by M. J. Haag
I trailed my fingers over an unopened two-pound bag of rice and the dried beans underneath it. Together, they would feed everyone in the house for two or three days. One was hardly worth the clothes I had, never mind both.
A grey hand reached around me and pulled both bags from the cupboard.
“What else would you like?”
I shook my head but didn’t turn around. He was too close.
“I can’t take more. That’s already too much.” I opened the bag and started placing the clothes on the counter. Three onesies and three sleepers.
He picked up one item and smoothed it out.
“Caden seems so small already. It is hard to believe they come out even smaller.”
“It’s a good thing they do, considering where they come out of,” Brooke said from behind me with a laugh.
All three fey made odd sounds, and I glanced at Azio, who was staring at the clothes with a deeply troubled expression.
“Angel said there will be much pain and blood,” he said, without looking at me. “Shax is very afraid for her. Many of us are. We want children, but not at the risk of our females.”
“There are risks all around us. There could be another breach. We could get sick. Run out of food. Or wood. Or water. There are so many ways we could die. I’d rather die trying to have a baby than not try at all,” I said, staring at the clothes.
“You would like children?”
“More than anything. But sometimes, some things just aren’t meant to be.”
There was a long moment of silence, which I interrupted.
“Are you interested in trading?”
“Yes. I will take the tiny clothes in exchange for these bags.”
“Thank you. There are more clothes if you’re interested.”
“I am.”
“Hey, Azio. They typically don’t have a midday meal at her house. Would you care if we ate here?”
I turned, staring at Brooke in shock at her blatant self-imposition.
“Please. Eat whatever you’d like,” Azio said.
“I can’t. You’ve already given too much.”
“They don’t mind. I promise,” Brooke said, hurrying to join me in the kitchen. “Their idea of cooking is throwing stuff together in a pot. Having us make something for them will help even the trade. Plus, we get to eat well too. What do you want to make us?”
The fey next to Brooke laughed.
“My Brooke does not like to cook. She is trying to trick you into cooking for her.”
Brooke grinned at me.
“Every meal you’ve made has been good, and that was without a stocked pantry. Imagine what you could make here,” she said, gesturing to all the food in the cupboards.
A smart person never said no to food.
The fey moved into the living room, far enough out of sight to put to the back of my mind as Brooke and I worked together to make a meal. She mostly talked and fetched while I worked. I didn’t mind, though.
It was the most relaxed meal preparation I’d done in months. An honest to goodness chili with chunks of meat, beans, onions, and peppers. The slight wilt to the green pepper hadn’t bothered me in the least. And the selection of seasonings Azio had made the chili the best thing I’d tasted in ages.
Brooke was quick to grab a spoon of her own for testing.
“This smells amazing,” Brooke said, inhaling. She blew gently to cool her bite then ate it. She groaned as she chewed then swallowed. “Babe, I know you don’t like tomatoes, but I swear you have to try this. When all this stuff is mixed together, it’s not the regular red stuff.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “If I’d known he doesn’t like tomatoes, I could have made something different.”
Brooke laughed. “None of them like tomatoes. But they like meat. So this is a fifty-fifty shot.”
“Oh.” I looked down at the pot, a sick feeling settling in my stomach.
“Hey, it’s fine. You’ll see.”
She turned me and steered me to the table, which she had already set. As soon as I took a seat, the three fey joined us. I kept my eyes on my bowl as Brooke served us all. She filled our dishes to the top and put a small spoonful into each of the fey’s bowls.
“Dig in,” she said, sitting.
I tentatively took a bite and waited for their reactions.
“You are right, my Brooke. It does not taste like the red sauce in the cans.”
“It heats my mouth,” the other fey said.
“It does,” Azio said. “I like it.”
I flushed and smiled down at my bowl, relieved that they’d liked it. Breathing a little easier as they helped themselves to bigger portions, I slowly consumed mine. When I finally scraped the bottom of the bowl, my stomach felt tight and full. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten like that, and I thought of little Greyly with guilt.
“You’re frowning. Here.” Azio slid his partially eaten bowl toward me. “Eat this.”
“I swear, I couldn’t eat more if I wanted to. Thank you, though.”
“Then why do you frown?”
I glanced at Brooke instead of focusing on the fey.
“This is the most I’ve eaten at one time in forever. I should have thought of Greyly.”
“Every time I spent the day here, I should have too,” Brooke said. “But I didn’t. I don’t think that makes either of us shitty people. We weren’t purposely withholding anything from anyone. We just didn’t think about it.”
“But now I have.”
“You have,” she agreed. “But don’t hate yourself for it. Regret is wasted energy. Figure out how to make it right instead.” She flashed a smile at me. “Like how I saw the baby clothes and brought you here, knowing you’d find a better trade.”
I returned her smile, truly grateful for her help but still wishing for what couldn’t be.
“I miss the days of grocery stores. I’d simply run out and buy her a treat. Then again, she wouldn’t need a treat from me if we still had stores.”
