Facing the Gray

by Carol Beth Anderson

  And at that moment, something burst open inside Tavi, and the all-blessed girl awakened again.

  Tavi had assumed that her magic, dormant so long, would return in a trickle, a slow-moving stream fighting to flow through narrow channels. She was wrong. It seemed that every bit of magic she hadn’t used in the previous months had been stored inside her, held back by a dam of grief and pain. And in less time than it took Tavi to blink, the dam broke.

  Magic erupted violently from every pore of her skin, shining so brightly that Konner brought his free hand to his eyes, so brightly that when Tavi looked down at herself, her layers of winter clothing barely filtered the glow. Her radiance rivaled that of the sun, but her own eyes welcomed the sight of her glowing form.

  Tavi basked in the joyful power of it for one short breath. Then Konner’s threats returned to her mind, and her awe transitioned to horror. “No!” Her voice echoed in the small room. She turned to Tullen. His face was turned away from her, but still he squinted against the light.

  And everything turned to chaos.

  “I warned you!” Konner bellowed. He lowered his hand, uncovering eyes that were mere slits, and brought the weapon to bear on Tullen. Konner lifted his cigar, bringing it straight down toward the hole in the top of the cannon.

  Tavi’s body acted of its own volition. She threw herself atop Tullen, her wordless cry punctuated by a loud, explosive report, followed a split second later by the plonk of metal on the wooden floor.

  That was it, no more than a second of action, after which everything seemed to slow down. Tavi felt no pain. She saw no blood on Tullen either. She’d heard the weapon discharge; she hadn’t imagined that. Could Konner have missed at such short range?

  She pulled herself off Tullen and turned around to find Konner frozen, hand cannon still pointed at them, eyes on the floor. She followed his gaze.

  What looked like an iron marble sat on the floor between them. “It—it just—stopped.” Konner’s smug confidence had fled; perhaps it was floating in the air with the pungent smoke from his weapon. He lifted his head but immediately turned away from Tavi’s light. “How did you block it?”

  Tavi stared at Konner, just as confused as he was.

  At that moment, every bit of magic fled from Tavi’s body, as quickly as it had arrived. Konner looked straight at her, and he charged, his fists flying toward her.

  Tavi’s training took over. She leaned her upper body away from him and stepped back, but she bumped into Tullen, who was still sitting on the bed. Still, it was enough to avoid Konner’s fist, and before he could swing again, Tavi’s leg snapped out in a sharp kick.

  But Konner’s reflexes were too fast. His hands, which had been in front of his face, were suddenly lower, and they caught Tavi’s leg before her foot could reach him. A moment later, she was on the floor. Konner landed on top of her, and his fist swung back. Tavi closed her eyes and twisted her head to the side, anticipating the blow.

  It didn’t come. The weight on top of her lifted, and the sound of Konner’s grunt filled the room. Tavi clambered to her hands and knees, seeing Tullen on top of Konner. But Konner was powerful and limber; with a burst of strength, he threw Tullen off.

  Tavi stood and backed away again, but Konner was fast, so much faster than he looked. This time when his fist came toward her face, she ducked and swayed, but he still managed a glancing blow to her temple, enough to cause her to cry out.

  That was all he could do, because Tullen had also sprung to his feet, and he grabbed the man from behind in a bear hug, trapping his arms. Tavi knew that tight grasp. It was the same one Tullen had used on her in the forest, and she didn’t think Konner would have any more success escaping it than she had, despite his twisting and kicking.

  “Go!” Tullen said. “Get out of here!”

  “Don’t be ridiculous!” Tavi’s foot came up again, catching Konner in the groin. If she’d used that move during training, Officer Andisis would have sent her home, but she thought he’d be proud of her using it now.

  It was a hard kick. Konner roared, his body slackening. Tullen dropped him.

  The instant Tullen’s arms were available, Tavi ran and jumped on his back. He caught her legs and ran. A second later, she felt his stride gift activate. He took the stairs in one smooth leap, and in a blur of shadows, lantern fire, and moonlight, they ran through the rest of the house and the yard.

