Her scorn was deserved, yet I felt the need to defend myself. To prove her wrong, even if only in part. Because she was right—I had been an asshole to her. But in my defense, I’d been upset after my conversation with Mark and Liam. Still, I shouldn’t have taken it out on her. She didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. No one did. I wasn’t a bully, and I sure as hell didn’t want to end up like my father.
I scrubbed my hand over my head, the short hairs bristling against my skin. In a way, it was comforting as I debated what to say to her. How to apologize.
Dear Olivia, I typed. I figured that using her name might be a good place to start.
Thank you for your latest missive. It was…enlightening, to say the least. I owe you an apology. Though it’s no excuse for my treatment of you, I’d had a difficult day. A difficult month.
I couldn’t believe I was going to confess all of that to her, but I figured I may as well lay it all on the line. I’d enjoyed the book, and I wanted to talk to her.
So, if you’re amenable, I continued typing. I’d like a do-over.
Sincerely,
Connor
PS: Can you believe Tracey nearly died in that snowstorm? That would’ve been evil.
I read it again, let out a deep sigh, and hit send. Considering how late it was, I wasn’t expecting a response anytime soon, if ever. I’d been a jerk to her, but she’d earned my respect by standing up to me. It was as if I’d been testing her without realizing it, and she’d passed. I only hoped she’d give me another chance.
I reclined on the bed, feeling restless. I couldn’t go for a run thanks to my injury. I’d already read the one book I had. And…I didn’t quite know what to do with myself.
My phone buzzed with a new email, and I reached out for it. When I saw it was from Olivia, my smile split my face. I raced to open it.
Dear Connor,
I think our emails must have gotten mixed up. Did your evil twin, Coleman, respond the first time? If so, I totally understand. My evil twin, Olga, clearly hijacked my email (and perhaps my brain too) recently. And for that, I do apologize. Olga can be a real bitch, especially when she’s hungry.
Best,
Olivia
PS: OMG. Right? But it was a masterful stroke by the author, one which lent itself perfectly to the scene in the cave that followed.
I laughed aloud as I reread her email a second time. She was funny. But then I remembered that steamy scene in the cave she’d referenced, and I felt myself getting excited for an entirely different reason.
I’d never read a book with sex in it, at least not one like that. I’d never realized how erotic a book could be, and I was surprised by how hard it had made me. I wondered if it had turned her on. If she liked reading those types of scenes.
I hit “Reply,” quickly tapping out my response on the keyboard.
Olivia,
Looks like you’re a night owl too. Do you have any other books you could recommend? I’m feeling a bit…restless.
Connor
I stared at the screen, the light casting a glow about my bedroom as I anxiously awaited her response. And then my phone hummed that satisfying buzz that told me there was a new email.
Connor,
Do I have another book for you? *Rubs hands together and lets out an evil cackle.*
You can’t handle the number of books I have for you.
What kind of books are you interested in? More like Alone in Alaska, or something else? How adventurous are you when it comes to trying new things?
You mentioned having a bad day, a bad month. What happened? If you aren’t permitted to talk about it, I understand.
Olivia
I let out a deep sigh, debating how much to tell her. As much as I liked that she didn’t know about my injury, I hadn’t really opened up to anyone about it. I was so focused on trying to maintain this front that I was strong—mentally and physically. That I was more than fit to return to duty, but even I’d begun to have my doubts.
It wasn’t just Mark’s comments or the fact that everyone at Cole Security was up my ass about the last mission. It wasn’t even the ache in my knee. It was the weariness in my soul. I’d been so focused on getting back into the field, but what if I wasn’t up to it?
I’d allowed my personal issues to cloud my judgment. I’d crossed so many lines, I was lucky I hadn’t been fired. What if I wasn’t so fortunate the next time? What if I fucked up again, and something happened to one of my men because of it?
Olivia,
It’s a long story, but basically, I was injured while on a mission.
I typed it out then deleted it. Typed it out again, then deleted it again. Did she really want to know, or was she just asking to be polite? Considering her earlier candor, I assumed she genuinely cared. I figured I owed her some sort of explanation.
I busted my knee, and it’s taking longer than I want to recover.
That’s right—you’re a bookworm. How do you have so much time to read? Are you a librarian? A retired nurse?
I am very adventurous when it comes to trying new things. I’ll let you infer from that what you will.
Connor
Her response came so quickly, it was almost as if we were instant messaging. And for a brief moment, I wished we were. Or better yet, talking on the phone or video. I kicked myself for being so resistant to the pen pal program I’d mocked. Because now that we’d started talking, I craved more.
Connor,
I’m sorry about your knee. Injuries are no fun. I hope it gets better soon!
I work in the publishing industry.
What should we read next? A thriller? Romantic suspense? Science fiction?
