No Easy Choice

by Kathryn Shay

  “I think I know what I need. But we’ll have to do it later, at about ten.” Which was when Colin conked out so he could get up at five the next day. She scanned them and forced a smile. “Let’s have a good Sisters of Fire night until then.”

  Two hours later, after they’d talked to Brooke, shared other news and eaten Chinese takeout, four of them piled into Annie’s car. Brooke had passed on coming along, and Lynne stayed with her. JJ drove because Annie was too angry to trust herself behind the wheel. Her anger had reignited like sparks coming alive in foam.

  “You sure you want to do this, Annie?” Tess asked from the back next to the car seat. Trish sat on the other side of it.

  “Yeah. I don’t want to see him yet.”

  “It might be better to get this out in the open now.” This from Trish.

  “I appreciate the advice you guys, but I know what I need.”

  When the car swerved into the end of Annie’s driveway, she noted that the lights were all out except for the one over the side entrance. She jumped out first and the others followed. Once in the kitchen, she got cloth bags out of the cupboard and handed them to JJ and Trish. “You know what to get out of here.”

  Then she and Tess crept to Bridget’s room. “I have a go-bag in here.”

  “A go-bag?”

  They both whispered so as not to wake Bridget.

  “Yeah, filled with diapers and onesies and a few toys, that I need for excursions.” She got it out of the closet. Spying the pad and paper she left on the dresser, she wrote: I came and got my daughter, LIEUTENANT O’SHEA.

  Then Tess bent over the crib, eased Bridget up, held her close and crept back outside. Annie was the last to exit so she could lock up. Tess settled the still-sleeping baby into the car seat, then they all drove back to Brooke’s house.

  Brooke met them at the door. “Lynne and I set up the spare room for you and the baby. I don’t have a crib, but—”

  “We don’t need one. The car seat folds all the way back.” They picked this one so she could be transferred from the carriage to the car seat, which fit over the pram, easily.

  “Hmm. I don’t know anything about modern car seats. I’ll go up with you.”

  They climbed the winding staircase and went down the corridor. Once inside a large guest room with its own bathroom, Annie released the mechanism on the back of the seat and Bridget laid out flat. Lovingly, she tucked a blanket from the go-bag around her. She’d forgotten the monitor, but Brooke had set the one up in this room that Zach had used to call her from where ever she was in the house.

  They headed back to the porch, Brooke holding the receiver. “So?” Trish asked. “Feel better?”

  “Yep.” Annie scanned them all. “You know, this might make up for your little night raid at Trish’s without me. I’m still mad at you for that.”

  Total silence.

  “We explained why afterward.” This from Tess. “But be mad at just me, because I made the decision.”

  Annie started to laugh. “I’m teasing. I was so exhausted then I would have been more of a liability.”

  Everybody relaxed and someone handed Annie another beer.

  Chapter 3

  The alarm went off at five a.m. Colin turned over to find Annie’s side of the bed was empty. In fact, it wasn’t slept in. Was she so mad that she stayed on the daybed in Bridget’s room? He felt guilty.

  Should he have called her last night after he picked up Bridget? She’d left him a text that afternoon that she’d gone to an unplanned Sisters of Fire meeting. He didn’t want to have the lieutenant conversation on the phone, and besides, they’d caught fire and he didn’t get it until it was too late. So he let it go. But he fell asleep before she’d gotten back from the meeting.

  Time to face her. He got up, used the bathroom, and wearing only pajama bottoms, went into the baby’s room. Annie wasn’t there. He crossed to the crib. And found only a note.

  I came and got my daughter, LIEUTENANT O’SHEA.

  She must have been really mad to have stolen inside, taken Bridget and left again. Where was she? He needed coffee to figure out what to do.

  With a simmering cup in his hand, he sat at the kitchen table. By now, she knew. And not from him. His heart twisted in his chest when he thought about how much that must have hurt her. The woman he’d loved since he was sixteen would feel totally betrayed, especially after their intimacy in the last three days.

