Daddy’s Secret Baby

by Black, Natasha L.

  “You know damn good and well Macy’s mood swings are because she’s an eight-year-old girl.”

  “And because her father has never been around. Because of me. And because her granddad never comes around. Because of me.”

  “Not everything is your fault, Ari.”

  “No, but some of it is.”

  Petra took my hand. “Yes, you share some responsibility but not the entire pie. And Simon has some skin in this game, too. He hasn’t been back in this town since he left that summer. He went off to school and never looked back. Not for you. Not for his father. Not for anyone. He abandoned this town. Left us in his dust to become some hot-shot sports coach or whatever. That’s on him for not checking up on you.”

  I nodded slowly. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “You’re damn right I’m right. So, let’s go back to the rule. No boy talk on girls’ night.”

  We continued talking until well after the sun set. We drained the three bottles of wine I had for us, then, we stumbled our asses upstairs. It was a great night, full of good food, belly laughter, and needed tears. I poured Petra into the guest bedroom and felt guilty that I still hadn’t unpacked everything. There were boxes of books and pictures shoved into the corner, waiting for me to open them up and hang them on the walls.

  I needed to find time to do that.

  I held myself up against the wall as I made my way into my bedroom. I shed my clothes, leaving them on a pile on the floor, then slithered underneath the covers. I could shower in the morning when my balance was better. And as I lay there, naked beneath the comforter, I watched the ceiling undulate with movement.

  I wondered what Simon was doing just then and my hand traveled to my breast.

  It’d been so long since I had given myself any sort of release. And with Petra’s snores already echoing down the hallway, I decided to take some time to myself. No Macy to barge in on me. A half-drunk best friend dead asleep down the hallway. My own body relaxed from the alcohol and good food.

  I didn’t have a reason not to.

  “Simon,” I whispered.

  I closed my eyes as I tugged on my nipples. Immediately, the memory of him rose up in my mind. His lips, and how warm they’d felt against my skin that night. The way he slowly stripped me of my clothes. The way his hands quietly commanded my knees to open. I moaned at the phantom feeling of his tongue against mine. My hand slid down my body, my legs parting willingly for the memory.

  “Simon,” I whimpered.

  Oh, Ari.

  I gasped as my fingertips spread my pussy folds. I hadn’t had sex since that night. Not once. I hadn’t had a man since the night we’d conceived our daughter. And I wanted him more than ever to fill me. My fingertips flicked my clit. I imagined his tongue running up and down my slit, devouring me as my back arched. My nipples puckered. My breasts bounced against my body. I drew in shuddered breaths as I lost the memory, leaving me lonely in my bed.

  Until his face reappeared.

  There, in my mind’s eye, was grown Simon. The man I saw sitting in the living room in his father’s house, poring over those papers with muscles pulled taut over his body. I groaned with delight. I wanted to feel those muscles. Kiss them. Take a bite out of them. Rake my nails down the ripples of his back.

  “Oh, shit,” I whispered.

  My fingers filled my throbbing entrance. I felt my walls collapsing and fluttering, ready for a quick release. My juices poured out into my palm as the heel of my hand pressed into my clit, giving me enough room to buck.

  “That’s it, Simon. Just like that. Oh, yeah.”

  My eyes rolled back. My toes curled. I felt his tongue between my legs, licking and sucking, teasing me to painful heights. I saw myself on all fours, his body driving into me. His massive cock, swollen against my walls as he smacked my ass.

  That’s it, Ari. Show me how much you want me.

  Fucking hell, you’re gorgeous.

  Ari. Yes. Ari, like that.

  His growls filled my head. I moaned out into my room as my heels dug into the mattress. My eyes screwed shut as I pressed firmly against my clit, rutting against my own hand, wanting nothing more than for him to explode inside me.

  Like he did all those years ago.

  “Yes! Simon. Fuck.”

