by Ana Night
“If it makes you this confused, maybe you should just ask him,” Nash said.
Gabe shook his head. “He’ll just think I’m getting clingy and then he’ll end it.”
“Then confront him. Ask him why he’s kissing you for no reason. Ask him why he’s acting like you’re in a relationship and then says you aren’t.”
“Easier said than done,” Gabe mumbled.
“Well, it’s obvious you need to do something. Otherwise, you’re definitely gonna get hurt.”
Gabe didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do. Talking to Nash certainly helped him see he wasn’t crazy and just imagining things.
“All right. Enough of that.” Nash cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at Gabe. “What are you gonna do with work?”
He’d told Nash he was undecided on what to do. He didn’t know what he wanted and there was only enough work at the auto shop for a few days a week. He couldn’t really live off of that.
“I have absolutely no idea,” he admitted.
“What’s your dream job?”
Gabe thought about it for a second before shrugging. “I wanted to race when I was younger, but I don’t know about that anymore.”
“But you’ve got a bachelor in motorcycle mechanics, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t there something you can build onto that education? A course or something?”
“Probably. I just don’t know what I want to do with it,” Gabe said.
“But you knew when you first started at college. What happened to that?”
Gabe shrugged and said, “Reality kicked in.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t sell yourself short. Whatever you want to do, I know you’ll succeed at.”
Gabe huffed. “I appreciate the confidence you have in me, but I’m not so sure.”
Silence fell over the room for a few long minutes. Gabe was watching the hands he was wringing in his lap as he thought about everything Nash had said. Confronting Joker scared the shit out of him. If he did that, he was certain to lose Joker. He couldn’t risk it. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, he also needed to find a way to pay his share of the bills. All while trying and failing miserably to become a patched member of the Kings.
“Is this about the club?”
Gabe jerked his head up to meet Nash’s questioning gaze.
“How did you know?”
Nash shrugged and said, “I just put two and two together. You know, being a member of the club shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your dreams.”
“That’s the thing, though.” Gabe sighed, turning his gaze down. “Being in the club is kinda my dream. I just don’t know if that’ll ever happen. Yeah, I’ve been included more the past two weeks but how long will that last?”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that if there’s something you want, you’ve gotta grab it while you can and give it your all,” Nash said.
“Are we talking about the club or Joker?” Gabe asked with a cocked brow.
Nash shrugged, a smile widening on his face. “I guess it can apply to both.”
“Just promise me you won’t let a chance of being happy with Joker slip through your fingers because you’re uncertain of what the future holds. No one really knows, anyway.”
Gabe breathed in deeply and nodded. “I promise.”
Joker
He took a sip of his drink and ran his gaze over the room. It was just a regular Friday night at the club. Some drinking, playing, and watching the game on TV. Only half of his brothers and sisters were there, but that was to be expected. Some were out on runs and others were home with their families.
Maya wasn’t there, though he knew she’d show up eventually thanks to Bones. King had instructed Bones on what information to give Maya. It was important that he didn’t just suddenly start pouring out club secrets to her, or she might sense something was off. It would be tough on the guy and right then, he didn’t look like he was enjoying himself. He was sitting on the couch, nursing a beer while Juno tried to get him in a better mood.
“I think we should make a rule about members not dating prospects,” King said.
Joker nearly choked on his drink. He cleared his throat and turned to King who, unfortunately, looked very serious.
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Joker asked tentatively.
King raised a puzzled brow at him. “You saying you think it isn’t? I mean, look at what’s happened. I don’t want a repeat.”
“Hopefully, this is a one-off.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’d rather take my precautions. We still don’t know why Maya’s working with Ronin. The prospects are easier targets and when Ronin kidnapped Nash, he was counting on Saint betraying us.”
Joker didn’t say anything for a long while, mulling over King’s words. He raised his glass to his lips and took a sip of his beer.
“What do you want out of keeping Maya around?” Joker asked.
King glanced over his shoulder before resting an elbow on the bar, leaning closer to Joker.
“I’m gonna wait for a chance to use her against Ronin. But it’ll have to wait. Ares called. He’s found the stolen weapons and some other things.”
“You got a plan?”
King grinned. “Of course, I do.”
“You gonna tell me what it is?”
“Tomorrow,” King said with a nod. “I’m calling the other officers in at nine tomorrow morning.”
King gave Joker’s shoulder a clap before wandering off. Joker turned his attention back on Bones. There was a smile on his lips now, though it was small. Whatever Juno was doing or saying, it seemed to be working.
Joker pushed away from the bar, heading for one of the couches. He dropped down next to Stiletto who was leaned back, her boots on the coffee table. She grunted in acknowledgment of his presence but kept her eyes on the TV. Joker put his glass on the table, his gaze catching on the half-empty bottle of wine next to Stiletto’s feet.
“You should probably lay off of that,” Joker said, getting Stiletto’s attention. “King want us here at nine am tomorrow.”
Stiletto groaned loudly. “Fucking hell. Are you serious?”
“When am I not serious?” he asked with a deadpan expression.
“Right,” Stiletto drawled. “I forgot you’re usually an uptight asshole.”
