by Kat Mizera
“I’m sure Coco loves it too.”
“Life is always so complicated,” she said after a moment. “I’m sorry I had to involve you.”
“I’m not even there. It’s no big deal.”
“Make sure you tell Ryder, too.”
“He’ll be fine.”
“I know, but I feel bad. And honestly, she does too. It’s really hard to listen to your mom beat herself up about her bad taste in men and how she’s cursed her only child with the same bad luck.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“You know what I mean. I don’t have the best track record, so when she started talking about my bad taste in men, I didn’t know how to answer.”
“Well, she’s not wrong,” Logan said, yawning. He was so freakin’ tired and now that he knew everything was okay, he just wanted to get some sleep.
“What?”
“What?” He frowned.
“Did you just say she wasn’t wrong?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, you’ve been divorced twice and now you’re dating a confirmed bachelor. You probably do have a glitch in your man-radar.” He chuckled since it was funny.
“Seriously?”
Uh-oh. Apparently, she wasn’t amused.
“Look, I was trying to—”
“Never mind. I’m tired and have to take Coco out. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Cassie, wait—” He tried to catch her but she’d already disconnected.
Shit. He hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings. He was being a smartass but obviously his delivery was off.
He was too tired to fight or grovel tonight, though. He’d get some sleep and call her tomorrow when she’d had a chance to cool off. Hopefully, she’d accept his apology and forget he’d said anything.
He called her after the morning skate the next day, but she didn’t pick up. She was probably in class but he left her a message, telling her he hadn’t meant to upset her and to call him later. She didn’t call him back, though, and since there was a game that night, he didn’t think about it until much later. He tried calling again, but she still didn’t answer, and he fell asleep wondering what to do next, if anything.
He had no experience with this type of thing because he’d never had a girlfriend before, so he also had never fought with one.
“Should I send her flowers?” he asked Dani the next morning at breakfast.
“That would be a nice gesture,” she said. “But maybe text her an apology, saying you know you said something dumb, you didn’t mean it, etc.”
“But why isn’t she calling me back?” He was genuinely confused. “I mean, I did apologize in both messages, and it’s not like I cheated on her or something. I said something kind of thoughtless, but…” His voice trailed off. “Is this how it works in relationships? The guy has to grovel over every little thing? Because I feel like she’s busting my balls and I’ve apologized more than once already.”
“I have to say she’s taking it a bit far,” Dani said slowly. “But I don’t know her that well. If it was me, I’d have let you have it right then, when you said it, you’d have apologized, and it would have been over. I don’t know what’s going on in her head.”
“Two divorces by the age of twenty-two and a mom with even worse luck with men than she has. I don’t think she has much in the way of role models, and she’s super unsure of herself when it comes to men.”
“Well, if you guys are going to be together, you definitely have to talk this stuff out. Maybe you should let it be until you get home, so you can talk face-to-face.”
“That’s what I’m thinking. I don’t know how to make this right and it seems like leaving voice mails is just a lesson in futility.”
“Don’t worry. She’ll get past it. I don’t think what you said was anything terrible, you probably just hurt her feelings a little.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “Thanks for letting me vent.”
“Any time.”
He forced himself to put Cassie and their disagreement out of his mind and focus on hockey. He’d be home in three days and would make everything right when he could see her face-to-face and show her he’d only been kidding. That was the plan anyway. Things tended to get messy for him when it came to women, one of many reasons he’d avoided relationships this long. He’d thought Cassie would be different, someone he could potentially get serious with, but now he was second-guessing himself.
After all the ribbing from the guys, he’d let them get into his head, and he was starting to feel uncertain about any of it. The worst part was, he had no one to talk to. At least, not someone who would understand where he was coming from and help him slog through feelings and emotions he wasn’t used to. He’d started falling, much harder than he’d expected, and for her to get so upset over something so small threw him for a loop.
Enough, he told himself sternly.
He’d be home in three days and sort it out then. One way or another.
27
“I have the best idea ever!” Maya announced the night before Logan and Ryder were supposed to get back from their trip.
Cassie had just gotten home from a double shift at the restaurant and collapsed on the couch, kicking off her shoes.
“Yeah?” She looked up warily.
“Let’s get an apartment together!”
Cassie narrowed her eyes. “Why would I do that when I have a free place to live here?”
“Well, lots of reasons.” Maya settled onto the couch next to her, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “We could get something small, so it wouldn’t cost much, and between the two of us, it would be cheap.”
“Mom, nothing I want to live in is cheap.”
“Well, beggars can’t be choosers, can they?” she asked, holding her hands out, palms up. “Just until you finish school. We’ll both suck it up, and then once you graduate, you’ll get a great job and we’ll be fine.”
“Mom, it’s more complicated than that,” I protested. “Not only will I be making a lot less money once I start coaching, I’m also involved with Logan.”
