by M. J. Haag
“Already planned on it,” he said as I walked away.
I slept fitfully despite having the bed to myself. Even in my sleep, I was angry at Wayne. I couldn’t believe he had actually accused me of cheating on him. I’d forgiven his initial reaction, figuring he’d said what he had out of fear for my safety after hearing I’d left. But I was struggling to forgive everything he’d said when he’d come home.
He could be such a stubborn ass at times.
Telling myself that didn’t ease the sting of his accusation, though. Baby-hungry uterus? Who said that? A man afraid of kids, that’s who. The anger and bitterness continued to climb until I gave up sleeping at dawn and got out of bed to use the bathroom.
Wayne didn’t move on the couch as I let myself downstairs. He snored with the ease of an untroubled soul, which only annoyed me more.
In the basement, I started the process of sorting through clothes. Some of it was too cute to giveaway yet. I removed a few items too impractical to keep, like a tiny dress with more frills and ruffles than a quinceanera gown. The fey probably wouldn’t trade for it, but there was no harm in trying.
With six items neatly packed away in a plastic bag, I went upstairs to start breakfast. At the first clang of the pot, Wayne roused and joined me in the kitchen. He didn’t apologize for being a dumbass, though, so I remained quiet.
Breakfast proceeded like the day before, and as soon as the dishes were in the sink, I grabbed the bag of clothes.
“You’re not going back there,” Wayne said, noticing.
“You’re telling me you don’t want me to do my part?”
“No, do your part. Here. With your own kind.”
Grandma muttered “pigheaded” under her breath as she washed. The others hurried to clear out of the house.
“There’s no food here, Wayne. I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to trade for food because you’re insecure.”
“I’m not insecure. I’m disgusted. Unless you walked, you let one of them touch you. You leave again, and I won’t be able to ignore that. You leave, and we’re done.”
I could see in his eyes that he meant every word he was saying, and a sick feeling settled in my stomach. Anger, fear, and unimaginable hurt consumed me.
“Can you even hear yourself? You’re telling me to choose between you and food?”
“I guess I am. Or maybe I’m asking you to choose between me and living here. Let’s move to another house filled with people more able to carry their weight. There’d be no need to trade then.”
Grandma snorted.
“Do you have any idea how stupid you sound? How do you think Bram and Bobby return from those supply runs with food? The fey. That’s how. The big men touch every single item, packing it up and carrying it to the trucks, then unpacking it again when it gets here. Bram and Bobby are only there to point out what’s useful. Stop being a hypocrite. What Terri is doing is just as useful. Why do you always have to find ways to put her down?” Grandma turned on me. “Honey, even at the end of the world, you could do a lot better than this man.”
I blinked at the intensity in Grandma’s voice.
Wayne snorted. “Spoken like a true man-hater.”
Grandma threw the rag in the water and stalked off to her bedroom, leaving Wayne and me alone.
“You leave, then don’t bother coming back.”
I calmly put on my jacket and walked out the door.
Chapter Six
Ignoring all the hate-filled glares sent his way, Azio waited for me near the wall. He watched my approach with keen attention that I didn’t immediately notice. I was too busy silently fuming.
“Good morning, Terri. May I carry you?” he asked.
“You may.”
It wasn’t until we were over the wall that I realized leaving with him hadn’t been necessary. I knew the contents of his cupboards and could have negotiated a trade without leaving Tenacity. But staying would have felt like I’d let Wayne win. And he’d already had far too many wins in our marriage.
Rather than asking Azio to turn around, I tucked my face against his chest. His arms tightened around me slightly just as they had the day before. And darn if I didn’t like it. I pretended it was the hug I was craving at the moment—comfort from someone who cared.
That thought made my eyes water, and I sniffled.
“You are safe, Terri,” Azio said a moment before he jumped, and my stomach flipped.
He didn’t put me down as soon as he landed, though. I was smart enough not to look up this time.
“May I carry you to my house? I don’t want you to faint again.”
“That’s very considerate. Thank you.”
He didn’t move.
“Is that consent to carry you?” The hesitance and confusion in his tone had me smiling.
“It is. Thank you for double-checking.”
This time he started walking, and I kept my forehead pressed against his tee-shirt-covered pectoral until he reached his front door. He let me down without me having to ask.
Inside, the same fey from the day before watched a movie, which he paused when I entered.
He didn’t look up at me, though.
“Good morning, Terri,” he greeted.
“Good morning. It’s Groth, right?”
“Yes.”
Not sure what more to say, I plucked open the bag to show them the clothes. As soon as the dress lay on the back of the couch, Groth stood and came closer. Their expressions ranged from confusion to awe the longer they studied it.
“Babies wear this?” Azio asked.
“Yes. Well, female babies do. Although, I don’t think anyone would say anything if you put it on a boy except maybe, ‘cute girl.’ It’s not something a baby would wear every day. It’s a special occasion kind of thing. A fancy dress fit for a princess.”
“Special,” Azio said, petting a ruffle. “I will trade much food for this.”
I cringed and felt a stab of guilt.
