Mayhem

by Catharina Maura

Asher clears his throat and puts his hand on Kate’s shoulder. “Come on,” he says. “I’ll show you my room and the rest of the place while Carter gets ready. It won’t take him long.”

  Kate glares at Carter one more time and then follows Asher. I trail behind them quietly.

  “I… uh… I’ll make some coffee,” I say, tipping my head towards the kitchen. I need a moment to pull myself together. Just seeing Carter is so much harder on me than I thought it would be. It’s like feelings I thought were long gone came rushing back at once. I guess part of me still hoped there’d be something between us. I never got over him, but it seems like he’s definitely moved on. I can’t help but blame myself. I should’ve chosen to be with him while I still could.

  Kate looks at me worriedly and I smile at her. “Just tired,” I tell her, lying through my teeth. She hesitates but eventually nods and follows Asher.

  I walk around the kitchen numbly, working mostly on auto pilot. I don’t snap out of it until Carter walks into the kitchen. Looks like he didn’t actually bother getting ready — he’s still in nothing but his jeans, his chest exposed. Carter leans back against one of the counters and studies me curiously.

  I push a cup of coffee towards him wordlessly, a small insincere smile on my face. I’ve been standing here completely spaced out for so long that the coffee is now lukewarm at best. Usually I’d have offered to make him a new cup, but I just don’t have it in me today. My heart feels shattered. Is this what Carter and I have become? Strangers that don’t even say hi anymore?

  My eyes involuntarily drop down to the kiss marks on his skin and I’m hit with another flash of pain. Carter looks down and traces the marks with his fingers, a small frown on his face. I look away and stare at my cup instead.

  “Hmm, looks like my friends and I had a bit too much fun last night,” he says, grinning roguishly.

  I feel sick to my stomach and grit my teeth. “You fuck all of your friends?” I ask, my voice harsh and angry. I can’t help it. I promised myself I’d be better than this, but I just can’t help myself.

  Carter looks startled and then chuckles. “Emilia, I’m single and I’m a football player. I’m not gonna stand here and pretend like I’ve been a saint. We’re at college, for God’s sake. It’s not like you’ve been a saint back home. How’s Landon these days?”

  I frown. “Landon?” I ask, confused. I haven’t even thought about him in a year. “We broke up like a year and a half ago,” I tell him honestly.

  Carter straightens and stares at me with wide eyes. “You what?”

  I look away and wrap my arms around myself. I broke up with Landon the first time Carter came home from college. I still remember the exact moment that I knew Landon and I would never work out. I tried pulling a prank on Carter and he caught me. Carter had me pressed up against his window, his fingers buried deep inside me. I knew right there and then that I’d never want Landon the same way and that it would be unfair to keep dating him, when I knew I was just using him to get over Carter. I broke up with Landon the very next day.

  “I only dated him because I was wondering what dating might be like. It wasn’t really as good as I thought it would be, so I ended things.”

  Carter blinks in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, his eyes flashing with anger.

  I frown and cross my arms over my chest. “When was I supposed to tell you, Carter? Whenever you came home you ignored me. Besides, why would you even care?”

  Carter runs a hand through his hair and looks at me through narrowed eyes. “You said it wasn’t that good. What wasn’t that good? Did you sleep with him?”

  I shake my head instinctively and immediately regret it. Carter’s lips tug up at the edges and his entire demeanor relaxes. I grit my teeth and glare at him.

  “It’s none of your business who I have or haven’t slept with, you manwhore.”

  Carter chuckles. “Hmm okay, Minx,” he murmurs. My heart skips a beat and I hide my face in my coffee cup. He hasn’t called me Minx in months. It’s always Emilia these days. To hear him call me the way he used to oddly revives the butterflies that I try so hard to keep buried.

  “So those two times with me are the only times you’ve had sex, huh? You’re practically still a virgin, Minx. At this rate you might as well keep it up until marriage.”

