Forgiven

by Garrett Leigh

  “Is that why you went? To be healed?”

  “You know why I went.”

  “No, I know what you say. That’s not the same thing.” I stepped away from him and folded my arms. “Do you ever wonder if we’re too broken to put back together?”

  “Individually or apart?”

  “Both.”

  Helplessness brought Luke’s eyes back to life. He started to speak, but a revving car engine cut him off. “What the fuck?”

  He turned his back on me and peered out the window.

  “It’s just a car,” I snapped.

  He ignored me, stretching at an impossible angle to stare at who-the-hell-knew what, muttering something I couldn’t quite decipher.

  Car tyres squealed, and suddenly he was pushing past me to get to the back door.

  He dashed out of the house, barefoot and shirtless, and disappeared into the night. Bemused, I followed, but I had no hope of catching him.

  In the distance, a black car spun around at the end of the quiet cul-de-sac and gunned its engine, headlights flashing bright and illuminating Luke standing in the middle of the road. Tyres squealed again, and the car lurched forward, speeding down the street towards him, showing no sign of stopping.

  Panic surged through me. I set off running. “Luke! Get out of the way.”

  But he didn’t budge, or acknowledge he’d heard me. Just stood there, like he was waiting to be hit.

  My feet pounded the pavement, stones cutting into my bare feet. “Luke!” I screamed again. “For God’s sake, move!”

  He glanced over his shoulder, the roar of the car engine deafening as it hurtled towards him, and the look on his face stopped me dead. He doesn’t care if it hits him. I didn’t know Luke as well as I wanted to anymore, but that split second, I’d never been more certain of anything. Please God, no.

  I braced myself for the impact of the car, for the crunch of metal on bone. A silent scream formed in my throat, but at the last possible moment, Luke broke my gaze, turned back to the car, and calmly stepped out of its way.

  The car sped past and peeled out of the junction. Luke watched it go, then walked casually over to me like nothing had happened.

  I thumped his arm. “What the fuck was that?”

  He glanced at his arm, and then at me, his expression hard. “Why don’t you tell me?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Luke

  When it became clear Mia wasn’t going to answer me, I strode past her and back to the house.

  She followed, and whacked me again, harder this time, until I reached back and caught her hands.

  I dragged her into the house and slammed the door. Then I released her and braced myself for her to come at me again.

  She didn’t. Her eyes were fierce in the darkness, but her fury was marred by confusion and something else. “Why did you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Just stand there and wait for that car to hit you.”

  I laughed. Couldn’t help it. “That’s what you think I was doing?”

  “You didn’t move.”

  “Yes, I did. Or I’d be roadkill right now. The question is, why? And actually, who? Because that car has been everywhere you and I have been together since the night of the gala, and I’m pretty sure it’s no one I know.”

  Mia frowned, bewilderment twisting her beautiful face. “I don’t understand.”

  “Don’t you?”

  “No!” she shouted. “All I know is that you just stood there and didn’t seem to care if that lunatic mowed you down.”

  Her words scraped a nerve, but my mental health was the last thing on my mind. I stepped towards her, ignoring the lance of pain when she flinched. “The point is, that some nutter in a car wanted to mow me down, not that I didn’t get out of the way according to your schedule. Who is it?”

  Realisation finally seemed to dawn on her. The fight in her eyes faded a touch, and she shook her head. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen that car before.”

  “Well, I have. It was outside the town hall the night of the gala, and in Gus’s street three times this week. I even saw it outside the gym when we went on Thursday.”

  And what a mistake that had been. At the time I’d been of the ludicrous opinion that whatever sexual relationship we’d rebuilt was something I’d be able to walk away from, but seeing Mia in the gym again, her curved thighs and slender arms pushing weights like a pro, had just about finished me off.

  I’d fucked her every day since.

  Mia sucked in a shaky breath, bringing me back to the present. “I haven’t seen it. Who was driving? A man? A woman?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “It’s been dark whenever I’ve been close enough to see through the windscreen. Do you think it’s your ex? And don’t even think about deflecting me on this. I know there’s more than you’ve told me.”

  She flushed, and I knew I’d hit a mark. Mia was a bad liar. We both were. “I don’t know for sure if it’s him,” she said. “But there’s someone doing...stuff.”

  “Stuff? Like what?”

  “The break-in at the shop, weird things in the post. Gus’s back fence got broken too, but that might’ve been the wind.”

  “What wind? We haven’t had any gales.”

  “Don’t do that.”

  “What?”

  “Jump on me. I’m freaked out enough, okay?”

  I closed the distance between us but didn’t touch her. Couldn’t while my brain was whirling a thousand miles an hour. “What did the police say?”

  “What?”

  “The police. Don’t tell me you haven’t reported this shit?”

  The look on her face said it all, and frustration sluiced through me. “Are you fucking serious? Some wacko is stalking you and you haven’t gone to the police?”

  “What would I tell them?” she snapped, sharp, like a whip. “That I got an empty envelope sent to me? They already know about the break-in.”

