Hate to Love You

by Carrie Davis

  I wanted to drag him back to the silly little motel and fall into bed again. I was still humming from his touch the night before and I wanted more.

  While Dexter made the final arrangements with the bar owner, I went to the drugstore and happily purchased protection and lube. I knew what I wanted, I knew what Dexter wanted, and tonight I didn’t want anything standing in our way. I actually hoped we would have some alone time before the bachelor party. Just thinking about Dexter naked and aroused sent blood rushing to my cock in eager anticipation.

  Smiling, I carried my selected items toward the checkout counter, but my smile faded and I felt my heart freeze when I rounded the corner and came face to face with my father.

  “Dad...”

  “Matthew.” He seemed genuinely surprised, but the surprise faded and his expression became chilled, especially when he saw the items clutched in my hands.

  For a moment, I felt about two inches tall. No one wants their father to come across them buying condoms, but I felt especially exposed and somewhat foolish, considering how my father felt about me and my sexual orientation.

  “You’re kidding me, right?” I was snapped from my thoughts by the harsh tone more than the words my father spoke.

  “Dad—”

  “Save it. It’s damn obvious that you and Dexter...” He waved a hand. “God, the two of you make me so damn sick! I should have known you’d turn out to be a fuckin’ fairy, but I can’t deny that Dex came as a real surprise, with his being a jock.”

  Was he really saying this? Here? Now? In the middle of a drugstore? People were around us. I knew my dad’s voice carried, but it seemed he didn’t care and, suddenly, I wondered exactly why I did. Why did I care what he said or who heard him say it? He was the one with the problem, not me, and I wasn’t going to allow this man—my father or not—to make me feel bad about myself.

  “You don’t know anything about me or about Dexter.”

  “I know enough.”

  “And what is that, exactly? Aside from the fact that we’re gay, what do you know? You don’t have a clue about the person I am, the person I’ve become, and you certainly don’t know anything about the man that Dexter is.” I faced him fully, meeting his eyes. “I’m done feeling bad about not being what you wanted your son to be, and I sure as hell am not about to apologize to you for being who I am. I really do not need your approval. I’ve done just fine without it.” Stepping around him, I placed my items on the counter, well aware that the clerk was hanging onto every word of the conversation I should have had with my father years ago.

  Turning as the clerk began ringing up the items, I faced my father one last time. “You know, you’re so ashamed of me, but has it occurred to you that maybe I’m ashamed to have to call such a closed-minded bigot my father?”

  He said nothing to that. I hadn’t expected him to. He simply turned away, and I paid the clerk and quickly left the store.

  Hardly the ideal encounter, but I had said what I needed to say and I felt better, like a weight had been lifted from me.

  I really was putting the past to rest, once and for all.

  Walking back to Dexter’s car, I found him waiting for me, and I smiled when I saw him.

  Not caring who might be watching or what they might think, I didn’t hesitate to walk into his open arms and accept his kiss.

  When we finally broke apart, I smiled. “I just had a run in with my father.”

  “Matthew—”

  “It’s fine. I mean, it wasn’t pleasant, but I said what I needed to say.”

  “And?”

  “And I think you should take me back to the motel now.” I held up the bag from the drugstore.

  “Have something in mind?” His eyes danced with desire and I nodded, loving the way his arms felt around me.

  “Several things.”

  “In that case...” He opened the car door for me, and I laughed, sliding inside, deciding to throw all caution to the wind.

  I wanted this.

  I wanted this man, regardless of what the future held. I wanted Dexter in whatever way I could have him, for as long as I could have him.

  It took us roughly ten minutes to get back to the motel. Once we were inside with the door closed and locked, we fell into each other’s arms.

  I was exactly where I wanted to be.

  Bag tossed onto the bed, we stripped each other quickly, teasing and kissing. I had never felt so free with a lover. I didn’t feel the need to hold back. My reactions were honest. I wanted Dexter to know I wanted him. He was everything I had ever wanted in a lover. The man was the personification of sex and sensuality. The sounds he made, the strength of his hands, the aggressive thrust of his tongue in my mouth had me clinging tightly to him and begging for more.

  Tangled together, we fell eagerly onto the bed, and I arched against Dexter, loving the weight of his warm, wonderful, body covering mine, enveloping me, surrounding me with heat and strength that fueled my desire.

  I poured everything I felt into our kisses. His mouth was amazing. The way he kissed seemed to consume me completely, and I whimpered with unabashed need when he captured my wrists with his hands, holding my arms pinned effectively over my head.

  “Feel how much I want you.” Dexter pressed against me and I gasped.

  “Dex—”

  “Gonna fuck you, baby.” Still holding my arms in place, his lips attacked my neck and I cried out, begging for more.

  “Please, Dex, please…want you so badly...”

  “I want you, too. Have for so long. Need you so bad.”

  I shivered in delight when his teeth sank into my shoulder, just hard enough to cause a sting that sent an electric jolt right to my cock.

  “You’re so freakin’ perfect. Never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”

  It was intoxicating, the words he said, the way he touched me; everything seemed raw and powerful and I loved it. I didn’t want the feeling to ever end as Dexter kissed me again, and I happily devoured his mouth, wanting him so badly I was afraid I would never again be complete without this amazing man.