  I almost choke on my coffee and cough violently. Carter grins as though my unease is amusing him. I poke him on the chest angrily. “Whose fault is that, Carter? You kept everyone away from me. Even after you left most guys didn’t dare come near me.”

  I’m shaking with anger. Even though we always denied it, everyone always saw me as Carter’s girl. As the girl that’s out of reach unless you want to deal with Carter himself. Long after he left people would ask me how he’s doing. Other than Landon there weren’t many guys that could even look at me without immediately associating me with Carter. Not that it would’ve mattered. No one captured my interest anyway. In the last two years I couldn’t even imagine sleeping with anyone other than Carter. I still can’t.

  “Seems like you don’t have that issue, huh? You’re far from virginal, aren’t you?” I say angrily, my voice breaking. I’m consumed with pain and rage that I know I have no right to feel. I glance at my coffee cup, longing to give into my temper and dump my coffee on his head dramatically. It won’t mend my broken heart, but still.

  Carter laughs and tips his head towards my coffee cup. “Do it. I dare you,” he murmurs.

  I grit my teeth and glare at him. I can’t believe he still reads me so well. I hate it. I hate that he still owns every piece of me. “Don’t think I won’t,” I snap.

  Carter crosses his arms and grins at me provocatively. I glare at him and rise to my tiptoes, my coffee cup in hand. I bring it to his head slowly and Carter merely looks at me in amusement, as though he’s waiting to see whether I’ll actually do it. I hold my cup over his head and empty it slowly, looking him in the eye as I do it. Coffee streams all over his face and down his body. He could’ve evaded me easily but instead he just leans back against the counter as coffee streams down his body.

  My eyes follow the trail down his abdomen and a moment that should’ve felt victorious and vindictive instantly turns into more. I lick my lips and try to keep my mind off licking my coffee off his body. I swallow hard and Carter’s eyes darken as though he knows exactly what I’m thinking.

  The moment shatters when my eyes zero in on the kiss marks on his skin. Just looking at them makes me feel like I’ve been sucker punched. How many girls know exactly what Carter’s abs taste like? Hell… some girl probably still has the taste of him on her lips. I look away, equal parts disgusted and heartbroken. It’s obvious he’s been spending his days fucking around.

  He’s clearly moved on, just like he said he would. So why am I still stuck in the past? Why am I unable to even want anyone else? Seems like Carter is having great sex and I’m just missing out. I’m missing out because I keep comparing every man I meet to the one I can no longer have. No more. I’m going to live it up at college as much as Carter has. Maybe that’s exactly what I need to finally get over him. Seems to have worked just fine for him. I’ll find someone to sleep with before the week is over. How hard can it really be?

  I grit my teeth and Carter grabs my jaw. He turns my face towards his and shakes his head. “It’s not happening, Minx. Whatever you have in mind right now, forget about it. It isn’t happening.”

  I glare at him, hating that he can still read me so well. “We’ll see about that, Carter.”

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  46 More books by Catharina Maura

  Please see the next page for Chapter One of The Tie That Binds

  47 Chapter 1: The Tie That Binds

  I stare at the priest who morosely preaches about loss, death and heaven. He tells us all how good of a person my father was and that we should rest assured because he’s without a doubt in a better place now. Though I’m certain that it’s true I fail to understand
how the priest would know that, considering that my father hasn’t set foot in a church in at least a decade. He was, after all, a devout atheist. My father’s belief in God died the day my mother did.

  He would have hated this funeral. It isn’t him at all. Not even remotely. He would’ve wanted a simple ceremony with no more than a handful of people. Instead, I’m standing in a graveyard that’s filled to the brim with people I barely even recognise.

