Joaquin seemed to come out of his own head, and his gaze softened. “I know I’m not the only person with shitty parents.”
“I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.” Felix leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead. “I was trying to tell you that I understand. You learned that the only way you would get what you wanted was through yelling. I learned that making jokes, always being the fun guy would get me what I needed. One coin, two sides.”
Joaquin paused then, chewing on his lower lip. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“You’re not going to fuck up the restaurant. You already have a Michelin star—”
“I don’t mean Cielo.” Joaquin pulled him closer, and his heart sped so fast that he felt as though he was running. Joaquin meant that he didn’t want to fuck up their relationship.
Felix didn’t want to sound like he was choking, but he totally did. “You’re not fucking this up. Not a bit.”
Thank God, Joaquin kissed him then because he would have started crying otherwise.
* * * *
Joaquin had done nothing in his life to deserve someone like Felix looking at him the way that Felix looked at him. He could never allow himself to forget and feel entitled to have Felix kissing him as though his mouth had the secret to the universe.
The other man’s hands roamed all over his naked torso, lighting fires and trails of flame wherever he went. His shoulder was healing quickly, but Felix was careful not to jostle him or put too much weight on that side of Joaquin’s body.
Felix carefully shifted the newspaper off the bed, relegating it to the floor. He’d been so pissed when he’d read that the reviewer for the Miami Herald thought that his restaurant was better without him at the helm. But Felix had somehow taken that all away without telling him that he was crazy for thinking that he’d been wrong about how he’d treated his staff. Felix had simply told him how he could be better but showed him that he understood how he’d been wrong.
Felix made him want to be nicer to his staff—the man kissing him made him want to be a better person. None of the things that should have been keeping them apart—should have been making him put a halt to their affair—rated right now. When Felix’s hands and mouth were on him, nothing mattered but the way he felt.
Felix made him feel good. Whether he was rubbing his half-naked body up against his or just listening to him, Felix felt right in his bed and in his life. Joaquin wanted to keep him there and would do almost anything to make that happen. It might be wrong to fuck where he ate, but it didn’t matter because Felix mattered so much to him.
Even though he was still not cleared to go back to work, even though he was still sometimes in pain, Felix made him smile more than anyone in his life. He and his brother were more like war buddies—their shared laughs were ironic. The way he smiled at his sister was still wary. He was happy that she’d found happiness, but he was still getting to know her.
When Felix smiled at him, it felt like coming home. Somehow the man had wound his way into his heart through taking care of him. He’d never been taken care of before, never allowed it. And he’d never felt as though he could give another person that same caring on a romantic level.
He hated that they were already so intertwined that there was no margin for error, but he couldn’t help the fact that he was falling for Felix. Not that he could tell him. Instead, he’d show him.
Joaquin cupped Felix’s ass and pulled his body so that their dicks rubbed against each other through their boxer briefs. Felix laid little bites up and down the tendon at the side of Joaquin’s throat, making him feel as though he’d come without anything else. He didn’t want that yet, so he pulled Felix’s mouth back to his and tried to put everything he was feeling into eating at Felix’s lips.
His lover’s tongue invaded his mouth, and the minty flavor somehow became an aphrodisiac to him. Maybe from now on, he’d get a hard-on every time he brushed his teeth. They had all day to do whatever they wanted, which was ordinarily not something he’d look forward to. But he never wanted to leave this bed with Felix. Now that they’d had each other, he couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything or anyone else. It should have terrified him how quickly he’d forgotten about the review, how it hadn’t wounded him in the way it would have before Felix. He should have been thinking about how to get the reviewer back in the restaurant and wow him with something so creative that he’d eat his words.
But he couldn’t care with all his skin touching all of Felix’s, with Felix’s fingers brushing the hair that led down to his waistband and his cock underneath it.
He tore his mouth from Felix’s and looked him in the eyes. “I want you to fuck me.”
They’d had sex since the night in the kitchen, but Felix hadn’t fucked him yet. Now, it felt right. He wanted to open himself up to this man, wanted to show him that he felt comfortable being vulnerable with him in a way that he wasn’t often vulnerable with another man.
“You sure?” Felix licked his kiss-swollen lips, and Joaquin pressed the pad of his finger to the Cupid’s bow. When Felix got really turned on, his dark, muddy-green eyes glazed over like they were now. Joaquin loved that he did that to him.
“So sure.”
Felix didn’t need any more encouragement, and he pulled his shorts down so that his cock popped out. It was hard, and pre-come leaked out of the end of it. It made Joaquin’s mouth water. Maybe this afternoon, he’d suck it. But right now, he wanted Felix inside him. Still, he couldn’t help reaching out and wrapping his hand around him, pulling and squeezing until Felix shut his eyes and panted.
Felix came down on all fours in front of him and pulled himself from Joaquin’s grasp. “How are we…your shoulder…”
Joaquin’s shoulder still wasn’t up for holding his weight while he got fucked from behind, but it was kind of perfect. He wanted Felix to fuck him face-to-face, and this gave him a good excuse to ask for that kind of intimacy. “I think we can come up with something.”
