Because today was the day I’d get to meet my daughter.
I sighed as I cracked my neck. I hated myself for what I’d done. For caving and not coming back. I’d kept my father convinced that me staying away was the best thing instead of speaking up for myself, and in the process, I had missed the first eight years of my daughter’s precious life. I had missed late-night diaper changes and her first steps. I had missed rolling around with her on the floor and reading her bedtime stories. I’d missed her birth. Her first breath. Her first tears. Her first day of school.
I had missed all of it.
How the hell am I going to make that up to her?
I had to admit, I was shocked when Ari called my father to schedule this. I figured I’d have to wrangle her number from him just to do it. Especially with how upset she was after our last meeting. But she’d called and set everything up.
I still didn’t know how all of this was going to go down. I wanted to talk with Macy on the phone when Ari called, but she wouldn’t let me. She told me that Macy wanted all of us to sit down and talk for the first time once the time came. All of us. Me, her, Ari, my father, and Ari’s father.
The man who had ruined my fucking world.
I had been vehemently against it. I didn’t want to stand in a room with that man ever again. But Ari was insistent that it was what Macy wanted. “Do it for your daughter,” she’d said. “Prove to her you can be the man she thinks you are.” What a fucking guilt trip. And she had no right to take me on it, either.
Still, I caved.
“You okay, son?”
My father’s voice gave me pause in the living room as I gazed out the window.
“I still don’t know why you did it,” I said.
“I know you don’t. It was a complicated situation for all of us. But we all did what we thought was best,” he said.
I whipped around. “Not telling me I had a daughter was for the best?”
“I take it Ari hasn’t told you about her pregnancy.”
I paused. “No, Dad, that’s the point. She hasn’t told me anything.”
A car pulled up in the driveway, and Dad sighed. He walked over to the door and unlocked it. He opened it up, leaving it hanging open before he came to stand by me. I wanted to shake those fucking answers out of him. I was tired of this shit. But as the car turned off in the driveway and the doors closed, I figured I’d have them sooner rather than later.
“Mommy? Can we go inside?”
“Sure thing, sweetheart. Go on.”
I heard her voice before I saw her face. And when she came through the doors, she looked over at me with those icy blue eyes. Eyes that looked just like mine.
And she took my breath away.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered.
Ari walked up beside her and rubbed her back. I didn’t even register Ari’s father walking through the damn door. All I could do was stare at the beautiful little girl standing beside the woman I’d once loved.
A woman I probably still loved, if I could suck down my anger long enough to figure it out.
Macy had tan skin, like her mother. Long brown hair with honey highlights, like her mother. But she had a dark smattering of freckles over her nose and cheeks. Just like mine. She had icy blue eyes that made her seem angry. Just like mine.
Does she have a temper like mine, too?
“Macy, do you want to say hello?” Ari asked.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hey there,” I said.
Ari’s father harrumphed, but I paid him no mind. I crouched down, trying to get more on Macy’s level. But she was lanky, like I had been as a kid. When I crouched down, she towered over me with her long legs and her giraffe-like neck. But she was beautiful. Every aspect about her was perfection.
As I stared, she walked toward me.
My eyes flickered to Ari before they traveled back to my daughter. The small girl stood in front of me with her hand outstretched.
“Hi. I’m Macy,” she said.
I smiled as I took her hand.
“Hi. I’m Simon.”
Her hand fit so softly into mine, and my heart exploded. Colors sizzled and burst in my vision as I held the small, tender hand of my daughter. She had delicate fingers, like her mother. Soft skin, like her mother. But the fire behind her eyes whenever she smiled was all me. Oh, man. She did have my temper.
Yet, my chest still swelled with pride.
“It’s really nice to meet you, Macy,” I said.
“Mom doesn’t talk about you,” she said.
I winced at her words. Fucking hell, those hurt. I looked back at Ari, and her eyes fell to the floor. And of course, her father stepped in between us, right in front of his daughter like he was still protecting her from some invisible threat I possessed. I sneered as I stood up. Macy tugged me over to the couch with surprising strength. As my father chuckled, I fell down beside her, feeling her cuddle into my side underneath my arm.
My daughter, wanting nothing more than my touch.
“Well, what do you want to know?” I asked.
“What’s your favorite color?” she asked.
“Red. Definitely.”
She gasped. “Mine, too!”
I smiled. “It’s a good color.”
“Favorite ice cream?”
“Rocky road.”
“Yuck. I don’t like marshmallows.”
I clutched my heart playfully. “Oh, I never knew a girl could hurt me so badly.”
Macy giggled, and the sound lit up my fucking world.
“Favorite movie?” she asked.
“Top Gun. For sure. You?” I asked.
“Mulan. She fights with swords, and that’s awesome.”
“You like swords?”
“Mhm. I want to learn how to fight with them, but Mom won’t let me.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because she thinks I’ll get hurt. I keep telling her I won’t. But she doesn’t believe me.”
“Well, moms do know best, even though you might not think they do.”