Olivia
Hmm. I stared at the screen, trying to read between the lines. Her responses only left me with more questions than answers. Was she purposely evading my questions about her job? I’d hoped that my subtle way of asking would also give me insight on her age. Most women loved talking about themselves, but Olivia seemed to be the exception. Which only made me even more determined to get to know her.
I fired off my response and tucked my arm beneath my head, rereading our emails until I finally fell asleep. It was the first time in weeks I’d fallen asleep thinking about something other than my knee or the fucked-up mission.
Chapter Five
Olivia
“Somebody’s in a good mood today,” Alyssa said as we packed up our stuff after yet another Monday morning meeting.
God, sometimes it felt like all we did was have meetings. And half of the issues we discussed could’ve easily been handled with a simple email.
I lifted a shoulder and headed down the hall toward my cubicle. “No more than usual.”
I could feel her eyes on me, watching me as I set down my things. “Nope. You’re definitely in a good mood. Did you figure out some way to magically unsend your email to your sexy SEAL or something?”
I couldn’t believe how much had happened in the past two weeks. While Alyssa had been traveling for book signings, Connor and I had continued emailing—and not just about the books we read.
I couldn’t hold back my smile at the mention of his name. “Nope.”
She narrowed her eyes at me from where she sat. “Okay.” She dragged out the word. “What gives?”
“He’s not my sexy SEAL.” I rolled my eyes, though the image had me clenching my thighs. I didn’t even know what he looked like, but I got excited every time my phone buzzed with a new email. “But things are going better with Connor.”
“I’ll say.” She grinned. “The fact that you’re no longer referring to him as ‘the asshole’ is a pretty good indication. So…” She crossed her legs as if settling in for a long story. “What happened?”
“Well…” I took a deep breath, still trying to make sense of it all. Still trying to reconcile how we’d gone from name-calling to…whatever this was. “He apologized, and so did I. And then we’ve sent so many emails back and forth, I’ve lost count.”
<
br /> “Nice.”
“Yeah. It was really nice. He’s been nothing but a gentleman since.”
“Mm-hmm.” She crossed her arms over her chest. I knew that look—it meant she was scheming.
This was part of the reason I hadn’t rushed to tell her. That, and she’d been out of town for book signings in Rome, London, then Edinburgh. Her Instagram feed was filled with pictures of her and some of our authors, attending parties, drinking. It made me even more thankful I was in fiction, not romance. I was so not that social.
“What?” I asked when she continued to look at me.
“No flirting?”
I thought back on the emails. “No. At least, I don’t think so.”
She held out her hand expectantly. “Give me the phone.”
“What?” I jerked my head back. “Why?”
“Because I would bet good money that he’s flirting with you.”
“Nah.” I shook my head. “We’re just friends.”
He wasn’t flirting with me, was he? And was it wrong that I secretly wished that were the case?
Was it possible to be attracted to someone without ever meeting them? Because I was attracted to him. Despite our combative initial exchange, he really had been very nice. He was well-spoken, smart, and funny. He made me laugh. He helped me let down my guard.
And despite his initial resistance to reading, he seemed to love it. He’d devoured every book I’d sent to his Kindle. Since he devoured the books faster than I could mail them, we’d decided to switch to e-books. We’d had a lively debate about the characters and their motivations, the authors, and more. I’d never had such deep conversations, especially not with someone I’d never met.
Alyssa grabbed my phone while I wasn’t paying attention. And the longer she stared at the screen, the wider her smile stretched. Until finally, she squealed. “Oh my god. He’s totally flirting with you.”
Her words sent a secret thrill through me, but I quickly shut it down. What did I even know about this guy? He could be fifty years old, married with kids. And he knew nothing about me. Yet that pull was there—that feeling in my gut that told me I wanted there to be something more.
“And you totally flirted back. Way to go!” She nudged me but continued to read. “And he wants to read a romance novel? Dude,” she said, stretching out the word.
“What?” I yanked the phone from her hand, my eyes quickly scanning the screen.
He wanted to read a romance novel and discuss it? Over the phone? I gulped. While the novels we’d read had certainly contained sensual, even steamy, scenes, none were strictly romance novels. They were more action and adventure with a side of romance.
“Do it. Do it. Do it!” Alyssa said. “He has the hots for you.”
“He does?” I tilted my head to the side, wondering what I was missing. We’d discussed books, though there had been some personal conversation interspersed.
“Yes. And I have the perfect book for you.”
“You do?” My mind was elsewhere, imagining what Connor might look like, sound like, especially as he read a steamy scene in a romance novel.
“Of course,” she scoffed, snapping me out of my daydream. “You have to have him read Insatiable by Meghan Hart.”
“Yeah?” I answered absent-mindedly.
She nodded. “Trust me. Her books are sexy but tasteful. She’s actually from my hometown.”
“Fall Creek?” I asked.
“Yeah. So…are you going to do it?
“I don’t know. I mean, do you really think this is a good idea?”
