Dungeons and Noobs

by Ryan Rimmel

  “Shit, it's still alive,” I thought to the others, turning to run in another random direction in order to keep the creatures away from me.

  “What’s still alive?” thought Shart, as I continued running. “GAAAAA. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”

  “Kiting monsters,” I said. I dodged to the left and slashed another creature on the side. Yet another attempted to bite my head off, only to narrowly miss. We continued running.

  “There are NINE of those things after you,” groaned Shart. I turned a corner, and two of the nearby creatures were struck by arrows and spells.

  “Now there are only seven,” I said, as the one I’d hit with my Blazing Powerful Falling Star Strike came into view. I used my free hand to chuck a Fire Bolt into it, finally causing the creature to collapse. ”And now six. This will be easy.”

  I dove across the room, letting all the creatures chase after me. I found a path that had less debris, allowing me to use more of my speed. Several Dragon Kin got close enough to slash as I ran past, and I Fire Bolted another. With my speed and Stamina, I thought I might be able to keep running forever, just to wear them down. I was considering my options when another creature caught me in my blind spot. Fortunately, my Fancy Footwork activated, and I jerked to the side of his attack.

  Unfortunately, I caught a second blow in my chest that lifted me entirely off the ground. I was sent flying through the air far less gracefully than the last time I was airborne. I impacted with a pile of bones, sending fragments, and my sword, scattering everywhere. Only moments after I landed, the alpha launched itself at me. It's wide-open mouth snarled, and I caught a whiff of dead carcass on its breath.

  “Noodle!” I exclaimed, generating a Fireball far faster than I had been able to before. My improved Flameology skill was already paying off. I fired it into the creature’s open mouth. The scalding magic caused it to stumble, and I surged forward. I grabbed its mouth and forced it shut. The muffled boom of my Fireball was quite satisfying.

  The alpha wasn’t interested in letting me keep a grip on its maw, so it spun rapidly to the side. I was thrown free, but I managed to avoid a second strike in midair, as one of the common Drak-ish snapped at me.

  Rolling free, I attempted to summon my sword before moving back toward the party. I could feel the sword, but it refused to come to my hand in the moments I had before I was out of range.

  ● Summon Blade: Lets you return a sword to your hand from any distance.

  ○ You must have a clear line of sight to the weapon

  ○ The weapon must have a clear path to your hand

  Any distance my ass.

  “Incoming!”

  “There are ten of them now, plus the alpha,” stated Shart.

  Checking my Mana and Stamina, I realized I had a problem. “I need a pit stop!”

  “We can’t dig a pit this quickly,” replied Fenris.

  “I mean I need Stamina and Mana potions,” I yelled back.

  “Get them into a group,” stated Bashara.

  As I turned the corner to get in line with the party, I noticed that Bashara’s Mana reserves were dangerously low. Hopefully that meant she had cast something impressive. As I glanced down at the ground, I saw a series of wards had been placed.

  I leapt into the air, covering the distance over the wards easily. As I did so, I fired two more Fireballs that detonated near the Drak-ish. Fireballs were not my best magical attack, by any means, but they were bright and flashy. The creatures bunched up slightly at the bright fires, before they charged toward me. . .

  Straight into a minefield. The wards activated in ones and twos, followed by multiple wards at the same time. Each of them, on their own, was far less impressive than my Fireball spell. However, Bashara had laid out about twenty of the wards.

  Ten Drak-ish had run into the field. I had been slashing, burning, and generally making a menace of myself, so they were far from healthy. After the flurry of explosions, only six ran out. Several of them were bloody ruins that SueLeeta instantly started firing into.

  “I told you so,” stated Bashara, shaking her head at Glorious Robert. “My spells tore most of them up.” Glorious Robert grunted but said nothing.

  Badgelor was back in the center of the formation, almost at full Health. As I sprinted past, Jarra the Healer tossed me two potions. I drank both without checking what they were. They smelled sweet but tasted spicy. Instantly, my Mana and Stamina started to recover.

  “You didn’t take any damage?” asked Sir Dalton, who’s own Health was down slightly.