  I choked out his name as my body dropped to the mattress. I quivered around my own fingers. My arousal dripped down onto the bed below me. I whimpered and quaked, losing control of myself as silver stars burst behind my eyes. It was too much and yet not enough. I wanted him. Needed him. Wished for him to be beside me.

  But when I rolled over—ready to smile at him—he wasn’t there.

  “Oh, Simon,” I whispered.

  And as my hand fell from between my naked legs, I curled against the mattress and fell into a deep and restful sleep.

  18

  Simon

  My feet pounded against the fresh dirt as the morning sun crept up high into the sky. The leaves rustled with the wind, breathing life into my flailing lungs. I ran through the wilderness and wrapped around the rocks. I high-fived the massive leaves still hanging on the trees, as if the woods were cheering me on.

  I hadn’t felt this rejuvenated on a run in a long time.

  Usually, my feet pounded against concrete while students went from class to class, bypassing the field and the stadium where my office was held. But today was different. The wind kicked up, wrapping around my body and pushing me forward. I found myself at the lakeside, maybe three-quarters of a mile from the cabin. And as I jogged around the massive expanse of its ovular shape, I smiled.

  The water reflected the heavens above like a mirror.

  Sure, this place was beautiful in the springtime, but nothing could compare to the leaves of autumn. The reds and the yellows, ready to shed themselves to the ground and float against the water, reminding the world that it can be beautiful to shed what is dead and bare oneself for the world. The more time I spent at the cabin, the more in tune I became with what I wanted. And the truth of the matter was that I’d never wanted that coaching job.

  I’d taken the internship because my father pulled the strings for me. I’d followed that trajectory because I felt like my hometown had spat me out, never to return. I’d tucked my tail between my legs and pushed on, like a coward, instead of like the strong man I thought I was becoming. I’d never wanted to work for my alma mater or to take my mentor’s place.

  I thought one day I’d come back and scoop Arianna off her feet, shove it in her father’s face before I whisked her away to a life I’d created for the both of us.

  And then, life happened.

  Becoming an adult happened. School debt happened. Insurance claims and students needing me and rent having to be paid happened. The life I wanted fell to the wayside, giving rise to what I felt I had to do to succeed.

  I ran faster. I wrapped around the lake and barreled back up the hill. I climbed to the top, seeing the cabin come into view. And as I sprinted for it, I reveled in the sweat dripping down my brow, the rim of wetness around my neck, reminding me that I was still alive, that I still had something to look forward to.

  That I had someone who needed me.

  Macy.

  I growled as I tore up the porch. I slammed into the cabin and put my hands over my head. I locked my fingers together, opening my lungs, and inhaled the crisp, clean air. The fresh air of my small town, not the smog-filled air of an expensive college campus, with the cars their parents had given them and money to spend as if it were nothing.

  I need to call Macy.

  I walked down the hallway and barged into the bedroom. I fiddled with my cell phone, my fingers trembling from the exertion of my run. My heart fluttered in my chest, refusing to settle down as adrenaline intermingled with my exhaustion. I sat on the edge of the bed, my finger hovered over Ari’s name. I pressed down onto the number and held the phone to my ear, listening as it rang.

  “Hello?”

  I smiled at her voice. “Hey
there, Ari.”

  “Simon.”

  My smile faltered. “Uh, I was wondering if you and Macy wanted to get together sometime today. I mean, if you’re free.”

  She paused. “I’m sure Macy is free.”

  “Are you?”

  “I suppose so, in about an hour.”

  “Okay, great. Well, remember that cabin my father always rented out during the summer?”

  She laughed softly. “The one we crashed for a weekend before almost getting caught.”

  I chuckled. “And here I thought you didn’t remember that.”

  “It was one of my favorite weekends together. Of course I remember it.”

  My heart soared with delight. “Well, I’ve moved into it, for the time being. Just me. And, uh, I figured Macy might like the state park. We could go hiking. Or have a picnic. It’s supposed to be a bright and sunny day today.”

  “You moved into your father’s cabin?”

  I nodded. “For now. Until I can find my own place a bit closer into town.”