“After what he said the other night? Honey, the writing’s on the wall with that one. You know it and I know it. Anyway, he’s too young. You need someone a little more mature.”
Cassie looked away, unwilling to let her mother see the raw emotion in her eyes. “He called and apologized more than once. We just haven’t been able to catch up because of our schedules.” That wasn’t entirely true, since she could have called him back, but she’d wanted to talk to him in person. The way he’d said what he said about her past had hurt her feelings, but instead of saying so and giving him a chance to apologize right then and there, she’d hung up. Like a spoiled brat.
She was so stupid sometimes.
But that was her M.O. She’d always been stupid when it came to men, no matter how many times she told herself otherwise.
“…and then maybe I could retire.”
Cassie whipped her head around. “Retire from what? You don’t work!”
“Well, don’t say it that way. I work. I just get bored easily.”
“When there are bills to pay, you can’t get bored. And with me working full-time and going to school full-time, I can’t afford for you to stop working.”
“So we’re going to do it?” Maya clapped her hands happily.
Cassie shook her head. “Mom, I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. We’re going to have so much fun living together! Hasn’t it been great the last few days?”
“Yeah, Mom, it has, but this isn’t real life. There are no stressors because we don’t have any bills and we have this big, comfortable, fancy house all to ourselves. Tomorrow, the guys get back and you have to think about where you’re going to go.”
“But I can’t afford to go anywhere on my own,” she whispered. “You can’t just kick me out, Cass.”
“I have some money saved. I can put you in one of those week-to-week hotels and give you a chance to find a job.�
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“But it’ll take me months to save up for first, last and all that. And you can’t pay for me to live there that long.”
“No, Mom, you’re going to have to figure it out. You should never have moved in with Frank.”
Her mother’s face fell. “Wow. Way to hit a girl when she’s down.”
Cassie blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry, but I have to think about all of this and come up with a plan.”
“And where does that leave me?”
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure something out.”
“You’re all I have, baby, you know?” Maya looked at her sadly. “I know I’m a screwup sometimes, but I’ll get a job and we’ll take care of each other. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?”
“No. You’re only forty-five. You should be working and spending time with friends and dating lots of men until you find someone who means something to you.”
“I did,” she responded dryly. “And look where it got me.”
“Well, I’m not walking away from the perfect situation just for you to meet a new guy in six months and leave me high and dry.”
The two women glared at each other, and Maya finally got up, letting out a little huff as she looked at her daughter. “You know I’m right, Cassidy. Logan’s just going to break your heart and you’re going to wind up having to move out of here anyway. At least if we make a plan to move in together, maybe the guys will let us stay a month or two, until we save up enough to move. That way, everything will be nice and civil, you know?”
“Mom, the goal isn’t to be nice and civil. The goal is to fall in love with an amazing guy and maybe build a life together.” She threw her hands up in frustration.
Maya cocked her head. “Do you really think you’re cut out for that, baby? You’ve already been divorced twice. It might be time for both of us to realize that we’re not the marrying type. I thought I’d give it one more try with Frank, but I guess that was a pipe dream. Now I just want to survive. Together, we’re a lot stronger than apart. That’s all. I want you to be happy, to find the happiness I never found, but I don’t think it’s going to be with a hotshot hockey player who’s too handsome for his own good. Anyway, I’m going to lie down.”
“Good night, Mom.” Cassie watched her go, absently petting Coco, who’d snuggled in next to her.
Maybe her mom was right. Neither of them had any luck with men at all and Logan had the power to really hurt her. She was already crazy about him, and they were so good together, but that was always the illusion when you were falling in love. The bad stuff came later, when you were living together or married, and then everything you’d missed came to light.
With her first husband, she’d overlooked the drugs she occasionally found in his pockets, since he liked to party once in a while. But they were happy and had money and she’d been in love with the idea of marriage. Then he’d started getting nasty, short-tempered, and sneaky. When she caught him selling drugs to a hooker who had her tongue in his mouth, she’d walked away and never looked back.
Husband number two wasn’t quite that bad, but he’d eventually become controlling and verbally abusive. By the time she’d realized he was an asshole, she’d been depressed and humiliated. If she allowed Logan to get that close, he had the power to obliterate her heart, because he made everything in her life better. School, hockey, friends, everything. Logan was the real deal, but her gut was screaming with warning signals. That comment about her being cursed in love just brought it all home.
The best thing to do would be to go back to being roommates. She didn’t know what to do with her mother, but maybe they’d let her stay here for a while, paying rent and helping with Coco. If she and her mother together paid a third of the rent, maybe Logan and Ryder would let them stay. It wouldn’t be all that convenient, but Ryder needed help with Coco no matter what.
She sighed, padding into her bedroom and throwing herself on the bed. She was really fucking depressed and had no idea what to do.
Just like the old song, love really did stink.