  Well, he wasn’t going to sit here and wallow. He phoned Ben, who answered on the first ring. “Benedeski.”

  “Lieutenant, I’m sorry to give you such short notice but an emergency’s come up. I can’t come in until nine.”

  “Anything I can do?”

  “No. I hope you can get coverage.”

  “We’ll get the floater over for a few hours.”

  Colin brought the coffee to their bedroom, showered and dressed in his uniform. Six was probably too early to go over to…um, he didn’t even know where she was. He’d have to drive to all the women’s houses and check for the car. He took the time for a bowl of oatmeal, juice, and two different fruits. He couldn’t fight fires on an empty stomach and had to be ready for a call when he did get in. Once in the car, he headed to Tess’s, which was the closest. No Honda. Then Trish’s. Then JJ’s, both with the same result.

  Finally, he drove the twenty minutes to Brooke’s. Of course, she’d be there. The women liked to meet at her house. Her boys were teenagers and could occupy themselves. When he reached her big home in West Crystal City, Annie’s Honda sat in the driveway, bathed in the early morning light. Driving up next to it, he got out of his car, walked to the front and rang the doorbell.

  Nothing. Was it too early for them to be up? Then checked his watch. Bridget would have awakened long before seven.

  He tried the bell one more time.

  She yanked open the door. Annie was a warrior goddess when she was angry. She stood before him, hands on her hips, legs spread, her hair loose and messy. “Can’t you take a hint?”

  He blanked.

  “I didn’t answer the door because I didn’t want to talk to you yet. You’re lucky you didn’t wake Brooke and the boys. They just left.” She scanned his uniform. “Why aren’t you at work, anyway?”

  “Why do you think I’m not? Hell, Annie, we need to talk.”

  “A little late doing that, aren’t you, lieutenant?”

  “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

  She swallowed hard, her hazel eyes sad.

  “Please, can I come in?”

  After long seconds, she moved aside. He stepped past her and she closed the door. Then she went straight back into the kitchen. She poured herself coffee and one for him. They sat adjacent to each other in Brooke’s breakfast nook.

  “The ball’s in your court, buddy.”

  “I should have told you as soon as I found out I might be up for a promotion.”

  “And you didn’t. Instead, you fucked me for three days.” Annie swore, like most firefighters, but not as often.

  “That’s not why I kept it secret. I was afraid to tell you. And I didn’t get it officially until after I went back to work yesterday.”

  “You should have consulted me on the decision, Colin, even when it wasn’t official. This affects my life, too.”

  “In the interim, maybe, while I get ready for a lieutenancy. But after I’m in my new spot, I’ll control my schedule. And I’ll make more money so I don’t have to work at the garage again.”

  “That doesn’t excuse why you kept this from me. I have an investment in your career like you have in mine.” She lifted her chin. “I was considering taking the lieutenant’s exam but before I could, I realized I was pregnant. That opportunity has probably dried up for me.”

  “So, you’re jealous? Of me?”

  “Never.”

  “Then say you forgive me.”

  “No. Go home Colin.”

  “Only if you come with me.”

  “I’m not ready to.”


  He felt his face flush. “You’re punishing me.”

  “No, I’m taking care of myself. I suddenly realized I can’t count on you to do that.”

  His eyes moistened. “Annie, don’t say these things to me. I love you. I want to work this out.”

  “Not now.”

  “But you will come home, won’t you?”

  Her eyes welled. “Yeah, I will. When I’m ready.”

  * * *

  JJ rang Brooke’s doorbell at ten. Annie yanked it open. “What now?”

  “Whoa, girl.”

  “Oops, sorry. I thought you were Colin again.”

  “So the scoundrel came over. You didn’t go home with him?”

  “No.”

  “I knew Brooke went to work. I stopped to see how you’re doing today.” She held up a white pastry bag. “I brought donuts.”

  “How sweet. Come on in.”