“Dads, too,” my father said.
I shot him a look before turning my attention back to my daughter.
“If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” I asked.
“The beach, definitely. I like the ocean.”
I smiled. “Like your mother.”
Ari giggled softly, but it was quickly followed by a curt “shh” from her father.
“Granddad, stop it. You know she doesn’t like that,” Macy said.
My eyebrows rose at her words. I slowly looked up at Ari’s father and watched the man’s face turn red. He looked down at his daughter, almost like he was wanting her to do something about her daughter’s sass. But all Ari did was shrug.
“My daughter has a point,” she said.
I grinned as Ari’s eyes came back to meet mine.
“Dad?” Macy asked.
The word clenched my heart and stole my breath away. I looked down into my daughter’s eyes, watching as she smiled up at me.
“Is it okay to call you that?” she asked.
“It’s more than okay, Macy.”
“Good. Because I’ve always wanted to call you that.”
I cupped her cheek. “You are…”
I searched for the right words as I held my breath.
“You are perfect,” I whispered.
Macy smiled widely. “Thanks.”
I chuckled and she laughed with me. Macy threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. I held her as close as she’d let me. I closed my eyes and buried my face into the crook of her neck. She smelled like Ari. Looked like Ari. But she spoke like me. Held herself like me. Had that fire like me.
I’ll have to teach her how to temper her anger like I’ve had to over the years.
“Macy, I want to ask you something,” I said.
“Okay,” she said softly.
She sat back down next to me, and I sighed.
“Is it
okay with you if the rest of the adults sit down and talk together?”
She paused before nodding. “Okay.”
I looked over at my father, and I saw pride in the man’s eyes. Fucking hell, I had completely forgotten this was the first time he was laying eyes on her in person, too. I held my hand out for my father, and he came over. He took my hand before crouching down slowly, getting into position in front of Macy.
“You’re my other granddad,” Macy said.
My father nodded. “I am, yes.”
“You want to sit by me?” she asked.
As my father’s eyes welled with tears, he rose up to kiss Macy on the forehead.
“I’d love to,” he whispered.
We all sat down, staring at one another across the coffee table. With Macy in between myself and my father, I looked over at Ari, who sat on the edge of the couch with her back straight and her hands threaded tightly together. Her father, however, sat as far away from her on the other side of the couch as he could. He looked over all of our heads, and it made me wonder what the hell those two had been through together over the past eight years.
I take it Ari hasn’t told you about her pregnancy?
My father’s voice echoed in my mind as I stared at the vast expanse of space between Ari and her father on that couch.
“Okay, how are we going to fix all this?” my father asked.
His voice broke the silence, and I nodded.
“Yes. I think we all owe each other explanations,” I said.
“I owe you nothing,” Ari’s father spat.
“Yes, you do. You owe both of us answers. What in the world is this crap about a letter you wrote on my behalf?” I asked.
“I’m here to talk about how to make things better for Macy. I’m not here to rehash the past,” Ari’s father said.
“You’re here to do anything you need to in order to fix this so we can move forward together as a family,” I said.
“You’re not family, and you never will be,” the man spat.
“I’m Macy’s father, whether you like it or not,” I snapped.
“Stop fighting!” Macy exclaimed.
I chuckled as I rubbed her back. Wow. Yes, my girl definitely had sass. And while my father looked practically comatose over on the other side of the couch listening to this nonsense, he did perk up at Macy’s reaction.
“She’s right. And probably smarter than all of us put together,” Dad said.
“She’s a child, nothing more,” Ari’s father said.
“Doesn’t mean she doesn’t have wants and needs. If this is what she wants, we give it to her. And if you don’t want what’s best for her, you can see yourself out the same way you walked in,” I said.
“Simon’s right,” Ari said.
“So, why don’t we all take a breath and start from the beginning. How does that sound?” I asked.
And as my eyes fell toward Ari, I watched her draw in a deep breath. “Macy, let’s get you set up in the kitchen with some coloring books and crayons.”
9
Arianna
I had the headache from hell. All I wanted to do was go home and crash, to curl up with my daughter, turn on a movie on my television, and fall asleep with my face buried in her hair. But I knew this needed to be done.
Okay. Here goes nothing.
“I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was already in college,” I said.
“But I thought you—”
I held up my hand, stopping Simon in his tracks.
“You want the story? Refrain from the questions that get me off track,” I said.
With a nod, he stepped down.
“I was about three months into my freshman year when I realized what was going on. I was so consumed with classes and stress and my first round of midterm exams that it never struck me why I was getting sick or why I was so tired all the time. Then, after going to the doctor on campus because I started getting bouts of dizzy spells, that’s when I figured out I was pregnant,” I said.
“Then, she dropped out,” Dad said flatly.
“Hush,” I said.
I tossed him a curt look, and he glared at me.
“I stayed and finished that semester on campus before coming home for winter break. I finished up my second semester’s worth of classes online, as quickly as I could, about a month before I gave birth. And the pregnancy was hard, Simon,” I said. I was hospitalized three times due to severe dehydration. I lost a lot of weight because I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy. Dad wanted me to terminate—”
“You what?” Simon growled.