  I tugged my hands free, needing desperately to touch Dexter. I loved the feel of him, his skin, his hair, his lips.

  With each touch, the need became more and more intense. It was a sensual haze of incredible sensations that only intensified at the feel of Dexter slipping a hand between my legs, touching his slick fingers to my already aching opening.

  “Dex—”

  “Relax, baby.”

  “Need you so much...” It was exhilarating, and I eagerly opened my legs, making what I wanted undeniably clear.

  Nothing could have prepared me for how perfect it felt, his fingers easing inside of me.

  Stretching me.

  Filling me.

  My back arched again, hips thrusting, begging. I felt like my entire life had been leading me to this very moment.

  I knew in that instant that this one moment wouldn’t be enough.

  I wanted forever.

  ***

  Leaving the motel room––leaving the bed––to attend Alex’s bachelor party wasn’t high on the “want to do list” but it was something we couldn’t avoid.

  As the best man, Dexter had to be there, and I figured as brother of the bride I needed to make an appearance.

  I knew my father had received an invitation, but I didn’t expect him to show. It wasn’t really his scene and he wouldn’t want to face seeing me. And I doubted he was eager for an encounter with Alex. I had seen Alex’s reaction to how our father had spoken to Amanda during the disastrous dinner. I had to admit, I was thoroughly impressed with his protective instincts and I felt certain he would be good to my little sister.

  Still, when we arrived at the party, I sort of lingered in the background. I didn’t know a lot of people and, admittedly, I felt a little out of place.

  But Dexter was there.

  It amazed me, how quickly things had changed; I had always had a crush on him, but I had never
expected him to feel anything for me. I certainly hadn’t come home expecting that we would fall into bed together, and I knew that for me it was about more than sex. A lot more. I was falling for Dexter. Hell, I was past falling. The man was in my heart, he was everything I could possibly want, in a lover and a friend, and I strongly suspected that Dexter’s feelings mirrored mine.

  The way he touched me, the way he held me; it was more than lust, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me or how he wanted to proceed. I had a life in New York. He had a life in Charlotte. I had no idea if we could make a long distance relationship work or if we should try. I only knew what I felt and what I suspected Dexter felt, but I wasn’t certain how to start a conversation about a possible future for us.

  I decided to put the questions from my mind for the night.

  The party was in full swing by the time the stripper arrived, and once she began her number, Dexter found me perched at the bar.

  Grinning, he grabbed my hand, and I wordlessly followed him down a semi-darkened hall, wondering what exactly he intended.

  I soon found out when he opened the door to what was obviously an unused storage closet. I laughed when he pushed me inside, flipping the wall switch and turning on the overhead light.

  “Dex, what on earth are we doing?” I couldn’t help but laugh as he pressed me against the wall, his hands resting on my waist.

  “Stealing a few minutes for ourselves.” His lips went to my neck and I shivered, tilting my head to the side to allow him access. “Did you really think I could keep my hands off you?” His breath felt so wonderfully warm against my skin, it made me shiver again. I looped my arms around his shoulders to hold on tight.

  “Dex—”

  “Don’t worry. No one will find us in here.”

  Before I could protest, he kissed me and I melted into him, needing him, eagerly accepting the thrust of his tongue into my mouth.

  Needing more, I slipped one hand beneath his shirt, fingers instantly moving to tease a nipple until he gasped, grinding his hips against mine.

  “God, Matthew...” I loved it when his voice was rough with passion.

  “How long before we can get out of here?”

  “Another half hour. Not a second more, baby.”

  “Good, ’cause I really want to feel you inside of me again.” His lips brushed over mine, before he pulled back and looked at me, and I could see something serious reflected in his eyes. “Matthew...”

  “What is it?” I prompted, when he trailed off.

  “What would you say if I told you I don’t want this thing between us to be a fling?”

  “Dex—”

  “I know it seems sudden, but I know what I feel for you and I know there is something really amazing between us.”

  “Something lasting,” I whispered, and he nodded.

  “I know it’s a risk, and I know if we try and make this work, it will require some adjustments by both of us, but I’m willing to do whatever necessary, if you are.” It was obvious he was nervous; the way the words spilled from him made that clear, but it was wonderfully endearing, and I think it made me love him even more.

  “It is sudden, Dex, I’ll grant you that, but nothing in my life has ever felt as right as this.”

  “You mean it?”

  “Whatever adjustments we have to make...” I shook my head. “I want this. I want us.” More than I had ever wanted anything. The past with its resentments and insecurities suddenly seemed so very meaningless. This moment, this man, and what we felt for each other was all that really mattered, all that would ever matter.

  Reassured, having heard the answer he needed, Dexter swept me in his arms again. His kiss was instantly hot and hungry, brimming with desperate emotion. It was a kiss that seemingly sealed the bond between us.

  When Dexter pulled back, he buried his face in my neck. “I love you, Matthew.” His voice was muffled, but I heard the words clearly.

  The words I had always longed to hear.

  The only thing sweeter than hearing those words?

  Being able to say them back.

