To Hell in a Coach Bag

by M. J. Schiller

  "Wait a minute. You are going to dinner with me tonight, right? You said you would last night. Or has something changed your mind?"

  "No, no. We need to have dinner tonight. That's fine. I can do that."

  "Need? It will be 'fine?' Not, 'I'm looking forward to it?'"

  "Can you stop being a lawyer for one second? You're picking apart everything I say." Her voice cracked on the last few words.

  Something was definitely up. "I didn't realize I was doing that." The words sounded defensive.

  "No—" She ran a hand through her hair, messing up the carefully twisted front. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair. I guess... I'm a little uptight this morning."

  "Okay. Are you worried about the reading of the will? Because I'd be happy to go with you if you thought you needed a lawyer. I don't normally do estate law, but I've done a couple for friends."

  "No. I'm not worried about that. I don't even care about it really."

  "Then what is it?" I took a step closer, and she moved back. I don't think she even knew she did it. "Dani, did I do something wrong? Because I'm getting a vibe."

  "Stop trying to analyze me, Tucker. I don't need it."

  I was about to make a smartass comment, like perhaps she didn't need me at all, but a loud bang and shouting erupted in the hall.

  "What in the world?" Dani beat me out the door.

  I stepped out right behind her to find Kyle pounding on the door next to us. Max and Alex poured out of the rooms farther up the row and came bustling over.

  "Kyle?" Dani shouted. "What's going on?"

  "Stay out of this, Dani." He continued to bang on the door. "SAMANTHA, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

  Dani didn't give in. "Did you guys have an argument?"

  "No. An argument requires two people. This was more like a hit-and-run in the form of a Dear John note left on my mirror."

  "What? Why would she do that?"

  "Got me."

  To our complete shock, the door opened, and Samantha stuck out her head. "What are you still doing here, Kyle? Why don't you... you... make like the damn Canadian Mounty that you are and ride the hell on out of here? Or better yet, find someone else to mount."

  Kyle pulled his chin back and lifted his brows. "Where the hell did that come from?"

  "Where the hell did that come from?" Sam repeated, her voice shaking. "You make me mad. That's where it came from."

  "I make you mad? Why?" The entire audience of us gathered on the balcony swiveled our heads from one to the other like we were watching a tennis match straight out of the Twilight Zone.

  "I d-don't know. And frankly, I don't care. I guess I suffer from an appalling lack of curiosity when it comes to my own emotions. JUST LEAVE!"

  "You know what? I give up!" Kyle threw his hands in the air and stormed away.

  Dani ran after him and grabbed his arm. "Kyle... please. I'm sure she doesn't mean it." She craned her head and glared at Sam. Then she switched to begging with her eyes for an apology.

  "No, Dani." Kyle threw one last look at Sam. "I can't make this work when she's not even willing to—" Sam whirled around and slammed her door. "AHH!" He turned his back on us and stood with his hands on his hips before finally breathing, "I'm out of here." He took off down the stairs as he called back, "Goodbye, Dani. Sorry."

  "I'll be right back," Dani said and raced after him. "Wait. Kyle, wait!"

  Well, this is working up to be one hell of a morning. I stared at Sam's door. First, Dani's acting strangely. Then Kyle's throwing a gasket. Why not go for the crazy trifecta?

  I knocked on Sam's door. "Sam? It's me, Tucker. Can I come in?"

  Maxine and Alex stood with their mouths wide open. I waited several seconds, but received no reply. Fed up, I went back into Dani's room—luckily, the door hadn't shut all the way. I knew there was an adjoining door to Sam's room in there, so I went for it. I knocked on it. Probably thinking it was Dani, Sam opened right away.

  "Oh, Tucker, I-I—"

  Her eyes were red and puffy. She held a Kleenex in her hand and other used tissues were wadded on the bed and nightstand. Why was I suddenly starting to feel like I checked into the Hotel California instead of a resort in Colorado? You can check out, but you can never leave.

  "Sam, what's going on? Did Kyle do something?"

