‘They have been really good to me. I hate that I’ve hurt them.’
‘We all make mistakes. They’ll forgive you. And they’ll miss you when you leave.’
‘I’ll miss them too. I have good friends in the UK, but not many.’ I get a pang in my stomach for lying to Ethan about the job offer.
The film crew start moving the car and equipment over to the main street, where a few early risers have gathered to watch. Ethan helps move a strange-looking piece of equipment while Patrick and I check some of the footage on the monitor.
‘So,’ Patrick says. ‘My offer?’
I almost feel at peace having made my decision. I don’t have any friends in Boston and awkward conversations over after-work sushi with Patrick isn’t really a replacement. I still have a great career in England and there will be scope for promotion one day, I’m sure. I’m better off back in London with Coco, Bridget, Viv and Sarah.
‘I’d love to stay in Boston and have all this just a ferry-ride away. I really love the place.’
‘But?’
‘But I have too much baggage at the moment. Perhaps in the future, next year maybe? But not now. It’s a bad time.’ I look at him and can tell he’s disappointed. ‘I’m sorry. It’s a fantastic offer. Perhaps one of the other guys will be more suitable.’
‘I’m in no rush. Keep an open mind,’ he says, before walking off towards to the relocated Jeep.
When he’s gone, I slump against a lamppost. I feel hollow. Formally turning the job offer down feels rubbish and pointless now I’ve done it. It reinforces how happy I am here and how much I’ll be giving up by going home. But I’ve run away before, to London, and all that did was put my feelings on hold. I’ve not moved on from Kev.
‘I’ve not moved on from Kev,’ I whisper. It’s like I was put in a vacuum pack the day he died and I need to get out. I love Kev more than anything, but I also have to live.
What I need to do is tackle my issues head-on and that means going home, back to the Cotswolds. I need to go and see my parents.
Chapter 30
‘Harry, Barney.’ I glance up at them from the doorstep and, for a moment, I can’t tell if they’re going to let me in.
After too long a pause, Harry sighs, ‘Come in. Go straight through to the kitchen.’
I walk slowly down the hallway and hover by the breakfast bar. ‘For you,’ I say, sliding a wine carrier containing six cold bottles of Chardonnay over the counter to Barney.
Harry stands by his side in an obvious show of solidarity and folds his arms.
‘I’m sorry. The way I spoke to you in Boston was out of order. Totally unacceptable,’ I say. ‘The truth is, I’m confused. In London, I thought I had everything figured out. I was getting on with my life, working hard and I thought I was happy. Then I came here and started to … feel things. It confused me and I can’t process it.’ I’m struggling to articulate what is essentially a churning mass in my stomach. ‘I do like Ethan and I know it’s going to be hard to leave. Saying goodbye to you two is going to be hard enough, never mind him too and the more time I spend with you all, the harder it seemed to be getting. I was trying to protect my feelings. It was silly of me, and my outburst was uncalled for. I feel terrible about it.’
They glance at one another. ‘That was quite a speech,’ Harry says, but not in a sarcastic way. ‘Must have taken some courage to admit you’re wrong like that.’
Barney juts his chin out and nods. For a moment, we all freeze. Then, they come around my side of the table and give me a big hug.
‘We missed you, Sam,’ Barney says.
‘I missed you too.’ My eyes prickle with tears as I squeeze them both tightly.
When they pull away, Harry gets out some plates and puts a platter of seafood and a bowl of salad in front of us. Barney gets out the wine glasses and starts to pour. ‘Now we’ve got the yucky business of apologising out of the way, I’d like to hear all about what’s been going on with you and Ethan.’
I feel heat flush my cheeks despite knowing full well this question would crop up.
‘We kissed, again.’
Shocked gasps ensue.
‘What?’ Harry says.
‘But you said …’ Barney adds.
‘I know what I said.’ I fill them in on my injury and how Ethan came to my rescue and how he’d forced me to confront my feelings.
Barney places a theatrical hand on his heart. ‘You two are just perfect together. I can’t believe it’s all going to come to an end.’
‘I know,’ Harry says. ‘I sort of feel bad about Boston now. I feel like we’ve had a part in all of this star-crossed lovers business.’