“See?” The corner of Felix’s mouth tipped up, and Joaquin wanted to eat that half smile. “You’re endlessly creative, in and out of the kitchen.”
Felix snagged Joaquin’s waistband and pulled his shorts down. On his way back up, he surprised Joaquin by pulling his cock into his mouth and sucking until his hips left the bed and he was close to coming. “You have to stop.”
“That’s not what you usually say.” Felix’s shit-eating grin was just as sexy as the half smile.
“I want to come with you inside me.”
“Well, then…” Felix reached into the side table and pulled out a condom and lube. Joaquin spread his legs around Felix’s knees and held his dick. Even if he weren’t half in love with Felix, he would be fully in love with the man’s mouth. The way he licked and bit at his own lip while he put on the condom, the way he kissed and sucked cock. Endlessly fascinating.
The way he nibbled on his lower lip, as he pushed one finger, then two inside of Joaquin. He wanted to close his eyes and just feel the sensation, but he needed to see Felix and his glassy gaze and wicked mouth as he opened him up.
He fisted the sheets on his good side and felt as though he was suspended on the edge of orgasm and was about to beg Felix to hurry—actually growl or bark an order for him to get inside—when Felix met his gaze.
“Ready?”
His response was a sigh of relief. Luckily, he and Felix were speaking the same language because Felix crawled toward the headboard and then lined his dick up with one hand and slowly pressed in. Joaquin spread wider and willed himself open, relishing the sharp pleasure of having Felix inside.
Felix cupped Joaquin’s face with his hand as he seated himself completely. Their bodies felt melded together, as though their sweat bound them to each other.
“Good?” Though it had been Joaquin who’d needed the reassuring earlier, Felix needed it now.
“More.�
��
That was the only thing that his lover needed, because he started moving and moving, rubbing his cock over a spot inside Joaquin that made him grunt and thrust his pelvis against Felix’s. He felt as though he would go out of his mind and possibly burn out like a billion-year-old star if he didn’t come. But he hung on the edge until Felix started going faster. Then he had no hope of holding it back. He arched off the bed, his come spurting all over his belly and smearing all over Felix’s stomach and chest.
Just then, Felix looked down at the mess between them, immediately shuddering in release.
Chapter 16
As he knocked on Molly and Hector Hernandez’s door the following Sunday afternoon, it occurred to Felix that this was his and Joaquin’s first date. At every opportunity, they’d been naked and sweaty for weeks, but they’d never gone out for a meal together. Not even breakfast.
It wasn’t uncommon for chefs and their partners to have a hard time finding the space in their schedules to spend quality time together, but that wasn’t the issue here. They’d spent plenty of time together. They just hadn’t wanted to put clothes on and deal with other people. Until that moment, that had been fine with Felix, but doubts started to creep in.
Joaquin didn’t seem to want to keep their relationship a secret. They were showing up at a family barbecue—Laura’s baby shower—together. With one gift. But maybe he thought that everyone would assume they’d come straight from the restaurant. Joaquin had come back part-time on Friday—despite Felix’s concern that his shoulder was still not up for it—so they would have a plausible excuse. Still, they hadn’t talked about being out as a couple with their families, and Felix couldn’t be sure that was what Joaquin wanted. His family was going through a lot of change, and he might not want to rock the boat. And, despite the fact that Joaquin had been open with his worries about the review, the man wasn’t exactly the most emotive person he’d ever met.
All of Felix’s doubts fled when Joaquin reached down and grabbed his hand in his. He was stunned and must have looked it when Molly opened the door and smiled broadly at them.
“Lola was right,” Maya’s mother-in-law said. “You two look wonderful together.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Felix caught Joaquin rolling his eyes. “So, everyone knows?”
“You really expect anyone in this family to keep a secret about anything?” Molly led them through the house that Felix would never get used to the size of into a backyard that would never fail to impress him. They had a pool with a hand-done mosaic and a fucking waterfall, for Christ’s sake. “And you know Lola couldn’t stop talking about it. The woman is proud of herself.”
“How did Lola know?” Felix asked. He’d been careful to grab all of his clothes when she came over unannounced that one morning, and there hadn’t been any drop-ins since. She hadn’t even called in a few days, even though Felix was spending all of his time at Joaquin’s condo.
“Your shoes were in the entryway, mijo.” The woman herself looked down at his feet and then back up to his face. “I knew you were there the whole time. You didn’t have to hide in the shower.”
Lola pulled them both down for hugs and kisses with her surprisingly strong arms. Her ex-husband and current paramour Rogelio came next with back slaps and hugs for both of them. Apparently, he didn’t have the same issues with gay people as his ex-son-in-law did.
Lola grabbed Joaquin’s face in both of her bony hands. “See? I told you that he would be good for you.”
Joaquin just gave his grandmother another squeeze and grunted at her. Felix shrugged and smiled. Lola might have gotten what she wanted in that they were together, but she wasn’t about to have her grandson admitting that she was right.