“I have treats,” Azio said. “Who is little Greyly?”
“She’s a female child from Tenacity. Close to the same age as Cassie’s little girl,” Brooke said.
Azio grunted and left the table to retrieve a box of chocolate snack rolls from the cupboard.
“These are treats.”
I shook my head, and his gaze locked on me. The chili churned in my full belly, and my pulse jumped. But thankfully, my vision didn’t tunnel when his pupils narrowed on me. Not taking any chances, I looked down at the table.
“I can’t take those.” Trading was fine, but if anyone in Tenacity found out that I was taking handouts from the fey, it would cause trouble in so many ways. I didn’t want that kind of target painted on our house.
“Then, trade,” Brooke said. “Terri will clean up lunch in exchange for one of the packages inside that box.”
I quickly agreed and started collecting bowls at Azio’s grunt.
“Thanks for the meal, Azio, and for helping us out. And since it looks like you have everything under control here, Terri, I’m going to take Solin home. We have some drawing to do.”
She’d barely gotten out the last word when Solin tossed her over his shoulder and strode for the door. Brooke laughed the whole way, waving to me just before the door closed behind them.
Shocked at how quickly she’d left me, I blinked at the door then slowly turned toward the two strange fey lingering by the table.
They both watched me closely.
Azio tilted his head as he studied me.
I started to wheeze in air and spots danced in my peripheral.
Focusing on the stack of bowls in my hands, I hurriedly placed them in the sink then gripped the counter.
I tried to think calming thoughts but could feel the panic taking over and slowly slid to the floor. A hand touched the top of my head.
“You are safe, Terri. I won’t let you hurt yourself.”
I nodded just before I went under.<
br />
When I came to, strong arms held me close to a hard chest. I turned my head into the warmth and did my best not to think. Water was running nearby, and I could smell soap. Both were comfortingly normal.
Something rubbed against the top of my head—a nose?—and the chest of my barer expanded slowly.
“She smells good.”
“She does.”
My eyes popped open, and my gaze locked onto the fey standing by the sink. He glanced at me and quickly looked away.
“She’s awake.” He reached into the water and started to wash a bowl.
“I’m supposed to do that,” I said.
He nodded, rinsed the bowl, and stepped aside.
“Are you feeling well enough?” Azio asked, his chest rumbling against me as he spoke.
“I think so.”
He set me down slowly and waited for me to regain my footing before letting go. Neither spoke as I quickly cleaned up lunch without making any more eye contact. Azio packed my food, including a pack of the snack rolls, in a bag when I finished.
“Will you take me home now?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I practically fled the house after putting on my coat and shoes and immediately regretted my hurry. The fey were still everywhere, and the walk back to the wall tested my ability to stay on my feet. By the time we reached it, I was breathing fast.
“May I carry you?” Azio asked.
I didn’t hesitate to agree. He picked me up and had me over the wall before I could squeal. I tucked my face against his chest to stay warm. His arms slightly tightened around me and I couldn’t say I minded the feeling of being hugged just then. It’d been a long and very stressful morning.
He slowed without jumping, and I lifted my head to see Tenacity’s wall in the distance.
Confused and a little worried, I looked up at Azio.
“Will you trade with me again tomorrow?”
Despite my fear, there was only one answer to give.
“Yes.”
Chapter Five
There weren’t many people around when I quietly thanked Azio and hurried away with the traded food safely hidden in my jacket. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do first. Go home and show Grandma what I’d managed to get or find Greyly. Part of me was worried that, if I went straight home, anyone there would demand a share of the girl’s treat.
Spotting Abi and Greyly lingering near the storage shed saved me from having to make any decision.
“Hi, Terri,” Abi said when she saw me. “Any luck today?”
The woman beside her snorted, her humor twinkling in her eyes.
“From what I hear, it wouldn’t take any effort to get lucky with the fey.”
Abi gave me a confused look.
“I tried trading with the fey. Let’s walk home together.”
Abi wasn’t at all put off by my vague answer or my passive-aggressive demand to go home. She simply nodded and took Greyly’s hand. I waited until we were a fair distance away before speaking softly to Abi.
“It went well. It turns out there’s a demand for baby clothes over in Tolerance.”
“No way. How many women are pregnant over there?”
“Not many. The fey are collecting things in hopes that they’ll connect with a woman in the future.”
“Wow. Did they have anything good over there?”
“I had chili for lunch. So much that I’m still full.”
“You traded for a meal?” she asked with a troubled side-glance at me. “I wouldn’t tell the others that.”
“It was part of the trade. So was this.” I paused and pulled the twin pack of snack rolls out of my jacket. “It’s for Greyly. I have rice and beans for everyone, too.”
“Terri, that’s really sweet to think of her. Are you sure you want to give it to her? It might cause problems.”
“I’m positive.”
She gave me a grateful smile and opened the package for the little girl. I watched her consume every bite far too quickly and doubted she tasted much of it.
“She shouldn’t skip lunch,” I said.
