Not like it had consumed all of us.
“All right. I think we have everything. This is Macy’s favorite blanket. Always keeps the nightmares away. She’s got two changes of clothes in case you guys get into trouble. A bedtime story, in case she wants some. Bubbles for a bath—”
“Mom,” Macy murmured.
I set my daughter back down onto her feet before cupping her cheek.
“Remember what we talked about?” I asked.
Macy sighed. “Yes, Daddy.”
Ari looked back and for the between us. “Something I should know about?”
I winked at her. “Just a little thing regarding respect for those talking.”
When I looked back at the mother of my child, a mixture of awe and relief rushed behind her eyes.
“Anyway, I uh told Macy that you’d make your own rules for your house. So, don’t be afraid to override anything she does or lay down a ground rule.”
I nodded. “Coming in hot. Got it.”
Macy giggled, and I slipped my arm around her body.
“Daddy? What are we going to do tonight?”
I peeked down at her. “Well, it’s technically still before dinnertime. I thought we might do some shopping before I take you out for dinner.”
“Shopping? Really?” Macy squealed.
Ari laughed. “Have fun with that.”
I grinned. “You doing okay with this?”
And after a brief pause, she nodded.
“Yeah. I’m doing better than I thought I would.”
Her sentiment warmed my heart. After helping Ari get Macy’s things inside, I walked her back out to her car. Though, I had to resist the urge to kiss her. I felt Macy eyeing us from the porch, and the last thing I wanted to do was confuse my daughter any further. While I wanted to pursue things with Ari, we needed to take this slowly.
Our daughter’s mental and emotional health was the most important thing right now.
“Do you mind if I ask why you guys are going shopping?” Ari asked.
I nodded. “You can ask anything you want. I figured I could take her shopping for some clothes to keep here. So you don’t have to haul dirty laundry and things like that back and forth. Maybe get her a few things to have here. Toys, or a craft kit, or something like that.”
“Do you know where she’s going to be sleeping?”
“Well, that’s just the thing. I figured she and I could have another camping session where we pitch the tent.”
“Isn’t it supposed to rain tonight?”
I grinned. “In the living room. I can push back the couches, and it’ll feel like we’re outside.”
She sighed. “Okay. That—she’ll like that.”
I eyed her carefully. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing. I’m okay. I should let you guys get to it.”
I gripped her arm softly to stop her from dropping into the car.
“What is it, Ari?”
Her eyes fell to my chest. “I don’t want you to be afraid to carve out a space for her in this cabin. If she’s going to have a permanent place with you, she should have her own space.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Of course. If she’s going to have two homes, it might as well feel like two homes. Even if you are only staying here temporarily.”
“I’ll keep that in the back of my mind while we’re shopping today.”
She slipped her arm from my grasp. “And just to give you a leg up, if you’re going to the mall, I think you’re going to? She loves the pizza place by the toy store.”
I smiled. “I can think of a few reasons why.”
She winked at me. “You two have fun. I’ll check up on you around lunchtime tomorrow, and we can figure out a time for me to come get her.”
“Sounds good. Talk to you then. And will you let me know when you get home safely?”
She paused. “Sure, if you want me to.”
“I’d like that, yes.”
I closed her door and watched her back down the driveway. Once she was out of sight, I turned toward the porch. Macy smiled as she came running down the stairs, slamming straight into my body.
“Can we go now? Pretty please?” she asked.
I bent down and picked her up. “Yes, we can, princess. Ready to get some things to have here?”
“What kind of things?”
I walked her over to my truck. “Oh, you know. Clothes. Toys. Paint. Stuffed animals.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Stuffed animals are for babies.”
I chuckled. “Your favorite movies?”
She lit up. “Yeah! Movie night! And shoes. Can I get some new shoes?”
“We will get you all sorts of things to keep here. Okay?”
She smiled brightly. “Okay.”
And as I buckled my daughter into the booster seat I bought just for my truck, my heart took flight.
Time for me to make a life with one of the most important girls in my life.
23
Arianna
My paintbrush dotted across the canvas, finishing off a scene that wouldn’t stop bothering me. With my eyes falling out the small front window of the shed, I dot-painted the scene in front of me. The overgrown weeds that encompassed the basement door. The trimmed backyard and the juxtaposition of the two types of grass, all green, but one created a barrier and the other didn’t. I painted the withered back of the house, the dark brown and black expanse draped along a bright blue sky. Not a cloud in the picture as the sun’s rays beamed down against the house that held so many painful memories.
It was cathartic to paint it and release all those emotions through my brush. And with Macy at Simon’s, I had all the time in the world. Tears slid silently down my cheeks as my chest jumped with the pain of the memories. I let it wash over me, like rain sliding down a tin roof. I let my brush do the talking and my emotions guide my piece.
As I placed the final dot on my painting, I drew in a deep breath before my stomach growled.
“What time is it?” I murmured to myself.