  Her chin started to quiver, and then she wailed, "No!" She flung herself on my chest, sobbing. I patted her awkwardly on the back and wondered if I clicked my heels three times, could I just go home. On second thought, maybe this hotel was really located in Beverly Hills 90210, because the drama was epic.

  "Okay, okay. If Kyle didn't do anything, why are you mad at him?"

  "I'm not mad at him, damn it."

  A throbbing began in my right temple. "You're not? Well, it sure sounded like it."

  "That's because I wanted him to go away," she said, blubbering.

  I knew I was going to regret asking the next question, but I guess I felt compelled. "But, why did you want him to go away, sweetheart?"

  "Because," she answered, as if the answer was obvious, "I think I might be falling in love with him."

  I stared at her, dumbfounded. "MAXINE! ALEX! GET IN HERE!" Obviously, I did not speak girl, because this conversation made absolutely no sense to me. The two women came rushing in.

  "Oh, poor baby," they said, leading her away from me and out onto the balcony for private conversation. Except, they left the door open, so I heard everything they were saying. "What happened?"

  "I went to Kyle's room last night. I had the best sex of my life, and—"

  "And you're complaining about that?" Maxine spouted, her voice ringing with disbelief.

  "No, it was... fantastic. Absolutely magnificent. I never had a man do to me the things he did to me. And so often."

  "Shit! Do I really have to hear this?" Max put a hand to her head.

  "Just get me my purse, Maxine. I need a Kleenex. It's in on the dresser."

  I pretended not to listen when Maxine came in but handed her the purse.

  "Thanks," she said and shook her head. "Sorry about all this. But, with Sam, it's par for the course."

  Maxine slid outside and handed the purse to Sam. At the same time, the distraught woman made some big gesture, knocking the purse out of Max's hands. It flew through the air and over the balcony. The three of them leaned over the railing simultaneously.

  "Shit!"

  "Oh, no!"

  "Oh, my gosh!" all three said at the same time.

  The heads popped up in unison, and Maxine stared at Sam who was pale as a ghost. "I am so sorry."

  "That's okay," Sam answered quickly.

  "Okay?" Alex screamed. "That's a four-hundred-dollar Coach purse."

  That got my attention. I stuck out my head. "Excuse me, ladies, but I couldn't help but overhear. Did you say four-hundred-dollar purse?"

  "Oh, Tucker," Maxine wailed, grabbing ahold of my shirt with both fists. "You have to get that purse."

  "O-o-okay." Was she the next to crack? I started to leave, but Max called me back.

  "Oh, and Tucker, be careful."

  "I will," I replied, bewildered. It wasn't like I was going to have to scale the edge of the building to get it. There were stairs.

  It was not until I got below that I understood her statement. The billion-dollar purse was stuck on a tree branch hanging over a muddy ravine separating the tennis courts from the outer courtyard. Here and there, quaint little bridges crossed the ravine. There had been some recent mountain storms, and it was plenty full at that point. I looked up to the balcony where the three women watched me.

  "How much did you say this purse cost?" I yelled.

  "Four-hundred dollars," they yelled in unison.

  As I leaned against the tree trunk and took off my loafers, I glared at them, wondering about the twisty path that brought me to this. I jumped and caught a low branch, then muscled my way to sit on it.

  "Oh, my!" Maxine exclaimed.

  I analyzed the branch the
purse was hooked on and noted no branches were near enough to reach it. One above it appeared questionable, with patches of stripped bark. I climbed higher, hoping to angle my way down, and finally made it to a position where I was directly above it. I laid flat on the branch, holding on with one hand. The other I tried to extend to the purse. I was within inches. Pushing a little farther, I leaned to my right and gave my reach the added inch, and I snagged it.

  "Got it!" I called triumphantly. But as I did, my weight carried me around the branch, and I found myself hanging upside down, with my arms and legs wrapped around the branch. Squeals of delight came from the Musketeers, but I ignored them and concentrated on my predicament.

  I needed to free my hands to walk myself back in, so I stuck the handle of the purse in my mouth, careful not to leave bite marks on the expensive leather. But when I returned my hand to the branch, an unpleasant noise sounded over the rush of the water below. I prayed the crack came from another branch, and held very still, just in case. To my relief, nothing happened.

