No Time For Sergeants

by Mac Hyman

  And I said, “Sho, and if I was you, I just wouldnt worry about the barracks no more. I’ll pitch right in and we’ll get the place straightened out in no time,” and then I reached out and popped him on the back and made out I was right glad I had decided to stay too, because I might as well have, being as I was stuck anyhow, even though I really didnt care too much about it at all, when you come right down to it.

  10

  Anyhow, I stayed around the place a few days because of Sergeant King. I went out and drilled some and begun to get along all right with the others, and they begun to talk some better so I could understand them, but all that time, I hadnt seen Ben or them anywhere. And it was kind of a strain being around Yankees and not letting on I suspected it, so one day I took off and started hunting. I went all over the field two or three times and asked everybody I seen, through the PX and out to the firing range and all up and down the barracks, but I didnt see a one of them. I started out early one morning and didnt get back until nearly dark, and when I got back I was pretty wore out. So I went and laid down on the bunk to rest, but in a little bit Sergeant King come in and said, “I hear you dont like it here with us no more, Stockdale,” which kind of surprised me as I didnt think he knowed I had left.

  So I turned to him and said that warnt so, I liked it fine.

  And he said, “Well, that’s good because I was just scared you might not. Yessir, you had me worried today not showing up for drill. I hope you are feeling all right. You aint sick or nothing?”

  “No,” I said, “I was just laying down, all wore out mainly.”

  So he said that was mighty good, that he didnt want me to be sick because he had picked me out to go on KP and was scared I wouldnt be up to it. He said, “I thought of a lot of others, but it seemed like you were just the man for the job, being as you decided to stay with us.”

  “Well, I dont know nothing about it,” I said. “But I’d sho be willing to try.”

  And he said, “Oh, they’ll teach you all right. I got confidence in you, Stockdale. I’ll bet you make one mighty good KP; in fact, I might even arrange for you to go tomorrow too so you can really learn it good.”

  Well, I didnt care too much about it, but I didnt let on—he was happy and smiling again and everything. So I told him I didnt see how on earth he could ever figger that I didnt like his squadron, and who on earth would ever tell him a thing like that, and he listened, smiling, and said, “Well, we’re mighty glad to have you too, Stockdale. Yessir, we’re mighty glad to have you.” And when he left the place, he was whistling to himself, so I guess it come off all right.

  So anyhow that night I went on KP and there really warnt much to it that I didnt already know. I washed a good many dishes and then I helped clear up the tables and mop the floors, and along toward midnight they give me some potatoes to peel, and there’s nothing I care for more than raw potatoes, so I et a good many of them; and later on they give me some carrots to take the heads off of, and that’s another thing I’m pretty partial to, raw carrots, so I et a good many of them too, so by the time it was daylight, I was right full and didnt care for much breakfast at all, and only et a little moren one helping.

  But I had been up all day and night by that time and was right tired, so I felt like sleeping some, but when I got back to the barracks, I met Sergeant King at the door and he wanted to know how I done and all, and I told him without bragging none; and then he said he had fixed it so I could get back on for the day shift too. I really didnt care nothing about it, but he stood there slapping me on the back and grinning and everything, so I went on back like he said.

  And this time they let me work in the kitchen where they was having meat loaf and cabbage for dinner and those are things I always liked, so I didnt mind too much for a while, and kind of enjoyed nibbling here and there. I helped myself until I got tired of it, and then I went over to help this fellow cut up some apples, and worked at that for a while, and et a good many, and was getting along all right until this cook came running over yelling, “Dont let that fellow get in them apples!” and made a lot of noise about it. He said, “Take him out back; I cant afford to have him in here no longer,” so then I went out back and didnt get work in the kitchen no more.

  So after that it got kind of tiresome because they put me on the garbage detail and I had to turn these cans upside down and wipe them out with newspapers, and then rinse them out with water and stuff like that; and keeping my head down in those cans that way kind of took my appetite away so I didnt eat much dinner at all. And later on that afternoon, when I started cleaning them out again, my stomach started hurting. It hurt all that afternoon and before it was over, I warnt liking KP so much, and was right glad when it was time to go, as I was right tired too. I was going to lay down and not even move until the next morning, the way I felt. It was about dark and I just dragged myself back to the barracks, so to speak.

  But right after I had laid down, not even taking my shoes off, I felt somebody punching me and looked up and there was Sergeant King again. I was just dozing off at the time, and there he was grinning at me and a whole bunch of them standing around, so it was something like a dream you wake up to. I could hear Sergeant King talking and I blinked my eyes some trying to rouse, but finally give it up as I just didnt feel up to it at the time, no matter what he thought. So I finally just told him to go on and let me alone, I wanted to sleep a bit.

  But then I heered him say something about wanting me to go back on KP again, but I really didnt feel up to it at the time, and I finally just turned over and told him right flat that I didnt care a thing about it.

  He turned around and grinned at the others and said, “You dont, huh?”

  And I said, “No, I dont care a thing about it. You get somebody else this time.”

  But he just stood there shaking his head at me, and wouldnt listen to a word I was saying. So then I told him straight out how I felt about things. I said, “You leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone.”

