Tangled Hearts

by Laurie Ames

  Finally, Elaine managed to get off the phone. She went over to her computer and stared at the screen. Her mind was running in a million different directions. Find a train. Book tickets. Rent a car. Book a hotel. The screen wavered in front of her eyes and Elaine realized that she was crying. She rubbed her eyes and changed her mind about booking a hotel room. Home. She would stay at home. She would stay in the same room that she had shared with Sasha and hoped that doing so would help her get through the horrible days that she knew were coming.

  She remembered one night in particular. She and her mother had been living at Edward's for about a month. It had been going pretty well for the most part. There had been the occasional arguments about who owned what in the room but in general things were pretty friendly. Then, one night, Elaine had walked in the room just before bed and had seen Sasha getting ready for bed. Elaine looked at her and suddenly knew she had a crush on Sasha Morrison.

  She had tried to ignore her feelings. After all, this was her stepsister. She knew that nobody would understand. Even if her mother would have been okay with Elaine’s lesbian feelings, she knew that feeling that way about her stepsister would not have met with approval from either parent. And, it seemed, Sasha was totally oblivious to the way Elaine felt about her. There wasn't even a hint that she liked Elaine in quite the same way. In fact, it seemed like Sasha barely even tolerated her part of the time.

  So, Elaine waited, and said nothing, and hid the way she felt as deeply as she could. It hurt sometimes, to just cram all her feelings deep inside but in the end Elaine had somehow managed. She remembered feeling jealous whenever Sasha went out with boys and felt her bitterness grow when Sasha didn't seem to feel the same way about her.

  Chapter 4

  __________

  The trip home was pleasant and uneventful. Elaine was able to get a train and a few short hours later was pulling into her mother's driveway in her rental car. She didn't like driving in the city but here the roads were calmer and the concept of driving a car was less overwhelming. Elaine was grateful that she had gone to the trouble of keeping her driver's license up to date. She had always suspected that something like this was going to come up.

  Elaine climbed out of the car and checked her phone. There were a few messages. Some were from her assistant and the rest were from Tom. She wasn't surprised that her aunt hadn't sent her any. Bethany wasn't skilled with things like texting and she tended to just call when she needed to get in touch with someone. She had called her aunt that morning to let her know that she was on her way and Bethany had asked Elaine to let her know when she had arrived.

  Elaine hopped out of the car and grabbed her suitcase out of the back seat. She had agonized about how much to bring with her. She had no idea how long she would be staying and had been tempted to grab everything she thought she would use while she was away. It had taken Elaine the rest of the night to pare down her belongings until they fit in one large bag.

  It wasn't hard to get in the house. Elaine had been given a key years ago and her mother had urged her to use it any time she wanted to come for a visit. For the most part, that key had remained unused. When Elaine let herself in the front door, the house had an almost unlived-in appearance. No matter how long it had been since she had last visited, Elaine always felt like walking through the front door meant she was coming home. Elaine dragged her suitcase behind her and walked down the hall. She saw that her mother hadn't done much to update the house. Elaine knew that her mother had been intending to fix things up and make them feel a bit more current, but they hadn't been completed. While she felt sad that her mother couldn’t make the changes she wanted, she was strangely glad that this house was almost exactly like she remembered it. It still felt cozy and friendly and just being here comforted her like a warm blanket.

  The suitcase wheels rattled as they moved from hardwood to carpeting. The hallway seemed shorter than Elaine remembered it being. When she opened the door to her old bedroom and looked around, it felt smaller than when she lived in it. The furniture was all still exactly the same. The beds were both still there, pushed up against opposing walls. They were the same creaky bed frames that Elaine remembered sleeping in year after year.

  Elaine threw her suitcase on what had been Sasha's bed, knowing that her stepsister hadn't slept there in years. She opened her case and began to unpack, sliding her clothes into various dresser drawers and hanging things in the closet. The bed creaked and groaned each time she put any pressure on it and Elaine chuckled. She remembered when she had first moved in. Sasha had marched into the living room where Elaine had been watching a movie.