“If you’re looking for clothes, it’s better to trade for practical items. Durable outfits.” Which I’d brought with and quickly produced. Azio considered the little jeans. Without looking at me, he grunted and went to the kitchen.
I glanced at Groth, who quickly looked away from me.
“Do you have another one like this? I would like one too.”
“There are other dresses, but none like this. I can check with other houses, though.”
“Thank you.”
Something heavy thumped down on the counter in the kitchen, startling me. When I looked over, Azio’s gaze locked with mine, and I quickly looked down at what he’d moved. The white paper package confused me for only a moment.
“Is that meat?”
“Yes. Steak, I think. I will give you four more in exchange for all of the clothes.”
I wanted to say yes so badly, but I couldn’t cheat him like that.
“Honestly, Azio, one steak is more than these clothes are worth.”
“To you, maybe. To me, they mean everything.”
I risked a peek and quickly averted my gaze at the intensity in his eyes. It made my heart race in fear and in pity.
“You’ll need more than clothes to make a baby,” I said.
He grunted.
“Why do females fear us?” Groth asked. “We hide our teeth. We look away.” He exhaled heavily. “Will you teach us how to be better?”
“Better?”
“Better males to attract females.”
He won my attention and quickly looked away, which made me feel all kinds of guilty even as I was relieved.
“The problem isn’t with the fey. We just need more time to get used to you. We’ve all had our lives turned upside down since those earthquakes. The infected. The hellhounds. Winter. Food shortages. It’s been one bad thing after another. It’s hard to focus on relationships with all of that going on.” As I said it, I thought of Wayne. There was so much pressure on him. On us both. Was it any wonder we were both snapping
at each other?
“Will you tell us more about what’s changed?”
“The clothes and conversation in exchange for the steaks?”
“Yes.”
My stomach twisted at the idea of spending hours alone with two of them, but that white-wrapped package wrapped sang its siren song loud enough it drowned out enough of my fear that I was actually considering it. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do, and there was a couch nearby if I ended up fainting again.
“It’s a deal,” I said, taking off my jacket.
I talked about life before the quakes and the hardships we’d faced since then. Azio got up after a while and brought me a glass of water. I smiled my thanks and continued explaining. When he directed me to sit at the table, I did and watched him start to make something as I kept talking.
He and Groth both asked questions. During the entire conversation, they were polite and listened attentively. We paused to eat the stew Azio had prepared for us then they sat at the table while I did the dishes.
“So only two of the men in your house leave for supplies?” Azio asked. “And only once every three days?”
“Yeah. It makes meals like this one even more special. Thank you for feeding me.”
“Thank you for talking to us.”
“Of course. If it’s all right with you, I should go home now.”
Like when I’d arrived, he carried me as soon as we left the house so I wouldn’t freak out. Then he ran all the way to Tenacity before slowing and asking me the same question as the previous day.
“Will you trade with me again tomorrow?”
I thought of all the clothes still in the basement and the steaks weighing down the backpack he’d provided me. It would be foolish to pass up a chance to trade for more food. Yet, I hesitated. I was growing more comfortable around Azio and Groth, and that terrified me because of the promise I’d made to myself. Once I was comfortable, I’d pull my own weight and go on supply runs.
Azio exhaled heavily and set his head on top of mine. Oh, how I liked that simple, comforting move.
“I’m sorry I scare you.”
“And I’m sorry I’m not better at hiding it. You shouldn’t feel guilty about my shortcomings. I’ll trade with you tomorrow and every day afterward for as long as I can find clothes. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“And for the record, I don’t think I’ll always be afraid of fey. Spending time with you is helping.”
This time, his hug wasn’t nearly as subtle, and I grinned into his chest, only feeling a smidge of guilt for the contact. Yes, I was married. But I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I wasn’t having improper thoughts. And considering the questions they’d asked me today, neither Azio nor Groth were having improper thoughts. They were simply curious about humans in general.
Azio jumped over the wall and deposited me inside before leaving. I hurried home, anticipating the stunned reactions of my housemates and husband when I showed them what I’d obtained. However, when I arrived home, I didn’t receive the greeting I expected.
The meager pile of my possessions waited on the table along with Wayne’s wedding band. He’d smashed it flat, so it wasn’t wearable anymore.
Setting the backpack aside, I picked up his ring, too dazed to know what to think. In all our years together and all our fights, even the one about the vasectomy, he’d never taken it off.
A slight sound from the doorway leading into the kitchen let me know I wasn’t alone.
“I’m sorry, honey,” Grandma said softly.
“Where is he?”
She shook her head slightly, and I narrowed my eyes.
“Wayne, don’t you dare hide from this.”
Grandma stepped back, and Wayne strode in.
“I’m not hiding. I was giving you a chance to leave quietly.”
“I’m not leaving.” I grabbed the backpack and opened it to dump the three packages of steak on the table. “Real meat, Wayne. That’s what I brought to the table. What did you bring, other than a smashed ring and a temper tantrum?”
