Just like my father had taught me when I was around her age.
Once it started to get dark, we headed back to the house. The smells coming from the kitchen made my stomach growl. I closed the door behind me as Macy raced down the hallway, tearing into the kitchen.
Where Ari was cooking.
“I figured you two had gotten caught up, so I took the liberty. Hope you don’t mind.”
Macy smiled. “You’ll love Mom’s potato cheesy casserole. It’s the best.”
I grinned. “It smells like the best. Here, let me help you set the table.”
Having dinner as a family felt fantastic. Ari and I setting the table. Macy swinging her legs underneath her chair. Eating and gazing around at the small family I had apparently created. It all felt so surreal. Macy wolfed her food down before she put away her plate. I followed her in the kitchen and told her to go get cleaned up. And by the time she was done getting changed for the night, I’d have the tent put up in the backyard for us.
Then, I emerged to see Ari grabbing pots and pans.
“Here, let me help,” I said.
“It’s okay. I’ve got it. You have a tent to set up,” she said.
“I told Macy to go clean herself up. Plus, the tent is an easy pop-up one. It won’t take me more than five minutes.”
I took some of the pans from her and helped her clean the table. She put away the leftovers as I loaded the dishes into the dishwasher. Then, I leaned against the counter. Ari wiped her sweating brow down with a wash rag before slapping it over her shoulder. And when she turned to me, my heart seized in my chest.
She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on.
“What?” she asked.
I snickered. “What?”
“You’re staring. Something wrong?”
I shook my head. “No. Just looking.”
“At what?”
“At you.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Do I need a reason to look at the mother of my child?”
She sighed. “Macy was very excited when I told her you called and asked us to come over.”
“Did she give you a hard time on the ride?”
She shrugged. “I made a couple wrong turns she wasn’t fond of. But we got here.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Has she always been like this?”
“Like what?”
“So combative? And rude toward you?”
“She’s not rude. Just headstrong. I don’t want to condition that out of her. Especially being a woman in this world.”
“Doesn’t mean she can’t learn some manners toward her own mother.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out, I guess. Where I draw the line between her acting out because of what I’ve done and her being eight and her being inappropriate.”
I moved closer to her. “Doesn’t matter what the issue is. She has to learn to work through it in a healthy way. Not in a way that is destructive to others.”
She ran her hand through her hair. “I know. I know. Trust me, I know.”
I gripped her upper arms. “I’m not trying to tell you how to parent. I’m the last person that has that right. But you shouldn’t be run over by an eight-year-old either. You’re the boss.”
She giggled breathlessly, and that made me smile. I took a chance and pulled her in for a hug and was shocked when she let me do it. I held her in my arms again for the first time in years. And the tighter I wrapped her up, the warmer she felt and the more she groaned.
And the tighter she clung to me.
“I missed this,” she whispered.
I pressed my nose into her hair. “I missed you.”
“I’m sorry. Please, Simon. I’m so sorry. So much happened, and I was so overwhelmed, and I was just trying to survive, and I was just trying to—”
I gripped her chin and tilted her gaze up to meet mine. My eyes danced between hers as tears rushed to them. It seemed as if Ari was always crying. Always frowning. Always so sad.
“I understand. I promise you, I’m not upset with you anymore. I was shocked. I was hurt. But I get it. And I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you went through back then, and I’m so damn sorry I wasn’t there by your side through it.”
Her lower lip trembled.
And before I knew it, my lips were against hers.
19
Arianna
I stared at the wall with a goofy grin on my face. I still felt the searing of his lips against my own. I still felt the cradle of his hand against my skin. The intensity of his eyes haunted me gloriously in my dreams, and the softness of his skin reminded me that beautiful things in this world still existed. Two days later, and I was still thinking about that kiss. That soft, innocent, warming kiss.
I couldn’t get it out of my mind.
The kiss had been so nonintrusive yet passionate. The way his lips stilled against mine, never breaching a line, but also never backing down. It left me speechless.
It still left me speechless.
I reread his text. Whenever you’re ready, we can talk. Thank you for the text. I appreciate it.
I stared down at the words as the goofy grin began to spread. After taking a couple of days to wind down from the sleepover at the cabin, I decided to message him, to let him know I was ready to talk about the custody agreement whenever he was. I figured things couldn’t be too bad between us. Not if Simon didn’t hate me.
Not if he wanted to kiss me.
“Mom, why’s Granddad here?”
Macy’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I asked.
“Granddad. Isn’t that him in the driveway?”
I rushed over to the living room window and peeked out. Sure enough, my father hopped out of his SUV. He closed the door, then stood there staring at the front door. He didn’t seem to notice that we were both peeking out at him, trying to figure out what on God’s green earth he was doing at the house.
“Macy, can you go upstairs for me?” I asked.
“Why?”
“Because I need to speak with your granddad alone.”
“Why can’t I be here? I wanna talk to him, too.”