I set my brush and paints down and slid my phone out of my pocket. I hesitated to call Simon and see how things were going, but I cast the thought aside altogether once my clock came into view.
Holy shit, it was nine in the evening.
I painted through dinner?
I slipped my phone back in my pocket and got up from my stool. I stretched my arms high over my head, feeling my back pop into place. I should’ve been tired. Around this time every night, I was falling into bed and ready to snore my life away. But I felt rejuvenated. Even as I wiped the tears off my neck and chest, I felt more energetic than I had in a long time.
I wonder what Petra’s doing.
I left my shed, locking it behind me, then made my way into the house. A quick shower led me to getting into a decent pair of jeans and a sweater. And before I knew it, I was headed for Petra’s place, a small townhouse not too far away from the cafe.
I pulled up and saw her sitting on her little porch, her nose stuck in her phone.
“Hey!” I exclaimed.
I honked my horn as I rolled down my window.
“Ari?” Petra asked.
“You hungry? I’m starving!”
She smiled and tucked her phone back into her bra, of all places. She threw back whatever she was drinking before checking to make sure her door was locked. Then, she made her way for my car. In her sweatpants and a tank top, she slid into the passenger’s seat, ready to tackle a random Friday night with her impromptu dinner date.
“So, where are we headed?” she asked.
I grinned. “You up for burgers and beer?”
“The hell kind of question is that? Step on it, woman!”
I laughed as I backed out of the parking space. I drove us across town to the best dive bar I knew of. My stomach growled as we walked into the place, with dim lights hanging over worn booth cushions. Most days, I’d never be caught dead in a place li
ke this. Especially with Macy in tow. But they had the coldest beer in Hollis and the best chargrilled burgers this side of New Hampshire.
And I wanted double bacon on mine.
“So, how’s it feel not having Macy with you tonight?”
I sipped my pint glass. “It’s weird. But also good.”
“That’s good.”
“I got my last painting done for the exhibit.”
“Hey! That’s fantastic. What did you end up painting?”
I grinned. “I want it to be a surprise. But it’s called Juxtaposition.”
“Huh. Sounds retro.”
“I guess, in a way, it is.”
She smiled. “So, you think you and Simon are going to make this a regular thing? Macy being over at his place during the evenings?”
I nodded. “I know we will. That’s the agreement for now. She spends one night a weekend with him, and we have dinner as a family one night out of the week, too. Holidays are negotiable as they arise. And eventually, it’ll fade into a more standard custody agreement.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Family dinners? What’s all that about?”
I shrugged. “Just a way for Simon to get another evening with Macy even though she’s not spending the night there.”
“So, family dinner at his place.”
I blinked. “Yeah?”
“And you’re okay with that?”
I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
She took a sip of her beer. “I mean, I don’t want to say ‘I told you so’ or anything…”
“It’s not like that, Petra.”
“Uh-huh. Because a family dinner sounds a bit like that.”
“I mean, we are a family. Even if things aren’t romantic between me and Simon.”
“Do you want them to be?”
I blushed. “Does that matter?”
She rolled her eyes. “Why the hell do you always think that what you want doesn’t matter? Of course it matters, you idiot.”
“Hey, I’m not an idiot. I have a college degree, remember?”
“Trust me, some of the dumbest people I know have those.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.”
The evening out with Petra was fantastic. Two cold beers and extra-crispy bacon on top of a juicy burger. And I washed it all down with their Cajun fries. I had officially found my new favorite place for a late-night meal, something I might have to indulge a little more when Macy was with her father.
“Mm, we should so make this a thing from now on,” Petra said.
I smiled. “It’s a date, then.”
Despite me fighting her on it, she picked up the check, so I promised to get the next one. We made plans for next Friday night. Then, I drove her back to her place. I felt more alive than I had in a long time, and the idea of sleeping in tomorrow made my eyes water with happiness. I pulled into my driveway and hauled ass upstairs, eager to strip down and crawl into bed.
I hadn’t slept naked in years.
And the sheets felt so cool against my skin.
As I stared up at the ceiling, the beer took hold. Or, maybe it was the full stomach and the languid relaxation sliding through my veins. But I reached for my cell phone and opened up a text to Simon. After fighting all afternoon to check up on them, I wanted to make sure he didn’t struggle to get Macy to bed.
Because she really fought me on that sometimes. I fired off a text.
Hey. About to fall asleep. You guys okay over there? Macy good?
The message felt a little informal, but I got a quick response back anyway.
Macy’s doing great. I’ll send pictures later. We’ve got the tent pitched in the living room and we’re cooking marshmallows in the fireplace.
I smiled at the message and quickly typed back.
She didn’t drain your wallet shopping, did she?
I closed my eyes and waited for a few minutes before my phone vibrated.
Even if she had, it would’ve been done with a smile. She’s got some things here as well as some clothes, but we can talk about all of that later. I promise, things are good on this end. Bedtime at ten, breakfast at eight. And fun memories all around it.