  As soon as they reached the alley, Tavi let out a laugh of relief tinged with hysteria. Tullen joined in, his back rumbling against her chest. And together, they flew.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Sun-blessed youth will frustrate you at every turn. I daresay they’re just as unreasonable as we were at their age.

  -From Training Sun-Blessed Students by Ellea Kariana

  Halfway back to the midwife house, Tullen and Tavi encountered Sall and Jenevy. Tullen stopped, and Tavi hopped off his back.

  Jenevy turned first. “Tullen!” She enfolded him in a tight hug, and Tavi looked away, but not before noticing Jenevy’s swollen eyes and blotchy face.

  Sall strode up to Tavi. He was breathing hard, his nostrils flared. “You never should have run off,” he said. “We didn’t think you’d make it home. Do you have any idea what Narre has been through tonight? She’s probably still crying. Why would you do this to her?”

  As Sall spoke, Tavi took one step back, then another. But each time, Sall stepped toward her again. She’d never seen him so angry. “We got out,” she said. “Everything is fine.”

  “If you think it’s fine for you to pull a stunt like that . . .” He shook his head and turned away.

  Tullen stepped forward. “We have a lot to talk about. But Konner may be following us. I have to get Tavi home. Plus . . . my feet are cold.”

  Jenevy looked down at his bare feet. “Oh, goodness,” she said. “Go!” Sall confirmed with a curt nod.

  The rest of the run was quiet. All of Tavi’s nervous excitement had fled. They made it back, and Tavi gave Narre and Pala big hugs. She asked them to fetch her when Sall and Jenevy returned, and she went up to her room.

  She closed the door and opened the bag she’d brought from Oren. The only item in it was the journal Misty had given her. Tavi ran her hand along the soft leather cover and held it up to her nose, breathing deeply of the sweet, earthy scent. She flipped through the blank pages, then grabbed a pencil and climbed up to her bunk. After wrapping herself in her blankets, she began to write.

  Dear Misty,

  My magic left the same day you did. Today it came back.

  That was all she got out. The next line was in her mind: But you’re still gone. If she wrote it, though, she would cry, and she might not be able to stop. She closed the journal and held it to her chest. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Her mind wandered toward her friends, even Tullen, who had somehow entered that category again. Or did he ever leave it? She centered every desire on their safety.

  Magic flooded her. It didn’t come in an explosion of light as it had at Konner’s. Instead it rushed in, warm and soothing and strong, like it always had.

  Despite the familiar sensations, Tavi knew her magic had changed in some elemental way. Her experience at Konner’s had given her a glimpse of a different power within her, power she didn’t know existed anywhere. Her magic had acted as a shield. And she hadn’t used her stride gift, her touch gift, or any of her other individual gifts. It had been the great, mysterious magic that filled every part of her. It was my all gift. Tavi smiled at the new term. It fit.

  At the Grays’ farmhouse the previous year, Ash had suggested Tavi’s gifts might combine to become more than they were alone. She had experienced that very phenomenon when she’d used her mind, hands, and feet together to heal a ravine she’d made. But she hadn’t been able to combine her gifts since, not in all her months of practice in Oren.

  Until tonight, when everything had changed. When she’d healed the earth at the farmhouse, she’d been like a toddler running for the fi
rst time. But when her magic had blocked that iron ball from exploding into her back, it was like she’d leapt off a tall building and taken flight, lifted by the winds of impossible magic.

  It struck Tavi that even now, her magic was different. It filled her entire body, as it had done in the past, but her gifted ears weren’t picking up downstairs conversations, and her mind wasn’t evaluating the woven fibers of her blanket. She was calm and undistracted, rather than fighting against the overwhelming sensory stimuli that usually came from activating all her gifts.

