“Yes, actually I am. I’m old. I can’t run as fast as you,” I muttered.
Ellie moved over to stand over me. “How old are you? Are you as old as my grandpa?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “No, I’m not that old. I’m twenty-nine.”
“My mom is twenty-six. She’s a little bit old,” she said with all the sureness of a seven-year-old.
I grinned, sitting up looking up at her. “I don’t think ladies like to be called old.”
“I said she’s a little bit old. She’s not old and wrinkly,” she clarified.
I nodded. “I see. Am I old?”
She shrugged. “You’re not wrinkly.”
I heard Erin laugh and had to laugh myself. Only a kid could get away with such bluntness. “Let’s do this slide thing. Do I catch you or what?” I asked.
She wrinkled her nose. “I’m not a baby.”
“Does that mean I don’t catch you?”
She rolled her eyes, sounding and looking very much like her mother. “No. Come on, I’ll show you,” she grumbled.
I got to my feet and walked to the slide. I could see Erin watching us. It was killing me to stay away from her. There was so much I wanted from her, for her, and to know she didn’t trust me enough to be a partner in this whole parenting thing, it hurt. It made me second-guess everything.
“Okay, I’m here,” I announced, holding my arms out.
“I’m coming, watch out!” Ellie cried out, coming down the slide with speed that terrified me.
My instinct was to reach out and scoop her up, which is exactly what I did. I lifted her up and carefully put her on her feet a few feet away from the slide. “Are you okay?”
She scowled. “I’m fine. You picked me up.”
“You were going fast,” I retorted.
“I’m a big girl,” she protested.
“Ellie,” Erin said in a warning voice. “Mind your manners, young lady.”
“Sorry,” Ellie said.
“It’s fine. You are a big girl. You want to do it again? I won’t catch you this time.”
She sighed. “No. I’m good. I’m thirsty.”
“I brought some water. Why don’t we all go get a drink?” I suggested.
We all sat down at the picnic table again, rehydrating with the cold waters. Erin took a seat beside Ellie, using one hand to brush her hair back. I watched as she smiled at our daughter, looking at her with such tenderness and love. Ellie looked up at her, smiling as she drank from her bottle. The two of them looked a lot like. I imagined Ellie would look more like Erin the older she grew.
I was more determined than ever to be a part of her life. I wasn’t sure what that all entailed; if I had to get a lawyer and get a custody agreement, I would do it. I wasn’t going to walk away. I would pay every penny of back child support. I would do classes, buy a house, and do whatever it took to be a permanent part of Ellie’s life. I wasn’t sure if Western Energies was in Burning Butte to stay, but I was. I would find another job. I would find a way to make a good living, enough to support Ellie.
I looked at Erin, letting her know just how determined I was. No one was running me out of town again, not even if they were packing heat. I had everything to lose and would not go down without a fight.
26
Erin
He was so different. I knew he had caught me staring at him several times. I couldn’t help it. I kept looking at him, trying to align the man I was seeing in front of me with the guy I had known back then. He had been short-tempered, cocky, and always looking for trouble. The man today was fun and energetic and very patient. I loved the easy way he had with all of the kids. He never yelled at them, never acted like he was irritated with them.
Watching him was a treat. It was like being able to be on the outside looking in. Like watching the best family television show. He was dressed casually in a pair of khaki shorts and a loose T-shirt. Sometimes when he ran or dropped to the ground, his shirt would rise, exposing a stretch of skin. Every time I saw his flat stomach I thought about last night. He was a beautiful man. Every inch of him. I wanted to trace every muscle with my tongue. He turned to look at me, his eyes narrowed when he saw me looking at him. I bit my bottom lip. I knew he had a good idea about what I was thinking about. I didn’t care. I let him see the want, hoping to spark the same in him.
He shot me a look that said not today. Hell, maybe the look said not ever. It was a small blow to my ego. I wasn’t going to let it get me down. I wasn’t going to give up. He’d gone through hell to get back to me. I had to put in some fight.
“Not again!” I heard him shout before bursting into laughter.
Mitchell was wrapped around one leg with Ellie around his other one, trying to take him to the ground.
“Get him!” Ellie cried out.
“Nooo,” Jacob cried out, struggling to stay standing.
I burst into laughter, watching as he fell to the grass. The kids piled on top of him, laughing and screaming with joy. It made my heart happy to see him playing with all the kids. He’d been a little stiff and tense at first, but my three little munchkins could make anyone laugh. I had never seen Jacob laugh like he was. He looked like he was truly enjoying himself. I loved watching him with Ellie. Every mama wanted her baby to have a good daddy. Jacob was going to be a damn good daddy.
“I want a horse ride!” Ellie shouted.
I groaned, feeling horrible that he was being tortured. I had never seen anyone, not my dad, Philip, or Larry ever play with them like Jacob was. He was acting like one of them. His boundless energy surprised me. The kids could be exhausting. Very few people had been able to keep up with them. I could see them slowing down but knew they would fight it every step of the way. When they ran that hard, they crashed hard. If they didn’t get a few minutes to lie down, they turned into little, cranky beasts. It always led to lots of squabbling and made me want to pull my hair out. I could see them flagging and knew it was time to step in. I hated to stop the fun, but it was either stop it or deal with the meltdowns that were sure to follow.