“I wanted what was best for my daughter. You knocked her up, and it was killing her,” Dad spat.
“Enough!” I exclaimed.
I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath.
“Labor was complicated. I had to have a C-section. The placenta ruptured, and then my uterus ruptured, too. I almost bled out on the table. I was out for a few days, and in that time, Dad stepped up to take care of Macy. But when I finally came to in the hospital, he was also quick to try and convince me to give Macy up for adoption. Which is why my father and I don’t speak now, unless we have to,” I said.
I saw Simon and his father glaring at my own. And rightfully so. I’d never forget that moment. Coming to. Seeing all the tubes. Feeling all that pain. Wondering if my daughter was even alive. And the first thing I heard after coming out of my coma was my own damn father holding his granddaughter while saying, “I really think it’s best if you give her to a family who can take care of her.”
It still made me sick to this day.
“Did you ever finish college?” Simon asked.
His question brought my eyes to him. “I did, yes. Petra—my best friend—intervened with the help of her family. Macy and I moved out and in with them. I told my father it was to help with a transitional adoption, which is why he let us go so easily. Then—”
“Then, she never came back,” Dad spat.
“Can you blame her?” Simon asked.
“I can’t,” Tommy said.
I felt my father’s eyes on me as I smiled.
“I stayed with the online classes and got my bachelor’s in what I wanted—Art. To this day, I’m proud of that degree. Though, I’m not doing much with it right now,” I said.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Dad asked.
I looked over at him and scoffed.
“Would you have cared?” I asked.
The room fell silent before Simon sighed.
“I suppose it’s my turn,” he said.
I watched Simon as worry filled his eyes.
“Well, I guess I’ll start from my own beginning, then,” Simon said.
“That would be a good jumping off point,” I agreed.
“The night after your father found us –” he began before my father cut him off.
“You mean the night you snuck into my basement when I wasn’t home?”
“It’s not your turn to talk Dad,” Ari said harshly which surprised her father.
“The next day, your father came to see us, Ari,” he said as he spoke directly at me. “My father told him he didn’t have charges to press because what happened between us was—”
I nodded quickly. “I know. I know it was.”
“Well, he paid us a visit that didn’t go well. There was a fight. And the deal that ultimately got struck was that I left town without saying goodbye and he wouldn’t make my life a living nightmare. Dad pulled some strings and got me an internship with the volleyball coach at the university. Which eventually turned into me taking over the head coaching position there once I graduated,” he said.
“You’re the head coach at a university?” I asked, impressed.
He nodded. “I am. I’m on sabbatical this school year. But I am.”
“Why are you on sabbatical?” I asked.
“There are just some things going on that needed my attention outside of coaching,” he answered, looking briefly at his fa
ther.
“What other things?” I asked.
And when Simon didn’t answer me, I looked over at Tommy.
“What other things?” I asked.
“It’s a story for another day,” Tommy said softly.
Knowing that I wasn’t going to be getting anymore from them, I leveled my gaze at Simon and continued. “And then I got the letter.”
Simon glared at my father and twisted his hands together in his lap. “I never sent you a letter Ari. There was never any other girl at school or anywhere.”
I turned and looked at my father who actually had the decency to look ashamed. “So the letter was a fabrication? Something you set up to make me think Simon was just using you.”
“You have to understand –” my father started.
“No, you have to understand,” I interrupted. “That letter broke my heart. It made me feel worthless and unlovable. How could you do that to me? How could you do that to Macy?”
He sniffed quickly. “Ari listen. You were so bright. So smart and good and ambitious. You had the world at your feet and your future laid out ahead of you. When your mother died, I made her a promise.”
I hung on his every word as he turned his eyes to meet mine.
“I promised your mother I’d do whatever it took to make sure you had the best life possible. Before she died, I kissed her and promised her I’d sacrifice any part of myself necessary to make sure you had it all. Success. A future. Something to aspire to. And I saw the way you looked at that boy that night, when I found you two in the basement, I saw it. I saw the distraction. That fiery eighteen-year-old little girl, ready to throw everything away for a boy she barely knew. And that promise kept running around in my head. The thought of failing your mother was too—too much t—”
My eyes widened as I watched tears streak my own father’s cheeks. For the first time ever, I watched him cry. The man hadn’t even cried at my mom’s funeral, and here he was, shaking, trembling, hanging on for dear life as his cheeks got wet.
“Dad,” I whispered.
“I wrote that note because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know what else to do to get your head away from him and focused on school. I’ve done and said so many terrible things. And I don’t have excuses for all of them. Just a promise I made your mother that I really, truly thought I was fulfilling. Even if you hated me for it. Even if you cut me out of your life. I figured, at some point in time, you’d look back on all your success and all your happiness and realize that my sacrifices and all I did was worth it somehow.”
Daddy’s Secret Baby Page 6