  “So tell them the rest,” I countered. “I don’t get why you’re so fucking complacent about this?”

  “Complacent?” Mia’s voice rose again. “Are you for real? And what the hell do you care, anyway? It’s none of your damn business.”

  Another dead laugh escaped me. “That’s what you’re going with?”

  “That’s what I’ve always been going with. You don’t get to do this—you don’t get to act like you love me one minute, shut me out the next, then act surprised when I don’t believe you give a shit. It’s not like you’ve been around the last decade to worry about who’s lurking outside my house, is it?”

  “This has got nothing to do with that.”

  “It has everything to do with that! Don’t you get it? Laurent could set me on fire and he’d never hurt me as much as you did. You left me without a word. I came to your house and you were gone. Do you have any idea how that felt? I loved you, you fucking bastard, and you left me, so you don’t get to play hero now.”

  She pushed past me and stormed to the stairs, thumping up them until I heard her wrench my bedroom door open. I turned to follow her, but she was back in a flash, dressed, bag in her hand, her face a riot of hurt and fury.

  “Mia—”

  “Don’t,” she spat. “I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking or feeling, but that’s the problem, isn’t it? I never have. And now you think you dictate my life to me when you can’t even admit to my face that you loved me back then as much as I loved you. Do you think a belated scrap of paper dropped on my doorstep makes up for that? Do you think there’s anything either of us can do to end this bullshit between us?”

  If I had an answer, she wasn’t waiting for it. She blew past me to the back door and slammed through it before I’d taken a breath.

  Her car roared a few seconds later, and she was gone.

&
nbsp; * * *

  Luke: tell me your sister got home safe last night?

  Gus: she did. why u asking me that?

  Luke: just checking

  Quadruple checking more like. I knew Mia had made it home because I’d chased her there in the van and watched her go inside. Then I’d loitered outside like a weirdo for an hour to make sure no one else was doing the same, so it came as a surprise to absolutely no one that another day had dawned with me tired and pissed off.

  At work, Gus gave me a wide berth until lunchtime rolled around. Apparently hunger made him reckless. “What did you do?”

  I passed him a sandwich from the bakery without sparing him a glance or an answer. I figured the doorstep butty would buy me some time.

  It didn’t.

  Gus elbowed me. “Come on, man. She was still kicking the shit out of my house when she got up this morning, so I know it’s bad.”

  “What makes you think it’s my fault?”

  “I don’t. I’m asking what you did to make her think it was.”

  It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so fucking ridiculous. And dangerous. I popped the tab on my Red Bull and scanned the high street, eyes drawn automatically to Wild Amour, and then to the parked cars lining the road, scanning each one. The black car from last night wasn’t there, but that didn’t make me feel any better. “It was actually both of us. I jumped on her about something and she gave me some home truths I deserved.”

  “You cleared the air then?”

  “Nope. Just chucked more mud around.”

  “You two are ridiculous.”

  The echo of my own thoughts forced a grim smile from me. We were ridiculous, and there was something comforting about it. Familiar. I’d dreamed of Mia yelling at me for years, and somehow it was easier to take than the obvious concern that had come before it. I loved her, but I didn’t want her to love me back. Couldn’t bear it, because I wouldn’t survive losing her again.

  “I saw your mum this morning.” Gus broke the heavy silence between us. “I didn’t realise she was back.”

  “A few days ago,” I said. “Billy’s still in hospital, and he’s having more surgery soon, but he doesn’t want us there, so she came home.”

  “Is she okay?”

  I shrugged. “She’s worried about the surgery. He had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic the first time.”

  “But they know that now, right? So they’ll use different drugs?”

  I studied Gus, trying to gauge if he was asking out of concern for Billy, or me, or both. “Yeah. They have a plan. It’s hard for us not to be there for him, but I reckon I kind of deserve it. Fran not so much, but that’s between them.”

  Gus sighed. “Mate, your family’s as fucked up as mine.”

  “Yup.”

  Gus ate his lunch in silence while I continued to scan the street. When he was done, we exchanged a look, and he nodded before sliding out of the van and jogging across the road.

  He slipped down the back of Mia’s shop. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, nerves stretched tight until he reappeared a few minutes later.

  “She’s fine,” he said. “Still in a piss with you, mind.”

  I expected nothing less. “She’s okay, though? Nothing’s happened at the shop today?”

  Gus’s expression hardened. “Like what? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  I filled him in on the details from last night that didn’t involve me stripping his sister’s clothes, laying her face down on my bed, and fucking her until she ripped a hole in my pillowcase.

  He let out a low whistle. “You’re sure it’s the same car?”

  “Positive. I’m pretty hot on vehicle recognition. You learn pretty fast when you let the wrong helicopter land on your ship.”

  “You’ll have to tell me about that one day.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Gus sighed. “I know the copper who took the break-in report. I can tell him everything you told me, but he can’t do shit unless you or her, preferably both, report it.”