“After I’m done I’ll call you down. Before he leaves. Okay?” I asked.
She sighed. “Okay, Mom.”
She slipped off the couch and went inside. Then, I stood by the front door. I waited for my father to find the courage to knock on it, to approach us after everything that went down a couple of weeks ago at Tommy’s house. At first, I didn’t think he’d knock. I stood there for what seemed like fifteen minutes just waiting for him to find the courage to approach us.
And then, the doorbell rang.
I quickly swung the door open, and there he stood. Tall, broad-shouldered, with brooding brown eyes and a frown on his lips. But the tentativeness of his stare caught me off guard. Usually, my father stayed guarded, angry, unconcerned.
He didn’t look that way anymore, though.
“Dad,” I said.
He nodded. “Hey there, Arianna.”
“Did you leave something in the house?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.”
“Okay. Well, do you need something?”
He licked his lips. “Could I—?”
I quirked an eyebrow as he searched for his words.
“Do you have any coffee?” he asked quickly.
I snickered. “I’m a single mother. I always have coffee.”
“You and Simon haven’t worked something out yet?”
“You know what I mean, Dad. Come on. I’ve got coffee.”
I led him into the kitchen and showed him where the mugs were. I wouldn’t do him the courtesy of fixing him one. Not like I used to, anyway. I wasn’t upset with him. Not anymore. But it still felt uncomfortable to have him around. So much had happened between us. So many things said. And none of it came with apologies.
Only bad memories.
“I’m so
rry.”
I paused. “What?”
Dad cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”
My gaze found his before he sat down at the kitchen table. He fell into the chair. Hard. And it looked as if he were about to collapse, the weight of the world cracking his shoulders. A weight he didn’t have to bear in the first place. I walked over to him and sat down across from him. I didn’t know if this was leading to some sort of blame on my end, or if this was genuine. I knew how my father’s “apologies” worked, and they never worked how they should have.
“For what?” I asked.
He sighed. “For everything, Arianna.”
“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific.”
“For starters, how I reacted all those years ago when I found you with Simon.”
My eyebrows rose. “You’re actually sorry for that?”
He chuckled bitterly. “You think I’m nothing but a monster, don’t you?”
“You haven’t really shown me anything different.”
He shook his head. “Arianna, when I lost your mother—”
“Don’t blame everything on her death. You have to take responsibility at some point in time.”
“If you’d let me talk, you’d know I was getting there.”
“Depends if I want to sit here and listen to it for the next hour.”
His gaze fell to his coffee. “I suppose I don’t deserve the luxury of your attention.”
“No. You don’t. But you’re my father, and I’d like to think that the decent man who existed before Mom died is still in there somewhere.”
“I don’t know if I was ever decent, Ari. I think your mother just made me…”
I reached over and took his hand within mine.
“If Mom can make you something, but your own granddaughter can’t? It doesn’t say much about us in your lives, Dad. I think I’d like to believe he still exists, but you’re afraid of letting him out because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Again. Like you were with Mom’s death.”
He blinked rapidly. “Losing her was—was the worst—”
I squeezed his hand. “I know, Dad. I know, because I was there. I was sixteen years old when Mom died. But I think what you failed to understand is that just like you were grieving, so was I. That night, you lost Mom. But I lost both of my parents that night. Can’t you see that?”
He sniffled. “I’m so sorry, Ari. I—I don’t even know where to begin. Or how to even express to you how sorry I am for the man I’ve been over the years.”
I sat up straight. “I think, now that I’m a parent, I understand. At least a little bit. I’m not near the mother I wish I was.”
“Nonsense. You’re a great mother to that girl.”
“I’m really not. At least, I don’t feel like it. We’re always fighting. Always butting heads. She likes her father more than she likes me. That much is obvious. So, I understand some of the struggles that come with dealing with a grieving child. In my case, Macy grieving the absence of a father figure. At least until Simon came back into town.”
“How is she doing with all that? And how are you?”
I nodded. “I think we should wrap up what you’re here to do first. I’m actually curious as to what you had planned to say.”
He snickered. “I’m shocked you even let me in the door, to be honest.”
“Well, now you’re here.”
He sipped his coffee. “I grew overprotective of you after your mother died. I promised her I’d give you the world. Give you the best life imaginable. And I guess seeing you get out of this small town and make something of yourself gave me comfort that this town wouldn’t take you away from me, too.”
I drank my coffee and listened as my brute of a father finally opened up to me.
“I wanted you to have more than I ever could have. And you getting pregnant by that boy at only eighteen wasn’t in the plans.”
I snickered. “Yeah. I’m aware. It wasn’t actually in mine either. But that isn’t what I want to know.”
“Then, give me some direction. Because I’m floundering right now.”
I sighed. “Why did you react to me being with Simon at all? What was so terrible about him? That’s what I want to know.”