  “I’ve mainly been avoiding them,” I said, holding up my hand to summon my sword. It was now very much out of range.

  “Looks like the ones at the door were much tougher than the ones you’ve been leading around,” said Glorious Robert. He didn’t have the Lore skill, so he couldn’t really tell how tough a creature was, and that group had fallen easily. He shrugged as he unhooked a blade from his belt and tossed it to me. His weapons cache seemed to include a gaff hook, two shortswords, an axe, a bigger axe, a club, a cudgel, and something that looked very much like the sink out of someone’s kitchen.

  By the time the creatures got to us, only three were still standing. One of those was so badly injured that, before it even closed the range, Badgelor put it down with Destructive Gaze. One of the creatures was still attempting to come after me, when Fenris launched himself forward. The Warden slammed into it with his shield, causing the creature to go flying into a nearby pile of bones.

  The other one was suffering from a leg injury, preventing it from charging. Zorlando and Sir Dalton intercepted it, while Fenris unceremoniously stabbed into the bone pile until the other Drak-ish stopped moving.

  “We have won,” stated Sir Dalton. An instant later, a deafening roar filled the room.

  “There’s the big one,” I said, as the alpha came back into view.

  ● Alpha Drak-ish, type Dragon Kin

  ● Level 25

  ● Sub Boss

  ● HP: 2482/2700

  ● Stamina: 1380/1450

  ● Mana: 950/950

  ● Skills: Unknown (Lore Check Failed)

  ● Perks: Unknown (Lore Check Failed)

  “Finally, a worthy opponent,” stated Sir Dalton, in what might not have been bluster.

  “He’s already taken some Damage,” stated SueLeeta. “Jim, were you playing with the boss?”

  “I might have had a tussle,” I said.

  “Is that your sword sticking out of its head?” asked Glorious Robert, gesturing to my blade at the back of its skull.

  Throwing Glorious Robert his sword back, I stuck out my hand. The alpha’s head twisted to the side, and my blade tore free. It flew across the room in a glorious, graceful arc, falling straight into my outstretched hand with an audible slap. “Free Sword Delivery,” I chuckled.

  Bashara groaned. “Focus on the enemy.”

  The alpha was busy snarling and roaring, tearing out big chunks of stone with its talons. Badgelor was responding by snarling himself, matching the creature in both volume and aggression.

  “Clear a path,” stated Bashara, strolling past the badger. “Then, get ready to run in and finish it off. I doubt this will kill it.” As she spoke, her staff floated up next to her. Magical runes on either side suddenly glowed a smoky yellow. Bashara began muttering many words of power in quick succession.

  My Arcane Lore activated. I recognized the spell as an Aeromancy spell, but I couldn’t recognize anything else about it. As she continued chanting, the effect got far more interesting. Her staff started glowing and then began to spin. A string of runes appeared in midair. As Bashara continued the incantation, the staff spun faster and faster. As she finished, her eyes began to glow the same yellow as the runes on her staff. Finally, she slammed her palm forward into the runic circle she had formed in the air.

  ● Lemnar’s Invasive Probing Lighting Lash: Battlefield Magic

  I had expected a bolt of lightning. Instead, the ground aro
und the alpha began to vibrate for an instant. Small streams of electricity began to flash from the ground. Then, solid electric bolts shot out of the floor, wrapping around the alpha’s limbs and dragging it down. More lightning tentacles emerged from the ground and began wrapping around it.

  “How did you manage that?” I asked, as the lighting continued ravishing the alpha Drak-ish.

  “The alpha let me,” Bashara exhaled. “Normally, I’d have some people to protect me while I cast that particular spell. If the monster had walked any closer to us, the spell wouldn’t have even worked.”

  I looked over to Fenris, but he was watching Dalton. I turned to examine Dalton and realized that the Knight had seen this spell before. He apparently knew when it was safe to advance. After an intolerably short time, he gestured with two fingers, and we all charged forward. SueLeeta began pelting the alpha with arrows.