  “How do you know this copper? Didn’t bone him as well, did you?”

  Gus’s lips twitched. “Maybe.”

  I wanted to rib him more, but Gus’s sex life was the least of my concerns. “I don’t think she took me seriously, which was probably my fault. We had other stuff going on at the time.”

  “Dare I ask what?”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “No, of course not. And judging by her mood, I’m guessing it’s not a quick fix, so I’m the lucky one who gets to talk to her about this.”

  “Sorry, man.”

  “Aren’t you always?”

  I couldn’t tell if he was taking the piss, or fed up with my bullshit for real, so we went back to work and didn’t talk about it for the rest of the day. He didn’t mention it when I let him go early, and I headed home with a bundle of nervous energy in my gut.

  Fuck it. I hit the gym, pretty sure Mia wouldn’t be there as she worked late on Fridays to prep for her wedding bookings. And I got lucky, the place quiet, save a few bodybuilder goons getting their disco pump on.

  I hit the weights hard, blasting metal music to drown out the grunts and groans coming from the other benches. My mind emptied of everything but the push and pull of lifting, and for a blissful hour, I was calm.

  It didn’t last, though. I emerged from the gym to find the van had three flat tyres, all caused by ugly slashes too vicious to have been an accident.

  Disquiet burned in my chest as I stared at the damage. A stiff breeze cooled the gym sweat on my skin, and the creeping sensation of unwelcome eyes on me was horribly familiar.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Mia

  Roses, roses, roses. One day I’d get sick of the smell clinging to my fingers, saturating the air I breathed, and being the central theme to ninety percent of my work, but that day wasn’t today. The shop was stuffed with pink and white blooms, my orders were full, and despite the last twenty-four hours, I felt at peace.

  The day passed in a flash, and by the time evening rolled around, I was only halfway through my working day. I locked the doors, put the radio on, and poured myself a weak white wine spritzer to help me tackle the mountain of wedding prep I had ahead of me.

  I blitzed through the buttonholes first, then the flower girl crowns, and the bridesmaid’s bouquets. When they were done, I took them out to the refrigerated vintage van I’d finally got round to buying after weeks of angsting over the cost. It was old, with glass panels on the back doors, but I’d hidden most of the scuffed paintwork with the shop logos and advertising, and it was probably my favourite thing in my life right now.

  Despondency threatened the work buzz keeping me going, but I shoved all thoughts of Luke aside. I didn’t have time to get angry all over again, but I couldn’t deny that screaming at him, flaying us both with the truth, had ripped a load off my back I’d been carrying since I was seventeen. He’d needed to hear it, and I’d needed to say it. What happened next was up to him.

  If past experience was anything to go by, I expected silence—a long silence—and I already missed him so much it hurt, but I couldn’t chase him down, couldn’t force him to unravel the mess in his convoluted soul. This time, it had to be him.

  If I could just stop picturing his stricken face as I’d left, I’d be golden.

  Life was never that easy, but I was busy enough to push it from my mind. To narrow my world to flowers and crap nineties pop music. The bridal bouquet took me an hour, then I moved on to the church flowers, and the table pieces. Luke flashed into my mind more than once, and my phone buzzed a million times, but somehow I managed to ignore it all.

  It was dark when I took the last of my wares out to the van. With it fully loaded, I’d drive home, and then on to the wedding venues in the morning while my Saturday girl opened th
e shop.

  The courtyard was dark, but the security light came on as I got closer to the van. I peered over the top of the overflowing box in my arms, waving the key fob vaguely towards it. The van unlocked, flashing the lights, and revealing reams of battered roses spilling from the broken back door.

  * * *

  “I don’t care about the police right now!” I pushed past Gus to get to the backroom fridge. “I have to replace everything that’s ruined for the wedding tomorrow.”

  “Fuck the wedding!” Gus shouted. “This is serious. Luke’s tyres were slashed tonight too. That’s why I’ve been calling you all evening. You can’t ignore this anymore.”

  The mention of Luke turned my stomach, and guilt that he’d been caught up in whatever this was surged in my veins. “What have Luke’s tyres got to do with me?”

  “Mia.”

  I pushed past Gus to the fridge and wrenched the door open, scanning the mostly empty boxes for anything I could use to get me out of this bind.

  Gus followed. “Mia.”

  “I know,” I snapped. “I know, all right? But I have to get this done.”

  “I’m calling the police now.”

  I nodded. “What about Luke? Is he okay?”

  “He’s pissed off, and so am I.”

  Gus disappeared into the front of the shop. I was distantly aware of him talking on the phone but tried to block him out as my mind whirred in a desperate attempt to recreate my butchered bouquets. My knees trembled, and my heart pounded, but all I could see was a bride rocking up to her dream wedding with empty hands. And that was without considering the fact that the van I could barely afford in the first place had been smashed to bits.

  I gathered together everything of any use from the fridge and ventured to the front of the shop. Gus was standing in the window, feet spread wide, arms folded, looking every inch a burly bouncer.