by Nikki Rome
Christy walked out into the living room and stopped to turn off the lights that had been left on in the front room. She started a pot of coffee and contemplated a quick shower and then running off to work to pick up her laptop. However, something inside of her made her not want to do any of those things. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed next to Jason and relax. The thought of that terrified her. Relax? She hadn’t relaxed in over a year, and now she wanted to lie in bed next to a man. Not any man, but Jason none the less. Damn, she was losing her mind again.
Taking her coffee into the bathroom, she started with a shower. Closing the door and locking it behind her, she could still hear his snoring. Laughing to herself, she stripped out of her well-worn work clothes. She caught her reflection in the mirror and just stared at herself. There weren’t many remaining scars, however the ones she had would always be there. She would remember what they were from and why they were there. She was broken, abused, and beaten and for some crazy reason that man in her bedroom wouldn’t turn away. Looking in the mirror, she lifted her hand to where her child once laid, and tears came to her eyes. They had told no one about the baby. She was nervous and wanted to wait until she was well into her second trimester. No one knew what happened to her, and no one knew about her child. No one except Jason.
For a woman who had not shed a tear in the last year, she seemed to do a lot of crying recently. Stepping into the shower, she lathered up her hair and body, trying her best to remove the memories that plagued her. Thinking of Jason, she flushed. He had always been gorgeous, but the things that appealed to her now weren’t the same as before. It was the kindness, the compassion and the caring she heard in his voice and saw in his eyes that drew her in.
He was always a protector, and it only made sense that’s what he did now. However, this man that was sleeping in her bed was wearing her down, creeping back into her heart, and she didn’t know what she would do about it. From what she learned, he turned his entire life around when he enlisted, and every moment since had been working to become a better man. She loved who he was in the past, which meant the newer, improved version of Jason was deadly. She risked falling in love with him all over again.
Jason was a vast part of her life for so long that she just filled the void with Devon. It was a mistake of massive proportions but now she had started over, separated herself from her past with Devon and by some crazy chance Jason was back in her life. It seemed fate had an unbelievable way of intervening at the most convenient time. She desired him for more than what they shared in the past. She wanted to learn more about who he was, and she wanted to share more about her life with him. The feelings were strange to her; it had been so long that she was on her own that it was scary thinking about what could come of it all. But she would try it, it was time to take a risk.
She finished up in the shower. Knowing she didn’t want things to progress physically she went into her closet and changed into an old set of flannel pajamas. They were comfortable and not the slightest bit revealing. She brushed out her long hair and tied it up into a bun. Deciding to forgo makeup, she knew there was no way Jason would wake up wanting more from her, with her looking like she did.
Chapter Eleven
Jason smelled popcorn. Or was he dreaming about popcorn? Nope, he smelled it. Opening his eyes, a rush of memories filled him. He wasn’t home; he was at Christy’s and he was in her bed. He laid there without moving a muscle. If she were in the room and he startled her, it could bring them back to square one. But then he heard crunching. Someone was crunching popcorn in the damn bed. As slow as possible, he rolled onto his back, his morning wood painfully hard after dreaming about her all night. When he looked up, he saw her sitting there in her bed next to him, eating popcorn and watching one of those stupid girlie movies on TV.
“Good afternoon,” Christy said without looking away from her show.
Afternoon? What the fuck had he missed. “Hmmm… good afternoon. What time is it?”
“Almost 1:00.”
“Almost 1:00?” He shot up in bed, staring at her in bewilderment.
“Yes, almost 1:00. And your phone hasn’t stopped ringing since about 6:30 this morning.”
Okay, he had to be dreaming. His mind was racing. How was he still in her bed and she wasn’t freaking out? And how the hell had he slept until 1:00? He was still so irresponsible sometimes; he had meetings today. Wait…
“Why aren’t you at work?”
She stared over at him.
“And why are you in bed watching movies when it’s 1:00 in the afternoon?”
Feeling like he had missed an entire lifetime, she just looked at him and giggled. The crazy chick was laughing at him and all he wanted to do was grab her and kiss that smug grin right off her face.
“I took a mental health day. And as for you… you have been snoring so loud I thought my neighbors would file a complaint. Some things never change,” she said, shaking her head at him.
“Fuck, I have to find my phone,” he sighed.
“It’s charging on the nightstand.”
Grabbing for it he got up and went into the bathroom. He didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that they were hanging out in bed together and he still wanted to know what was going through that mind of hers. Yesterday she had taken a swing at him, and now she was fine watching movies while he slept. He turned on the shower and called Mike while he was waiting for the water to warm up.
“Mike?”
“Ya Boss.”
“Why do you insist on calling me that?”
Mike grunted on the other end of the line but said nothing.
“I need you to do me a favor. Go to my apartment and grab my go-bag, bring it back to me over at Christy’s and then call the people we had lined up today and reschedule them.”
“Sure thing, for tomorrow?” He was uncertain of where the day was going to take him, so tomorrow didn’t seem like the best option. “No, make it for next week. And Mike?”
“Ya.”
“I don’t want anyone to know where I am just yet.”
“Sure thing, but um… what do you want us to do with this Devon guy?”