The message warmed my heart and eased my mind. I plugged my phone in to charge, then pulled the covers up to my chin. As my eyes fluttered closed, I sank into the mattress, readying myself for a long, hard night’s sleep.
24
Simon
“You sure your mother’s going to like this?”
Macy beat the eggs. “Yep. Mom likes breakfast for any meal. It’s her favorite.”
“Good. Because I know she’s coming to get you soon, and I’m sure she’ll be hungry.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t see Mom eat much sometimes.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. She just doesn’t.”
I nodded. “Well, why don’t you go ahead and pour those eggs in the pan? But be careful. Don’t splatter yourself with the—”
“Geronimo!”
She laughed as she poured the eggs into the frying pan. They sizzled to life as her laughter filled the kitchen. The eggs popped as I flipped the pancakes, trying to make them as circular as possible. As the bacon sizzled in the oven on a pan, I handed Macy a spatula.
“All right. Once the eggs firm up on the outer rim, start scrambling,” I said.
“Then add cheese!”
I smiled. “Right, you are. Then add cheese.”
“I’m going to add lots of cheese.”
“You put as much cheese as you want. Okay?”
I enjoyed cooking lunch in the kitchen with my daughter, especially since we’d overslept. I figured the two of us would’ve been up by eight. But neither of us stirred until my phone went off with a good-morning text from Ari.
“You have orange juice, right?” Macy asked.
I nodded. “And I’ve got coffee I’m about to start brewing.”
“What about apple juice?”
I paused. “I don’t know if I have apple juice.”
“Awww, Daddy. Apple juice is my favorite.”
I tried to keep a lid on my sadness. “Okay. Okay. I think I have some pink lemonade I can make up really quickly.”
“Pink lemonade for breakfast? Ick.”
“I take it you’re not an orange juice fan?”
“No. That’s Mom’s favorite. Not mine.”
These are things I should’ve known about my damn daughter. And I didn’t. I rubbed her back as she scrambled up the eggs, noticing she hadn’t put the cheese in yet. So, I reached over, grabbed some shredded cheese, and tossed it into the pan.
“Oh, yeah. The cheese,” Macy said.
“Hey, can you look at me for a second?” I asked.
Her eyes slowly met mine, and I saw the sadness behind them.
“It’s just going to take us a little time to get used to one another. Okay?”
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Before you leave, make a list of all your favorite foods and drinks so I never miss one again. I want this place to feel like home just like when you’re with Mom.”
“Sometimes, that doesn’t feel like home, either.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Why not?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Mom’s sad a lot.”
I pulled the eggs off the stove before I crouched down in front of my daughter.
“Mom’s sad?” I asked.
She sighed. “Yeah.”
“Hey, it’s okay. You can talk to me about anything. I want you to know that.”
“Okay.”
“Next time, I’ll have apple juice here. You leave me a note with all your favorite things, and I’ll make sure they’re stocked. Okay?” I asked.
She nodded. “Okay, Daddy.”
“Good. Now, let’s get the table set before—”
A knock came at the front door, and Macy’s eyes widened. She scrambled out of the kitchen and I looked back at my pancake. The bottom was beyond burnt. I heard Macy
rip the front door open as I slid the pancake into the trash can. I poured the very last of the batter into the frying pan and swirled it around, listening as Ari’s giggles filtered through the cabin.
“I smell something cooking in here,” she said.
I looked up and saw Macy tugging her mother into the kitchen.
“We made you breakfast for lunch. Your favorite, Mom.”
She smiled. “It smells great, too. Anything I can help with?”
I shook my head. “Nope. Got this last pancake cooking, then I’ll be ready to set the table.”
“I can help, if you—”
“I wanna show you what I got yesterday!” Macy exclaimed.
I winked at Ari as our daughter pulled her out of the kitchen. That gave me enough time to get everything on the table and have drinks poured for everyone by the time they got back. Macy talked her mother’s ear off about her new toys and her new clothes and the decorations I let her put up around the cabin, and the smile on Ari’s face seemed genuine.
Unless she’s faking it?
Mom used to fake it.
Macy’s words came back to me ‘Mom’s sad sometimes.’
“So, I take it you two had fun.”
I motioned for Ari to sit down. “We had a blast. Take a load off and have lunch with us. We’re just getting up and going ourselves.”
“Oh?”
Macy slid into her seat. “Yeah, we woke up late. We slept in, didn’t we, Daddy?”
I smiled. “Yes, we did, kiddo. Until ten thirty.”
Ari’s jaw dropped open. “She barely sleeps until seven-thirty for me.”
Macy giggled. “That’s because you put me to bed at seven.”
I pushed Ari’s chair in. “And we definitely stayed up until almost eleven last night.”
“But it was so much fun, Mom! We camped out and roasted marshmallows and watched movies on this little DVD player! And I got to sleep on a sleeping bag with Daddy all night and we told stories and the rain was really awesome and the lightning show was super cool.”
Daddy’s Secret Baby Page 15