“I don’t care,” Kate says. “You just can’t go there with her. Not her. Anyone but her, Carter.”
I’m not sure what to do. It might very well already be too late for me to take a step back.
Chapter 18
Emilia
I try to focus on my book and fail. Kate is vast asleep on the beach chair next to mine while William and Helen are all wrapped up in each other. They’re whispering to each other and Helen keeps giggling. For old people they’re quite cute.
I glance at the empty beach chair on my right and sigh. Carter is probably still asleep. I can’t wait for him to get here. I can’t keep our night at the lake off my mind. I keep replaying the night over and over again in my mind. The way his lips felt against mine and the feel of his body flush against mine. I’m not even sure when my feelings for Carter started to change. I’m so giddy with excitement. We didn’t manage to get a single second together yesterday but I want to try and get him alone today. I’m craving him with a desperation I’ve never felt before.
I grin when Carter walks up, his eyes on me. “Morning,” he shouts, a wide smile on his face. Helen looks at him suspiciously. “So, you are alive. I wasn’t sure when you refused to get up this morning,” she says.
Carter cups the back of his neck and grins at her awkwardly. “What were you doing last night? Were you playing video games again?” she asks.
He nods noncommittally and walks towards the empty beach chair next to me. I tense when he approaches, my body tingling under his gaze. My eyes drop to his crotch and I stare at him with wide eyes. His eyes follow my gaze and he suddenly drops down on the beach chair face first, doubtlessly crushing his hard on painfully. It’s obvious he wasn’t even aware that he got hard staring at my body in the minuscule bikini I’m wearing.
He groans and I can’t help but chuckle. I keep peeking at him while pretending to read my book and he keeps flexing his muscles, fully aware that I’m checking him out. After a couple of minutes I give up on trying to be subtle and just outright ogle him.
“Wanna go for a swim?” I ask. “Race you there.”
Carter nods and I throw my book on my chair. I take off running but Carter easily overtakes me. He stops all of a sudden and turns around. I almost crash into him and I giggle when he grabs my waist and pulls me closer. I tilt my head up and my lips find his immediately. Carter kisses me back immediately and lifts me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his hips as he walks us towards the woods.
“Where are we going?” I murmur, right before I suck down on his lower lip. Carter moans and kisses me roughly. “You’ll see,” he whispers.
He carries me into a small clearing and places me down on the grass gently before joining me. I giggle and pull him towards me, and Carter gladly obliges. He rolls on top of me, his hardness settling between my legs deliciously. I’m eager to have his lips back on mine and I’m relieved that he wants this as much as I do.
The way I kissed him at the lake was really clumsy, but today he writhes against me as though I drive him crazy. It makes me feel so wanted and only emboldens me more.
I part my legs to get him closer but Carter moves his lips towards my neck. I groan when his hardness isn’t right where I want it anymore and Carter chuckles against my skin. He kisses my neck softly and then nips at my collarbone. He hesitates and I push my chest out in a silent bid for more. He looks up at me with lust filled eyes and the butterflies in my stomach go wild. Carter smiles and places his lips against the top of my breast, trailing a path down slowly. I squirm underneath him, my breathing uneven. When his lips graze over my nipple, a soft moan escapes my lips. Carter looks up at me and gently tugs on my bikini top. He places his lips back against my skin and I arch my back to push more into his lips. He smiles and sucks down on my nipple, sending a bolt of liquid fire through my body. I throw my leg around his to get him closer and close my eyes. I never even realized I was this sensitive.
Carter tugs on the string that keeps my bikini top together and it falls open, revealing my breasts fully. He inhales sharply and I move my hands to cover my breasts, suddenly embarrassed.
“You’re gorgeous, baby. So beautiful,” he murmurs. He kisses my hands until I finally move them away and reveal what I’m hiding underneath. He moves back up and kisses me while his thumb teases my breast. I grin against him and push my forehead against his impatiently. I feel like I might burst - I need more.