Anger rose, and Jason felt like punching a hole in the wall.
“Where is he?”
“We are holding him at one of the safe houses, however, I’m pretty sure he feels anything but safe. I have Red watching him.”
“Tie him to a fucking bed by his wrists and don’t let him up. I’ll deal with it when I have time. And I’m not making time for a while.”
Hanging up, he hopped into the shower so he could get back to Christy without wasting any time. By the time he got out, his phone was buzzing. Mike was the most resourceful guy he knew, so finding a text saying his bag was already waiting for him outside her front door wasn’t surprising. He didn’t want to frighten Christy, but he needed to get his things. Stepping from the bathroom in nothing but a white towel tied around his waist, he encountered the woman he had been dreaming of all night and damn did she look good.
“I’m just going to grab my bag, I had one of my guys leave it at the door.” He entered the room with both his hands up to show her he meant no harm. What he saw in her eyes however was shocking. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought she was checking him out. It took him by surprise and he dropped his arms and just stared back at her. What the fuck? Did she still want him? Yay for him if that was the case, but still it was surprising to see that look in her eyes again. It wasn’t the same as the happiness he wanted to see in her, but it was something. Something more than that blank stare or fake smile that had been haunting him over the last week.
Christy couldn’t figure out what was happening here. First, she was just minding her own business relaxing and watching a movie, and the next thing you know the gorgeous giant who had been sleeping next to her was naked in her shower. He then walks out of her shower and into her bedroom in nothing but a towel. This was like something out of some creepy porno movie. But it wasn’
t a movie, it was real-life. Her real-life and she was taking a nosedive into future heartache. She assumed sharing her space with him would be harder than it had been. Truthfully, while he was asleep next to her, she felt calm for the first time in a long time. It still embarrassed her thinking about everything she shared with him the night before, but she felt relieved that someone other than her therapist knew what she was going through. Now she wanted to kick him for looking so good in the morning.
Jason looked amazing, his body in perfect form. He had always looked good, but he was leaner than he used to be. He had the most gorgeous natural tan. The tattoos were new, though. He had one from when they were younger, but nothing compared to the beautiful artwork that covered his body now. Intricate vines climbed his left arm with the names of his parents tied into the design. Her eyes followed them up to the piece on his chest. She was shocked to see the tattoo over his heart; it was a date. Not just any date, but her birthday.
When Jason stepped out of the room to get his bag, a Christy let out a shuddered sigh. It was over now; she knew in her soul there was no point in pushing him away. She was already feeling that tendril of love for him creep back into her heart. Scared she’d fall in love with him again, she didn’t want to face rejection, and her mind was racing at all the possibilities. The real fear she faced was because he would never want her now that he knew the entire story, now that he knew what Devon had done, and how she couldn’t even keep her baby safe. No one would want a woman like her. She believed in her heart he deserved so much more than she could ever give him. Jason wanted a family, well he had when they were younger, and she didn’t know if she could ever give that to him. Losing her child changed something within her, something she didn’t think she would ever get back.
Jason walked back into the room and the semi-happy woman he left there watching movies and eating popcorn had vanished. In her place was a disappointed woman who wouldn’t look up at him. He’d fucked things up again. Like an idiot, he’d upset her. The last thing he wanted to do was taint her good mood, but he felt like he was navigating unchartered territory. He put his bag on the chair and approached the bed. As he got closer, he didn’t feel her pull away. So that was a good start. Then he took things a step further and sat down in front of her.
“Christy, sweetie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I… I just… I’m sorry, I don’t know what keeps coming over me. I can’t seem to get control of my emotions.”
“Was it something I did? Honey, you’ve gotta help me out here. I feel like I keep fucking up and the last thing I want to do is upset you.”
She looked up, and her eyes landed on his chest. That’s when it hit him, his tattoo.
“Christy, I…” he trailed off, taking a hard swallow. Then he approached her. Sitting next to her, he reached for her hand and raised it to his chest and held it over his heart while he explained.
“Okay, here’s the deal. The first year I enlisted I was on tour with my unit in China I woke up after a night out and I had your birthday tattooed on my chest. I don’t even remember getting it done, but once it was there, I had no desire to remove it. It was the first year we didn’t spend your birthday together, I guess it was my way of remembering you. I wasn’t lying when I said I have always had you on my heart. Please don’t let it upset you. I just didn’t want to forget what we had, so I left it. Now when I wake up in the morning and you’re not there, I feel like I have a piece of you with me.” He paused, “It wasn’t all bad, you know?”
Tears filled Christy’s eyes at his explanation. Jason stood up, bent down, and scooped her into his arms. She stiffened at first, but then slowly relaxed. He sat back on the bed, taking her spot and leaning up against the headboard. God, it felt good to just hold her, and as much as he thought it would terrify her, she didn’t pull away.
Chapter Twelve
Christy lay in Jason’s arms for a long time. Something about the way he pulled her to him made her feel like he was putting the broken pieces of her heart back together. Her fears were slowly evaporating, and she felt like she could take a deep breath after suffocating for so long. That she let her guard down so quickly was making her hesitant, but she had known Jason for years. She knew in her heart he wouldn’t hurt her. He may be the only man left in this world she could trust. She was so grateful for him, and yet so confused at the same time. Looking up, she felt his eyes on her lips.