‘No, no, guys, you’re missing the point. We know we have a short expiry date, and that’s okay. If I knew this was going somewhere, I’d freak out again. This way it’s a fling and when I go back to England I’ll slip back into my normal life. Ethan is fine with it too.’
Barney lets out a groan. ‘I hope you kids know what you’re doing.’
‘We just care about you both,’ Harry says.
‘We know.’
‘In that case, why isn’t Ethan here with you?’
‘I wasn’t sure how you were going to accept my apology, so I thought I should come alone.’
‘You silly girl. If we cut ties with everyone who we had a little to-do with, we’d have nobody left, not even each other,’ Barney says, whispering the last part. Harry is already dialling Ethan on his phone.
About half an hour later, Ethan arrives with Lexi, who squeals with delight when she sees Barney.
‘Uncle Barney!’ He picks her up and spins her around.
She screams again when she sees me. ‘Sam!’
‘Hello, Lexi.’
‘Hello, Lexi,’ she says, mimicking my accent.
‘Not bad,’ I say in my best attempt at an American accent.
‘Lexi, that’s not polite,’ Ethan warns her.
She pulls a face. ‘Uncle Harry, can I play with my cars and dolls on the deck?’ Harry nods and goes over to unlock the patio doors.
‘How did it go?’ Ethan whispers when nobody is around.
‘They were great.’
‘I told you.’ He smiles and wraps his arms around my waist. My chest swells and I realise it’s the first time I’ve felt happiness in quite a while. ‘And did you miss me?’
I roll my eyes. ‘It’s been about two hours.’
‘Exactly.’ He grins and pulls me towards him before planting a kiss on my nose.
‘Shall we eat?’ Barney asks, and the interruption reminds me that I’m getting swept away by Typhoon Ethan. I actually feel okay about that.
‘Eurgh, these shrimps still have eyes,’ Lexi says, holding one up by its tail.
‘You just peel them, like this.’ Ethan starts to remove the head from his own shrimp. ‘Anyway, I thought you wanted to be a mermaid? Mermaids have to eat them like that. Not all mermaids have dinglehoppers, you know.’
‘I need a knife. A dinglehopper is a fork, which Flounder believes is a comb. Utterly useless in this situation,’ she replies matter-of-factly, and I stifle a giggle.
‘We need to limit your TV time,’ Ethan says, defeated.
Chapter 31
The rest of the week is spent getting some still shots of the models in their various gear and capturing some of the scenery. We re-shoot some of the footage of the main street and spend time watching what we’ve got. When I’m not working, I’m with Ethan. Sometimes that includes Lexi, Barney and Harry; sometimes it’s just the two of us. Yesterday afternoon, Ethan and I went on a whale-watching tour. It was an impromptu trip. We’d been walking back from filming and Ethan spotted a sandwich board advertising the last sailing of the day. We had five minutes to run down the pier and buy a ticket and when we boarded, I was out of breath.
We weren’t that far from the shore when a huge, dark tail hit the water no more than ten metres from the boat. I’d been in awe. We were stood by the rail in silence wa
tching the dark shadows of a pod swimming beneath the surface when suddenly, a humpback whale breached. Its whole body left the water exposing its tummy. Almost as soon as it happened, it crashed back into the water like it was playing to its audience. It made me feel a little bit emotional and, without thinking, I’d wrapped my arms around Ethan’s neck and kissed him. It was perfect.
When we wrap up for the day, Patrick tells me I can have tomorrow off as he thinks we have all the footage we need so we’re just about done. It’s only 3 p.m., and I know Ethan and Lexi are on the beach with Barney and Harry, so I head straight there to meet them.
‘Let me take you out on a date tomorrow,’ Ethan says as we sit on the beach watching Lexi build sandcastles.
My chest flutters. ‘A date?’
‘Yeah, I was thinking Martha’s Vineyard.’
‘Is that where Jaws was filmed?’
‘Does it matter either way?’
I laugh. How odd is it that Eighties excitement took over when it was the word date that should have stood out. Why am I not more alarmed by this?
‘No, it doesn’t, I just loved the movie when I was a kid. I’d love to go on a date with you.’