His face flushed red, and his hand snaked out to grab mine. I was so shocked by the aggressive move that I didn’t understand what he was going after until he started tugging on my rings. They hit my knuckle before I thought to fist my hand.
Wayne pried at my fingers, and I hit at his shoulder as he bent over my hand.
“What is wrong with you?” I demanded.
“Nothing. It’s what’s wrong with you.”
He won the rings free and immediately backed away.
“You’re not the woman I married anymore, and this is as close to a divorce as we can get.”
“Those aren’t your rings. Those are mine from my grandmother because you were too broke to buy me anything, remember?”
His eyes narrowed, and he tossed them at me. They pinged off my chest and fell to the floor.
“At least I didn’t throw them in your face like you seem to enjoy doing,” he said.
My lips trembled as I bent to pick up the rings, but I refused to give in to my tears. Divorced. My insides felt like they were bleeding. After everything I’d done and given up for him, he wanted to divorce me at the end of the world? Where had I gone wrong? What was wrong with me?
“I’ll move my things in with Sam,” I said, scooping up my pile of clothes.
“Unbelievable. Sticking around isn’t going to change my mind,” Wayne said.
“The housing is assigned. Where else do you think I can go? I’m just as much stuck with you as you are with me.”
“Why don’t you run off with one of your fey? Brooke found somewhere else to live easily enough.”
My mouth dropped open, and before I could figure out how to reply to that, he stormed out the door.
Grandma sighed heavily and wrapped me in a hug as my tears finally let loose.
“I know that it doesn’t feel like it now,” she said, “but this moment might be the start of a better future.”
I snorted messily and pulled back to wipe at my face.
“How?”
“Wayne is an ass and getting worse by the day.”
“It’s the pressure.”
“No, it’s the people he’s associating with. A group that hates the fey so blindly that they’d cut their own mothers from their lives to prove they want nothing to do with those grey demons. Not my words. Something Nat’s been whispering in some ears.”
“And Wayne’s mixed up with them? Then he needs help.”
Grandma shook her head slowly, her face conveying her disappointment.
“He’s not an addict needing intervention. He’s a grown man who’s choosing hate over love. Don’t give any more of yourself to him than you already have, honey.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Exactly what he said. Look at who brought you home these last two days. Why stay here when you can live better over there?”
I swallowed hard and looked down at my hands. The left one now bare of rings.
“The rest of you need food too. What about—”
“We’ll be fine. The food will stretch further without an extra mouth.”
That hurt. But I understood what she meant.
“Make sure Greyly gets bigger portions.”
“I will.”
Chapter Seven
The tightly packed backpack I carried stuck out like a sore thumb as I made my way to the wall. At least, that was what I told myself to explain why people kept looking at me. They were absolutely not staring at my face, which was puffy from a long night of silently crying and very little sleep.
Sam had been kind enough to wake me at dawn, so I wouldn’t miss meeting up with Azio. Considering what I planned to ask him, I still wasn’t sure if I was thankful for her wakeup or not.
Through my pain, I’d spent a good deal of time last night giving a lot of thought to the future. At first, it had looked bleak and terrifying. While Grandma had been sure that Azio and Groth would welcome me into th
eir home in exchange for baby clothes, the idea of living with two of them had made my vision swim more than once. But then, as I’d sorted the baby clothes after dinner, I’d found a silver lining.
The fey wanted babies. Badly. So did I.
I’d been worried about how long Azio and Groth would let me stay with them and feed me in exchange for the clothes. But if I was pregnant with one of their babies, I’d be set for life.
All I had to do was proposition one of them and not pass out. My vision started to tunnel, and I had to pause and crouch in the middle of the street so I wouldn’t faint. Rather than hating Wayne or dwelling on what I’d need to do with one of the fey, I focused on the end result.
A cute, tiny baby.
What wouldn’t I do to have one of my own?
Yet, my stomach continued to churn with nerves once I reached the wall. I watched the fey arrive and leave again for the daily supply run and gave Bobby a sad smile when he waved and said goodbye to me. A few minutes later, Azio appeared.
My knees went weak, and I immediately crouched.
“Terri, you are safe,” Azio said, hurrying to me instead of waiting for me to come to him.
His hand settled on my head, grounding me. Despite witnessing fey pull heads off of the infected, Azio had never used that strength against me. He was flawlessly gentle, physically and emotionally. I needed to keep reminding myself of that.
“I know,” I said, breathing through the wave of panic-induced dizziness. “I’m sorry.”
“May I carry you?”
I nodded and leaned into him once he had me in his arms.
We didn’t speak as he raced toward Tolerance, which was fine by me. It gave me a few moments to consider how I wanted to broach such a sensitive subject. He jumped the wall and slowed but didn’t offer to put me down until we stood on his stoop.
“Thank you,” I said when he opened the door for me.
Groth was once again watching a movie, which he immediately paused.
“I have a lot more with me today,” I said after removing my shoes and jacket.
They both watched with interest as I went to the dining table and started laying out clothes. I’d taken all of my personal favorites from the basement, including an adorable little ballcap.