  "Give me my bed back," Sasha had hissed. When she was younger, Sasha had been a redhead. At the time, Sasha had been so angry that her face was almost as red as her hair. She had put her hands on her hips and had squared off against Elaine. "It's not fair. You got to pick the bed and you got the quiet one. I can't sleep because my bed is too squeaky."

  Elaine had laughed out loud in defiance. When Sasha saw that Elaine wouldn't simply give in and switch beds, she shrieked with anger and launched herself at Elaine. Sasha always had a temper with a slow burning fuse, but once the fuse burned down, you were smart to run for cover. Elaine admired the fact that Sasha was never afraid to get into a fight, regardless of whether that fight was verbal or physical. In this case, however, Sasha's fighting experience put Elaine at a definite disadvantage.

  In the end, Sasha had been told she was stuck with her bed as punishment for starting a fight. She hadn't talked to Elaine for about a week in protest. Elaine found herself watching her sister, waiting for the moment when Sasha would want to talk to her again. Once Sasha had calmed down, she reconnected with Elaine and ‘hugged it out’ by wrapping her arms around her. Elaine had felt a hot quiver of excitement go through her body. Was this what it felt like to be with someone you had a crush on? The elation had only lasted a moment though and then the two girls had slammed into the back of the couch. Their combined weight tipped the couch over and everything crashed to the floor.

  They fought like that, off and on, all the way through middle and high school. As years went by, the fights had grown fewer and farther apart. By the time Elaine left for college, the two girls were fast friends.

  Elaine remembered one time, just before they had parted ways. She had been on a date with her boyfriend Christopher. They had gone to see a movie and afterwards Christopher drove to a secluded park and manoeuvred the car into an area where they wouldn't be seen. They had made their way from the front seat to the back and Christopher, with her blessing, rolled up Elaine's skirt and pulled down her panties.

  He had told her he wanted to try something and then began lowering his mouth to Elaine's pussy. She had felt him breathing on her inner thighs before he began to gently explore her. He started with his fingers, tracing them delicately along her outer lips and then, when her response encouraged him, began to gently slide them in and out of her mound. Elaine closed her eyes, giving into the sensation, but in her mind, it was Sasha that was stroking and probing her, not Christopher.

  After he had made her purr and moan for a while, Christopher checked his watch and drove Elaine home. She had bounded out of the car and sprinted into the house. Her mother and stepfather weren't up, but Sasha was. Sasha had taken one look at the expression on Elaine's face and had guessed that she and Christopher had been fooling around.

  "I want to know all of the details. I want you to tell me," Sasha said, her hair a mass of red curls that shone in the light of her bedside lamp.

  Elaine blushed at first, but then eagerly told her sister all about it. “Christopher made me feel so special. He must have read a book or something because he was touching me just right. Then I felt his tongue down there. At first it felt strange, but once he found my hot spot, he knew exactly what to do. I had what can only be described as a gushing orgasm. Once I came in his mouth, he politely pulled up my panties and we went home. Sasha had laid in bed, her eyes closed, listeni
ng intently to what Elaine was saying.

  "I don't know why you haven't gone all the way with him, come on, what’s wrong with you girl?" said Sasha, turning to look at Elaine. "You're eighteen now. You're an adult. You should be able to screw your boyfriend if that's what you want. I mean, maybe it's sad that I'm still single. I'm a little older than you and I’ve only had boys ask me to the movies. I'm so jealous," said Sasha.

  Elaine had wanted to say something but hadn't known what to say. Instead, she closed her eyes and wished Sasha a good night. The light clicked off and the room was dark. Then, after a little while, Elaine heard Sasha's bed creaking. The sound was different than when her stepsister tossed and turned. This was a regular, steady sound that Elaine heard over and over and over.

  She quietly turned onto her side, pretending to fake sleep. She was grateful for her silent mattress. She stared at Sasha and her mouth fell open. Sasha 's back was arched; her mouth was open, and her hand was moving down between her thighs. Elaine could see that Sasha's nightgown had worked its way up her body so that one of her pert breasts was exposed and the nipple was hard and pointed.