‘Sam, Sam. Look!’ Lexi shouts. I heave myself up and go over to the sandcastle village she’s built.
‘That’s fantastic, Lexi,’ I say, stroking her silky hair.
‘I’m going to miss you when you go back to England.’ She continues to build as she speaks. ‘It’s nice having another girl around.’
My chest pangs. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I’m going to miss Lexi so much. ‘Ahh, sweetie, you have your grandma.’
‘I know.’ She glances up at me. ‘But she can’t braid my hair as well as you can.’
‘I’ll come and visit you if I ever come back.’
‘Will you visit my dad too?’
‘Yes, I suppose I would.’ My eyes catch Ethan’s and I get a zap like I’m a fly hitting one of those blue lights in a café.
Her face breaks into a huge smile. ‘Good. He likes you.’
I swallow hard. Explaining our situation to a six-and-three-quarter-year-old is not within my remit of expertise. ‘I like your dad too. And Harry and Barney and, of course, you.’
She regards me for a moment, as though trying to organise her thoughts. ‘He’s happier when you’re around.’
It’s hard to know what to say to that. I believe her. I’m sure if Bridget were here, she’d say I was happier with Ethan around too, but it doesn’t change anything. ‘I’m sure it’s you that makes him happy.’ I kiss her on the head. ‘Now then, how about some ice cream?’
Later, Harry and Barney join us, and whilst they build a sand palace, Ethan and I head to the shoreline. I slip off my sandals so I can walk in the shallow surf. ‘Being in the sea makes me strangely uncomfortable.’ The panic I felt when I fell out of the kayak comes back to me.
‘I’m not sure being in an inch of water counts as “being in the sea”.’ He kicks his foot at a wave, purposely splashing my legs.
‘Hey!’ I scream, kicking water back at him a little too hard. It drenches his T-shirt and shorts.
‘Oops,’ I say, stifling my laughter.
‘That’s it!’ He puts his hands together and stoops down, scooping up a huge amount of water. I try to run, but it’s hard because I’m calf-deep. Icy water pounds against my back. Even my hair is drenched.
‘Oh, you’ve done it now,’ I say. He turns to run, but he’s having similar trouble to me as he’s even deeper. By the time I reach him, the freezing water is above my knees, but I manage to pounce on his back. My intention was to try and topple him, but now I’m hanging from his huge, solid body, I don’t think I have a hope in hell.
‘Well, that was a silly move,’ he says, walking deeper into the ocean.
‘No, please, no,’ I beg. If I jump down, I’ll have to swim. ‘I don’t have any spare clothes. Harry, Barney!’ I scream.
‘Sorry, we can’t hear you,’ Barney yells back. We’ve moved quite a way down the beach and they’re just dots.
Ethan leans backwards slightly, purposely dunking the hem of my dress in the water.
‘There’s nobody to save you,’ Ethan whispers devilishly.
‘You’re wetting yourself too,’ I say.
‘You’re right.’ He takes both my wrists in his big hand and uses the other to pull me around to his front. I scream as the swift action takes me by surprise. ‘Sorry, I can just dunk you better from here.’
‘You wouldn’t,’ I say, although I’m worried that he maybe would.
He leans forward, and I clutch his waist with my legs as tightly as possible. My lower abdomen stirs as the top of his shorts rubs against my thighs. ‘I remember how you don’t like being manhandled, so I should just let go, right?’
I plead with puppy eyes.
Just as the tip of my ponytail touches the water, he hoists me back up and plants his warm lips on mine, sending a wave of heat through me.
When he pulls away, he kisses me on my nose. ‘Let’s get out. A man could freeze in here.’ He carries me back to the sand and places me down on my feet. Despite the heat of the sun, the damp parts of my dress and skin feel freezing, and I get goose pimples as I fasten my sandals.
‘I don’t know about you, but I wish we had brought towels and a change of clothes,’ I say, rubbing my arms.
Ethan puts his arm around me and rubs too as we walk along the sand. When we arrive back to the others to looks of bemusement, I’m almost dry. I’m sure it’s from my body heat rather than that of the sun.