Joker snorted. “How the hell did you forget that?”
A playful smile spread on Stiletto’s lips and Joker began to fear her answer.
“You’ve been less uptight lately. Almost like you’re enjoying life for once. Or maybe you’re just getting laid on the regular.”
He fought to keep his expression blank but from the twinkle in her eyes, she already knew more than she should. Not that that was really surprising. As if it wasn’t bad already, Gabe came walking up to them, a smile widening his lips as he sat down in the armchair next to Joker.
“Hey,” Gabe said.
Joker grunted an answer, not wanting Stiletto to read anything into their interaction. Stiletto leaned forward, lifting her legs down onto the ground.
“Hey, kiddo.”
“Hey.” Gabe glanced around quickly before asking in a low voice, “How’s Bones doing?”
“He’s hanging in there,” Stiletto answered.
Joker huffed. “King wants to forbid members and prospects dating.”
Gabe’s mouth fell open as he stared at Joker. He opened his mouth, then shut it and shook his head, looking away from Joker.
“He’d better take that up with me,” Stiletto said.
Joker reached for his beer, taking a big sip. He’d barely put the glass back onto the table before Gabe grabbed it. Joker glared at him as he drank what was left.
“Since when do you share your beer?” Stiletto asked Joker with a cocked brow.
“Since I don’t want to go to the bar and get my own,” Gabe answered with a teasing smile.
Joker crossed his arms and sank down in the cou
ch. They way Stiletto was eyeing them, he had a feeling she was close to figuring them out.
“Prospect,” Joker said, his gaze on Gabe. “Go get me a beer.”
Gabe batted his eyelashes at Joker and thrust his lip out in a pout.
“But I just sat down.”
Joker grunted. “Shouldn’t have drunk my beer, then.”
Gabe let out a loud sigh and pushed out of his chair. Joker heard him mumble a few curses under his breath as he walked around the couch to head to the bar. Joker kept his eyes on Gabe until Stiletto made a snort-like sound. He glanced at her, finding her watching him with a smug smile.
“He’s the reason you’re less grumpy. Isn’t he?”
Joker’s mouth fell open and he found himself unable to form words.
“I’m glad you finally let him in,” Stiletto said and stood. “I’ll see if I can make King change his mind about the prospect and members thing.”
She walked off, leaving him sitting there with his mouth still hanging open. He stared after her. From what she just said, it didn’t sound like she was going to tell anyone but if she figured it out, who else had?
“One Guinness for you and one for me,” Gabe said and put the glass down in front of Joker.
Gabe sat down next to him. He turned his gaze on Joker and frowned. “You okay?”
Joker cleared his throat and reached for his beer.
“Just peachy.”
Gabe
He was holding back on the drinking because Joker was. Joker needed to watch Maya, so he was staying somewhat sober. Gabe didn’t want to get drunk, at least not too drunk, because he wanted to drag Joker home and into bed later.
He stood from the couch, throwing a glance at Joker who was talking to Zayne before leaving. He went outside to smoke and found Auggie sitting on the tailgate of one of the pickup trucks, a bottle of alcohol next to him. Gabe lit a cigarette and walked to stand next to Auggie.
“What’cha doing?”
Auggie startled, jumping and letting out a high-pitched sound. He slapped a hand over his heart and made an outraged face at Gabe.
“Jesus. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
Gabe chuckled and pulled himself onto the tailgate.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”
Auggie grumbled under his breath and took a swig of what turned out to be gin of all things. Auggie made a face, then drank some more.
“Something wrong?” Gabe asked.
Auggie sighed. “Remember the past I haven’t told anyone about?”
When Gabe nodded, Auggie said, “I was just reminded that there’s no running from it. No matter what, it’ll always come back to bite you.”
“Are you gonna be all right? Do you need protection or…?”
Auggie shook his head. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, the bottle of gin hanging from between his fingers.
“Don’t worry. I know when to ask for help. I’ve learned that lesson.”
Gabe laid a hand on Auggie’s shoulder and said, “I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks, Gabe.”
Gabe nodded and let his hand fall down. They stayed silent from then on, Auggie drinking and Gabe smoking. When he was done smoking, he gave Auggie’s shoulder a squeeze before sliding off the tailgate and heading inside.
He walked through the door, the loud music hitting him like a wall. He shook his head and glanced around the room. When his eyes landed on Joker, his whole body tensed. One of the club bunnies was in Joker’s lap. Joker didn’t look the least bit annoyed by it. He wasn’t exactly smiling, but he rarely did anyway. He did, however, have his hands on the woman’s ass. Gabe fought against the urge to run over there, grab the bitch by her extensions, and pull her the fuck off his man. The problem with that was that Joker wasn’t his. Not really.
Joker was bisexual and Gabe had seen him with a woman a time or two before, but this time was much different. Joker was supposed to be his. Obviously, Nash had been wrong about Joker feeling more for him.
He tore his gaze away, his jaw clenched and his nails digging into his palms.
“Gabe.” Nash came walking towards him, a smile on his face. “How are…”
Nash trailed off as he glanced over Gabe’s shoulder. His eyes went wide, and his mouth did the fish thing before he returned his gaze to Gabe.
