I heard a knock on the door, assumed it must be one of the kids asking if Ellie could play, and made my way over, the basket of laundry I needed to fold under one arm. When I opened the door, it was Ivy standing on the other side. That was unexpected. She never bothered me on a Sunday, firm in the belief I needed a full day off.
“Hi, Ivy. What’s up?” I asked.
“You have a visitor,” she said with a grin.
“I have a visitor?” I asked, wondering if she was referring to herself. Ivy tended to be a little eccentric at times.
She let out an exasperated sigh. “Yes. Jacob. He’s now got Larry talking about business. Seriously, do they ever think of anything else?” she pouted. “I’m so sick of all work and no play. Larry never wants to do anything or go anywhere. I miss the days when we would spend time together. I don’t even feel like I know him anymore.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know Jacob was coming by. Are you sure he’s here for me?” I asked gently.
“Yes. He asked for you. Larry invited him into his study, and that’s where they have been ever since. We were supposed to be going to a movie in Bismarck. Anything to get out of here. I’m so bored!”
I felt bad for her. I knew she had been struggling since they’d moved away from the city. She had no friends and had nothing in common with anyone around the area. Larry was her only friend, and he had all but abandoned her. “I’ll get Jacob. Then, why don’t I take the kids for the day and you and Larry can go watch that movie,” I offered.
“No, I couldn’t ask you to do that,” she replied.
“Hey, it’s fine. I don’t mind. They’ll probably end up hanging out together anyway.”
She mulled it over and nodded. “Okay, fine, but I’m giving you a day off during the week,” she insisted.
“Works for me,” I said with a grin. “Let me put this away and I will be right down.”
“Thank you, Erin. You are an absolute lifesaver and maybe even a marriage saver,” she muttered, heading back down the stairs.
I put on some shoes, got Ellie off the TV, and headed downstairs. I was nervous as hell to see Jacob after last night, but it had to happen eventually. I may as well get it over with, I told myself. I took Ellie to the playroom where Mackenzie and Mitchell were in a heated game of Minecraft. I didn’t want to bring Ellie to Jacob just yet. If his mood was anything like last night, I refused to let him see her. He was pissed and I got it, but he wasn’t going to disrespect me or say something that might hurt her feelings. I would claw his eyes out.
“I’ll be back in a bit. Maybe we can go to the park later,” I told them.
There were squeals of excitement as I left the room. The kids loved the park, even though their backyard was better than any park we had in town. I went to the study first and found it empty. I searched in the living room and then went outside, spotting the men in the kitchen through the window. Seeing Jacob pulled at my heart. No matter how angry I was with him, I was drawn to him.
I opened the door and stepped inside, my eyes on Jacob, trying to gauge his mood. He looked at me and offered a small smile. “Hi,” he said.
“Erin! We were just talking about the ice cream social you and Jacob have been working on. It sounds like a great idea. Do you think it will work?” he asked.
I shrugged a shoulder. “We often have big cookouts in the park for holidays or because someone has retired or is moving away. It’s a good way for everyone to come together in a relaxed environment. The kids can play, and parents don’t have to worry about finding babysitters. I think it will be a good way for people to see you and your family and actually talk to you instead of feeling like you aren’t approachable.”
Larry was nodding his head. “I think that just might work.”
Ivy came into the kitchen wearing heels and a pretty summer dress with a deep V in the front showing off a healthy amount of cleavage. Larry’s eyes widened and Jacob looked away. The woman certainly knew how to make an entrance.
“Let’s go, Larry,” she said leaving no room for argument.
Larry looked stupefied. “Go? Go where? Why are you dressed like that?”
“We’re going out. Me and you. I don’t care where, but you are taking me out and we will not be talking about work. I need some attention,” she said boldly.
I had to hide my smile.
“But the kids,” Larry said in a small voice.
“Erin’s watching them. Now, Larry. I’m giving you one last chance,” she snapped.
Larry looked at me. “Thank you,” he said and quickly rushed to his wife’s side. “You two keep up the good work. I’m anxious to hear more about this ice cream social.”
“Now, Larry!” Ivy hollered, walking out of the kitchen.
Jacob turned to look at me. I could see the heavy circles under his eyes, but he had shaved this morning and looked a little better than he had last night. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“I came to see her.”
“Ellie?” I asked suddenly nervous.
He nodded his head, making no move to step toward me. “Yes. She’s my daughter. I’m hoping we can set aside our differences so that I may have a relationship with her. What’s happened between us should not affect that. I want to know her.”
I nodded. I wouldn’t deny him that chance. “Okay.”
“Okay?” he repeated, seemingly surprised by my quick agreement.
“Yes. I told the kids I would take them to the park. You’re welcome to join us. It will give you a chance to hang out with Ellie without her or you feeling pressure. She’s an easygoing kid, but I haven’t exactly explained this situation. I’d like to ease her into the idea of having a daddy in her life,” I said with a smile.
I was trying to play it cool, but inside, my heart was breaking. He had said nothing about the two of us and what our relationship might be. I had pushed him too far. He wasn’t interested in me anymore. I gulped down the ball of emotion lodged in my throat and waited for his response.