“All right, guys, let’s take care of those water bottles and load up,” I said.
“What? Why?” Ellie protested. “We’re still playing.”
It was the beginning of the whining stage. I knew it well. I knew it well enough to know I didn’t want to live through it if it was avoidable. Mackenzie chimed in; her lower lip pushed out in a pout.
I looked at Jacob, who appeared ready to put forth his own protest. “It’s time to go home. It’s time for a N-A-P,” I said in a low voice, my eyes widening as I jerked my head, trying to talk without saying the words.
The girls burst into giggles. I turned to look at Mitchell. He had his little hand smacked against his forehead, slowly shaking it back and forth, looking like a miniature version of his father. “Something wrong?” I asked him.
“I’m six, not two. I can spell,” he said with a great deal of exasperation. “We don’t need naps. We’re big kids.”
I raised my eyebrows, trying to fight back my own laughter. Sometimes, he could sound like a forty-year-old man. I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I think it’s time to go home and settle in for a little TV time. You guys need some quiet time,” I said in a stern, monotone voice as if we were negotiating a business deal.
Quiet time was code for nap. They were older and didn’t take regular naps, but after running as hard as they did earlier, I had a feeling quiet time would lead to a few power naps.
“You want us to take a nap,” he protested.
I shook my head. “Nope. I want you guys to take a little break. If you fall asleep, that’s okay; if not, that’s fine,” I said doing my best to sound completely reasonable.
“I could use a little quiet time as well. You guys are hard to keep up with,” Jacob told them.
“We want to play a little more,” Ellie protested.
“I think you guys can play again another time,” I said, looking at Jacob to see if
he was willing to do that.
He nodded. “I’d love to play tag again. Maybe next week we’ll have another picnic.”
“Are you going to bring tuna sandwiches this time?” Ellie questioned.
Jacob grinned. “I will. With pickles.”
“Yeah!” Ellie cheered.
“Alright, let’s get a move on,” I said, slapping my hand against the table and getting to my feet.
The kids got up and dragged their feet as they made their way back to the SUV. With Jacob’s help, we got them buckled in without a lot of complaints. Judging by the exhausted looks on their faces, I had a feeling they would all be passed out before I even made it outside of town. I used the remote start to turn on the engine and get the AC blowing before closing the door.
Jacob was standing there, his hands in his pockets as he stared through the back-passenger window. “She’s a handful,” I said quietly.
He nodded his head. “She is.”
“I hope they weren’t too much for you,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
“They weren’t. Thank you for letting me spend some time with her. I’d like to do it again,” he said, his voice stiff and lacking emotion.
I nodded. “I think that would be a good idea. She’d love to. Jacob, you did great with her today,” I told him with a smile.
He was going out of his way to keep his distance from me. His hands were shoved deep in the pockets of his khaki shorts. He’d put on his sunglasses, blocking his eyes, adding another wall between us.
“I need to get going,” he replied, moving to step past me.
“Jacob—”
He looked at me, his jaw set. “Not now.”
I nodded, understanding he was telling me he didn’t want to talk about us. “Okay. Um, should I call you?”
“For?” he asked.
I gulped down the lump in my throat. “We need to finalize the details for the ice cream social.”
“I’ll handle it.”
“I see. I guess you’ll let me know when you’d like to see Ellie again?” I asked hopefully.
He smirked. “Yes, that I will let you know.”
He walked around the front of his truck and got into the cab without even looking my way. He pulled out of the parking lot, leaving me standing there staring at his taillights. I had screwed up. He was different. Last night he’d at least wanted me. In the bright light of day, he couldn’t even look at me. He was giving me the cold shoulder.
I took a deep breath, pushing down the sadness. I got into the SUV, a bright, fake smile on my face as I pulled out of the parking lot. Inside, I could feel my heart shattering. He’d professed his love for me, claimed he wanted a relationship and he was willing to fight for it. I had rejected his advances. I had told him we couldn’t be together, but today, watching him with all of the kids in the park, I let myself have a little fantasy.
I let myself dream about a future with the three of us as a family. I imagined us having dinner together and spending our weekends playing at parks and going camping or visiting various other family adventures. I felt like an idiot for thinking he would run out on us when he found out about her. I should have known better. I had cut him deep. It was a cut I didn’t think was going to heal anytime soon. I knew his history. He didn’t have a family. He didn’t have anyone in his corner. He’d always been on his own, and when we had gotten together, he’d had a lot of walls and a giant chip on his shoulder. It had taken me years to get him to open up, to be my friend, to let me see who he really was.
I hated to think I had lost him for good. He’d just come back in my life, just given me hope for a future, and now I had ruined that.
“Why?” I whispered, slapping the steering wheel.
“What, Mom?” Ellie asked from the back seat.
“Nothing, sweetie,” I said, choking back the tears.