“No, she shouldn’t. Maybe we could have a house vote on that again.”
I nodded, remembering how it had gone the last time. No one wanted to go light on the calories. Neither did they want to run short on food and go a day or two without anything. It wouldn’t even be a problem if Bram and Bobby weren’t the only ones going out for supplies.
“I’ll sort through more of the clothes tonight and go back tomorrow.” These trades would never bring home as much as a real supply run would. But maybe I’d stop fainting so much and eventually be able to do my part, too.
“See if you can trade for some cans of veggies. It’s been a while.” As she spoke, Abi smoothed back Greyly’s hair.
The girl gave the woman a small smile as she continued walking.
“I saw a little girl around Greyly’s age there. She’s part of a mixed family and seemed very happy. Well-fed too. Have you ever thought of…you know?”
Abi chewed on her lip for a minute.
“I have. But I want to make sure I’m making the right choice for everyone involved, not just for Greyly and me.”
“Can you afford to be that considerate?”
“I don’t want to agree to spend my life chained to someone who’s going to treat me like I’m less than.”
“Less than what?” Greyly asked, proving she was listening closely.
“Less than the smart, independent survivor that I am.” She looked at me. “I want to be valued for more than my parts.”
I understood what she meant and nodded. That the fey craved women of their own was common knowledge. The rumor around Tenacity was that the fey had been locked away for eons and were looking for females to fuck now. But if all they wanted was sex, they wouldn’t be collecting baby clothes.
Wayne’s voice startled me the moment I walked through the door.
“What in the hell were you thinking?” He stood before us with his arms crossed.
Abi and I shared a look, unsure which of us he was talking to.
“I had to hear from Nat that some grey bastard made my wife squeal.”
Understanding he was upset with me, I calmly removed my jacket.
“Do you know how that made me feel, hearing that, Terri? Do you know how it made me look?”
“Who cares how it made you look,” I said, tossing the bag of rice to him. “I found someone to trade with me. That’s all that should matter.”
He looked down at the rice he’d caught.
“And what did you have to trade for this?” he asked, his tone flat.
Abi hurried Greyly away as I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Baby clothes. Nothing you have any use for.”
His gaze locked with mine.
“A bag of rice and a bag of beans for the baby clothes you had this morning? Even they’re not that stupid.” He moved closer to me, dropping his voice so the others wouldn’t hear him from the kitchen. “I can’t believe having a baby means more to you than I do.”
I jerked back from him as if he’d slapped me.
“I didn’t have sex with anyone, you ass.” With the beans in hand, I pushed past him and walked into the kitchen just as Greyly was quietly telling Grandma about the treat I’d given her.
“Where’d she get chocolate?” Wayne asked from behind me.
“From me. And for your information, I cleaned for it. Dishes. Just in case you’re thinking I cleaned something else.”
“We share what you trade, Terri. Equally.”
“No, not equally. Greyly always gets smaller portions.”
“Because she’s smaller!” he yelled, clearly frustrated with me, which was just fine since I was equally frustrated with him.
“She’s growing. She needs more.”
“I don’t care. We have rules.”
“We do,” Grandma agreed, speaking up for the first time. “Anyone who leaves the wall shares the supplies they provid
e as they see fit.”
“I’m glad that Terri thought of us at all,” Abi added. “Brooke never did.”
“Fine,” Wayne snarled. “I see how this is going to be. Enjoy your food.”
He slammed the door on his way out of the house.
“He didn’t bring back any wood,” Grandma said. “Once they told him you were gone, he came back here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I sent Bobby for wood. He hates listening to those narrow-minded men, but it’s better than freezing.”
I sat at the kitchen table, a bowl of beans and rice in front of me. The rest of the house was quiet as I waited for Wayne to come home. When he did show up, he leaned against the door frame and scowled at me.
“We saved you your equal share,” I said, sliding the bowl toward him. “We also voted that Greyly should get a lunch. Just her. Just her normal small portion.”
“Doesn’t count. We weren’t all present.”
“Whose fault is that? You’re the one that stormed off in a fit.”
“A fit? You left with another man. What was I supposed to think?”
I shook my head at him.
“Since you’re the one who suggested I try to trade what’s in the basement for food, you were supposed to have faith in me. I did exactly what you wanted. Unlike you.”
He threw his hands up in the air again. “Here we go. Are you going to hate me forever because I was man enough to stand up for what I wanted? A life without being chained down.”
“If you didn’t want to be chained down, then why did you want to marry me?”
“Back then, you were good at giving head.”
“Back then, I liked you more.”
He snorted.
“Don’t worry. I won’t be touching you again until I know for sure you’re not carrying some grey abomination in your baby-hungry uterus.”
I busted out laughing. “Baby-hungry uterus?”
“I see the way you look at that kid. Being around her isn’t helping you. We’ll talk to Matt and transfer to another house. One without kids.”
I stood and shook my head. “Being around her isn’t helping you. Sleep on the couch tonight. It’ll be more comfortable for you.”