  Elaine listened to Sasha's gasps and moans. It was clear that Sasha started out trying to be quiet but as her passion grew, her moans were getting louder. She could hear her fingers sliding in and out with a wet slurping sound, and it was obvious her pussy was well lubricated. Finally, Elaine saw Sasha shudder and heard her let out one last muffled moan before she finally caught her breath and relaxed back on her bed. Elaine watched as Sasha's body stretched out, loving the pale, curvy look of Sasha's body. Elaine could now feel her body tingling deep between her legs and she ached to do what Sasha had been doing. Instead, she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the burn that was deep inside her. She continually rolled from side to side, trying to get comfortable and to fall asleep.

  Sleep did not come easily.

  Chapter 5

  __________

  Elaine strode down the hall looking for her mother's hospital room. Room 412. It was in a newer part of the hospital and Elaine was pleased to find that her mother had a private room. Elaine had made sure that her Mom was covered under her work health insurance, but half the time she never used the benefits. Elaine had gotten into more than one argument with her about it. She had tried telling Elaine that she didn't use them because she didn't want to be a burden. Her mother always agreed to start using Elaine's benefits but after every argument, things went back to the way they had been before.

  Elaine found her mother's room and pushed the door open. She listened for a moment, checking to see if a nurse was already in there. She didn't hear anyone. The last thing she wanted was to interrupt if her mother was in the middle of getting a treatment. She also knew that if she interrupted her mother's mealtime, she would quite happily miss a meal and that was something Elaine did not want to do.

  When she looked in the room, she saw her in bed, the head raised. Her mother was happily watching one of her favorite daytime television programs. Elaine was pleased to see her mother awake but was shocked by how old and thin she looked. Her hands, resting on the hospital bedspread, looked thin and the bones were shockingly visible.

  Elaine made a point of tapping on the door and when she did, her mother's head turned. When she saw Elaine standing there, her face lit up.

  "Oh honey! You're here! I didn't know you were coming for a visit. How did you know I was in the hospital?" She carefully studied her daughter's face. She hated anyone making a fuss over her and she was truly surprised that her daughter had come to visit her.

  "Mom, it was Bethany. She called and let me know that you had been sick. I wanted to come when I heard that you weren't feeling well.” Elaine sat down on the edge of her mother's bed and scanned her face, trying to get a feel for how she was actually doing. Janine had always been very good at pretending to be healthier than she was. She saw what Elaine was doing and gave her a pained look.

  "Ah, relax. I have a lot more in me than your sister or those doctors think. You don't need to worry about me." A sudden coughing fit overtook her, and she doubled over. Elaine watched as her mother coughed deeply, with a worried look on her face. Her mother seemed to be choking. Halfway through the coughing fit, she waved for Elaine to leave the room. As Elaine hurried out, she saw her mother reaching for the call button.

  Elaine paced up and down the hallway. She watched as a nurse passed her at a quick pace. Another nurse came shortly after. Elaine was tempted to poke her head inside to see what was happening, but she resisted the urge to do so. She didn't want to be in the way, and she had a feeling that her presence would only interfere with the professionals. There would be plenty of time to go in and resume talking to her mother.

  After about half an hour, the nurses walked out of the room. One looked at Elaine.

  "Are you Janine's daughter?" Elaine nodded.

  "Your mother sure is a nice lady. You can go back in and talk to her but she's pretty weak. Her coughing takes a lot out of her. We gave her a breathing treatment with a nebulizer, but it isn't as effective as it used to be." The nurse paused for a moment and looked at Elaine. "It's good you came. Your mom is having a good day today, but I don't know how many more of them she will have."

  Elaine walked into the room. Her mother was propped up further and she had a mask over her nose and mouth. She was breathing slowly and steadily. Elaine saw quite a difference in her mother. Janine's face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her breathing was loud and raspy.

  Elaine sat back down on the edge of her mother's bed. She gently reached out her hand and grasped Janine's hand. "Mom, are you okay? You sounded like you were coughing pretty bad. Does this happen often?"