* * * *
Everyone just acted like it was a totally normal and expected thing that he and Felix were dating and had shown up to a family party together. Joaquin was astonished that it was barely even a topic of discussion. People were more concerned with getting a look at Letty’s engagement ring and some stupid game with chocolate bars in diapers—a waste of chocolate, but nobody asked him.
He’d never been overly sentimental, but one thing at the shower almost got him. Laura opened the present that he’d put both his and Felix’s name on—the little baby chef’s coat that he’d planned on giving her at the hospital. She’d covered her mouth with her hand, and her eyes had gotten glassy. They’d made eye contact, and through a sob/laugh she’d mouthed, “Thank you.”
His eyes had started stinging, and he’d had to excuse himself. He might be opening up to more of a close relationship with his family, but he still wasn’t ready to start crying in front of them.
Felix found him in the first-floor powder room. Joaquin didn’t hesitate to let him in, though the last thing he was thinking about was a bathroom quickie. Felix was on the same wavelength because he wrapped his arms loosely around his shoulders in a casual way.
“What’s wrong?”
“I made Laura cry.”
Felix smirked at him. “So, if she cries, you cry.”
“No. That’s why I’m in here.” Felix wouldn’t understand. He and his sister had been superclose forever. He wasn’t used to letting himself feel anything but guilt about his relationship with his sister.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed about feeling stuff around Laura.” Felix kissed his nose, and it was so sweet that it made his molars ache. “She’s happy, and she loved the present.”
Joaquin couldn’t help dropping a kiss on Felix’s mouth. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“Not sure.” Felix laughed. “From all accounts, you were kind of unbearable before I came around.”
“I want this to be our life.” Joaquin hadn’t planned to say the words. He’d been kind of hoping that he could avoid it. But it felt really important to tell Felix how he felt.
“Hiding in a bathroom during a party crying? I hope that’s not our life.”
Joaquin cupped Felix’s face. “I’m being serious. I’m in this with you.”
“I kind of figured when you held my hand on the way into your family’s house.”
Joaquin’s frustration grew. “Our family. I know you’re worried that this won’t last, and this will get weird, but I’m not worried about that.”
“You’re not?”
“The only thing I’m worried about is whether you know how I feel about you.”
“How do you feel about me?” Felix looked almost bewildered, and it was so adorable. Usually so cocky and loudmouthed, trying not to let the world see any insecurity, he had this soft core that Joaquin loved.
Joaquin laughed. “You don’t know?”
Felix shook his head and bit his lower lip.
“You’re the person I want to come home to and wake up with. I want to cook with you and make love with you. I want you in my life for good.”
“I want that too.” Felix’s voice was quiet but sure.
He couldn’t help but kiss the hell out of him until their hands were roaming and their cocks rubbing together. But as much as he wanted the making love part to start right now, he didn’t want it to start in his aunt Molly’s powder room. And he didn’t think that Felix wanted his future in-laws to think he was getting it on at his future sister-in-law’s baby shower.
“We’d better go back out before people think we’ve snuck off for a quickie.” No one seemed nonplussed by the fact that they were dating, but he didn’t want people to think they were off fucking during a baby shower.
Felix winked at him and took his hand before opening the door. “From what I’ve heard, we wouldn’t be the first or last.”
Chapter 17
Joaquin was taking a night off, so Felix played loud music while he finished cleaning up. He’d sent the last chefs home because the review in the Herald had made sure they were booked and full to the gills for the past few weeks. E
veryone was exhausted. Happy to be busy and excited about the future now that they’d announced the new restaurant concept, but exhausted.
And Felix needed a moment alone to reflect on everything that had changed about his life in the past six weeks. He’d been lonely in a bone-deep way that had almost felt like physical pain and planning on heading back to New York to start over.
Instead, he was dating a man who was better for him than he ever could have dreamed of. Someone who shared his passion for food. He didn’t have to try to fit in with his family, because they already shared that.
His life was pretty perfect at that moment, which was probably why he should have expected everything to fall apart.
He didn’t hear anyone enter the kitchen because he had the music turned up so high. He cursed himself for that bad habit when he turned around and Roman—of all people—was just there.
His ex-boyfriend was extremely handsome. All the hard partying he’d been doing for the last decade hadn’t changed that. He wore a perfectly tailored Italian suit and shoes that probably cost as much as a used car. His black hair was perfectly styled, and the smell of the aftershave lotion that he’d used for years overpowered the cleaning solution scent in the kitchen.
All of this used to affect him. Whenever Roman had swept back into town, with thin apologies that he couldn’t be the full-time lover that Felix had wanted, the way he looked and the way Roman was looking at him right now had laid waste to Felix’s resolve to end things for good.
Now, he didn’t feel anything when Roman tried to lay his wry smile on him.
“What are you doing here?”
As usual, Roman ignored a question that he didn’t want to answer. “I was surprised to see your name in the paper. That you were working here.”
Felix puffed his chest a little. Roman had always done this—tried to make him feel small with faint praise and backhanded compliments. It used to erode his self-esteem, and now it filled Felix with anger. All the anger he hadn’t let himself feel toward Roman was about to come pouring out if he didn’t tamp it down.
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