  I look around me, my eyes settling on my grandmother. In the days following my father’s sudden passing I’d been so grateful to have her with me. She patted my back and told me not to worry about a thing. And indeed, she’d taken care of everything while I foolishly nodded along to everything she said. I should’ve known better. There’s a reason my father cut her off, after all. A woman who would embezzle from the company my father sacrificed his sweat and tears for isn’t someone I should’ve trusted to honour his final wishes. I regret placing my trust in her. I wish I’d been more on top of things. I told myself that involving her in the funeral would be the right thing to do. That it would give her the closure she’d need to say her farewell to her only son. I was wrong. Based on the amount of politicians and businessmen present it’s obvious that she didn’t even know my father at all, and I’m starting to be grateful for it.

  “Alyssa.”

  I blink and look to my right. Dominic, my best friend, has clearly been trying to get my attention for some time. He smiles at me, his eyes as red as mine. Dominic grabs my hand and gently places a rose in it, closing my fingers around the stem.

  I look down at it numbly. I know they’re expecting me to drop the rose on top of my father’s casket to signal the start of the burial, but I just can’t make myself do it.

  “It’s time, Lyss,” he whispers. Dominic’s mother, Mary, nods at me with tears in her eyes. The only thing getting me through this day is the presence of the Devereaux’s. Without them I’d truly be alone. I guess from today onwards, I really will be.

  I stare at the rectangular hole in the ground, my mind blank. I shake my head, panic slowly building in my body. I can’t do this. I can’t say goodbye to the man that has singlehandedly raised me. Who is going to hold my hand when life gets tough and make me the perfect cup of tea when I’m feeling down? My dad will never see me take his position as CEO and he will never walk me down the aisle. I’m not ready to say goodbye. There are too many things we still should’ve experienced together.

  A heavy arm is dropped around my shoulder and I look to my left. Daniel. Dominic’s older brother and my father’s co-CEO. If anyone is hurting as much as I am today, it’s him. Daniel tightens his hold on me and gently grabs the hand I’m holding the rose with. He looks at me and I nod. A single heavy tear falls down my cheek as Daniel raises my arm and the rose falls onto my father’s casket. Daniel keeps hold of my hand and clenches it tightly, as though he’s hanging on to me in an attempt to keep it together.

  The sound of sobbing fills the graveyard instantly. People I’ve never seen before are holding back sobs and it oddly infuriates me. Where were these people when my father was still alive? When they still had a chance to spend time with him.

  The priest drops a small amount of soil onto the casket and suddenly it just feel so finite. I feel an insane urge to demand that everything stops. To claim that my father cannot be gone. I feel panic creeping its way through my body, starting low in my belly until it constricts my throat. My breath is laboured and I can almost feel the hysteria bubble up in my throat. I remember being devastated and sobbing when my mother passed away, but it was different. When the cancer took her we’d known it was coming. We weren’t any more prepared for the day to come, but it was different nonetheless. This time, my dad is just gone. There were no goodbyes and no long talks at night to make sure we told each other everything we needed to. The heart attack ended his life with no warnings. Part of me can’t even fathom that it’s my father lying in that casket. I haven’t even cried since he died. Not the way I did when my mother took her last breath. I haven’t sobbed like the people around me, the way I did when my mother died. My eyes have filled with tears countless times today but I’ve mostly refused to let them spill. Crying would only make it so much more real. You only mourn those that are truly gone. I wonder how long I’ll be able to hold onto this numbness. How long will I be able to hold the panic at bay?

  Dominic’s arm wraps around my waist as he starts to lead me back to the parking lot. I let him drag me along absentmindedly, grateful to move away from my father’s grave. The further we get, the easier it becomes to breathe.

  To my surprise, Dominic walks me to his brother’s car instead of his own. I stare at it, my heart clenching together painfully. An Aston Martin Vulcan in matte black. The only reason I know the name of the car is because my dad and Daniel picked it out together. They scrutinised and researched every single detail. At one point they even made a cost benefit analysis for the different customisation options. Why they did that is beyond me since the car set Daniel back millions. I didn’t think a couple grand extra would’ve mattered but according to my dad and Daniel it did. The two of them shared a bond I’ve always been jealous of. At times I was certain Daniel was the child my dad wished he had instead of me.

