by Daya Daniels
I dip beneath the water and then, when I break the surface, I take some of it in my mouth and swish it around. I face the beach for a moment and take in the pure beauty of it all. My eyes linger on the spot that used to be our home and the SOS letters nearby it. It wasn’t bad but it’s nothing like the treehouse we live in now. After moving into the treehouse, I’d discovered utensils carved from wood packed away beneath the table in the kitchen, additional books and more monogrammed clothing like the dress I’ve been wearing all day.
The place feels like a home but only because I think it once had been to someone else.
My mind drifts to James. Often, I shut my eyes and trace the lines of his face and breathe in the scent of his skin. I allow myself to go back there for a short time every day so that I can remember, so I can be taken away from this place and absorb what it felt like to be home. And then when I sleep, I dream of him. Sometimes the dreams are good but, often, they are of him walking away from me, pulling his suitcase behind him the same way he had the day before I ended up here.
I figure the dreams emanate from my wish to go back in time and my tears which follow are only the acceptance that I cannot.
Facing toward the sea and cupping water in my hands, I rinse my face with it.
“Are you going to be swimming for long?” Brooks’ voice cuts into my thoughts.
Spinning around, I remain submerged. “No, not for much longer.”
He nods, still holding his axe and wipes his brow with a forearm.
I regard him with narrowed eyes since he’s covered in sweat and pieces of bark. “Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you since this morning. You missed lunch. I thought you said you’d never miss lunch or dinner or breakfast with us.”
He scrubs his jaw. “Yeah, I did. And I didn’t mean to. I just got caught up.”
“With…”
“I’m really sorry, Tenley, but I cut down a tree.”
I gasp softly.
But just the thought he was worried I’d care makes me smile.
Thanks.
His expression is confident. “I’m building a boat.”
And then at those words I completely relax. “I see.”
Brooks’ brows knot. “It’ll take a while, but I’m going to get it done.”
“Okay. It’s a good idea.”
“Of course it’s a damn good idea.” He runs a hand over his beard.
“Maybe I can help with it?”
He lifts a shoulder.
“Okay then.”
He takes a few more steps toward the path then pauses with a sigh. “I’m not comfortable leaving you here…”
“I’m just swimming.”
His nose scrunches. “Yeah, but the tide is getting ready to come back up…” He looks up at the sun. “In just a little while…So, you should probably get ready to come out.” He looks genuinely worried.
“Okay, just a few more minutes.”
He gestures with his palm then lingers by the tree with his back to me.
I wade for a bit and then I swim toward the shoreline. “I’m teaching Peni how to count.”
“Doesn’t she already know how to count, Jane Goodall?”
“Yes, Peni currently knows how to count from one to ten.” I step out of the water, jog to my dress and quickly slip it on. “But now I’m teaching her how to count to one hundred.” I move toward where he stands.
“And she’s going to find that useful on her first day of preschool?” He sets off walking.
I stay in pace with his strides. “Ha, ha, very funny.”
He shrugs.
Soon we’re at the base of the tree then moving up the stairs. When we make it to the top, Brooks gestures with a palm. So, I take a step inside ahead of him. A bit of calm envelopes me. The soft sunlight creeps in through the windows. The air is warm and the chirping from the crickets fills my ears.
Brooks places his tools down.
“You must be hungry?”
“Yeah, I am.” He smiles.
I stand in the middle of the den feeling a bit lost. “Yeah, me too.”
He glances over his shoulder. “I’m just going to get washed up. I’m covered in sweat.”
I wring my hands. “Yeah, no problem. I’ll start the food.”
“Yes, thanks.” He rushes past me. “And tomorrow I’ll cook.”
Waving my hand, I laugh. “No, please, I’ll do it. I enjoy it. I don’t mind, really.”
His eyes narrow. “Honestly, Tenley, I thought you’d be all over that, but okay…” He sets off for the bathroom and disappears behind the partition. “I guess I can owe you one.”
“Yeah.”
The labyrinth of trees which act as open pipes for the rainwater had been cleared with Peni’s help. Brooks had made some adjustments after we brainstormed our suggestions then put them into action. Now the water can be used as we need it for washing and flushing. We hardly have to ever haul water from the lagoon except for when it doesn’t rain as much.
Brooks is singing.
I sink into his deep voice as it belts out a calming melody.
It’s been so long since I’ve heard music. His voice is soothing, and frankly, I don’t want it to cease.
Water hits the floor near his bare feet and the fresh scent of soap wafts through the place. My hair is still damp, but my skin has dried leaving a layer of salt on it. I run a hand over my arm, thinking.
“I’m sorry I left you alone for so long today, Tenley.”
I remain still, hanging on to his words, completely oblivious to needing them.
After Peni had disappeared earlier today, I was left here alone for hours. I’d read. I’d even come up with plans for tomorrow about what I could teach Peni. I’d tinkered about in the garden too. But mostly, I was alone here. It’s only dawned on me now exactly how shitty that felt, especially when there was no way I could just pick up the phone and call a friend, or text, or spend endless afternoons searching the web. There was a void in my world today and I had no idea how to fill it.