  For a moment, she feared her abilities had disappeared. She brought one of her hands up to her bruised temple where Konner’s fist had caught her. In the year prior to Misty’s death, Tavi had worked to master the ability to heal bruises. Now, she urged her touch gift to do its job. It responded readily, soothing the pain away. Then her healing gift stepped back, having completed the task she’d called it to. Her body was still warm with magic, and she saw the golden glow. But rather than jostling her, insisting she notice them, her abilities now waited for her to summon them.

  Tavi unwrapped herself from her blankets and lay back. She stretched out her glowing legs and arms, and her gaze moved up to the ceiling.

  “Why?” she asked aloud. “Why did it come back tonight? Why did it come back in that way?”

  Because you needed it. Tavi wasn’t sure if the thought had come from her own mind or from Sava himself. But she knew it was true. In Konner’s house, she had needed magic, needed a particular, unique gifting. And it had come to her.

  “But why didn’t it work in Oren? When I needed to help Misty?” She waited in silence, but this time, there was no answer.

  Her last two words were barely a whisper. “Thank you.”

  The door creaked on its way open, and Tavi sat up. It was Narre, and as soon as she saw Tavi, her jaw dropped. Then she ran to Tavi’s bed, climbed the ladder so rapidly it almost toppled over, and gave Tavi a tight hug.

  “It’s back!” Narre whispered into Tavi’s ear. She pulled away, taking Tavi’s hands in hers.

  Narre wore a gigantic smile, but her eyes also glimmered with unshed tears. Her cousin’s emotion touched something deep in Tavi’s chest, and her eyes filled with tears too. “Tullen didn’t tell you?”

  “He won’t tell the story until everyone is together. Jenevy and Sall are back. Can you come down?”

  Tavi nodded. She tightened her muscles, then released them, letting her magic dissipate. She and Narre descended the ladder and went downstairs.

  Dawn was still hours away, but Pala was in the dining room, pouring tea. Everyone found seats.

  “Tell us what happened,” Jenevy said.

  Tullen started by relating his capture and initial conversations with Konner. Then he and Tavi described what had happened once she’d arrived, interrupting each other frequently to insert important details. Tavi demonstrated her reawakened magic.

  When the story was complete, Narre said, “Let’s discuss how we’re going to infiltrate the Gray House.”

  “Wait,” Sall said. “We’ll get to that. But I want to talk about Tavi running out of here by herself to rescue Tullen. We all know she could’ve gotten herself—or both of them —killed. It only turned out well because they were lucky.” He turned to Tavi. “You can’t act independently, with total disregard for the plans of the group. None of us can. What you did was risky beyond belief.”

  The room was silent, and all eyes settled on Tavi. She clenched her jaw but stayed quiet.

  “Aren’t you going to respond, Tavi?” Sall asked.

  “Let me get this straight,” Tavi said. “It was acceptable—admirable, even—for my sister to give up her life so I would live. And you were all proud of Tullen for holding me back so I didn’t run to Misty. But it was wrong for me to offer to give myself up to save Tullen?”

  “Konner was never going to let Tullen go, whether or not you were there,” Sall said.

  Tavi glared at him. “You have no way of knowing that.”

  Sall threw his hands up. “It’s not the point! We’re a team, Tavi. After our last trip to Savala, we all agreed to protect you. We should have told you about that. But it was a team decision, intended to help us reach our goals. You made your decision alone. That’s not what a team member does.”

  Tavi looked around. “Do you all feel this way?” She received compassionate glances, but no one denied it. She turned to Tullen. “Even you?”

  He looked down for several seconds before again meeting her gaze. “What you did, jumping in front of that weapon . . . thank you, Tavi.” She nodded, and he continued, “But Sall’s right. How are we supposed to beat the Grays if we aren’t the strongest team possible? We only achieve that by considering our options in advance and making plans together.”

  Tavi blinked several times, fighting back tears. “Don’t any of you understand? If you’re with me, you’re in danger! I had to act alone, because otherwise, the Grays would’ve killed you to get to me. Just like they did with Misty!” Despite her efforts, tears slid down her cheeks, and she wiped them away with such force that her fingernail caught her skin, scratching it. “I realized something tonight,” she continued. “I want to be part of this fight, part of this team. Especially with my magic returning. But don’t expect me to do anything that puts the rest of you in danger, even if you all think it’s the best thing for the Golds. I can’t do that.”