  “Wow.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know. I guess—since you’ve moved in, that means you’re really staying?”

  I blinked. “Did you doubt me?”

  “I did, yes.”

  I snickered. “At least you’re honest.”

  “Can you blame me, after all that’s happened?”

  I wanted to fire back, but I bit my tongue.

  “No, I can’t,” I said.

  She sighed. “What time would you like us over?”

  “Well, how about lunchtime? We could eat here or pack up a picnic together and eat in the park before we go exploring. Say, around twelve-thirty?”

  “It’s half a mile past the state park, right?”

  “Right, you are. Take the dirt path until it turns into gravel and winds you all the way here.”

  “Can’t believe I still remember that.”

  I grinned. “I’m glad you do.”

  She cleared her throat. “Well, we’ll see you around twelve-thirty, then.”

  “What does Macy like to drink, usually?”

  “Lemonade. Always lemonade.”

  I smiled. “And you?”

  “Water’s fine with me. Especially that tap water at the cabin. I still think your father should bottle it and sell it.”

  I chuckled. “All right. Anything Macy doesn’t eat?”

  “I mean, the usual things. Olives. Bell peppers. Oh, she’s not a mayonnaise person.”

  “It’s usual for people to not like olives?”

  “You’re just weird, Simon. It’s okay.”

  The two of us laughed together, and for a moment it felt like old times. My heart filled with joy, but as quickly as it started, it stopped. Ari cleared her throat, which made me shift against the edge of the bed.

  It was rough between us, but it still felt good.

  “Well, let me make a run to the store while I still can. I’ll see you two soon,” I said.

  “See you soon, Simon.”

  I hung up the phone and rushed into my bathroom. I peeled off my sweaty clothes and tossed them into the hamper in the corner. I raced through my shower, scrubbing the sweat from my body. I dressed and hopped in my truck for a quick trip into town.

  The “quick trip into town” cost me almost two and a half hours of my life. The traffic was unbearable, and the store was packed. I didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if a holiday was around the corner. But I couldn’t focus on that. I had to get back to the cabin before Macy and Ari showed up. Because if I wasn’t there to welcome them, that didn’t look good.

  I sighed with relief when I pulled up the empty driveway.

  But my face fell when I heard tires rumbling over the gravel as my car shut down.

  “Daddy!”

  Even with my doors closed, I heard her yell for me. The sound filled me with pride as I got out of the truck. Macy ran for me, and I scooped her up, swinging her around in my arms. She giggled profusely, holding on tight. And as I set her down, she smiled up at me.

  “Wanna help me with the groceries?” I asked.

  My daughter groaned. “Really, Dad?”

  I shrugged. “What? You don’t do chores with your mother?”

  “You’re supposed to be the fun one. That’s your job.”

  “Nah. Can’t have your mother always be the bad guy, right?”

  I looked over at Ari and winked, but she didn’t crack a smile. Her face didn’t light up, her body language didn’t change, and she kept her distance. What happened to the smiling, giggly girl on the phone? I wondered if Macy had given her a hard time the entire way here.

  “All right. You want to carry the drinks or the snacks?” I asked.

  “Snacks! Snacks! Snacks!” Macy exclaimed.

  I walked the girls into the cabin, and Ari quickly stepped off to the side. She looked around as Macy followed me into the kitchen, and I tried not to think too much of it. I started putting things away as my daughter handed them to me. Eventually, Ari appeared at the kitchen door.

  “I figured if you two were here, might as well feed you,” I said.

  Macy giggled, but Ari didn’t even crack a shadow of a smile.

  I need to talk with her later about that.

  “All right. So, we’ve got some choices. If you’re hungry now, we can eat. But if not, we can pack a picnic and eat later. What do you want to do?” I asked.

  “Can we go outside and play? Just you and me?” Macy asked.

  “You don’t want Mommy coming along?”

  “I play with Mommy all the time. For now, I just want to spend time with you. Okay?”

  I looked over at Ari, and she turned her back. I knew she was trying to hide the hurt on her face.

