Wagering Home

by C. M. Boers

  “I know the way,” I added and started walking toward his office without giving her the option of a reply. It truly wasn’t up to her anyway. I’d be going back there, whether she was okay with it or not.

  I threw open the door, unsure of what I’d find on the other side. Sandra was close behind me, unsure if she should object.

  Cindy and Jack looked up at me, startled. Jack’s face hardened when he realized it was me. It was like a knife twisted in my gut. My lip quivered.

  “Miss,” Sandra called from behind me.

  I stepped in the office and shut the door. Outing him to his new employee wouldn’t be another thing to add to the list of reasons he was mad at me.

  I pressed my back to the door. “Can we talk?”

  Cindy looked between us and then made her way to me. “I’m just going to go see how Sandra is doing.”

  I moved to the side and let her leave. My eyes never left Jack, who didn’t seem to want to talk to me at all, but it meant a lot that he’d at least resisted telling Cindy to stay. I couldn’t imagine trying to lay this all out in front of her too.

  “I’m sorry.” There was so much more I wanted to say, yet now that I stood in front of him, I froze. Nothing came.

  “You’re sorry? That’s it? You’re sorry?”

  My eyes stung at the anger in his voice. “No, that’s not it. But you need to know that first. Because I am so very sorry. Please at least listen to everything I need to say. It’s a lot.”

  He leaned back in his seat, his hands folded over his stomach. He looked so powerful behind his huge desk. So intimidating.

  I dropped into the chair across from him. “The hardest part of all of this is that I didn’t confide in you before . . . the reason I moved . . . my broken leg. Six months ago, I was in a car accident. I told you that part, but I didn’t tell you all of it. A car ran a red light. It T-boned us, hitting right on my door, full speed. They think the other driver fell asleep at the wheel. I guess that’s not really important right now. . .” I hesitated, looking up at him.

  His eyes urged me to continue.

  “I didn’t wake for two days. Unfortunately, when I did, I had no memory. No recollection of who I was. Everything was gone. My parents were absolute strangers.”

  Jack watched me, his lips tightening.

  “They let me leave the hospital a few days later, but getting around with a broken leg and multiple broken ribs wasn’t easy. My mom hovered a lot. A lot. I hated it. She kept looking at me like I might sprout another head if she looked away, and there were a few times I thought I had because I’d done something ‘Melanie never would have.’”

  I could see he was getting antsy, though at the same time, I could tell I’d piqued his interest because his eyes were focused.

  “I was afraid to do anything. I had no freedom, except with Grace. I met her in the hospital. She felt like the only person I had. The only one I remembered from the beginning. Everyone else had all these memories of me. How could I live like that?”

  “Well, it’s clear I really didn’t know you at all.”

  “That’s not true. I told you from the start I couldn’t get involved with anyone, and that was because I had no idea when my memories would come back, if they ever would. Let alone how I would feel if they did.”

  “So why not tell me all of this, then? Why keep it from me all this time?” He shook his head. “I feel like an idiot.”

  “Because I didn’t want you to look at me like I was broken. You didn’t know that side of me.”

  “But I knew something happened. You just wouldn’t tell me. You wouldn’t let me in.”

  I frowned but nodded. “You’re right. I moved here to start over. Somewhere people didn’t look at me like maybe I was remembering this time because I drank milk with my pinky out or stirred my coffee with the back of my spoon. So, I bought myself a house and started over here. No expectations. I never planned on dating. At all. And then you came along.”

  “Well, I guess I should have listened.”

  “No. Please don’t say that. These past few months have been amazing.”

  “So amazing that you ran into another man’s arms when we were supposed to go away together.” He pushed away from the desk and stood, pacing the space by the window.

  “No, that’s not it at all.” Tears stung my eyes.

  He blew out a breath.

  “When I got my memories back, it was so overwhelming. Everything was so jumbled, and all I could think of was getting home to apologize for leaving everyone the way I did. I hardly gave them any notice. Two days. That’s it. I had to apologize.”

  “I’m still missing the part where you end up with some guy, dressed like you’re on a date.”

  Yeah, that’s the part you’re really not going to like.

  I took a deep breath. “That guy was Jeremy, my ex.”

  Jack pushed his hands into his hair and shook his head. He didn’t want to listen anymore. I needed to speed this up, or I’d lose him before he heard everything.

  “I broke up with him when I moved here.” I hesitated. “He was driving when we got into the accident.”

  This had his eyes back on me, curiosity roused.

  “When everything came back to me, my mind was flooded with guilt over how heartlessly I broke up with him. He was my best friend. I had to see him, and then, after I saw him and got settled at my parents’, I was so confused. I needed to know if any of what we had was still there before I came back. Before I continued the life I built here. I couldn’t come back wondering. I couldn’t do that to you . . . or him.”

  “So, it was a date?”

  “Yes.”

  “Unbelievable. What about this is supposed to make me feel better?”

  “Watching you walk away made everything clearer than ever. What Jeremy and I had doesn’t even compare to how you make me feel.”

  “Did you kiss him?”

  I winced. “Yes.”