“I think it’s a great idea. And I can’t wait to hear what he thinks of it. I also—” She leaned forward. “Think you should take him up on his proposal. Give him your number.”
“What?” I shouted, but then I clapped my hands over my mouth as if that could take it back. “I mean, are you crazy?”
I could think of a million reasons why talking on the phone with Connor was a terrible idea. For one, I felt comfortable with him; I liked him. And I didn’t want to ruin that. Also…I could revise my emails, not so much with a conversation over the phone where I’d be on the spot to be witty and sexy and whatever else.
But it was more than that. I was almost positive he didn’t live in LA, which meant this could never amount to anything more than phone calls or emails. I wasn’t interested in long-distance. I’d seen what it had done to my parents’ relationship. My mother was often busy acting, and my father had traveled a lot for games and other engagements. Their competing schedules made it difficult for them to connect. And in the end, it had been what drove them apart.
“Aren’t you curious?” she asked, and I shook my head. “Not at all?”
“No.” Liar.
“Come on. Live a little. If you can jump out of a plane, you can chat with a guy on the phone.” She grinned.
“I don’t know,” I hedged, despite the fact that it was tempting. I was undeniably curious about Connor. “That’s not within the parameters of the program.”
“So? It’s a pilot program anyway. And you’re the one spearheading it.”
“Yeah, but you know we’re only supposed to communicate through the designated messaging system.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a goody-two-shoes.”
I scowled, even though I knew she was right. I was a rule-follower through and through. But I was tempted to break the rules for Connor. And that idea both scared and excited me.
“What if it’s awkward?” I whispered.
She rolled her eyes. “Are your email exchanges awkward?”
“No, but—”
She cut me off before I could finish and said, “Just trust me, Olivia,” with an exasperated sigh.
“Fine.” I spun so I was facing my computer once more. “I’ll send him the book, but I’m not agreeing to a phone call.” You know you want to, a little voice whispered in the back of my head, but I told it to shush.
“Always so predictable,” Alyssa sighed. I knew she was goading me, but it wasn’t going to work.
“Nice try.” I smirked, typing out my reply to his latest email.
I was about to hit “Send” when Seth peeked his head inside the opening to my cubicle. Alyssa leaped out of her chair. “See you later, Olivia. Thanks for looking over that packet for me.”
I nodded, dreading this conversation. I assumed he was here to ask me about my dad’s memoir. I also assumed that was a big part of the reason he’d been such a strong advocate for my Spines for Soldiers idea. I hoped I was wrong on both accounts.
“Hey, Seth.” I kept my body angled toward the computer, typing out a business email, as if that would deter him from staying.
“Olivia.” He took a seat in the chair Alyssa had just vacated. “I wanted to check in with you. See how things are going.”
“They’re great.” I brightened, turning to face him. “Everyone seems to be enjoying the Spines for Soldiers program.”
“Excellent.” He rubbed his hands together. “Have you, uh, had a chance to speak to your father?”
I shook my head. “He’s been out of town for business, and there hasn’t been a good opportunity.” It was sort of true. But why couldn’t I just rip off the Band-Aid and tell him it wasn’t going to happen?
He nodded. “Sure. I understand. But we’re really hoping to get the ball rolling on this before football season. Which means that something would need to be decided in the next two weeks.”
“Of course,” I said, not entirely sure how to respond. It felt like I was walking a tightrope. And I didn’t like that he’d put me in this position—making me feel like my job was conditional on my dad’s cooperation.
“You know—” He lowered his voice, resting his elbows on his knees. “Rumor has it one of the senior marketing positions will be opening up soon. If you play your cards right, the job could be yours.”
I forced a smile because his statement had only confirmed my fears—the reason I was even being considered was b
ecause of my connections. “Thank you, Seth. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Please do.” He held my gaze a moment then stood. “You’d be competing against Nicole, of course. And while she’s had some great ideas in the past, securing a biography of someone like Harrison Hayes would certainly go a long way in showing commitment to Igloo and the type of go-getter attitude that we look for.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
I clenched my hands beneath my desk but merely nodded. I wasn’t sure which I was more pissed about—the mention of “Nicole’s” ideas or the way he was pushing me to talk to my dad. Everything about it made me cringe. My job was in marketing fiction, not biographies, and certainly not acquisitions.
“Oh, and Olivia—” he said, just when I’d thought he was done. He gripped the wall of the cubicle. “Your annual review is coming up. I’m going to need you to compile a list of the things you’ve done this past year.” The longer he talked, the angrier I grew.
“Of course,” I said, having already anticipated this. I kept a running list throughout the year.
Once Seth was gone, I sagged in my chair. This had been an issue in the past with guys I’d dated, but never with my work. I folded my arms on the desk and cradled my head in my hands. I needed to find a new job. And maybe change my name so this wouldn’t happen again.
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