  “I’ll leave you alone all right if you dont get up off that bunk.”

  And I said, “That’s good then,” and turned back over on my side and propped my pillow under my head and started to go back to sleep.

  He wouldnt stop, there, though, like he ought to have. No, he stood there and started cussing and taking on and said what did I think I was, and said I warnt a decent airman at all, and said, “They bring folks like you in and pay ’em more money than you could sell all the hoecakes you ever et for, and I have to watch out for you.” He raved and ranted and took on real upset that way which kind of surprised me because he was so polite before.

  But I didnt hold it against him none. I laid back and looked at him as long as I could keep my eyes open, and then I shook myself wide awake enough to explain to him how I felt. I said, “As far as that goes, if they dont want to pay me no money and dont want me here, they can sho send me back home if they want to because one thing I like is hoecakes anyhow, as far as that goes . . .”

  But then he yelled out, “By God, dont you get smart with me!”

  “What do you mean? I aint getting smart, and why does it worry you if I dont go on KP because they gonna get the dishes washed if I aint there just like they are if I am, and it dont make any difference to me whether they do or not, as far as that goes. And if they want to send me on back home, that’s all right with me too. I never wanted no trouble about it.”

  And you should have heered him after that. He stood there with his face getting red and then he started carrying on so much, you wouldnt have thought it was the same man. He begun pointing his finger in my face and calling me cuss words that I hadnt even heered before. You couldnt sleep if you tried with him taking on that way, and I didnt see much sense in it. So I finally got up off the bunk and told him, “Now there aint no sense in making all that noise and taking on like that, Sergeant King. There aint any sense in it at all.”

  And he backed off, saying, “Stockdale, you take a swing at me and you wont ever he
ar the rest of it as long as you live.”

  But I warnt going to hit him if he would just shut up, but all the time he kept backing off and then he started that cussing again, so I stopped because I warnt going to chase him to hit him, and just so he left me alone was all I wanted, so I said, “You know you ought not to act like that. What makes you cuss me that way? I dont think you got any business acting that way.”

  “Look, Stockdale, I think it will be many a day before you ever learn enough about the Air Force to know what anybody’s business is. You better find out what you are talking about first.”

  So I said, “Well, that’s all right. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll go up and ask the Captain if you can cuss me that way and ifn he says you can, hit might be all right for a little while, but ifn he says you cant, me and you are going to tangle up together.”

  He stood there looking at me for a while, and started to say something, and stopped, and finally said, “Well, you ought to know you cant talk to a noncom that way.”

  “I aint talked no way. I talked just as nice as I know how. If I said anything that didnt sound nice, you tell me what it is and I wont say it any more.”

  So he talked around some more, but begun settling down real nice, and said, “Why dont you want to go on KP anyhow?”

  “Because my stomach aches and I dont feel up to it.”

  So he looked at me some more and then turned around and looked at all the others and nodded his head and then grinned and said, “Why didnt you say so in the first place? If you’re going on sick call, you dont have to go on KP. If you’re going on sick call . . .”

  “I warnt going on sick call,” I said. “I just dont feel so good.”

  And he kind of grinned around at the others again, settling down some more, and then he chuckled and said, “He thought if you went on sick call, you had to go on KP anyhow.” Then he laughed some and said, “You ever heard anything like that before?” and laughed some more like it was real funny and like he hadnt heered nothing more comical in his life, but none of the others did, they only looked at him; and then he chuckled some more and wiped the tears out of his eyes and stopped and said right quick, “Well, you better be sure to get your name on the sick book in the morning then, understand?”

  “Sho, I’ll go on sick call if you want me to.”

  And then he kind of drawed himself up and yelled out, “And next time you go on sick call, you let me know. I want to be notified in advance!” And then he turned around real quick and stomped out and slammed the door, like he was pretty mad again.

  He acted awful peculiar that way, and it was a surprise to everybody. They got out of his way and nobody said a thing until the door had slammed, and then they got to taking on like they didnt have good sense. They whooped and hollered like crazy people and one of them drawed himself up and yelled out, “I want to be notified in advance!” and they whooped and hollered some more. And then one of them come over and started slapping me on the back, and ifn he hadnt been such a fool, I wouldnt have liked it none. He yelled out, “I wouldnt have took nothing for it! Not nothing in the world!” and slapped me again on the back, but I just ignored him; I didnt want to sound mean or nothing, but when he slapped me again, I told him, “If your stomach hurt like mine, you wouldnt think it was so funny. I dont see nothing funny about a man having a stomach ache nohow.”

  Anyhow, they took on that way a good while, giggling and everything, and I got undressed and got in to bed, and didnt pay no more attention to them. I was wore out, and I guess I must have gone to sleep in a few minutes after that.