  His face turned red, and I could see the hurt and anger bubbling under the surface. “Then there’s nothing more to say. I have no interest in standing by while you’re out kissing other people, just to see if you like them more.”

  “Please.” Tears fell, running down my face. “Please don’t end this. It was all a mistake. I should have told you. I was going to tell you everything while we were away, but then everything came back. It will never happen again . . .” I walked over and stood in front of him. Reaching out, I grabbed his hands. “I love you. Please.”

  His eyes flickered to mine. For just a second, I saw something in them—hope. Then, just as quick, it was gone, and he pulled away.

  “It’s over,” he whispered.

  “No. Please. Please don’t do this.” I reached out and grabbed his hand.

  “Melanie.” He pulled his hand away, and his face was all-business.

  My lip quivered. My eyes fell to the floor. “I’ll clear my things out.”

  He whipped around. “What?”

  “The things at my desk. I’ll take them with me.”

  “You’re quitting?”

  I paused, utterly perplexed. “You hired someone new . . . I assumed . . .”

  “A temp.”

  “Oh. So, I still have a job?”

  “I told you when we started seeing each other, it wouldn’t affect our business relationship. I don’t plan to go back on that. I expect you back here Monday.”

  I fought the urge to smile. “Thank you.” I nodded once, though I’m not sure why, and left his office.

  My body moved forward on autopilot; numbness settled its way throughout. I’d fallen in love, and now I was being cast aside, and it was all my fault. I didn’t blame him. Not really. If the tables had been turned and I’d found out he kissed his ex the way I had, I’m not sure what I would do. Let alone to have such a big secret.

  But at least I didn’t have to find a new job. I never realized how grateful I’d be for his hermit-like nature at work. It sure would make it a lot easier
to come back.

  I moved past Sandra and Cindy and found myself sitting behind the wheel of my car, immobile. Tears clouded my eyes. Finally, I gave up and threw my keys back in my purse. It was best not to drive anyway.

  I wanted to call Grace, but I just couldn’t bear saying it out loud.

  He broke up with me.

  I stopped by the grocery store and got a tube of cookie dough and chocolate ice cream. It was cliché, but I didn’t care—it would make me feel so much better. I only wished I would have thought to get spoons so I didn’t have to wait. Wouldn’t that have been a pretty sight, me eating ice cream from the carton, as I walked home with tears streaming down my face? Nobody needed to see that.

  I spent the next few days in bed, indulging myself in the biggest sugar spree of the decade. Aside from getting my takeout lunch and dinner deliveries from the front door, I didn’t budge. So far, I’d ignored all the calls from Grace and all but one of my dad’s, in which I told him Jack wouldn’t take me back after all and I didn’t want to talk about it. That didn’t stop him from calling though, repeatedly. Then there were the texts and a few calls from Jeremy. All left unanswered.

  I didn’t blame him. I never did say goodbye; however, by now I was sure the point had gotten across. I’d moved on.

  It was the very last text that came in late that night, as I settled myself deeper into the pillows and pushed my top knot further up on my head, that had me sitting upright faster than I’d moved all week.

  Come open the door.

  I clicked off the TV that was blaring so loud, just so I didn’t have to listen to the vibrating walls. The club down the way had really ramped it up for a Friday night. It only made me think of going there with Grace and where that night led, and it hurt all over again.

  I tightened my top knot and glanced in the mirror. Yuck. I groaned. No time.

  I hopped down the stairs two at a time and yanked the door open. There Jeremy stood, looking well put together and polished like he always did, though there were a few creases here and there. Instinctively, I pulled at my shirt.

  Like it would change how terrible I looked.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “You didn’t answer my calls or texts. I had to make sure you were okay.”

  He stepped inside and pulled me into his arms, shutting the door behind himself with his foot.

  “You look a mess,” he said into my hair. “And . . .” He sniffed.

  “I know, I smell.” I pulled away and tugged my hair down, then threw it back up, though I wasn’t sure it made a difference.

  “And this is your place?” He stepped into the living room.

  “Yeah. How’d you know where I live?”

  “Your dad.”

  I nodded.

  I stared at the gray couch Jack helped me move in here. I could still hear him teasing me for not paying the extra fifty dollars for delivery. Of course, the tank of gas in the borrowed truck had cost me almost as much, and we’d still had to carry the thing ourselves. I never admitted he was right, but he was. Now it didn’t matter anyway.

  “It’s really nice. Exactly what I’d pictured for you.”

  “Ha! You should have seen it when I moved in. I think the realtor thought I was crazy.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  I nodded.

  “Look, I took such a late flight, I didn’t have time for dinner. You mind if I order Chinese food or something?”

  I stared at him. The thought that he’d be staying hadn’t really occurred to me. “Oh, ah, of course. There are some menus on the fridge. I’m going to go take a shower . . . ah . . . I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

  He grinned, scrunching his nose. “I figured.”

  I stuck my tongue out. I could hear him chuckle as I left the room.

  When I returned, clean and fresh smelling, my living room and kitchen had been cleaned, and Jeremy had set the coffee table for two.

  “You cleaned.”