“I can’t hold it when you do that, baby. You’re driving me crazy, Emilia.”
Carter lowers his lips to mine and kisses me fiercely. I lift my hips up to get the angle just right and give him what he wants. The way he moves against me is frantic and passionate, and he’s got me right at the edge. It doesn’t take long for me to lose it and my head falls back. Carter smothers my moans with his lips, his own release not far away.
He collapses on top of me and buries his face in my neck, both of us panting. “That was amazing,” he whispers. He kisses my neck and a delicious little shiver runs down my body. I turn my head and Carter pulls back just slightly to look at me.
“You weren’t lying?” I ask. Carter frowns and I pout. “You said you’ve never slept with anyone,” I murmur petulantly. Carter grins at me, his eyes filled with affection. “Hmm, I didn’t lie, Minx. I’m a virgin,” he tells me awkwardly. I blush and nod at him. “I’m glad,” I whisper.
We both freeze when we hear Kate’s voice not too far away. “Milly,” she shouts. “Carter, where are youuu?”
I push against Carter and tie the strings of my bikini top in record time. I look at Carter, panicked, and he looks just as worried.
“Oh god. Kate. Oh, my god, what were we even thinking? Shit. We can’t do this,” I whisper, my voice trembling. I look at him with wide eyes, my heart dropping. Carter looks shocked, as though he only just realized what we’ve been up to. We got so caught up in each other that neither of us was thinking clearly.
“It’s fine, Emilia,” Carter murmurs, but he looks just as conflicted as I feel. He and I both know Kate would never be okay with us getting together, and that what we’re doing is unacceptable.
“Shit. What’s wrong with us? This can’t happen again, Carter. Kate is my best friend – I cannot mess around with her brother. That’s so against the girl code. She’d never forgive me! I love your mother so much too and they’d both be horrified if they found out. They’d feel like I betrayed their trust. What was I thinking?”
I start to panic and even though Carter looks like his heart is shattering alongside mine, he grabs my shoulders and tries his best to ground me. “Hey, breathe, baby. It’s alright. We don’t need to tell them if you don’t want them to know.”
I shake my head. That would never work. Carter and I both won’t be able to live with the guilt. “No. Let’s just pretend nothing ever happened. It was just some making out, anyway. It’s not like we actually dated or anything. Please, Carter,” I say, trying to keep him from realizing how much it hurts me to utter those words.
Carter stares at me in disbelief and then looks away, as though he’s unable to even look at me. “I understand,” he murmurs, smiling tightly. His eyes are filled with regret and his expression mirrors how I feel exactly.
Chapter 19
Emilia
Kate looks worried when I make it back to the embankment. “Hey, where were you?” she asks. Helen looks me over and narrows her eyes before looking away. “Oh, Carter and I went for a swim. I guess maybe we went a bit too far out?”
Kate nods and sits back down, her eyes studying me carefully.“Your bikini isn’t wet. Your hair isn’t either,” she remarks. I look at her with wide eyes. “I...I... uh, I put my hair up so it wouldn’t get wet, and my bikini dried on the walk back,” I stammer. I’m being so suspicious but I can’t help it. I’ve never had to lie to Kate before. I can’t even look her in the eye. She’d be so disappointed if she knew what Carter and I were getting up to.
Carter walks up to us looking annoyed as hell. Will
iam glances at him and grins. “Had a good swim, son?” he asks. Carter looks startled for a second and then nods, keeping his eyes to the floor. He brushes past me roughly and sinks down on his chair. Kate looks from me to him and frowns.
“You guys argued again, didn’t you?”
I bite down on my lip and shake my head. “No. I guess, maybe a little,” I murmur. Kate rolls her eyes. “You two were literally together for an hour or so. How the hell did you manage to fall out again in that time? Don’t go around ignoring each other again, because it’s awkward as hell.”
I nod, feeling immensely guilty. Whatever happens between Carter and me will definitely impact my friendship with Kate. I can’t risk it, no matter how much I want to. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. She looks surprised and Carter sits up to glare at both of us.