  JJ walked inside Brooke’s beautiful big house. Sometimes, being here made her feel inferior. Not that she didn’t have one like her friend’s, but that she didn’t want one. The small home she bought years ago still suited her. They sat in the kitchen, sun coming through the window. “Bridget okay?”

  “Yeah. Up and ate and played and back asleep.”

  “Isn’t that boring?”

  Annie chuckled. “You really do need to develop more tact, JJ.”

  “God, I do. That was insulting.” She took a pastry out and extended the bag to Annie. “A peace offering?”

  Laughing, Annie shook out a glazed bear claw. “Truthfully, mornings do get boring. I take her to the park a few times a week and we’re starting infant swim lessons soon.”

  “That’s a thing?”

  “Yeah, somebody at the park told me about them. They’re free at the Y.”

  “Huh.”

  Annie studied her. “How are you this morning?”

  “Just what I said last night. The crew of the new house is giving me the cold shoulder whenever I go over to train with them.”

  “The shitheads.”

  “It’s not even just the guys. Two of my women friends from other houses are shunning me.”

  “Then they aren’t very good friends.”

  “I thought they were.” Her voice had turned hoarse. She hated this kind of emotion.

  Annie, very much an emotional person, which didn’t even seem to bother her, reached across the table and covered JJ’s hand. “I can see how you’d be hurt.”

  “And I’m not even in the position yet. Can you imagine what it’ll be like when I’m their boss?”

  “Are you having second thoughts about taking a captaincy?”

  “No! I won’t let anybody drive me out. I guess I didn’t think through how hard this would be.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll deal.” JJ bit into her apple fritter and sighed with delight.

  Annie bit into the sweet, doughy pastry. “How’s Derek?”

  “He’s been a jerk about the promotion. People tease him. We haven’t been close since it happened.”

  “Close as in sleeping together?”

  She nodded. “That and just talking about things with him.”

  “I hope things work out.”

  “Me, too. Now, how are you feeling?”

  She explained Colin’s visit. JJ stared at her. “You know, I’ve always admired your relationship. Maybe even been jealous. You have something special, so be careful not to throw it away.”

  “Thanks for voicing that. But one of the reasons we have such a strong relationship is I’ve stood up for myself from day one. I know you all think I’m a sap where he’s concerned, but I don’t let him get away with any shit.”

  JJ laughed out loud. “Good for you.” She glanced around the state-of-the-art kitchen. “What are you going to do today?”

  “Colin’s on days. If he spends a night alone in the house, he’ll be mad, but it will make my point. I’m going back tomorrow. Brooke said it was fine with her to stay here.”

  “You have to do what you think is best.”

  “As far as today is concerned, I’m planning to make Brooke and her family a nice dinner and a great dessert.”

  “Dessert?” JJ was a sweet addict.

  “Would you like to help? Stay for dinner?”

  “I don’t cook, Annie.”

  “Maybe it’s time you learned. But even if you don’t want to, you can spend time with me and maybe entertain Bridget some.”

  “That sounds like a good idea. Thanks for caring about me.”

  “This is real friendship, honey. Not fair-weather friends.”

  “Yeah, I guess. But let’s not talk about that anymore. I’m going to enjoy today.”

  “I’ll be glad for the company.”

  * * *

  She really did this! She was going to waste one of their nights together because she was pissed off at him. Shit, he was pissed off, now, too. He arrived at work at 8:30 in that state.

  He checked in with Ben. “Hey, I’m here.”

  “You okay?”

  “Not exactly. I can’t talk about it. Take the hours out of my vacation.”

  “No calls. The floater didn’t even get here yet. You’re good to go.”

  Colin did chores with a vengeance. He volunteered to scour the kitchen and when he finished, the room was spotless. When his cell rang, he dragged it out, hoping she’d changed her mind and was coming home tonight.

  “O’Shea. This is Battalion Chief Roncone. I’m gonna oversee your new house.”

  “Hi, Chief.”

  “Redman tells me he wants you to work with a few lieutenants on the line. You can shadow Tim Daniels tomorrow night, the last of your day tour.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “I assume you’re available.”

