I put my hand on his thigh. “They obviously think you’re good enough if they offered you a contract. You’re going to be alright. I don’t think you really need Damon or me.”
Shawn shook his head. “That’s what you think. I try to act like I don’t need you guys, but you have no idea what our friendship means to me. I was hoping to move into an apartment with you next year. I was hoping to spend so many more late nights cramming for exams. I wanted to go through all these stages of being a young adult with the two guys who I consider my brothers, but that’s not going to fucking happen anymore. None of it.”
“Well, we’re still going to be friends. Damon and I will come to Los Angeles to see you. It won’t be so bad... but I want to ask you something. Are we still going to try to explore this...” I couldn’t find the right words.
“This what?” he asked.
“This thing we have. Since that night on Thanksgiving, I’ve started to see you as more than a friend, but we don’t really talk about things like that, so I don’t know where your head is at.”
“We don’t have a thing,” Shawn said. “We explored and had a good time. We had a college experience together.”
I furrowed my brows. “Is that how you really feel? After what happened, don’t tell me you don’t feel any sort of connection beyond being friends.”
“Even if I did, it doesn’t matter. We’re going to be far away from each other. You’re going to continue on with your life. I will continue on with mine. We’ll drift apart. That’s what happens with friendships, they drift apart.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way. Friendships only drift apart if you let them. The truth is I like you, Shawn. I like you as more than a friend.”
“So, what do you want to do?” Shawn asked, raising his voice. “You want to be in a relationship? How do you think that’s possible? I’m not even gay. I’m going to be playing ball on an NBA team, where there are no gay guys. You tell me, Liam Porter, how you think this is going to work out in this fantasy you’re living in. Get real.”
I’d never seen this side of Shawn before.
I didn’t know why he was being so defensive when all I wanted was to have an honest conversation, but I could feel how scared he was. I was scared too. We were only eighteen and our connection felt so forbidden since we were roommates and teammates.
“So, this is it then?” I asked. “We just end it like that? No part of you is curious to see where this goes? To try? Isn’t that your motto, to never give up?”
“There was nothing there to begin with. Maybe I led you on and made you think I wanted something more out of this, but unless I’m forgetting something, I’ve never told you I wanted to be with you.”
My heart sank even deeper, and I couldn’t hide my trembling hands anymore.
“I expected more from you,” I said, so quietly that I was practically whispering. “But, I guess it was my fault to put that expectation on you. You’re right, you never told me you wanted to be with me, but I thought our connection was stronger than that. Maybe what I was feeling was only one-sided.”
“You deserve someone you can be with,” Shawn said. “Someone who’s not going to be on the other side of the continent. I’m sorry, Liam.”
I felt tears fill my eyes. I didn’t want to cry in front of Shawn, so I got up and left the room, heading into the bathroom.
I went to the sink and splashed cold water on my face to hide the tears that fell from my eyes.
The pain in my heart felt like Shawn had stabbed me many times. I’d never felt so much pain before. If that was what heartbreak felt like, I never wanted to fall for someone ever again.
I was the fool to think things could be different, because Shawn was right. We were just friends. Maybe I’d mistaken our close friendship for something more.
I leaned against the wall and slid down it to sit on the floor. Memories of our short time together flashed before my eyes—his contagious laughter, his cuddles, his scent, the taste of his lips, his cock.
I felt like I was grieving a relationship I didn’t even have.
I was embarrassed that I’d even confessed my true feelings for him. I laughed to myself so I wouldn’t cry. I knew I’d never see Shawn again. I’d much rather try and forget he ever existed. It’d be the only way I could deal with the pain of him not being in my life anymore.
I got off the floor and walked past my room. I went down in the elevator, then walked to the dining hall. I ate lunch by myself for the first time in a while. It was a pitiful way to prove to myself that I didn’t need Shawn or Damon. I’d been let down so much by the people I thought would be there for me that I would never be able to trust any new person who entered my life again.
I could barely eat any of the food on my plate, even though I hadn’t eaten that day. As noon approached, more people started coming into the dining hall. All the seats quickly filled up, except for the ones at my table. When I looked around, I could see people staring at me. I decided to leave since I wasn’t eating anyway.
Not wanting to go back to my dorm room and having to see Shawn again, I decided to hide out in the library. I found a quiet study booth that wasn’t occupied, and I didn’t even have my backpack with me, so I couldn’t study. Not like I could in that state anyway. I put my arms on the table, rested the side of my face on them, closed my eyes, and eventually drifted to sleep.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I opened my eyes, I saw a librarian was standing over me, and I noticed it was dark outside.
“The library is closing in ten minutes,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said.
I got up too quickly and felt a headrush. I put my hands on the table to steady myself.
“Are you okay, sir?” the librarian asked.
“I’m fine,” I said.
When I regained my balance, I walked out of the library.