Logan’s SUV was in the driveway when she got home from work the next night, and Cassie steeled herself for what would inevitably be a difficult conversation. She’d been thinking about him—about them—since last night and had decided the only smart course of action would be to protect herself. If he and Ryder wouldn’t allow her and her mom to stay, they’d figure something out, but she was counting on how badly Ryder needed her to take care of Coco.
“Hey.”
Logan was on the couch when she walked in, and she paused, taking in how handsome he was in nothing but sweats. Even his bare feet were kind of hot, and she mentally slapped herself, remembering that she had to be smart this time. She couldn’t afford to get caught up in another guy. Not now, when there was so much to lose with work, school, and their living situation. Especially now that she had to deal with her mother, too.
“Hey.” She walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch.
“No kiss?” he asked softly. “Are you still mad?”
“No.” She shook her head slowly. “I’m just… Well, we have to talk.”
“Cass, I’m sorry. I was tired and kind of loopy, and I was honestly just trying to be funny. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” Those cobalt-blue eyes of his were searching her face earnestly, and she had to turn away so she wouldn’t get lost in them.
“I know. I’m over that. But the truth is that neither of us are good at this relationship stuff, you know? You’ve never done it and I’ve done it too many times. It might be better if we go back to just being friends. I think you’re a great guy, probably the best one I’ve ever known, but I don’t want to hurt you and I definitely don’t want you to hurt me.”
He stared at her for a few seconds, a slight scowl marring his handsome features. “So after all we’ve been through the last couple of months, you’re just going to cut and run?”
She looked down, fidgeting with an invisible spot on her jeans. “I don’t want to run anywhere. You and Ryder are my friends. I love living here, helping with Coco, hanging out. But the other stuff, that’s getting messy.”
“Why is it messy? Because I was overtired one night and said something stupid, something I’ve apologized for at least four times at this point? I mean, I know I’m not perfect, but I didn’t think one thoughtless joke would be the end of us.”
“It’s not!” she protested mildly. “Can’t we just go back to the way we were?”
“What if I don’t want to go back to that?”
She swallowed. “Mom and I can move out.”
“Yeah, I know. She told me.”
“She told you?” Cassie looked up in alarm. “What did she say?”
“That you two were moving into an apartment together as soon as you saved up a little money.”
Cassie groaned. “We didn’t decide any such thing. We’ve been discussing different options. I was waiting to talk to you.”
“To dump me.”
“No, I just…” Her voice trailed off. She was dumping him. Not because she wanted to, but because it was better for both of them. “Logan, we both knew this was just sex, right? And with my track record, why would you even want to risk it? Frankly, I don’t have another divorce in me, and now my mom needs me.”
Logan slowly got to his feet, eyeing her angrily, though his voice was low. “First of all, we’re not married, so divorce isn’t on the damn radar. Second, I think I was a pretty damn good boyfriend, all things considered. I’ve been here for you, I haven’t made demands or asked anything of you, and all I want is for us to be happy and have fun. Apparently, you really do suck at relationships because you don’t know a good thing when you see it. So fine, you want to go back to being friends? No problem. I have a line a mile long of women waiting to hook up with me.” He headed for the stairs.
She didn’t say anything even though his words were like a knife right through her heart.
“Do you wa
nt me to move out?” she whispered, staring at his retreating back.
“Do whatever you want, just give Ryder some notice for Coco.”
“Logan, are you mad?”
He stopped at the foot of the stairs, though he didn’t turn around. “Nah. Like you said, neither of us really wanted a relationship. I was just into having someone convenient in my bed every night, but I’m cool with whatever you want to do. If you and your mom need time to find a place, that’s fine. I won’t be home much in the next month anyway.” He took the stairs two at a time and disappeared from view.
Cassie stared after him a long time before the tears came.
28
If this was what a broken heart felt like, Logan was never getting in another relationship for as long as he lived. He’d been so shocked and hurt when Cassie had said she wanted to just go back to being friends, he’d reacted badly, but what in the living fuck was she talking about? He’d been prepared to apologize yet again and tell her he thought he was falling in love with her. Instead, her mother had pounced the minute he got home, telling him that they were planning on moving out and she hoped he wouldn’t mind if she stayed with them a little longer while they made plans.
Then Cassie had just shit all over his plans and hurt his feelings to boot. She made it sound like he wasn’t capable of loving someone, being good to them, when he’d been nothing but good to her. He couldn’t think of a single thing he could have done differently other than that one, thoughtless remark. He wasn’t all that experienced with relationships, but he knew enough about life to figure out that there was more than what he’d said going on with her.
She was struggling with her past demons and he understood that, but she wasn’t being fair to him either. Her mother had probably influenced her too, after Frank screwing her over, but that wasn’t fair to any of them. Once again, he probably should have stayed and talked things out, but every time he’d tried, she’d had another excuse about why it was better to go back to being friends. It was all bullshit too.