  Dexter

  The wedding went off without a hitch—much to my relief—and Amanda made a beautiful bride. The love she and Alex felt for each other was obvious, and by some great miracle Raymond managed to behave in an appropriate manner.

  He didn’t speak to me or Matthew directly, but he hadn’t insulted us either, so I considered his silence a blessing.

  I really didn’t care what the man thought about me, and after their encounter in the drugstore, I knew Matthew had come to terms with his father’s issues. He finally understood that Raymond was ignorant and he couldn’t see past his bigoted views. It was sad, but there was nothing anyone could do, and as long as Matthew was at peace, I was fine.

  We had made a lot of progress in a few days. We had decided we would work our relationship long distance for three months, and after that we would reevaluate what to do next, but I had already made it clear I had no problem moving to New York. I could easily get a job there. Hell, I suspected that I would start looking for a job before the three months passed. I wanted Matthew, I loved him, and I didn’t want to waste time starting our life together.

  I hadn’t had a chance to discuss it with Amanda, but I suspected she knew something serious was going on between me and Matthew.

  I had no doubt she would be happy for us.

  The reception went as smoothly as the wedding. Amanda and Alex made a beautiful couple and Raymond actually danced with his wife. I was tempted to drag Matthew onto the dance floor, but I decided against it. I didn’t want to push our luck around Raymond. I did, however, pull him into the coatroom after dinner, and he laughed, his beautiful blue eyes dancing with love and desire.

  “Dex, there is no chance in Hell we are having sex in here.”

  “Oh, come on.” I mock pouted. “If we’re really, really quiet—”

  “As if that’s possible!”

  “Fine. But as soon as Alex and Amanda take off, we’re out of here.”

  “No argument from me.” He pressed against me, allowing me to feel his arousal, and I moaned, wanting him even more. “By the way, I called this morning and I pushed my flight back a few days, so if you’re not in a hurry to get back to Charlotte...”

  “Or you could come to Charlotte with me, for a while.” It was an idea I loved. “We can get out of that ugly little motel and I can get you where I really want you.”

  “And where is that?”

  “In my bed.”

  “Hmmm...” He pretended to consider it, and I pinched his ass, causing him to yelp in surprise as I laughed.

  “If we leave as soon as Amanda and Alex get out of here, we can be at my place in a few hours.”

  “I don’t know if I can keep my hands off you that long.”

  My cock jumped at that, and, quite frankly, I wondered if I could go a few hours without feeling his hands on me.

  And feeling my hands on him.

  God, but I wanted this man now and forever, and judging from the path we were on, it seemed that I just might get what I wanted.

  Dropping my lips to his mouth, I kissed him, gently and slowly, allowing everything I felt to flow into the kiss.

  Against all odds, my dream had come true. Matthew loved me, he wanted me, and I already knew—in my heart and soul—that we would be together forever.

  “Maybe we can make a few pit stops between here and Charlotte,” Matthew suggested, with a classic smile.

  “I think I could go for that.”

  “Good.” He stroked a hand through my hair. “Now, as much as I hate it—”

  “We need to get back to the reception.” I sighed dramatically. “But once I get you alone, I plan to have my very wicked way with you.”

  “Promise?”

  “Count on it, baby.”

  To my delight, he kissed me again, melting into my arms, and I knew again, with utter certainty, that in three months—if not sooner—I would be
happily moving to New York, because with Matthew was where I wanted to be.

  Always.

  Sometimes, dreams do come true.

  If you enjoyed this book, please return to the online retailer where you made your purchase and leave a review. Even a few words can mean the world to an author.

  Watch for Baby Makes Three, Book Two in the Epic Love Series

  Coming Soon!

  Excerpt

  Baby Makes Three

  First comes love, then comes...two men and a baby carriage?

  Three years after making their dreams come true, Matthew and Dexter are happily married and living in New York. But just as they're about to embark on a special weekend, their world turns upside down when Matthew's sister and her husband are killed in a horrific accident.

  Now the legal guardians of Matthew's nine-month-old niece, the changes in their lives are hard enough, but if Dexter and Matthew want to move forward as a family, they’ll need to learn to deal with old pain, fresh grief, and new responsibilities.

  Dexter

  I stepped into the apartment at fifteen minutes to five, loaded down with groceries and ready for the weekend ahead. Me and Matthew, no work issues, no phones. His high school’s glorious production of A Streetcar Named Desire had closed the weekend before, after a successful run, and director/producer extraordinaire, Matthew McKenna, deserved a chance to chill out and unwind.

  Naked.

  Totally naked… Oh yes, we were having a not-a-stitch-of-clothing-allowed weekend, and I had purposely purchased all of my baby’s favorite foods, including chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and cherries, which most certainly wouldn’t be used to adorn anything as mundane as ice cream. Oh no. Chocolate covered Matthew was what I had in mind, thank you very much. This weekend would be about me and my baby, and frankly, it was time we needed. We had been working so much, me at the New Haven Sports Injury Clinic and Matthew in school. It was hardly the second honeymoon I was ready to take, but Matthew felt we should wait at least a full year after our commitment ceremony and first honeymoon before indulging in a second.