His stare slowly slid up, and the pain behind his eyes left me breathless.
“You were lying to me, Arianna. And you’d never done that before. Not to your mother. Not to me. And I figured if that boy was driving you to lie, how in the world could he be good for you?”
I wanted to stay mad at him. I wanted something to justify the decisions I’d made with my life. But the anger was no use. And it was destroying my daughter and our relationship. It was destroying the life we could all have together, whether or not Simon actually stuck around.
I’m tired of being mad.
“I hate the way you reacted.”
“I know. I know you do, Ari. Just—”
I held up my hand. “You got to talk, and now it’s my turn.”
He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.”
I grinned. “You’re getting better at that already.”
“I’ll make sure to put it to good use over the coming years.”
I smiled softly. “I hate the way you reacted that night. The way you tossed Simon out into the cold. You owe him and Tommy an apology, it seems. Especially after storming over there the way you apparently did.”
“I’ll make sure they get one.”
“But I’m so tired. And I’m confused. And I’m walking around in a haze most of the time. You met a lie with a lie, in terms of that letter you gave me. Telling me it was from Simon. So, we’re even. In my eyes, at least.”
“That was so wrong of me, Ari. I was just—”
I took his hand again. “I know, Dad. You have to trust me when I tell you that I know. We all do desperate things when our kids are involved. When we want what’s best for someone even though they don’t want it for themselves. I get it. I do. Okay?”
He sniffled. “I love you, princess.”
I smiled softly. “I love you, too. In the end, we’ve all been punished enough. And the only one suffering more than any of us right now is Macy. It’s time to start making things right. If anything, for her sake.”
“When in the world did you get so smart?”
I grinned. “When I started raising my little girl and graduated college at the same time.”
Dad pulled me up from my chair and wrapped his arms around me. For the first time in years, I felt my father’s comforting grasp around my body. Tears rushed to my eyes as I slid my arms around his waist. I hugged him close, burying my face into his chest. It felt good. It felt safe. I felt whole again, just from one hug.
“Can I have a hug, too?” Macy asked.
My eyes whipped over, and I found my little girl standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Her eyes were big with wonder and her entire body tensed, ready and waiting for me to tell her what to do. I saw the want in her eyes, the need to come running for us.
“What do you think, Granddad? Group hug?” I asked.
And as we opened our arms to Macy, she leapt toward us.
“I love you both so much,” he murmured, his face pressed into the crook of his only grandchild’s neck.
20
Simon
I wiped the sweat off my brow as I tossed the last of the weeds into the woods. How quickly I had forgotten my summers spent at this place, doing the damn yard work. A cabin near the state park had to abide by state park rules: no unnecessary overgrowth that creates an eyesore, no paint jobs that detract from the natural state of wildlife, and no chemicals being used or burned on the property that could potentially harm those in or around the state park.
Which meant no weed killer for the fucking weeds that grew like trees this deep into the woods.
It felt good to get a nice sweat going. Especially since I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. I wanted to see Ari as soon as possible, and not just to hammer out a custody agreeme
nt regarding our daughter.
But if I had it my way, we wouldn’t need a custody agreement.
Because we’d be a family.
I dropped the weed basket into the storage shed before starting up the lawnmower. I needed to clear out a patch of dirt for me to plant some trees of my own liking. The more I stayed here, the more I wanted to try and make it my own place. Whether I stayed here permanently or not, I wanted to leave this place a little better than how I found it.
So, I had plans for some fruit trees.
Not many, of course. But an apple tree here and some blackberry bushes there would help bring a nice smell and color to the place. I mowed down the grass before fertilizing it with shit I got approved by the state park overlords. And by the time my stomach started growling, the sun was hanging so high in the sky that it forced me inside to get some lunch.
I gazed out the kitchen window straight into the front lawn. As I stood there, mindlessly eating a sandwich, I saw a memory play out in front of my eyes. Macy and me, out there two or three days ago, playing catch with a ball and spending the night in our tent. Ari vetoed putting the tent out back, especially once she saw the entire thing shrouded in trees. She wanted us to be someplace where she could easily locate us, and I understood that.
It just made for better memories I could relive on the porch with my morning coffee.
After wolfing down my sandwich, clouds started to hover overhead. So much for yard work. The sun was quickly swallowed whole by the dark clouds, and thunder started rumbling in the distance. Power here wasn’t as stable as it was in the big “metropolis” of Hollis, which meant that if I wanted a hot shower to wash myself down, I needed to get in now.
So, I took to peeling off my clothes.
I stepped into the old shower of the master bathroom and tossed my dirty clothes into the hamper. I sighed as the hot water hit me and the crashing of thunder boomed in the distance. I had to make things quick. Because if I wanted any sort of heat out here tonight, I also needed to get a fire going in the fireplace. Things dropped quickly out here in the woods. Temperatures were easily ten degrees below the rest of Hollis.
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