  11

  I had a good night’s sleep that night but when I woke up the next morning, I still felt ornery somehow. I went and had breakfast and then went on sick call like Sergeant King wanted me to do and I got in the wrong line and got shot with the needles again, and then I got out of that line and got in the right one, and this time when I come up to the desk the fellow said, “Havent you already been on sick call?” and I said I had but that they had shot me with the needles again and what I had come for was a stomach ache, but he said, “Well, you cant go on sick call but once at a time. You better come back tomorrow.” So I left because I didnt have no stomach ache anyhow by that time, and didnt care much, but I still felt down somehow, and just couldnt get out of it.

  It warnt that I had nothing against Sergeant King neither because he was nice as he could be the next morning. He said how he didnt mean to talk to me like he did and all like that, and I’ve never been one to hold a little something like that against nobody, and I told him so. When I come back from sick call he got up off the bunk and asked how I felt and all like that, and then said, “One thing I dont like is for my boys to be sick. And if you dont like KP, I’ll just see about finding another job for you.”

  I told him it warnt that, though. I said, “It’s just that they are always having potatoes and carrots and things and I get to eating too much . . .”

  “Yeah, I heard,” he said. “I was talking to the mess sergeant about it. In fact, he come to me personally about it, so we decided to find you another job. I been thinking about making you latrine orderly. Maybe even permanent latrine orderly, if you like it.”

  So I said that sounded all right to me, and he said, “Yeah, I think you’ll like it a lot. I sure do, and I’ll tell you one thing—it’s something that has to be done right. I wouldnt put nobody in the latrine that I didnt have confidence in. One thing the Colonel always inspects is the latrine. That’s the main thing he thinks about, and that’s why I’m putting you in charge.”

  “Well, I’ll sho try to do it,” I said.

  “I know you will, Stockdale,” he said, smiling and patting me on the back. “And someday when you get good enough at that, I’ll take you down and let you help me wash my car if you want to give it a try.”

  So we were on real good terms again and I done right good on the latrine. All the others in the barracks had gone to get classified, and I had the barracks pretty much to myself, so I just hung around and kept at it as it got right lonesome not having anybody around. I cleaned up things so they just shone and then got the bucket and the mop and cleaned the floor, and went over the sinks with paper, so you couldnt have got it much better. The second morning I cleaned it, Sergeant King said he never had seen nobody so good at it. He said I was borned to be in the latrine and he should have knowed it time he saw me. He kept on like that for a good while, and it made me feel pretty good too, so I done a pretty good job on it.

  Anyhow, I stayed at latrine orderly about a week, and me and Sergeant King got along fine together. All the rest of them were still being classified at the time, and I asked him if I was going to get classified, but he said he doubted it. He said that as far as he was concerned, I had already found my classification, and that as long as I didnt mention it over in the room or nowhere, I probably wouldnt have to fool with it at all. “Yessir,” he said. “Anybody that can clean a latrine the way you can ought not to do anything else,” and he stood looking it over and his eyes just shone. He didnt look sad at all any more and I felt it was partly my doings too.

  And one day he took me down to help wash his car, and I kind of appreciated that because that was one thing Sergeant King thought a good bit about. I mean he kept it in this garage off the base, and he kept about three locks on the door, and he had more things to wash it with than you would ever believe. He had all kinds of brushes and wax and rags and polish and stuff like that, and he showed me all about it, going around patting the fenders, and I dont guess nobody knowed much more about keeping a car than Sergeant King did. I mean a lot of folks just like to drive a car, but Sergeant King didnt care as much about that, I dont think, as he did washing it. But he really was good at it and I seen soon after we got there, he didnt really want me to wash none. Everytime I would mention helping him, he would act like he didnt hear me, or say something like, “I guess I had better do this part. You aint had much experience on this kind of paint job.” So I didnt push
it none. I finally just set on a bucket and watched him scrub, singing away and whistling to himself.

  But he was mighty nice about letting me go down there and I appreciated it. One time he got inside and showed me how he could let the windows up and down by just pressing a button, and then he showed me these little shades over the top of the windows that was supposed to keep the rain out. He got inside and run the windows up and said, “See, I can get air up here, even when it’s raining,” and all like that, only it was right hot and his face started turning red after a bit and sweat begun running down the side of it as he set there calling out, “See, I can breathe real good.”

  But his face kept getting redder so I thought the heat was going to get him and finally said, “Well, why dont you just get out and rest a while and then you can get back in and show me again later,” but it was late by that time, and we headed back to the barracks. So I didnt really get to wash it none, only I didnt say nothing about it. He was so wore out and happy that it was something to me just seeing him peaceful again.

  12

  Anyhow, the next day for inspection I cleaned up everything real white, except the tops which warnt supposed to be white, and Sergeant King went pacing all round the place examining bunks and getting wrinkles out of them and things like that, and telling everybody how to act, and just what the officers would do and everything. He worried a good bit about inspection like that, and he explained it to everybody again, and it happened just like he said it would too. The door opened and some Lieutenants and the Captain and the Colonel come in, and Sergeant King called out “Attention!” and everybody stood real stiff like they warnt breathing, and the Lieutenants peeped and sniffed around here and there, and the Captain went around looking over the men in their fresh uniforms, but the Colonel, he didnt waste no time at all—he only glanced at things and headed right past, coming for the latrine where I was standing at attention by myself, just like Sergeant King said he would do.