  Our tactics hadn’t been perfect. Bashara had centered the field on the creature, rather than put the alpha at the edge. That meant we had to cross more distance than was absolutely necessary. Badgelor, in his largest size, was not very swift. He got to the alpha well after everyone else.

  The four melee types got to the creature more or less at the same time. We had just under ten seconds to pound on it, before it managed to break free of the shocking effect of the spell. Sir Dalton, ever the gentleman, went for the legs and groin. Fenris went for the eyes, and Glorious Robert pulled a chain out of nowhere. The Fisherman started swinging it around the creature’s maw, binding it shut.

  By the time Badgelor got to the creature, Fenris had used his Shield Bash to knock it back to the ground. The rest of us were just pounding on it with our weapons. I wasn’t sure who managed to land the death blow, but, if I had to guess, it was Sir Dalton. Epic decapitation had a way of bringing battle to a standstill. The Knight hadn’t even been aiming above the shoulders.

  “Really?” I asked.

  “You, for one, should know how devastating a Groin Critical can be,” replied the Knight.

  I shut my trap. He had a point.

  Chapter 28: Aftermath

  “I expected the alpha to be tougher,” I commented. The party, minus Fenris, who’d stayed back to help Badgelor skin the monsters, began slowly moving through the room. SueLeeta was scouting ahead, and I was keeping my eyes open for nearby traps and other complications. Given the amount of spastic running around we had just done, I really didn’t expect to find much.

  “The first room is always a sub boss,” scoffed Bashara. “I’m surprised you thought that. Normally, the first room sub boss is easy to the point of being ignorable.”

  “Well, I was hoping he would be tougher,” I said glumly.

  Glorious Robert rolled his eyes and then winced as Jarra the Healer poured a small vial of healing potion directly onto a wound in his side. Then, she took out a small hammer and pounded on his armor for several minutes.

  ● Glorious Roberts’ armor Durability increase by 8. (½ of the Durability lost during the fight is restored)

  “That doesn’t seem medical,” I said, as Jarra walked over to me.

  “Well, I’m full of surprises,” she said, looking at my armor. Aside from being knocked across the room by the Alpha, I was in pretty good shape. She furrowed her brow and began circling me like a shark.

  Then, I felt a sharp smack to my rear end. The mild-mannered healer had just taken her hammer and knocked out a dent I was unaware of. On my ass.

  “You could have warned me,” I said. She grinned and walked off.

  Sir Dalton frowned and walked over to me. “As soon as I clear up this confusion with SueLeeta, I intend to continue courting Jarra the Healer.” I said nothing. Sir Dalton continued to scan the room. There was going to be a time and place for that discussion, but the middle of a hostile dungeon was neither that time nor that place.

  Suddenly, SueLeeta yelled out, “Found it!” Our semblance of a formation collapsed, as everyone upped the pace to get to our spoils. I spotted SueLeeta dragging out a large, steel and wood chest with various symbols written into it.

  “Thought that would be bolted down,” I said.

  “It's just a chest,” replied Bashara, walking over to it. “The first chest in a dungeon typically has one decent magical weapon in it. There are possibly a few potions, too.”

  “And some gold?” asked Zorlando.

  “Sure, gold is in there. Not much, though, since it’s the first chest. The treasures are worth far more than mere gold,” replied Bashara. She watched SueLeeta with the chest expectantly. After several moments, she asked, “Well?”

  “Well, what?” replied SueLeeta.

  “Aren’t you going to open it?” asked Bashara.

  “What if there’s a trap?” SueLeeta responded.

  “That’s why I’m not opening it.”

  I stepped past both of them and knelt in front of the chest.

  ● Lockpick vs Chest: You check has been successful

  ● Trap Finding vs Chest: You have not detected any traps on this chest.

  Oops, think I did those in the wrong order. Oh well. I flipped open the lid to the chest.

  ● You have found: Magical Bastard Sword: Lesser

  ● You have found: Potion (unknown)

  ● You have found: Scroll (unknown)

  I pulled out the Bastard Sword first. By all accounts, it shouldn’t have fit inside the chest, but I was so used to extradimensional storage that I just ignored that fact. I briefly examined the blade with my Scan skill.