“What the hell? Did something happen?”
Gabe glanced down, shaking his head. “Not as far as I know.”
“Then what the hell is he doing?”
“Whatever he wants. Guess you were wrong about there being more between us,” Gabe said. He could hear the pain in his own voice.
“I’m so sorry, Gabe,” Nash said.
Gabe shook his head, then glanced over his shoulder to see the woman still in Joker’s lap, laughing at something he’d probably said. He hated feeling like this. He hated the flare of jealousy rushing through him. He hadn’t expected something like this from Joker but maybe he should’ve been prepared for it. He’d been a damned idiot thinking Joker might feel more for him than he let on.
“Excuse me,” Gabe said and pushed past Nash, ignoring the man’s attempt to stop him.
He made his way up the stairs and walked to Grizz’s room. He knew the door would be unlocked so he opened it and stepped inside. He went to the nightstand and pulled open the drawer. He reached inside, running his fingers along the top of the drawer. He found what he was looking for and pulled it out. A weak smile graced his lips as he looked at the cigarette pack. For as long as he could remember, there’d been one hidden there. Grizz had grabbed it once after he’d gotten into a fight with his old lady many years ago while he was watching Gabe. He’d sworn Gabe to secrecy because he was supposed to have quit, and he didn’t want to get in more trouble with Nancy. Gabe hadn’t told a soul. Though he had stolen a few cigarettes in the past year. Last time, he’d put a new pack in for Grizz and opening it now, he found only three left.
He pulled one out along with the lighter inside. He lit the cigarette, taking a long drag as he opened the window and lifted himself up onto the windowsill. There were only two rooms in the clubhouse that had a wide enough windowsill to sit in. He’d used both since he was a kid. He turned, putting his back against the wall and lifted his feet up.
He smoked while he tried to figure out what the hell to do. With his life and with Joker. He’d seen Joker with a club bunny before but now that they were whatever the hell they were, it hurt a lot more. He knew he didn’t have any right to feel the way he did. He also knew he couldn’t be with Joker like this. He’d been a fool to think otherwise. He’d thought if he could have half of Joker, then he’d be alright with them not actually being together. But he wasn’t. Not in the least.
He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. His heart was trying to tell him not to give up on Joker and he could feel tears filling his eyes. He needed to talk to Joker, tell him how he felt, even if that drove Joker away. He couldn’t keep this up. Couldn’t pretend he wasn’t in love with Joker anymore.
He stayed in Grizz’s room for half an hour, ending up smoking two cigarettes before leaving. He walked down the stairs, heading for the front door. He only made it halfway before his gaze met Joker’s. He was standing next to Saint, a frown on his forehead as he started towards Gabe. Seeing Joker made the pain almost unbearable. He turned, walking towards the backdoor.
He walked out into the backyard and almost by the gate to the courtyard when a hand wrapped around his arm, pulling him to a halt.
“Hey,” Joker exclaimed. “What’s up with you?”
Gabe gritted his teeth and turned on his heels to push Joker away. Joker looked at him with surprise as he let go.
“What the hell do you think?” Gabe snapped.
“I don’t fucking know. That’s why I’m asking.”
Gabe shook his head. “Are you serious? You don’t have a clue?”
Joker’s brows snapped together, and he looked at Gabe with a conf
used expression.
“You had a bunny in your lap the whole night.”
“So? It’s not like I fucked her,” Joker said.
Gabe froze, his heart skipping a painful beat.
“Have you? Fucked her? Or anyone else while we’ve been together?”
Joker scoffed. “Honestly? That’s none of your business. But no, I haven’t, even though we’re not together.”
Gabe nodded slowly. “Yeah, I kinda got that tonight.”
“Come on, Gabe. I thought you said you could handle it.”
“Guess I was wrong,” Gabe said and pushed open the gate.
“Gabe.” Joker reached for him, but Gabe shook him off.
“God damn it. Gabe.”
“What?” Gabe hissed and whirled around.
“What the fuck is with you?”
“What’s with me? What’s with you?” Gabe threw his hands up and made a frustrated sound. “You say it’s just sex but then you kiss me at other times. For no reason. You got jealous when Sean showed me some attention. What the hell did you think I was going to take from that? How many of your sexual partners do you share your past with?”
Joker looked like he might kill him. Joker stepped forward and through gritted teeth, he said, “Of all the things you could choose, you throw that in my face?”
“That’s not what I—” Gabe shook his head. “You know what? Forget it. It looks like I’ve got my answer.”
“Answer to what?” Joker hissed.
Gabe’s eyes were burning with unshed tears and his voice came out hoarse. “To whether I should stay here or go.”
Joker didn’t say a word to that, which only cemented Gabe’s choice. He let his eyes roam over Joker’s face for a moment, mapping his features, before he walked away.
Chapter Thirteen
Joker
HE STARED at the empty room. The furniture was all still there, but the clothes and knickknacks were gone. So was everything that made the room Gabe’s. He was just… gone. He’d left the same night, gone straight home and packed up his stuff. He hadn’t left a note or anything. It was as if he’d never even been there to begin with. Joker had no idea what to do with this, with how it made him feel. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what he felt.