt so warm and strong when he held me tight. That’s the Spence I know, that’s the Spence I miss and am dying to see.

  Maybe I was asking for too much, maybe we are moving too fast. We have to get to know each other all over again and I’m cool with that. I’m cool with taking it slow. I just really want to see you again and soon, soon as you can make it happen, man.

  I miss you and I’m dying to see you. Crimson Tide forever, man.

  I love you,

  Jack

  LETTER #10

  Hey Spence,

  Not sure if you got my letter. Just sending it again. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I said and I didn’t mean to be such an a-hole. It was selfish of me to think you could drop everything and run away with me. We both have a lot of responsibilities, and other people’s feelings to think about. I just think I was so passionate about you, about finally living out my dream, about finally being with you that I didn’t stop to think about that.

  Anyway, hope you’re not still mad. You always could keep a grudge. Haha. I miss you man and love you, more than you can know.

  Write me back or better yet, call me.

  Jack

  LETTER #11

  Sorry Jack, this is Maria, Spence’s girlfriend. I tried to find your number but couldn’t so I wrote you back. Spence died on a Thursday in a traffic accident. I guess he was on his way to see you, to be with you. Anyway, I found this letter I guess he was going to send you. Thought you should have it.

  * * *

  Dear Jack,

  You have no idea how excited I am about beginning my life with you. This is beyond a dream come true, this is my destiny. I thought about what you said about the cabin and pigs and horses and stuff and I quit my job. I put some money away so we can put a down payment on something. I cut out this ad for a cabin right close to Tillamook that would be perfect. Even comes with horses. Sounds like it was made just for us.

  Just like you were made just for me. I think about you every day, man. I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know what challenges we might face. I don’t know if we’ll even like each other after a few weeks or if you’ll be able to stand my snoring night after night. But you know what? I’m willing to risk it all just to be with you.

  I’ll see you at the bridge 10:45am. Don’t be late.

  Love you, can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

  Your Soulmate,

  Spence

  SIMONE MOESSINGER

  Simone Moessinger earns her day dollars as a freelance writer in the world of Advertising. She then spends those dollars travelling around finding more and more reasons never to settle into one place. Traveling around, her favorite thing to do is meet new people and find ways to understand one another, even if we don’t speak the same language.

  INTRO

  ‘I had an affair.’

  What do you do when you find out that someone’s betrayed you? Do you decide it’s their loss? Or do you decide that forgiveness will free you? Is it even possible to forgive and forget? Is honesty really the most important thing? Does honesty really set us free? Or does it just create a new kind of hell?

  You can find aisles of advice in any bookshop and passionate positions in any person. ‘Tell him.’ – ‘Don’t tell her.’ – ‘People make mistakes.’ – ‘There’s no such thing as a mistake.’

  Who’s to say what’s right? This isn’t a one solution suits all situation.

  I want to explore this subject, the subject of choice, through the lens of one situation and through the words of different responses. No matter how it ends; each person, each choice, is its own manifestation of love. We may not be able to choose the experiences we encounter in life; we can however choose how we respond to them.

  The following pages are different choices made by different people. It always starts the same… ‘I had an affair.’ And sometimes it ends the same… ‘I love you.’ But it’s in the middle that we reveal ourselves. It’s in the middle that love comes to light.

  “THIS, THIS IS TOO HATEFUL TO BE LOVE.”

  There are a few people whose mental strength is so prominent it can’t help but come across as physical strength. She was one of these few. Her words were stronger than any muscle.

  Looking back, her mental strength was probably a sign of her heart’s weakness. Her mind had been made up and along with it she built up a wall. Built to protect her heart, it went up so she could heal in privacy and away from plain sight.

  • • •

  “People said that I should have stayed because there was too much there. We had logged too many hours. That our years stood longer and taller than a single moment. And that’s true, when placed onto a calendar.

  But, in this case, the first is a long barrage of kisses, of firsts, of love and of frameable memories. The latter is a piercing blade of hate.

  To me it was always clear which would win in a duel. No amount of kisses can be a Band-Aid to blood. No amount of love could be stronger than the hate I felt.

  How can you even say that many is stronger than one? Doesn’t it depend on what those things are? Plus, the more love there is, the more blood is shed, even if it’s a sing
le stab. The pain exploded out of me like a punctured overblown balloon.

  In a way, the two contrasting measures of time were the greatest insult. That’s almost the worst because after that amount of time, he knew. He knew who I was. He knew who we were. And still, he chose to cheat. Maybe in the early days I could have justified that he didn’t know what potential we had. He didn’t know if it was worth it. But here, he did. He knew. He had the cards laid out in front of him. And still he did it. Still he played that other hand. He knew what he was dropping. He knew what he was throwing away. He knew what he was dirtying.

  That’s why I can’t forgive him. That’s why I chose to leave.

  What new things am I going to show him now? What new thing can I do that’s going to undo what he’s done?

  I don’t want to compare. I don’t want there to be a pre and post that event. I just want there to be what we were and to remember the way we loved each other. That can still stand with its head held high. This can’t.

  That was love. This, this is too hateful to be love.”

  “MY LIFE ISN’T ABOUT ME ANYMORE.”

  I remember only a few physical things from that moment. Things like his stature, his icy eyes, and his chilled beer sitting between his hands, sweating profusely. His incredibly approachable any-high-school coach like look that got me to plop down next to him at that crowded airport bar in the first place. Maybe I feel like I don’t remember as much because the picture in my head doesn’t match the words that hit my heart.