***
My phone shrills at seven the next morning. It’s Ethan letting me know he’s outside. I grab my beach bag and chuck in some sun cream, a towel, my purse and sunglasses before heading downstairs.
When I’m close enough, he takes both of my hands and pulls me in for a kiss, he smells all citrusy and delicious. ‘Good morning.’
‘Good morning,’ I say. He kisses me again, causing a swarm of butterflies to take flight in my stomach.
‘Hop in, we have quite a drive to Falmouth.’ He holds the passenger door of my favourite red Jeep open, and I climb in. Remembering my bird’s nest locks after my last trip out in this car, I scoop my hair into a topknot so I don’t have to worry about it until later.
‘Let’s get some music on.’ He puts a CD in the player.
‘How retro.’ I laugh. ‘Wait a minute, is this Justin Timberlake?’
‘The one and only.’ He takes his eyes off the road momentarily to flash me a smile that turns my insides to liquid. I’ll never get tired of seeing those white teeth against his honey tan.
As we drive, Ethan sings along to Justin, and I’m slightly impressed that he can hold a tune.
‘You’re a dark horse.’ I have to shout because the speed we’re travelling at makes the wind impossible to talk over. The less appealing side of travelling in a topless soft top.
‘I’ve been known to do a bit of karaoke in the local bars in my time.’
‘Well, that I have to see.’ I get a pain in my chest when it hits me that I’ll be back in England in a week, and I probably won’t ever get to see Ethan do karaoke, or anything else for that matter.
‘We’re here.’
Falmouth, it transpires, is as quaint and pretty as its Cornish namesake, and as we drive past all the shops and cafés, I’m tempted to suggest ditching Martha’s Vineyard in favour of strolling the high street here. That is until we drive down towards the harbour and spot the ‘Island Queen’ Ferry. ‘Ooh, that looks like fun,’ I say as Ethan pulls into the carpark.
Ethan buys the tickets, and then we wait in the busy holding area to embark. Ethan stands behind me and wraps his arms around me before kissing my neck. My body is in defiance of my head, because every part of me from the neck down wants him.
‘You smell nice,’ he says, kissing my neck again. The people around us are probably thinking we’re a couple in love. If that were the truth, I�
��d have bolted the second I caught wind of it, but it isn’t. We’re just enjoying one another’s company because we clicked. Soon, we’ll go back to our ordinary lives. It’s the only reason I’m allowing myself to do this, and there’s no more than cuddles and a few kisses going on. It’s harmless.
People start to shuffle forwards and board the boat. We manage to get a seat at the front, so we have great views of the harbour as we sail out. Martha’s Vineyard is only thirty-five minutes away, and we can see it ahead.
‘So, this is the second boat trip in two days. Still no seasickness?’
I roll my eyes. ‘Can we forget about that now?’
‘You’re the only person I’ve ever known to get sick in a kayak. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.’
‘I think I have a problem with small vessels, that’s all.’
‘Alleged manhandling aside, you hated me that day.’ I can’t see his eyes because he’s wearing sunglasses, but I know they will be twinkling with amusement.
‘I did. You weren’t a very nice person,’ I say, pointedly.
‘Wait, I get that I was a little grumpy at first, but you did stand me up the week before.’
‘I did n—’ I stop talking when I see the corner of his mouth twitch with amusement.
***
We disembark at a place called Oak Bluffs, which is a town on Martha’s Vineyard with another eye-pleasing array of colourful clapboard buildings. We browse the shops along Circuit Avenue, where I pick up a couple of souvenir tea towels and a fridge magnet.
As we head back down towards the water, Ethan slips his hand into mine. The feel of his skin on mine sends fizzes of warmth through my whole body. I allow myself to wonder how I’d feel if we were in London and our thing didn’t have an expiry date. It’s hard to imagine hating this but it’s different here. I know going back is the right thing to do. There is too much left unresolved at home. I’m ready to face up to things I haven’t been able to before. I’m ready to see my parents.
After a while, Ethan grinds to a halt.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask, desperate to go and see the beach.
‘This is The Flying Horses carousel.’ He’s already pulling me inside the old wooden building. ‘It’s supposedly the oldest carousel in America. We have to ride it.’
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