After a few seconds, he nodded. “I’d like that. When?” he asked stiffly.
“How about an hour?” I offered.
“I’ll grab some lunch for everyone and meet you there,” he said, his tone a little chilly.
“Okay, see you then,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.
He walked out of the kitchen without saying another word. I steeled my emotions. I knew it was a possibility he would want nothing to do with me now. Hell, I had been mad enough last night to feel like that, but every time I saw him, my anger diminished, and I just wanted him to hold me.
I pulled myself together and went back to tell the kids our plans. With Ivy and Larry off doing whatever, I took Mackenzie and Mitchell back up to my apartment for me to change and get ready for a day at the park. I put on a flirty, lightweight shirt, added a little mascara to my eyelashes, and called it good. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I hoped he relaxed a little when we got to the park. “Okay, guys! Ready for a picnic at the park?” I shouted into the living room.
“You didn’t make any sandwiches,” Ellie said when I came out of the bathroom.
I smiled. “That’s because my friend, Jacob, is going to be meeting us there, and he is going to bring sandwiches for everyone!”
Ellie looked skeptical. “I hope he brings tuna.”
“I think there is a pretty good chance he will,” I told her. “But remember, you tell him thank you regardless of what kind of sandwich he brings, right?” I said, looking at all three kids and earning silent nods.
“All right, load up,” I ordered, grabbing the keys for the Welsh SUV. They preferred I used the Tahoe when I was transporting their kids. It was safer and they claimed they didn’t want me wasting my gas using my personal vehicle to drive their kids around.
As I drove, I thought about the tuna fish sandwiches. I knew Jacob loved tuna. It hadn’t been a surprise when I had given Ellie a tuna sandwich at three years old and she had gobbled it down. I re
membered smiling and crying at the same time while she ate the sandwich. It had made me miss him even more. I had seen the look on his face when he had come to my dad’s and saw her eating his favorite lunch. There were so many other little things that they shared. I couldn’t wait for him to get to know her like I knew her. I wanted her to know him and understand where she came from and how much they were alike.
I knew it was going to be a long road, but I was so hoping Jacob was in for the long haul. I knew Ellie would welcome him with open arms, once we talked about who he was to her. I wasn’t quite ready to drop that bombshell on her. We arrived at the park, and I thanked my lucky stars it was empty. Fortunately, the heat tended to drive everyone indoors. I didn’t want anyone from town watching Jacob and Ellie together. I felt like it should be a private reunion. He had been right; everyone knew. Everyone was going to be watching how it all unfolded and judging his parenting abilities. I hated that he had to go through it and hoped he would let me be by his side as he did.
Jacob pulled in behind us, parking a few spots away from the Tahoe as if he were afraid to get to close. I unloaded the kids from the vehicle and told them to go play.
“Can I help?” I asked, seeing him reaching for several bags from one of the local restaurants.
“I got it,” he grumbled.
I nodded, silently walking beside him to one of the picnic tables under the shade of a large tree. “I’ll call them over,” I said, feeling the tension between us and wanting some buffers.
He nodded, unpacking the burgers and fries. I hoped Ellie wasn’t too disappointed there weren’t any tuna sandwiches.
25
Jacob
It was kind of surreal to be sitting down to lunch with my seven-year-old daughter for the first time in both of our lives. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She was a pretty little girl and looked a lot like Erin. She was giggling and talking with her friends.
I turned to find Erin watching me. I held her gaze for a few seconds before turning back to look at Ellie. The little girl looked at me and smiled. “Thank you for the burgers.”
I smiled back. “You’re welcome.”
“I thought you were going to bring tuna. My mom always makes tuna for picnics.”
I nodded. “Maybe next time,” I said, making it clear there would be a next time.
“Do you want to push me on the swing?” she asked.
I chuckled and looked at the half-eaten burger in her hand. “Is that a good idea after you’ve eaten?”
She wrinkled her nose in a way that looked so much like Erin I was taken aback. “I think so. Why would it be a bad idea?”
I turned to Erin, who was smiling and watching. “She’s got a pretty iron stomach.”
“An iron stomach?” Ellie repeated.
“It means you don’t get sick from spinning and swinging, stuff like that,” I explained.
“I love spinning!” she exclaimed, her eyes wide.
I grinned. “So does your mom. It makes me a little queasy.”
“So, can you push me?” she asked again, completely over our conversation about who could handle spinning and who couldn’t.
I grabbed a napkin and wiped my hands. “I can. Let’s do this.”
She slid off the bench and raced across the grass to the swings. I turned back to find Erin watching us. The Welsh kids were still eating their lunch and content to stay with Erin, which left me alone with Ellie. Suddenly, I was a little freaked-out. I wasn’t sure how to talk or what to say. I’d been around three kids in my lifetime, if that. I had zero experience and had no idea how hard to push her or anything.
I had to prove I was capable of being a good father. I felt like I was being interviewed for the position. She didn’t even trust me enough to tell me I had a kid. Allowing said kid to spend any time with me was going to be a huge feat. I was up for the challenge. I would take classes if I had to. I was going to be a part of Ellie’s life.