“Yeah, no, it’s okay, Brooks. You had better things to do.”
He groans. “Why do you do that?” His tone is strained as he continues to wash.
“What do you mean?”
“You do this thing…” He laughs. “I swear you’ve been doing since college. You don’t say what you really mean or how you really feel. You cover it all up. Instead of speaking the truth, you just claim to be fine like all-the-damn-time, Tenley.”
I scoff at his accusations. “I am fine.”
Soft laughter. A grumble. Then words I can’t make out drift from him. “You can tell me the truth. I am a man who loves to know the truth. I am not Joy, or James, or anyone else who you feel the need to lie to, Tenley, in an effort to keep the peace.”
This man knows too much about me…
I’d once opposed Joy’s selection of flowers—white roses—for my birthday gathering. Joy claimed that roses were pure and classy. I then explained that as a little girl the flowers had always been tossed in with caskets as they were lowered in the ground, and that these days I just have an icky feeling about them because of it. Joy claimed she understood but then she stopped speaking to me for a month. I once told James that I preferred him in blue suits to black. And a week later he’d ordered six black suits and hung them in the closet right where I could see them in silent defiance.
I should never have said a word…just went with the flow…
A sigh drifts from me.
I’ve found that not speaking my mind is often one of the best decisions I’ve ever made especially if it’s evident it will result in weirdness, people ghosting me without explanation, and ultimately, relationship carnage.
Shaking my head, my eyes land on my bare feet. I almost launch into a tirade but then decide against it. So, I opt for this explanation instead. “I’ve never felt that everyone in the world needs to know or understand the inner workings of my mind.” I march over to the kitchen and begin preparing the rockfish feeling a litt
le burned by his words. I season both sides of the fish and the vegetables. Then I head outside taking the food with me, light a small fire, and then keep watch of it.
Brooks is still knocking around in the bathroom.
I keep my eyes fixed on the fire and the beach. Then I gaze up at the forest of trees.
Where is Peni?
Ugh.
Once the fire is hot enough, I place the food over the metal grate there and seethe. Keeping my head low, I prod at the sizzling fish with a spatula.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay, Tenley.” Taking the spatula from my hands, Brooks steps to the side of me. “If you aren’t, I guess I just want the assurance that you’ll tell me that you aren’t.”
I can’t guarantee you that…
“I’m fine.” I snatch the spatula back, avoiding his eyes.
The breath which leaves him is big and long. “Okay.” He steps away from me. “I’ll set the table.” He pauses before he disappears back inside the house. “I was thinking we could play a board game after dinner if you’re in any mood to kick my ass.”
I lift my eyes to his. “Yes, that sounds like fun.”
“Because kicking my ass should always be fun?” A lopsided grin follows his probing.
“No.” I giggle. “That’s not what I meant.”
He lifts a brow. “Well, what did you mean then? You’ve got to say what you mean, mean what you say…because riddles give me headaches, Tenley.”
“God, you’re annoying.”
He makes a sad face.
Cocking my head to the side, I smile. “I just meant that playing a game would be fun.”
He musters a smile. “Ah, I see.”
And I could really use your company because today was one of the loneliest of my life.
I manage a smile but I’m not sure if it’s genuine.
He lingers near the door. “Today was pretty shit for me too, Tenley. So, I understand…”
I almost choke on my silence.
Did I say something?
My gaze cuts to his.
His blues are big and sad—damn sad—sad as I feel.
I almost say words but then pause realizing that maybe I don’t need to explain.
Brooks tosses me a shrug then disappears inside.
And I’m left standing there feeling completely exposed. Yet, not wanting to hide.
Besides, where on earth would I go even if I truly wanted to?
Brooks
IT’S BEEN A YEAR NOW…
Nothing much has changed.
Tenley retains calm but often I feel as if I’m sliding into madness.
Time has slipped away.
It’s as if it doesn’t even exist much of the time.
Each day we look out for boats and airplanes, and almost every night of the week, I go to the far end of the island and light the torches there. They’re bright lights in the dark sky that will hopefully be seen by ships and passing airplanes. The torches burn for hours like lost hope clinging to the fluffy white clouds above before they go out. Still, the fire hasn’t beckoned anyone to find us.
I’m convinced the aliens will find us before any humans ever do. Maybe being transported into space would ultimately be better than being stuck here since the end result is the same. In both instances, both Tenley and I have seemingly been wiped off the face of the planet.
I continue to count the matches which are left…and the remaining Fennel crates had floated here and lodged themselves up on the rocks on the east side of the island for which we were grateful.
Now, I stand in front of the dresser and peer at what’s been left there.
Shells.
The surface of the small space I’ve been able to claim in this house is now covered in shells.
Plus, one roly-poly that’s balled itself up.
I make a face at the junk Peni has left me. And when I twist to look at her where she sits perched in Tenley’s lap, she smiles.
Ugh.
It’s late at night and the air is warm, and the sky is clear.
I place the roly-poly on the windowsill and the shells I swipe to the side. Discreetly, I shove my box of cigarettes in the pocket of my shorts and finish the cup of water in my hand.
Dinner has been over for a while. We ate in silence mostly, comfortably.