  Dominic and Daniel’s father died a few years after my mother did and ever since my dad has embraced the two of them as his own. Daniel more so than Dominic. I guess he thought that Dominic at least had me, while Daniel had no one. I don’t think there’s been more than a handful of days in the last couple of years that my dad and Daniel didn’t see each other. My dad personally trained Daniel until he was ready to take on his father’s vacant seat as his co-CEO. They worked together every day, but outside of work they were more like father and son. I always aspired to have a similar relationship with my dad, but it’s too late for that now.

  “Will you take her?” Dominic asks. Daniel hesitates, and truthfully, I don’t want Dominic to leave me right now. I need him with me, now more than ever. I stare at him pleadingly but his eyes are on his girlfriend, Lucy. She’s standing next to his mum with a sweet smile on her face.

  I can’t help but feel a bit bitter and hurt about it. I feel foolish for expecting him to stand by me today. Things between us haven’t been what they used to be. Not since my drunken confession a few months ago. Dominic has slowly but surely been distancing himself from me, and I only have myself to blame.

  “Pathetic,” Daniel murmurs as we watch Dominic rush towards Lucy. He didn’t even wait for Daniel to agree to drive me home. Nor did he ask me if I’d be okay.

  “Must be some magic pussy for him to abandon his best friend on a day like this.”

  A tiny smile pulls the edges of my lips up and Daniel grins as he opens his car door for me. I feel relieved to see him smiling at me. Though he hasn’t shed a tear in my presence, his red-rimmed eyes and the bags underneath them tell me that this has been just as hard on him as it has been on me. I’ve never seen Daniel cry or be overly emotional at all. The most emotion he ever shows is his perpetual boredom. His stoic expression has gotten him into trouble more than once. I even vaguely recall one of his ex-girlfriends breaking up with him over it.

  “When are we going to discuss everything?” I ask softly, my voice barely above a whisper. Daniel’s hands tighten on his steering wheel. He doesn’t have to ask me what I’m talking about. As my father’s sole heir I’ll be inheriting his 26% shareholding in DM consultancy, the parent company that stands at the top of our conglomerate empire. The Devereaux’s own 25% between themselves while the rest of the shares are distributed amongst other family members and early investors. So long as the Devereaux and Moriani families stay united, we’ll remain in absolute control.

  However, with my dad being gone so suddenly the company is in turmoil. The share price has already plummeted in the few days since his death. On top of that, Vincent, the company lawyer, told us that my dad’s will is very unconventional and that we need to see him as soon as po
ssible lest the company be in peril. He refused to discuss the details over the phone. To make things worse the press has been writing scathing articles about the future of the company now that its visionary is gone. Many have expressed doubts about Daniel’s ability to run the company without my father, adding to the emotional turmoil he’s already feeling.

  Truthfully, I fear not only for my own empty and bleak future, but that of the company too. I have full faith in Daniel but I’m not sure how long it’ll take him to become comfortable in his new role. I know better than anyone just how much he relied on my father.

  “Not today,” Daniel says, sounding exhausted. “Today is for mourning and honouring the man we all loved. To say our goodbyes and make peace with a devastating loss. The company isn’t going anywhere.”

  I nod. I’m grateful Daniel hasn’t set the meeting with Vincent for today. I have no idea how I’m going to deal with that when it comes. I’m sure my father has some sort of unpleasant surprise for me and I’m not ready to face my own inadequacy yet. DM Consultancy was my father’s first love and more often than not I wondered if he loved it more than he loved me.

  “We’re here,” Daniel says, sighing as he parks the car in my driveway. Neither one of us moves. Instead we just sit there in silence as we stare at the countless cars lines up in front of my house.

  “Are you ready?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “No,” I answer, my voice breaking. I clear my throat and look out the window.

  “But let’s do this anyway.”

  If you want to continue reading, you can get The Tie That Binds here