“Have a seat,” I instructed.
She giggled. “I know, silly.”
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“I like to go really high. Don’t push me like my mom does. She only does it a little bit,” she instructed.
“I think for both our safety, I better stick to normal pushing. I don’t want your mom mad at me,” I told her.
She let out a long sigh. “Fine.”
I grabbed the chains and pulled back before pushing her forward. I repeated the process, back and forth, adding a little more energy each time. Soon, she was soaring through the air, her hair flying out behind her as she squealed with laughter.
“Too much?” I asked her, pulling the chains and slowing her down.
“No! More!”
I chuckled and pushed her away before dancing around to stand in front of her. “Oh no! You’re going to hit me!” I cried out when she started swinging forward.
She burst into laughter as I pretended to be terrified, dodging out of the way at the last second. Her laughter echoed around me as she sailed back, leaning back before pointing her pointing her feet directly at me. “I’m going to get you!”
I dropped to the ground and let her fly right over me. She was laughing so hard I feared she would fall out of the swing. I found myself laughing. Her laughter was infectious. We played the game a little longer before she grew tired of the swinging. I slowed it down and helped her off. The Welsh kids rushed over, and all three kids ran to the large jungle gym and started climbing up.
The little boy turned and pointed at me, shouting, “He’s the monster! Run!”
At first, I wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but when I heard the screams followed by raucous laughter, I quickly caught on. It was like being around the kids opened the memory vault. I remembered being their age. I roared, putting my hands up and making claws as I ran around the structure. More screams as I pretended to try and grab them. Ellie reminded me so much of Erin. She had that carefree smile and laugh, just like Erin. She was light on her feet and seemed to have fun no matter what the situation.
Erin had cleaned up the table and was walking toward us. She was smiling, watching the kids play before she turned to look at me. I stared at her, letting my own smile slip. I was still angry and hurt. Getting the chance to know Ellie made the pain even deeper. I had known her for ten minutes and I could see she was a great kid.
“Having fun?” Erin asked.
“Yes.”
“She likes you,” Erin commented.
“She should; I’m her father,” I said in a low voice.
I hadn’t meant to be rude, but I knew that’s what it sounded like. “You’re right. The two of you are a lot alike. She is a good girl, funny and kind and strong.”
“She looks like you. She has many of your mannerisms. She reminds me of you when you were younger,” I said, not looking at her. “I imagine she will be a beautiful young woman, which I’m not sure I like,” I grumbled.
“She has your eyes,” she replied.
I nodded. “She does. It’s strange to think I was a part of making a little human. I never imagined someone sharing my genes.”
Her warm smile nearly melted the ice had erected around my heart, but I pushed back against it. “I remember when she was born and counting all her little fingers and toes. I couldn’t believe I had grown a tiny baby in my body. I wanted desperately to share that moment with you.”
The ice I thought was melting spread through me. Her words were like being doused with a bucket of cold water. “I would have liked to have seen her then. I would have liked to share that moment with you.”
Her eyes dropped. “I’m sorry. I truly am sorry. She’s spectacular and I’m not just saying that because she’s mine. She really is a good kid. I couldn’t have asked for any better.”
“I know I’ve had no part in the shaping of who she is right now, but I hope I can be a part of her future growth. I want to be a part of all of it. The tears, the discipline, the milestones, all of it, even the hard stuff. This isn’t
something you have to do on your own. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” I said, staring directly into her eyes and making sure she knew I meant it.
“She’s a good kid. She’s has all our best qualities. Although, she has a little bit of a temper,” she said with a laugh.
I winced, knowing that part had come from me. “Good. A girl needs to be strong and stubborn.”
“Let’s play tag!” Ellie shouted. “You’re it,” she said, pointing at me.
“Me?” I asked with surprise, knowing I could outrun them.
“Run!” Mitchell hollered.
The three kids jumped off the jungle gym and scattered in different directions, all of them screaming as they ran for the trees. I had my work cut out for me. I raced after Ellie first, slowing down a little so I didn’t overtake her too fast. I gave chase, letting her escape my attempt to tag her several times before finally reaching out and touching her.
“You’re it!” I shouted.
“I’m going to get you!” she returned.
I raced away, hiding behind a tree while she gave chase to her friend Mackenzie. We ran and played for what felt like forever until we all stopped, falling onto the grass and sucking in deep gulps of air. I was beat. It had been a long time since I had run around like that. They had endless buckets of energy. I rolled to my side to check on the kids and saw Erin sitting on a bench watching us.
The happy smile she’d had earlier was gone. She looked sad. I wasn’t sure why she looked sad, but I wasn’t all that concerned. If she was sad because I was enjoying myself with our daughter, too fucking bad. She had probably had countless days at the park with Ellie. This was my first; the first of many if I had anything to say about it.
“I want to go down the slide,” Ellie announced.
I groaned. “Aren’t you tired?” I asked her.
She jumped to her feet. “No. Are you?”
Bad Boy’s Secret Baby Page 14