I knew the library closed at midnight, so it was probably around that time. I couldn’t believe I’d slept for that long, but I guessed that conversation with Shawn had exhausted me, and I tended to sleep a lot when I was upset.
I walked toward the residence building while I thought about what I wanted to say to Shawn. I didn’t want him to leave on a bad note, so I knew it was better if I just tried to be as supportive as I could. I put myself in Shawn’s shoes and tried to understand how difficult this must be for an eighteen-year-old guy to suddenly leave his hometown and move to a different city and play basketball professionally. The least I could do was spend the last days with him on a good note.
I went up in the elevator to my floor, and because it was so late, there was no one in the common room, so I just went back to my room. When I opened the door, the lights were off. Damon was in bed, and he turned when he heard me walk in.
“Where the hell were you today?” Damon asked.
When I walked into the room, I noticed Shawn wasn’t in bed.
“I was at the library, and I passed out,” I said.
Damon turned on the lamp next to him, and he sat up on the bed. Damon slept completely naked, and he put on a pair of shorts under the covers.
“Did Shawn tell you?” Damon asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “He told me this afternoon.”
“Then why the hell were you gone for so long?”
I didn’t want to go into detail about the fight Shawn and I had.
“I was upset,” I said. “So, I left. Where is he?”
“He’s gone,” Damon said. “His dad came to pick him up this evening, and they’re going back to his parents’ place. Because he has to leave in the next few days, he needs to get his travel documents ready.”
I didn’t believe Damon, so I went to Shawn’s closet and opened it. None of his clothes were there anymore. All his shoes, his shirts, his pants were gone. There was one sweater he left on the top shelf—a green sweater which I always borrowed from him—and I knew he didn’t leave it there by accident. He’d left it there for me.
Damon got o
ut of bed and walked toward me, and put a hand on my shoulder. “I bet you were really upset when you found out today.”
“It just happened so soon. It doesn’t feel real. Tell me this is a fucking bad dream, Damon.”
Damon took a deep breath. “I wish it was, but we’re going to have to be there for each other now that he’s not here. We’ll try to keep in touch with him. It’s for the best. This is Shawn’s dream.”
“I know,” I said. “I want to be happy for him. I know I need to be happy for him.”
“We’ll be alright,” Damon said. “We’ll figure it out together.”
I could tell Damon was upset, but he wasn’t as affected by the situation as I was.
I turned to Damon and did something I rarely did. I buried my face in his chest and hugged him. Damon wrapped his big arms around me, running his hands up and down my back. It wasn’t the same as hugging Shawn—it wasn’t even close—but it was still comforting.
Damon went back to bed, removing his shorts and turning the lamp off. I grabbed the green hoodie off the top shelf and brought it over to Shawn’s bed, burying my nose in it, taking in his musky, pine scent. His sweater was all I had left of him.
23
Shawn
Present day
I spread Liam’s ass open and watched my come continually leak out of Liam’s hole, mixed with a bit of his blood. I noticed a bit of blood on the tip of my cock as I took the broken condom off and tossed it in the trash can next to the bed.
“You’re bleeding,” I said. “Are you in any pain?”
Liam shook his head, looking relaxed on the bed. “I’m alright. It hurt a bit when you were fucking me, but after the initial pain, it felt really damn good.”
“I can’t believe the condom broke,” I said.
“I think it was because of the baby oil. I don’t think it’s meant to be used as lube with a condom on, because it deteriorates the latex. I was so caught up in the moment earlier that it slipped my mind.”
“Well, I trust you. Do you trust me?”
He nodded. “I trust you.”
I held him in my arms and spooned him, feeling his warm back against my chest. I kissed him softly on the side of his neck.
“When I felt you coming inside me, I’d never felt so close to anyone before,” Liam said.
“I felt really close to you too. It’s been a really long time since I felt this way about anyone.”
“When was the last time?” he asked.
“Twenty-seven years ago, with you.”
Liam turned to me, raising his brows. He looked like he didn’t believe me.
“I’m serious,” I said. “I really mean it.”
“Then why did you wait so long before you reached out to me again?” he asked.
“Because I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t admit to myself that you, a man I met a few short months during college, meant that much to me. When I left to play for the Lakers, you had no idea how broken I was. When I arrived in LA, all I could think about was you. I missed our little dorm room. I missed you always sleeping in my bed even though you had your own. I missed the late-night talks with you and Damon. The video games we played on rainy days. The dining hall meals. The only thing I could do was try and forget it all happened.”
“It took me the whole year to get over you,” Liam said. “There were so many nights when I wanted to drop out. College just wasn’t the same without you. I stopped playing basketball and started playing hockey, because basketball reminded me too much of you. I couldn’t even watch NBA games on TV, because I didn’t want to see you on my screen. Then, I married Casey. When I had Hayden, it was the first time I was truly happy again. When Casey left me this past year, I wanted to give up on finding someone special. I didn’t want to be heartbroken again... and then you showed up.”