  “I am, chief.”

  “He’s doing training at 8. That’ll give you a couple of hours to eat dinner.”

  “I’ll be there. And thanks.”

  Shit! That was all they needed.

  They had free time after chores, so he grabbed a pad and pen and went outside. He made a list of things to talk to Annie about. One, regardless of how he bungled this new thing, how did she feel about his taking a lieutenancy? He’d have to be honest about what the job entailed. Preparation for the physical part of the exam. The written part wouldn’t be easy, either. All that would take a lot of time away from her and the baby. So, the question remained. Was she willing to cope so he could progress in the fire department? Achieve a dream they both had.

  And what would he do if she said no?

  * * *

  After a dinner of beef bourguignon, al dente noodles and just-cooked broccoli, the three women sat back in their seats. Brooke’s boys had eaten with them then had gone to a friend’s house to play video games.

  “Ready for Baked Alaska?” JJ asked.

  Brooke groaned. “What a wonderful dessert. But in a bit. I’m stuffed.”

  As they were cleaning up, the doorbell rang again and Brooke left to see who the caller was. She came back into the room with Tess.

  “Hey, you missed a super dinner.” Again, JJ spoke, feeling a possessiveness of the meal she helped make.

  Sniffing the scent of beef still in the air, Tess said, “I can tell. Thanks anyway. I came over to talk to Annie.”

  They sat adjacent to each other. “About what?”

  “Isabella’s almost done with her babysitting certification. Starting in three days, she needs to do some supervised care of a little one. Only ten hours. She asked me to ask you if she could do it with Bridget. You’d mostly have to be in the house, but not in the room.”

  “I’d love it if she spent time with us.”

  “Also, when she’s done, she’ll be available the rest of the summer. The soccer league ended, so she’s totally free.”

  “Yes, yes, that would be perfect. But only if I can pay her.”

  “She doesn’t want money.”

  “Then I won’t do it.”<
br />
  “I know you don’t have much extra cash.”

  “We have money. Now, the discussion is closed. Tell Izzy I’ll call her tomorrow.”

  “All right.”

  “Is it time yet?” JJ whined.

  “For what?” Tess asked.

  “Annie made Baked Alaska. I actually helped.”

  “I’d love to stay for that.”

  Annie smiled at Tess. And Tess smiled back. Once again, JJ was grateful for these wonderful women.

  Annie left Brooke’s house the next day feeling better. The Sisters of Fire pulled through for her once again. She felt especially close to Brooke, who let her stay in her home, talked to her, supported her. She remembered her academy days when the then-Captain Cartwright and Lt. Diane and Camp had been stern but fair with her. Annie was at the bottom of the class most of the time…

  Captain Cartwright addressed the recruits. "Rescuing people will often be done under adverse situations. There’ll be smoke, and there’ll be obstacles. That's why we set up this maze.” She gestured to the tiny house that had been built on the stage of the gym where they trained. “In there, you’ll encounter all those obstacles. And you'll have a paper across your face mask to simulate the fact that you’ll be blind in many real-time operations. Lieutenant Camp, you do the honors."

  Lt. Camp approached Annie. "Put on your mask, Ferris," she said, but without impatience. Sometimes the other instructors treated Annie like shit. She took off her helmet and slid on her mask, and the lieutenant covered it with a paper. Totally blacked out, Annie adjusted the hoses. "Should I turn it on?" she asked, her voice sounding tinny.

  A little chuckle. "No, there's not smoke in there. But breathe as if it's on."

  "Go," Captain Cartwright called out.

  Camp whispered, "You can do this, Annie. Don't let us down." That encouraged her. Determined to succeed, Annie felt for the doorway, and ducked inside. It was eerily quiet, though she knew Captain Daniels was up above grading her.

  Come on, Annie. You lived through the death of your mother, and being alone until Colin's family took you in.

  And Colin had assured her when they studied together last night that she could navigate the maze. But she was blind.