  “Macy, you know Mommy loves spending time with you, right?” I asked.

  “I’m always with her, though. It gets boring,” she said.

  “Well, sometimes it’s not always fun and excit—”

  “It’s okay. You two go outside and play. I need a nap anyway.”

  Macy sighed. “See?”

  I narrowed my eyes playfully. “Your mother’s tired from working and raising you. And I’m sure you put up your fair share of fights like I did when I was your age.”

  “You did that, too?”

  I nodded. “Yes, I did. And I had to learn that sometimes, fighting does no good. And however you might feel? It just has to be let go.”

  I slowly looked up and saw Ari peeking over her shoulder. I caught her gaze with mine, and I hope she digested my words. I wanted her to hear them. I wanted her to know that I was on her side, that I wanted to get over this, that I wanted to put this behind us and start again. Especially now that we were grown and had adult lives of our own.

  “Can we play catch?” Macy asked.

  I smiled at my daughter. “I’d love to play catch with you, princess.”

  We scooted by Ari in the doorway, and I put my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me with tired, bloodshot eyes, and that told me everything I needed to know. Whatever Macy had pulled on her in the car, it wore her down to nothing.

  “The bedroom’s behind me. The bathroom is all yours. Take a nap. Or a shower. Or get some food. Just rest, okay? I’ve got her,” I murmured.

  And the tears that rushed to Ari’s eyes made my heart sink.

  “Come on, Daddy! We’re wasting time!”

  Ari shooed me away. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Go play with your daughter.”

  I wanted to stay and help her. Listen to her. Console her. But my daughter was tugging me in the other direction, and I didn’t want to disappoint her, too.

  * * *

  “So, can we stay over tonight?” Macy asked.

  I caught the lobbed ball she threw over my head before softly tossing it back.

  “I don’t know. That depends on your mother,” I said.

  She sighed. “But I asked you.”

  I caught the ball again. “Yes. But she’s your mother.
And whether or not you agree with her, she always wants what’s best for you.”

  She threw it over my head, and I had to go jogging for it.

  I rolled the ball on the ground toward Macy, and she scooped it up.

  “Do you forgive her?” she asked.

  The question took me by surprise, but I didn’t really need to think long about my answer. I knew it as sure as I knew my own name.

  “Yes, I do,” I said.

  “I thought we were mad at her.”

  I paused. “In the very beginning I was. But I know your mom had very good reasons for what she did. And she gave me you, so I can’t be mad at her anymore.”

  Macy nodded. “Okay. But can we stay over?”

  “If your mother lets you, we can pitch a tent and camp out and everything.”

  Macy’s lips puckered before she dropped the ball. She took off her glove and went charging back into the cabin, yelling for her mother. I raced after her, trying to get her to settle down. As Macy ran down the hallway, I saw Ari stumble out of the room in a fit of shock.

  “Macy! Are you okay? What’s wrong? What happened? Where’s your—?”

  “Mom! Mom! Mom! Daddy said we can put up a tent and sleep in it tonight. Can we? Can we? Can we?”

  Ari looked over at me with tired eyes. I felt like shit that she had been woken up. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to apologize, but Ari held her hand up.

  “Is it okay with Daddy?” she asked.

  “Yes. It’s okay with me. I’ll take care of all of it. You can rest and relax. And I’ll camp out with her,” I said.

  “Pretty please, Mom?”

  She sighed. “Under one condition.”

  “Anything,” my daughter and I said in unison.

  Ari smiled softly. “You be good for your father. Promise me.”

  Macy nodded. “I promise, Mom.”

  I nodded. “Now, you go back and lie down. When dinner’s ready, I’ll come get you if you aren’t up.”

  Ari nodded and disappeared, then I got back to playing with my daughter. We worked up a sweat, playing catch and chasing each other around. I took her on a walk down to the lake and I watched as her eyes widened. She picked up a rock and tossed it into the water and, on that bright sunny afternoon, I got to teach my daughter how to skip rocks.