  Janine sighed and turned her head to look at her daughter. "It's been happening more and more often. I'm okay. If I have a fit like this, the nurses come and give me a treatment and I get feeling better. I'm glad you're here Elaine. It's been a long time since I last saw you." Her mother turned and looked at Elaine. Elaine was again taken by surprise at how elderly her mother looked.

  "I'm glad I came to see you, Mom," said Elaine as she gently patted her mother's hand. The two of them sat in silence for a little while.

  "It feels good when you pat my hand like that," said Janine. "Remember when you were a little girl? Whenever you were sick, you used to want me to pat your hand like that. You didn't want me to hug or cuddle you. Just sit beside your bed and pat your hand.” Janine closed her eyes and leaned back against her pillows. Elaine decided that this was a good opportunity to ask her mother about Sasha.

  "Mom, do you remember my stepsister, Sasha? She was Edward's daughter. We lived with them until I was done high school." Her mother's face took on a thoughtful look. Finally, Janine nodded and said, “Yes of course I remember Sasha. I may be sick, but I don’t have dementia!”

  "Well, Mom, I was wondering if you knew what had happened to her? I know that Edward died about a year after I left. Other than that, we sort of lost touch. Do you know where she is now?" Elaine tried to keep her tone of voice as casual as possible but inside, her heart was racing, and her palms felt sweaty. She was hoping that her mother would be able to help her find Sasha.

  "Oh honey, I'm afraid that I lost touch with Sasha after her father died." Janine's voice grew faint and Elaine could tell that her mother was trying hard to remember. "I know that she moved out of town for a little while to attend school but for some reason, I think she might have come back.” Her mother paused again and breathed deeply into her mask. "I'm sorry that I can't be more help than that." Janine sighed deeply. "Elaine, will you be in town for a while? I need to rest for a bit. Would you come back later? I really need to rest." Her voice became fainter. "These coughing fits make me so tired; you know. I just need to sleep a bit." Janine's voice trailed off completely and it was clear that she was dozing off. Elaine quietly got to her feet, collected her purse and her coat, and started walking out of the room.

  Just before she reached the
door, Elaine saw her mother’s eyes open and her head turn towards Elaine. "Oh! Oh!" Janine said, her eyes glittering. "Elaine, we sent each other Christmas cards every year. I kept the envelopes with the cards. They should be at the house. I don't know where I put them, but I know they are there." Janine looked at Elaine.

  "I don't know why you are looking for your stepsister after all of these years, but I know that the two of you were close when you were younger. I hope you find her, Elaine, I really do." Then, Janine sagged back against her bed and closed her eyes. Elaine watched her mother until she knew that Janine was well and truly asleep. Then, she walked quietly out of the hospital room and prepared to head back to the house for the evening.

  She finally had a chance of maybe finding Sasha. She could hardly wait to get back to her mother's house and start searching for the envelopes. Elaine’s pulse quickened with excitement as she tried not to speed to her Moms. Even if it took the entire time that she was visiting, Elaine vowed that she would not head back home without finding Sasha.

  Chapter 6

  __________

  Elaine spent the rest of the evening sorting through stacks of papers. Outwardly, her mother was a neat and tidy person but there were certain things that Janine tended to hoard. Personal correspondence was one of them. It seemed like Janine had kept every postcard, letter and greeting card that anyone had ever sent her. Some of them were still stuck inside the original envelopes. Finally, after hours of searching, Elaine found a stack of cards. They were all tied together with a ribbon. Elaine saw that they were Christmas cards.

  The cards from Sasha to Janine were all stacked neatly together. Elaine grabbed them and sat at the kitchen table as she started looking through them. Each card had been written in extensively. Apparently, Sasha hadn't been interested in simply sending a card that could be purchased at a store. The cards contained detailed information about what Sasha had accomplished in the preceding year. Elaine was thrilled that she was able to read and catch up on her stepsister's life. The dates also helped her figure out which address was the most current.