  Until I began to inch back toward the trunk, at which point a very loud CRACK rent the air. Oh shit. My stomach lurched as I fell through the air, hitting several smaller branches on my way down. I landed with a thud on the soggy bank.

  From above came a threefold gasp, followed by a hushed silence.

  I assessed my condition, moving to determine if anything was broken. Sore yes, broken no. So, I rose, covered in mud like a horror movie swamp monster. It was smeared on my face, in my hair, and all over my white shirt. I held out my hands as they dripped and looked at my trio of spectators.

  "Oh, good. You still have it," Sam yelled happily.

  Chapter 32

  Danielle

  Kyle was so ticked off, I think he forgot he didn't have wheels. When I caught up to him, he had his phone open and was calling a cab. He held up a finger as he spoke and after he hung up, eyed me warily.

  "Kyle—"

  "Listen, Dani. I'm sorry I snapped at you."

  "You have every right to be upset."

  "Yeah. But I didn't need to yell at you. You were an innocent bystander."

  "That's okay. I want to help you guys sort through this."

  He sighed and lowered himself to the curb. I sat next to him.

  He gazed out over the parking lot, squinting in the bright sun. "Ahh. I'm afraid there's no helping us."

  "Don't say that. You are the only man she has shown more than a passing fancy for in years. Ever since I've known her, in fact."

  "Really?"

  "Really."

  He sat for a moment, digesting that, and then he pulled something out of his pocket. "We made love. She spent the night with me. And in the morning, this was stuck in the bathroom mirror."

  I read her note. I closed my eyes. "I can explain this. I won't excuse this, because this is inexcusable, and she's going to get a piece of my mind—but I can offer an explanation, of sorts."

  He turned to gaze into my eyes. "I'm listening."

  I sighed. "A number of years ago, Sam walked in on her husband with one of her friends. Since then, well, she understandably has a pretty poor opinion of men."

  "Yeah. But I'm not that kind of guy. I've dated a lot of women, but I would never do anything to hurt anyone like that."

  "And I'm not saying you are, Kyle. I think you're great."

  "Thanks," he said, squeezing my knee.

  "It's just... she trusted Bill. She believed in him. Had three kids with him—"

  "That body's had three kids?"

  "Yeah. Sick, isn't it?" I couldn't help but add. "Anyway, since then, 'all men bad.' I know that sounds pretty simplistic, but when your world falls apart, you cling to the basics. Believe me. I've been there. Then, you come along, and you skew the picture. She righted her world after Bill trashed it, and she's gonna fight you every step of the way before she allows you in. It's not fair. But what happened to her wasn't fair either." He didn't say anything. "She's worth the fight. I truly believe that or I wouldn't be encouraging you."

  "Dani, I know how much you love her—" He stopped. I thought he was going to argue with me, but instead he said, "And I know how much I love her, so I'll probably end up fighting for her. But, for now, I think Sam and I need a break."

  I tried to convince him to stay and go back to talk to her, but he'd made up his mind. Eventually, the tires of his cab crunched the asphalt in front of us, and we got to our feet.

  "Can I ask you this then?"

  He nodded.

  "Please don't take too long of a break."

  He nodded again, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and disappeared into the back of the cab. As it pulled away, he rolled down the window.

  "Dani. You're pretty great, too." He waved his arm out the window, and with that he was gone.

  I walked slowly back the way I came. I needed to talk to Tucker. I wanted to wait until dinner, but I just saw a classic example of how not talking about your feelings could lead to disaster. When I reached the top of the stairs, I could see Sam's door was stuck open with the lock flipped into the jamb. I decided to check on her first. I went into the room and found Sam rummaging through a suitcase on the bed.

  She jumped when she saw me. "Dani—"

  A male voice came from behind me, and I turned as Tucker came out of Sam's bathroom with a towel around his waist. "I'll get them my-s-self-f—" he said, then, stopped when he saw me.

  I spun back to Sam. "Unbelievable!" My nails dug into my palms as I clenched my fingers, and the backs of my eyes started to burn.

  "Dani," she said as if issuing a warning.