“I don’t ever fucking complain when you two are arguing or refuse to speak to each other. Last year you didn’t speak to each other for a whole goddamn week because one of you watched the series finale of some dumb show without the other. Did I fucking complain? No, I didn’t. So why the hell are you now concerned with whether or not Emilia and I are arguing? It’s not like that’s new to you.”
Helen looks like she might intervene but then decides to stay out of it, much to my surprise. Kate jumps out of her seat and stares Carter down. “Emilia is my best friend, Carter. Of course I’m concerned about it. I hate it when you two put me in a difficult position. I hate it when I have to choose a side to be on.”
Carter grits his teeth and storms off while I bury my face in my hands. I’m racked with guilt. What was I thinking, getting with Carter like that? Things got out of hand so quickly too. Kate is right, of course. I can’t put her in a position where she’d ever have to choose between me and Carter.
“Ugh,” she yells, storming off in the other direction. I stare at the woods that Carter disappeared into and bite down on my lip as I make my mind up. I want to follow him so badly, but I can’t. I need to put Kate first. I inhale deeply and run after Kate, unaware of Helen’s eyes on me.
“Hey, wait up,” I shout. Kate pauses and turns. She wipes away her tears from her cheeks and my heart starts to hurt. I’m feeling beyond guilty. I completely stopped thinking when I was alone with Carter. I didn’t even think about Kate at all. All I could think about in the moment was that I wanted Carter — that I’ve wanted him for months now.
I open my arms and she crashes into them. I pet her back as tears stream down her face. “I…I hate arguing with him,” she says. I inhale deeply and nod. “I know, Kate.” She might act all tough, but I know better than anyone that she adores Carter. He’s the one person she’s always looked up to. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s such a minor argument. It’s fine.”
Kate pulls back and shakes her head. “It’s not. You don’t understand, I—“ She inhales deeply and shakes her head. “It’s nothing,” she whispers. I wipe away her tears with my thumbs and she looks up at me gratefully. It hurts to see her so upset. It hurts even more to know that I’m the root cause of it.
“I’m so mad,” she whispers.
I laugh and throw my arm around her. “Yeah, Carter tends to have that effect on people. Welcome to my world, girl.”
She laughs, and I’m instantly relieved. Kate and I walk around hand in hand, swinging our joined hands around just like when we were kids. I can tell she’s gathering up the courage to tell me something, and I’m wondering if she’s going to warn me away from Carter. My heart sinks at the thought of her issuing me an ultimatum like that. I don’t know if I could even keep my word if she asked it of me. It’s getting harder and harder to resist Carter, to pretend like I don’t feel anything for him.
“There’s something I want to ask you,” she murmurs eventually. She sits down at a little bench along the road and looks up at me with an anxious expression. “Do you like Carter?” she whispers.
I freeze. I’m not sure what led her to ask me this and I’m not sure what to say to her. I’ve never kept anything from Kate and it seems wrong not to tell her now.
“I— Carter…I—” I can’t manage to get the words out and keep stammering awkwardly. My heart is beating so loudly that it feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of my chest.
“You don’t, right? You wouldn’t do that to me, would you, Milly? Carter and you have always hated each other. That hasn’t changed right?” Kate says, her voice high pitched and borderline panicked. I swallow hard and stand in front of her, frozen and nervous as hell.
“I… no, I don’t hate him. Of course I don’t hate him,” I say weakly. Kate bites down on her lip and looks up at me pleadingly. “I see you as my sister, Milly. I’ve always given you everything I could and I’ve always invited you to every family gathering we have, including our weekends at the cabin,” she says, waving her arms around and gesturing to the lake behind us. “I share my Mom with you and never ever complain when the two of you hang out together when you’re supposed to be my friend. My Dad offered to teach you how to drive despite it meaning that he’d have less time to teach me, and I didn’t complain. I never complain, Milly.”