I had to hold it together until I got them settled in. Then, I would take a three-minute bathroom break and cry my heart out. It was hard to fathom my life had been turned upside down and inside out just because I had opened the front door at the Welsh mansion. Everything had changed in that moment. I had run the full gamut of emotions from happy to furious to heartbroken. I wasn’t great at the chase. I had chased him for years back in high school—years. It had taken me years to get him to want me. I didn’t want to wait that long again.
I parked the car, got the kids unloaded, and ushered them into the living room. I put on one of their favorite movies and passed out the plush blankets—even though it was hot as sin outside, the AC in the mansion was always on overtime. I busied myself in the living room, waiting to see if they were officially settled or if there was going to be a round of demands. When no one asked for water or a snack, I snuck off to the bathroom and let myself have that cry.
27
Jacob
Things were kind of in a holding pattern at work, leaving very little for any of us to actually do. All the applications for permits were filled out and waiting until we felt we would get the green light before we ever filed. Plans were drawn up and waiting. Everything was waiting. The town council wasn’t budging. The ice cream social was essentially our last hope. Erin was going to be a huge part of that. I needed to set aside my differences with her and get her back on the team.
I wasn’t going anywhere. I was going to be staying in Burning Butte, and it would make life easier if I had a good job to support my daughter. I was one half of a family. It was strange to think of myself as a family man, but I was. Or at least, I was going to be. I was in Ellie’s life for good, come hell or high water. She was stuck with me. I couldn’t believe Erin ever thought I would walk away from my child. She had to think I was some kind of monster.
Truth was, I didn’t think I could walk away from either one. I was pissed at Erin, but I loved her. I’d always loved her, and that love didn’t stop when I found out she’d been keeping a secret. I’d been hurt, cut to the core, but I didn’t hate her. It hurt so bad because I did love her. The looks she’d given me at the park and the silent pleading for attention had been difficult to ignore. My reaction at the park had been more about me wanting to punish her for the pain she had caused me than any actual dislike of her. I loved her. That hadn’t changed. It wouldn’t change.
There was a lot of shit to work through, no matter what happened between us. I owed her an apology for the cold-shoulder treatment and a few of the things I had said to her. I wanted us to be together, and I hated the idea of wasting precious time being mad at her for something that was all done and over. Truthfully, the secret ended up being the best gift in the world. I couldn’t be mad at her for giving me a daughter.
Philip was the last man standing in my way of getting my happily ever after, or at least close to it. It was about time he and I had our face-to-face. He seemed to be avoiding me, or maybe I was avoiding him. Regardless, it was time to let the guy know I wasn’t going anywhere. Erin had the idea things would eventually just get better, but I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t like the idea of Philip hanging over my head.
I closed down my computer, grabbed my keys, and left the relatively empty offices of Western Energies. We had put everyone on hiatus while we worked to figure out the situation with the permits. I drove straight to the sheriff’s office, hoping to find Philip there.
“Hi,” I greeted the older woman sitting behind a desk out front.
“I remember you,” she replied.
I grinned. “Good. I’m here to see Sheriff Maxwell. Is he in?”
The woman looked skeptical. “Are you going to start trouble?”
I raised an eyebrow, studying her close before I remembered who she was. “You’re working for the sheriff’s department, Mrs. Munch?” I asked my former math teacher with surprise.
“I retired from teaching. Too many hoodlums like you coming through my doors,” she said with a laugh.
Mrs. Munch had been a good teacher, but I hated math and school, and I had been a rebellious shit. Out of
all my teachers, she’d probably been the most understanding, but she’d been strict. She’d given me detention more than anyone else.
“Don’t shoot me,” I teased.
“Philip’s in his office,” she said, jerking her thumb toward the door behind her.
“Thank you.”
I knocked once and pushed open the door. I knew if he knew it was me, he wouldn’t invite me in. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing in the world to confront an armed man, but I was going to do it anyway. Philip looked up from the report he was working on and dropped the pen. He stood up, his hands going to his hips as he stared me down.
“What are you doing here?” He glowered at me.
“I’m here to talk, and you’re damn well going to listen,” I said, taking a seat in the hard wooden chair across from his desk.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he snapped, taking his seat.
“Good, because I just said you’re going to be doing the listening, I’m going to be doing the talking. There is some stuff to work out, and it’s about time we did that.”
Philip sneered, shaking his head. “I don’t care what you have to say, but you must be pretty fucking stupid to walk right into the lion’s den.”
I shrugged a shoulder, not the least bit concerned by his bluster. That was classic Philip. “You’re going to listen anyway.”
“What? What do you want?”
“I know about Ellie. I know Erin and I have a daughter together, and I know you and your dad and everyone else in this town thought it was a good idea to keep that from me. Well, too late and too bad. I’m here to stay and I’m not leaving my daughter ever again. Now that I know about her, no one—not you, your dad, or the whole damn town—is going to run me out. If I go, she goes,” I said firmly, looking him dead in the eye.
Philip stared back at me. “You shouldn’t have a daughter. You should have never done what you did.”
“I do and I did. You need to get over yourself, Philip. Erin and I had—have—something special. I don’t know why that is so hard for you to understand. She wasn’t a little girl when we got together. She’s old enough to make her own decisions now, and she was then,” I told him.
Bad Boy’s Secret Baby Page 15