  The others around the table disagreed with her logic, but Tavi didn’t hear most of their arguments and assurances. Her thoughts were in turmoil. She trusted every person at the table, trusted their motives and abilities. But she found it terribly idealistic to expect a few young people and a middle-aged midwife to stop such strong adversaries. The Grays were growing, both in number and in political power. And they had a trump card: flexible magic.

  Tavi could picture it now. The two groups would come against each other, and everything would go well until that moment when resistance came in like a brick wall, stopping the Golds from using magic. The Grays, free of such trifles as moral limitations, would destroy their opponents.

  Tavi would work with her friends. She’d be part of their team, even going along with their plans, as long as she believed she could still protect them. But she felt her own limitations keenly, and she kept coming back to the question she’d been mulling over for weeks. What if I was free from resistance too?

  It would be a sacrifice. She’d have to trade the comforting warmth of her gifts for the piercing pain of gray magic. And despite Evitt’s words, she wasn’t sure she believed there were moral ways to take a life. But at least she was asking the tough questions. No one else was ready to do that.

  “Tavi, are you all right?” Narre’s voice broke into Tavi’s thoughts.

  “I’m fine,” Tavi said, bringing her attention back to the group. “I’m going to work with you as a team member. I will. All right?” She looked around, getting nods and murmurs in response, then turned to Narre. “I can’t believe you found the Gray House,” she said. “Let’s talk about how we can get in.”

  They concluded Jenevy would need to be the one to enter the Gray House. None of the Grays had seen her, and Reba hadn’t described her to the Grays, as she’d done with Sall. They also determined they’d bring Reba back into their fold, even if it was risky. She knew the Grays and the interior of their headquarters and could help Jenevy prepare.

  Now they just needed to find a way to get Jenevy in. But hours later, when the eastern sky lit with vermillion light, the Golds still sat around the dining room table. And they still had no plan.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  SARTIA: One of our posts was attacked. Two of our guards were killed before the others ran off the intruders.

  RELIN: Two men? And you woke me to tell me this?

  SARTIA: The arrows used to kill them were ours. And that’s not all that’s missing from our armory.

  -From Relin: A Play in Three Acts by Hestina Arlo

  Konner walked thr
ough the tunnel in a crouch. That worked for about two minutes, at which point his back ached too much to continue. He dropped to his knees and crawled.

  Right hand and knee. Left hand and knee. Move the lantern. Repeat. He got into a rhythm and let his mind wander.

  When Tavi and Tullen escaped two nights earlier, Konner had been so angry, he’d woken every servant in the house with his ravings. He hadn’t even been able to see what direction they’d gone. By the time Konner had managed to stand after Tavi had kicked him, his captives were long gone, thanks to Tullen’s gifted feet.

  How in the world had Tavi blocked his bullet? And what else could she do with such a gift? Konner wanted—needed—her as part of the Grays. But after all that had happened at the farmhouse and his house, he didn’t think she would ever willingly join them. If they caught Tavi again, could they pry open her mouth and force her to steal the last breath of a Blessed? And if they did, would it work, or was she required to kill under her own volition to achieve a gray awakening?

  Konner didn’t know, and he cursed himself and Ash for not being more meticulous with their original gray magic experiments. Why had their tests focused only on method and not intent?

  He had to get Tavi back. But finding her might be difficult. Konner couldn’t bring himself to tell the Grays about his most recent experience with her. He’d been so angry and embarrassed that he’d stayed in his bedroom the whole next day, drinking too much and nursing his sore groin. He knew such a reaction was weak, but now he was ready to put that behind him and find the girl.

  Konner reached the end of the tunnel and stood up in the vertical shaft. He stretched, sighing with relief as his muscles relaxed from their cramped positions. Then he looked down and saw a small hole in the left knee of his pants. He cursed.