“Yay, Peni! Good girl.” Tenley tickles Peni’s belly when she stacks exactly twenty blocks. “So, what if we wanted to have twelve blocks only, Peni?” Tenley holds up a finger. “Only twelve.”
Peni’s blue eyes beam. Then slowly, she removes eight blocks while Tenley counts down.
I run a hand through my hair. “She’s smart.”
“Yeah, she is.” Tenley pulls Peni back into her lap.
“Will she understand if I ask her to stop leaving crap all over my dresser?”
Tenley makes a face. “What crap, Brooks?”
“Well…” I pull a cigarette from the box. “The other day it was dead insects and before that it was rocks. And the time before that it was a rotten piece of fruit.”
“They’re presents, Brooks.”
My top lip curls up.
“In Peni’s world, they’re gifts. She loves you so she wants you to have them.” Tenley shoves her nose into Peni’s belly. “Isn’t that right, Peni?”
Peni’s arms shoot for the sky and her high-pitched laughter follows.
I’m the only one in the room not laughing.
I roll my eyes and head out on the deck. With a loud breath, I settle into my chair and light up, taking slow puffs and sending them toward the sky.
It’s beautiful out tonight, clear sky, bright stars, white full moon.
I shut my eyes for a moment and finish my cigarette. When it’s done, I peer into the box, accepting I only have a few left. Sigh. And just for a moment, I wonder how I can stretch them to make them last longer, maybe by taking one or two puffs instead of smoking the entire thing. In my head, I decide exactly when I’ll have the next few and one is when my next birthday rolls around. I’ll reserve that one with the hope that I won’t be here on this fucking island on that very day.
“Come on, Brooks, we’re getting ready to play the game of the night.”
Oh, goodie…
Tenley attempts to sound excited but her tone tells me she really isn’t. This is just something we do to pass the time. Hell, it beats staring off into space or reconfiguring the garden for no apparent reason.
With a breath, I rise from my seat and amble inside.
The puzzle pieces are already spread out all over the floor with the letters which are inked on top of them facing up. The board and the pieces make up our very own version of Scrabble.
Peni bounces where she rests and rubs her hands together.
I ease down to the floor and find a comfortable position in the circle with my legs crossed.
Peni places three letters down.
We ignore the rules for the purposes of making it fun for her. And tonight, she’s chosen the number three. The letters she places down are: A, P, and P. Tenley places the letters R, K, and L down. And when my turn rolls around again, I stare at the board, run a hand over my beard, and decide carefully where I’m going with the word floating around in my head. Then, I place the letters E, G, and B down.
After a long moment of silence, Peni carefully rests down the letters P and E.
With a grunt, I sit back and accept that Peni’s just spelled: APPLE.
I’m lost at the sight of the word.
“What’s an apple, Peni?” Tenley repeatedly runs a hand over Peni’s bobbing head.
Peni gestures as if she’s eating something over and over.
“Yes, apple.” Tenley laughs.
I squint. “That’s quite something, Tenley. I guess all those tutoring sessions have turned out to be worthwhile. Peni’s absorbing everything you’re teaching her.”
“She isn’t much different from us, Brooks, in terms of learning capacity.”
“I agree. In
fact, she might even be smarter than my uncle Rooney.”
Tenley bursts into laugher.
“Do you remember him?” I chuckle. “He was drunk at every single Christmas party we threw.”
Tenley bites her lip. “Yeah, I do. In fact, he tried to grab my ass once. James almost punched him out when I told him about the incident.”
“Uncle Rooney couldn’t spell the word bourbon to save his own ass.”
We laugh.
“Yeah, I remember that asshole.” She smiles. “Who could forget gross Uncle Rooney…”
The candle flickers. The evening feels easy. It’s silent except for our voices and laughter, the chirping of the birds outside and the waves washing up on the beach.
I place more letters down.
Tenley does the same.
“Outside of the obvious, what do you miss?” I don’t look at her as I place the letter O down. Then, I do.
“My bathroom.” Tenley chuckles. “With its heated tiles and steam shower.” She sighs dramatically.
I scrub my beard. “Yeah, I think I miss mine too. I feel like I haven’t had a clean shave in eons.”
She regards me with a strange look. “You look good with a beard.”
My hand remains frozen on my face. “You think? Because if I had a choice, I’d shave this rug right off my face.”
“Yeah.” Nodding, she laughs. “It’s the in thing now…you should know that.”
I grunt. “Yeah, I’m not one for fads.”
“Yeah, me neither.” She rests the letter K down.
Peni has already slinked off to her bed and is curled up, eyes at half-mast.
“Well, I miss watching Monday night football and playing squash on the weekends.” My eyes snap shut for a moment as I imagine. “And I miss my office. I especially miss my garage.”
“Is there anything you don’t miss?” Her brows arch.
My eyes narrow.
It’s an interesting question…
I gesture with a hand. “I don’t miss the deadlines.”
Tenley smiles. “I can’t say I get that one because I never respected them anyways.”
“Ah, the sound of a free spirit living in a rushy-rushy world…” Which leads me to ask…
“I’ve never quite fit into it.” She smiles and places more letters down.