  He shrugged. “Had a few free minutes.”

  “Thanks.”

  It wasn’t until he finished eating and it was well into the early morning hours of the next day that I finally asked him the burning question.

  “Why’d you come here?” It came out a lot harsher than I’d meant it, though it didn’t seem to faze him.

  “I told you. I was worried about you.”

  “So?”

  He looked at the floor, then back at me. Hurt flickered in his eyes, but then it was gone. “I know I’m not the one. It wasn’t one hundred percent clear to me until I showed up here tonight.”

  I froze, my breath held in my lungs.

  He gave me a timid look. “I may have had some ideas about how tonight was going to go.” He paused. “It’s hard letting you go. I think you and I are more alike than I’d ever realized because this mess . . . it was me too . . . when you left.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head. “Our history doesn’t change our relationship; it only makes it stronger. We were friends first. Best friends. We always will be.”

  “You’re the best.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and yawned.

  “That.” He pointed at my open mouth. “Me too. I should get going. You don’t have plans tomorrow?”

  “That would be correct. I planned one more day of sulking.”

  He chuckled. “Good. You have to show me around your new town.”

  “Where are you staying?”

  He made a face. “The first hotel I can find.”

  “What?!”

  “Truth be told, this was a bit spontaneous.”

  “Well, forget it. You can stay here if you don’t mind the couch. I do have an air mattress, but I think the couch is a lot more comfortable.”

  “Are you sure? It’s not a big deal to find somewhere.”

  “Of course. I’m not going to send you out at this hour, trying to find a place to stay, when I have a perfectly good couch right here.”

  He smiled. “Thanks. I’ll go get my things.”

  “I’m going to head up to bed. Okay?”

  “Goodnight.”

  “Night.” I turned back halfway up the stairs, just before he stepped outside. “Jeremy?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m really glad you came.”

  “Me too.”

  The next morning, I woke when the smell of coffee and bacon drifted up to me. Curiosity pulled me out of bed. I didn’t even own a coffee pot, and I was sure there wasn’t a single package of bacon in the house.

  Jeremy sat on the couch with a newspaper in his hands, sipping coffee from a paper cup. He’d gone down to the coffeehouse, somewhere I’d been avoiding like the plague despite the craving deep in my gut. A second cup and paper bag sat on the coffee table.

  I watched him for a moment, taking in the sight. It felt so good having him here, like a little piece of home had made its way in.

  “Hey. Morning.”

  “Morning,” I grumbled, my voice garbled from sleep.

  “I got you some coffee and breakfast. I hope you still like what you used to get.”

  I sipped the coffee, the vanilla-flavored warmth slid down my throat as he pulled out the contents of the bag. “You remembered.”

  “Of course. They thought I was strange for wanting syrup for your bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich though.”

  I giggled. “They’re all just missing out.”

  He shook his head, making a face. “I don’t know about that.”

  He put down the paper and glanced at the corner where I’d left the sewing machine set up. “You’re sewing again?”

  I nodded. “That night I found my sketchbook, I drew a new dress and sewed it. Stayed up all night.” I laughed.

  “It always gave you so much joy to finish something. I remember how excited you’d be when you’d call to tell me you’d finished.”

  I thought of the thrill I’d felt just over a week ago. “Still does. I’d actually decided that’s what I wa
s going to do. And now. . .” I trailed off, unsure of what I wanted now.

  After we finished eating, I grabbed all the garbage and headed into the kitchen to toss it. Jeremy followed behind.

  “I think you should. You’ve always been really talented at creating beautiful things.”

  I smiled. “What do you want to do today?”

  “You’re the local. You tell me.”

  I thought for a second and smiled. “Actually, I was planning to go for a hike. Figured it’d be a good way to clear my head before I go back to work on Monday. There’s this trail that’s practically in my back yard. It’s really pretty.”

  “I’m in.”

  “You have shoes, right?” I glanced at his flip flop-clad feet.

  “Of course.”

  Two hours later, we made it to my favorite place on the trail, a small stream. The calm waters trickling through the rocks relaxed me. I sat on the big rock I always tended to gravitate towards.

  Jeremy came up behind me and rested his hands on my shoulders. For a while, we just stood there and watched the water, listening to it run through the rocks.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  “Facing Jack on Monday at work.”

  “At work?”

  “Jack’s my boss.” I looked into his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t like that. Nobody did, though he showed no emotion.

  “That’s going to be rough.”

  “I know, I know. That’s why you don’t date your boss. Trust me, I never would have if I’d known he was my boss before I let my thoughts go there.”

  “No judgment.” He held up his hands.

  “Right.”

  “Are you okay?”

  I sighed. “I will be.”

  He pressed his fingers into the knots in my shoulders, rubbing in circles. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “You’re already doing more than I realized I needed.”

  Jeremy let me have a few more minutes locked away in my thoughts before he spoke again. “Come on, let’s go explore.” He pulled me to my feet.

  I followed him around for a while before we stumbled upon the tiniest of waterfalls. Maybe it couldn’t even be considered a waterfall, since it only fell about ten inches.