  "It's not enough to have Kyle? You have to have Tucker, too? When you knew he was mine," I spat and stepped within inches of her. Searing emotion sent a rush of heat to my cheeks.

  "Why would I go after your man?" she countered.

  "I don't know? You tell me?"

  "Ladies. Um. I'm standing right here," Tucker mumbled.

  "Stay out of it!" Sam and I yelled at the same time.

  He took a step back. "Okay. Okay."

  "You have men falling over you all the time, but... You couldn't leave well enough alone—knowing he was clearly mine from the moment we met on that stairwell."

  "You're talking about me like I was the last piece of pie, and you called 'dibs' on me or something."

  "Oh, honey," Sam said as an aside. "Don't underestimate yourself. You're pie ala mode."

  "And you knew good and well I was developing feelings for him. And as soon as I turn my back... Well, you know what? You can have your damn pie ala mode!" I swung around to exit, trying to brush by Tucker, but he grabbed my arm.

  "Dani. Wait, damn it! Let me explain."

  I jerked out of his grasp. Angry tears burned behind my eyelids. "I don't want to hear any of your explanations."

  "Well, that's too damned bad because I'm going to give you one."

  "Come on, Dani," Sam yelled. "Do you really think we would be getting it on in front of these two?"

  I looked up. Alex and Max stood in front of the patio doors which were open, letting in the breeze. They stood wide-eyed. They were apparently on the balcony the whole time. Tucker must have felt a breeze because he readjusted his towel. His face turned red as he peeked at Alex, Max, and Sam.

  "Sorry, ladies."

  All three of them let their eyes travel over his half-naked fabulous bod with raised eyebrows and dreamy expressions.

  "Not at all," Sam said.

  "No problem," added Alex.

  "I knew I'd get more action here than at home," Max quipped, and all four of us looked at each other and burst out laughing. I ran over to them, and we gathered for a group hug.

  "I'm sorry, Sam."

  "That's okay. I'd've been pretty hot under the collar if you'd have seen Kyle in his skivvies, too." We laughed and hugged, and turned to look at Tucker who rolled his eyes.

  "Women!" he said with a note of disgust. He grabbed some shorts out of his bag, and disappeared into the bathroom.
>
  Chapter 33

  Tucker

  When I came out of the bathroom, this time fully clothed, the girls were chattering away like a gaggle of geese. Dani separated from the group and came to me.

  Her shoulders hunched as she shoved her hands into her pockets. "Can we talk?"

  "Why not?" I returned with a sigh. The whole, strange morning had me bewildered and grumpy. I followed her into her room and shut the door behind us.

  She sat on the edge of the bed, and I lowered next to her. "First of all, I want to apologize for my behavior. I mean, when I saw you..." she stopped and cleared her throat, "in that... towel, I lost it."

  I couldn't help but feel flattered. I took her hand. "I'm sure it didn't look good."

  "I guess I'm naturally a little jealous of Sam and—"

  "Yeah. I don't get that. I mean, Sam's a nice-looking woman and all, but she's got nothing on you."

  She lifted her head and stared at me. She hesitated, then seemed like she was about to continue with what she was set on saying, but closed her mouth instead. Her forehead scrunched. "Do you really believe that?"

  "Don't you have any idea what a knockout you are?"

  She blushed and looked down. "You don't have to say that."

  "I'm not just saying it, Dani. Every time I look at you, you take my breath away. This whole time I've been wondering why a girl like you would want to spend time with a guy like me."

  "What? You heard Sam. You're pie ala mode, baby."

  "Oh, she was just saying that."

  "No, she wasn't. Believe me, she wasn't. And... you climbed a tree to get her purse for her?"

  "Did she tell you she paid four-hundred dollars for that purse?" I asked, still flabbergasted anyone would pay that much for a bag. A car payment for something that held a brush and a few lipsticks, or whatever else it was they carried in those things.

  "No. She told me she paid two-hundred dollars for it, but she paid four, all right. Long story, but humorous," she said, seeing my look of confusion. "That was so sweet." She kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you."

  "Well, that's more of a thank you than I got from Sam."

  "I hope so!"