“I remember the conversation we had in the dorm room right before I left for L.A. I remember being cold to you. I admit it was because I didn’t know how to deal with so much change at the time. We were still discovering who we were and what we had, and our time together got cut short unexpectedly. I’m sorry for denying our connection, because I can tell you now that it was real. Maybe I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’m wiser now. I know how special it feels to connect with someone so deeply.”
“You don’t have to apologize for something that happened so long ago. I just hate how it feels like we’ve lost so much time together.”
“I’ve been without you for twenty-seven years. I can’t stand being without you for another day longer. Liam... I love you.”
Liam looked at me with his beautiful green eyes. “Do you actually mean that?”
I nodded. “I love you. I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too,” Liam said. “But, even if we do love each other, there’s no way we can be with each other, not in public, at least... there are so many people watching us.”
“I don’t care about that anymore. I don’t care what people think about me, I just want to be my true self, and spend my time with the only person I’ve ever loved.”
My heart started beating faster. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this vulnerable to someone, but I needed to get it off my chest.
Liam turned to Hayden who was sleeping. “You know Hayden and I are a package deal, right?”
I smiled. “Hayden makes me love you even more. Seeing you as a father is such a turn on. And how can I not love a baby as cute and well-behaved as Hayden? Do you trust me around your son?”
Liam nodded. “I see the way you’re protective around him, and it makes my heart feel so full.”
I leaned in to kiss Liam on the lips, feeling his heartbeat against my chest.
As we kissed, our hard cocks pressed against each other. I couldn’t get enough of Liam, and the pregame adrenaline only made me hornier for him.
“Fuck me again,” Liam said.
“You were bleeding, though,” I said. “And we also don’t have proper lube for the condoms. Unless you want me to fuck you raw.”
Liam nodded. “I want that.”
I hesitated, not wanting to hurt Liam, but I wanted to be inside him so badly. I grabbed the bottle of baby oil and squeezed some on my cock. I put some on my fingers and rubbed it against Liam’s hole, still feeling my come dripping out of him.
I got off the bed and pulled the curtains back. Light flooded into the bedroom. From our penthouse hotel suite, we had an unobstructed view of the Empire State Building.
“Come here,” I said to Liam.
Liam walked over to me.
I pushed his back against the window, kissing his lips, sliding my tongue inside his mouth.
As I kissed him, I lifted his legs up, and he wrapped them around my waist. My cock throbbed, as I positioned it against his opening.
I brought him down slowly on my shaft and I felt his body tense up as I entered him the second time.
For some reason, he felt even tighter than when I fucked him earlier.
“Slowly,” I whispered against his lips. “There’s no rush.”
Fucking him with the magnificent Manhattan skyline in the background made it that much hotter. Liam’s moans filled the room, and I was impressed by how well he was able to take my cock. Our bodies seemed to fit perfectly together, like it was meant to be that way.
“I love you,” I whispered.
He smiled which made me smile. “I love you too.”
I fucked him against the window, nice and slow, feeling his warm hole wrapped tightly around my cock.
I felt even closer to him without a condom on.
Liam’s cock leaked precome between us.
I carried him back to the edge of the bed, and laid him down gently with my cock still inside him.
Despite all the lost time we could have had together, I was glad we waited until now to have sex. It meant more now that we were older than it would have done when we were eighteen.
Making love to Liam was worth all those years of wonderin
g what it would have been like to have sex with him back then.
I grabbed Liam’s cock and stroked him slowly.
“You’re going to make me come,” I said.
“Do it,” Liam said. “Come inside me again.”
I fucked him faster and I leaned in close to kiss him. Our sweaty bodies slid against each other as I fucked him harder.
Liam moaned, and as I felt his muscles tighten, I felt his warm come shoot all over my chest.
Feeling the muscles in his ass spasm made me come deep inside him, and I groaned as I shot my load into the man I loved.
I could still feel Liam’s ass spasming even after he’d come, and he moaned as he stroked himself, coming again after he’d just done so seconds ago. I didn’t know a man could have two orgasms so closely together, but it was hot to be able to give Liam so much pleasure after the pain I must’ve caused him all those years we weren’t talking.
I pulled out of Liam slowly to check and see if he was still bleeding, but it looked like it’d stopped. My come dripped out of his hole steadily.
I lay down next to Liam as we caught our breath.
“We should probably go outside and see what Damon and Jesse are up to,” I said.
Liam laughed. “That’s probably a good idea. If they didn’t know what we were doing in here before, they surely know now.”
I hadn’t directly told Damon about me and Liam, but I wasn’t scared to do so. My love for Liam trumped any opinions other people had of me. I’d finally come to find peace with who I was and who I loved.
Epilogue
Liam
It was the night of the game, and Shawn had gotten Damon, Jesse, and I court-side seats. We were each holding a baby.
It was the fourth quarter, and the game was really close. The Toronto Raptors were only a few points down from the New York Nets.
Liam Page 17