  ● Magical Bastard Sword: Lesser. This sword has been enchanted to increase all Damage done by 10%.

  Interesting, I thought. I cast a Flame Stream while holding the blade. It did its usual Damage, meaning all was subjective. It was an improvement but nothing to write home about. I tossed it over to Glorious Robert. “Figure out which one of you wants that,” I instructed.

  The scroll was snatched from my hands by Bashara. I grumbled and pulled out the potion, which Jarra snatched out of my hand. Bashara had been correct. There was a little gold, too. Zorlando was already pulling out the coins and placing them into eight small pouches.

  I turned to see Sir Dalton and Glorious Robert arguing over the sword. Apparently, it was an upgrade over even Sir Dalton’s lightning-infused weapon. Considering that for a moment, I realized that if I’d been doing 10% more damage, I’d have been able to slay some of the Drak-ish. Then again, the sword was heavy enough that they might have caught me.

  Then, it hit me. None of my classes really went in for larger swords. As a duelist, I could use most one-handed swords, but I had felt that the larger Bastard Sword was just too big to be comfortable.

  Walking over to the two men, I lifted the sword off the ground and gave it a few experimental swings while they argued. The swing seemed normal, so I selected an imaginary target. I used my Thrust talent, stopping well short of my destination.

  “You have the Duelist Thrust talent,” stated Glorious Robert matter-of-factly. “It's not compatible with oversized weapons.”

  I handed him the cumbersome thing and walked over to Jarra. She had several strips of paper out and was pouring single droplets of the found potion onto them. After each time, she would consult a small notebook.

  I peeked over her shoulder, looking into her book. “Figured out what it is yet?”

  She made a startled mouse noise and snapped the book shut, nearly spilling the potion in the process. “No, I have not. It will take several minutes, Mister Mayor.”

  I nodded. Jarra used a few too many hearts in her potion instructions for my taste. Honestly, if you’d said she used any hearts in her writings, I would have called you a liar. When she realized I’d caught her, I could see her cheeks starting to redden. I excused myself and wandered over to Bashara. The Wizard was busily tossing her new scroll onto the ground and frowning.

  “I already know this one,” she grumbled.

  Picking up the scroll, I started reading it. It took me a few moments to capture
the syntax of how it was supposed to be read, but the runes were much more intricate than anything I’d seen before.

  The runes were very different from Fire runes, but my Arcane Lore skill kicked in to save me. They were Air runes, and the spell was called Lightning Bolt. I spent a few more moments memorizing the runes and decided to give it a try. Bashara watched me curiously.

  “Ap Zay,” I yelled and released the energy held in my palm. I instantly regretted it. Sparks did indeed fly out of my hand, but in an uncontrolled fashion. My fingers began to smolder at several points.

  Suddenly, time seemed to freeze. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NOW!” Shart’s voice bellowed. It was so loud that I thought my ears were going to pop.

  I had been forcefully pulled back into my mindscape, and Shart was glaring at me. His body had expanded to the size of a house, his eyeballs nearly the height of my body. I glared at him. He glared back. I pictured him at his usual size, which somehow caused him to shrink down.

  “I was trying something,” I said. “It didn’t work out well.”

  Shart continued glaring at me. Even in his diminished size, it was unpleasant. “Well, there are reasons for that, Dum Dum. Not that you’d ever ask me what they were!”

  “I’m curious. Do tell,” I replied dryly.

  Shart started pacing back and forth, muttering curses under his breath. Spinning back around on me, he forcefully explained, “Look, I don’t think you have much of a chance fighting the Dark Overlord. The least you could do, the very least, is to not accidentally kill yourself. You only have two Mana cores unlocked. Neither of them is Aeromancy.”

  “What about my Biological Aeromancy?” I questioned.

  Shart grumbled. Suddenly, an image of my Mana network flashed to the side. The network of pathways were pulsing and humming, even in this time slowed world. I was fairly sure that indicated that the image was a false one. Shart gestured toward my boys.