I nod and look down at my shoes guiltily. She’s right, she has always shared every single thing with me, and she’s never once complained.
“But not Carter, Emilia. You can’t ever go there with him unless you’re willing to walk away from our friendship. I won’t stand back and watch you two ruin everything. My Mom will never get over it if you two date and break up, or if you two even argue and you refuse to come over for dinner. I won’t let you hurt her like that. Our friendship wouldn’t be the same anymore either. I refuse to suffer through you two avoiding each other and fighting with each other, which you definitely would do if you ever dated. I don’t ever want to have to pick a side to be on, and with the way you two argue right now, I’d definitely end up having to choose.”
I shake my head and hold my hands up. “I’d never hurt you or Helen, you know that, Kate. I’d never do that.”
Kate shakes her head and laughs wryly. “You say that, but the way you two fought during this trip has hurt us all. Mom was worried when you two fought in the car and the entire first day of the trip was awkward as hell because you two wouldn’t speak to each other. Even Dad asked me what was going on between you and Carter, and if you’d be okay. We’d all have had a better time if you didn’t come with us at all, Emilia. Surely you see that that’s what things would be like if you and Carter ever dated? I’m dead serious, Milly. If you go there with Carter our friendship is over. I won’t ever forgive you.”
I bite down on my lip as harshly as I can in an effort to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t realize I was hurting everyone with my actions. I only meant to fight with Carter, but Kate is right, every fight we have does affect his family. Usually our fights aren’t very serious so they’re easy to ignore, but it wouldn’t be the same if we dated. I can’t do that to the Clarkes. I’ll have to stay away from Carter.
“I understand, Kate,” I murmur, my voice shaking. My heart feels shattered and I feel like crying. Why does it feel like I just lost Carter forever? I already knew he and I could never be together, but it’s still painful as hell to know I’d stand to lose everything if I followed my heart.
Chapter 20
Emilia
I’m late. I couldn’t sleep last night and only ended up falling asleep three hours ago. I kept thinking about Carter and the things we did at the cabin, the way the weekend ended and how I wish things were different. Just thinking about the way he kissed me turns me on, and thinking about the look on his face when I told him to forget what happened tears me apart. Then there’s Kate and the things she said to me. I can’t even fault her for asking me what she did.
Carter is standing in front of his car and looks up when I walk out. His eyes roam over my hair and my outfit before he looks away abruptly. I wore an extra tight top and paired it with a tight skirt that makes my ass look awesome. I’m surprised when he doesn’t check me
out.
Instead, he just gets into the car, ignoring me. I’m startled and suddenly feel unsettled. He’s being weird. I open the passenger door and Carter shakes his head just as I’m about to get in.
“Just sit in the back with Kate.”
He looks back at the steering wheel and starts the car, dismissing me. “I thought you said you don’t like feeling like you’re our driver,” I say carefully.
Carter huffs. “What’s the point in pretending like I’m not? That’s exactly what I am to you two, right? A driver. Would you be in my car every morning otherwise? Just get in the back, Emilia.”
I tense and look at Kate with wide eyes before getting in the back seat. She frowns and shakes her head — looks like she also doesn’t know what’s up with him. Carter drives us to school in silence. “What’s going on?” Kate asks, her brows scrunched up. Carter tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it, Kate? You wanted Emilia and I to stop fighting. We have.”
Kate rolls her eyes. “Thank god, no more daily arguments about who gets to sit in the front. Can’t believe it took you this long to give in,” she mutters. Carter looks at her from the rear view mirror and nods. “Yep. Let’s just pretend it never happened,” he says, smiling humorlessly.
I bite down on my lip and look out the window. I don’t like the way he’s behaving, but I can’t fault him for it either. He isn’t doing anything I can actually complain about. He’s just being... off.
He parks his car when we get to school and rushes off without us. Usually he’d walk us to class and ask about our plans for the day. Kate looks just as startled as I do.
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