“Christy, I’m going to kiss you.”
She stiffened a bit in his arms and then willed herself to relax. Nodding her head, she closed her eyes, and with the softest touch of his lips felt something inside her give way.
He was still in nothing but a towel, and she was sitting there in his lap in the ugliest pajamas she could find, but none of that seemed to matter. Her thought process of making herself as unattractive as possible when she changed this morning wasn’t working. Now she wished she didn’t have on the ratty clothes she had chosen. He carefully continued the kiss, and she desired more. She could feel his erection pressing into her and soon as she realized it, she pulled away, knowing what an awful idea that was.
“Don’t,” he said, looking down at her. “I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do, just please don’t run away from me again.”
She wanted it to be him or no-one. She melted at the patience he was displaying with her right now. She leaned in and kissed him, again. The kiss grew heavy. Before she knew it, he was laying her down next to him, rubbing his fingertips along her arms, up her neck and down her legs. It felt like he was testing her. His hands gentle, but sure of his movements, and it didn’t frighten her. The familiarity of him was comforting.
“I want you to get used to my touch, the last thing in the world I want is for you to be afraid of me.”
His words made her melt even more. She was wet for him already and kept pressing her thighs together to extinguish the need. Her mind couldn’t believe her body’s reaction. For over a year now she had thought she could never feel this way with a man again, but here he was, proving her wrong. His fingers grazed her waist where her shirt ended, and her pants began. The feeling sent chills up her spine, but as he went to lift her shirt, she instantly remembered what she looked like.
“No.” she said as she held her shirt in place.
“Christy, I won’t hurt you, I promise.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss behind her ear, then down the side of her neck.
“I don’t… I don’t think I am comfortable with you seeing me.”
“Sweetie, I know it’s been a while, but even clothed I couldn’t miss the perfection that is you.”
She had tears in her eyes. She pulled away and apologized but before she could get a word out; he reached his hand out and stopped her.
“Tell me what it is, talk to me Christy.”
“I… I have scars… and I… I don’t want you to see me. I look disgusting.”
Scars. His heart dropped into his stomach. She had scars; he knew that. He had seen the photos; of course her injuries left marks. The asshole had carved her up. Nothing too deep from how the report read, but still. It was the worst kind of reminder of what she had been through. A lot of the guys he knew while enlisted struggled with feeling fine after an injury, only to face the reality every time they changed clothes or looked in a mirror.
“Listen to me, there is nothing about you that could ever disgust me. You are now and have always been the most beautiful woman who has ever crossed my path. Your scars are a part of you now, and in case you didn’t realize I want you more now than ever.” He smiled at her. “I know the reminders have to be hard, but they won’t affect my thoughts of you. Very little could change how much I want you, or how much I care about you. Understand?”
She smiled the slightest bit, and he took advantage of it. He leaned forward and kissed her deeply, holding nothing back. He showed her with his lips, hands and body how much he needed her. Without breaking the kiss, he put his hand behind her back and lifted her into a seating posi
tion. Grabbing the corner of her shirt, he looked her straight in the eye and said, “We will do this together.”
He took her right hand into his and together they pulled her shirt over her head. What he saw devastated him. Thin light lines covered her entire chest and the top of her stomach. The sick bastard must have enjoyed torturing her. As devastating as it was, he knew if he had shown the slightest bit of rage, he would lose her. So instead he tempered down his anger and focused all his energy on pleasing her. Leaning down, he took his time loving her scars. Kissing each one, following the lines with his tongue, his fingers. Showing her how precious she was to him.
Christy was in heaven. Jason had taken one look at her scars, showed her exactly how he felt about them. No disgust; he showed no pity in his eyes. He lavished the most incredible attention on what she considered her biggest weakness and made her feel beautiful. Looking up at her from her stomach, he placed his palm flat on her belly and kissed her there, claiming it, making it his. He was healing her pain, one kiss at a time. She felt like she was on fire. The heat between the two of them was scorching. Jason slowly removed her pajama pants. By some miracle, his towel was still in place.
She couldn’t keep her eyes off him. The tenderness he was exhibiting made her feel safe enough to be vulnerable. She never remembered him being this way with her in the past. They were always hot and heavy without a lot of room for slow and steady. It wasn’t until he reached the wrist on her right arm that she tensed and closed her eyes as memories assailed her. He paused, noticing her reaction, and raised himself into her line of sight.
“Relax, love, it’s just me. Just me and you here. Keep your eyes open and watch me. I want you to remember what it feels like to make love. There is no room for pain and fear between us.” He reached out after tracing the largest scar with his finger; he leaned forward and kissed her. Trailing kisses down her jawline and her neck, he was slowly making his way back down her body. In the same way his fingers had trailed over her entire body and his mouth was now doing the same. It didn’t take long before she felt herself writhing under his touch, wanting, no, needing more but unable to tell him. Confused by her reaction to him, she couldn’t form the right words.