Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  I could only hope that once we arrived, I would be able to keep myself from pushing too far too fast. Much as I wanted this night, much as I’d dreamed of it over the years, if things happened one millisecond faster than Blair wanted, I would never forgive myself.

  This had to be perfect.

  This was the beginning of our forever.

  And I was determined not to screw it up.

  Please, God, don’t let me screw this up.

  Blair

  It was after midnight when we finally got to the cabin, but even with only the moonlight to illuminate it, I marveled at how picturesque it was. Set off the road and nestled close to the tree line, it looked amazingly cozy and inviting.

  There was a hint of light coming from the interior of the cabin, a soft flickering that suggested candlelight or maybe a fire in the fireplace. I couldn’t imagine how Ash managed that, but given his attention to detail on our first date, I wasn’t the least bit surprised.

  He walked around the front of the truck as I sat staring at our retreat through the windshield, and when he opened my door and helped me down, I saw a hunger in his eyes. He tugged me into his body and stared down at me, his expression stealing the very breath from my lungs.

  I never imagined he would look at me that way.

  Had I fantasized?

  Of course.

  Many, many times.

  To have him holding me against his chest the way he was, looking at me like I was the center of his universe . . . I felt so incredibly fortunate.

  And nervous.

  Not at the idea of being with him.

  At the idea of not being what he’d built me up to be in his mind.

  He admitted to fantasizing about me as well. What if I didn’t live up to the Blair in his mind? What if I couldn’t be her? I hadn’t exactly had much experience in the sex department and the little bit of experience I did have was sorely lacking.

  As if he could read my thoughts on my face, Ash reached up and nudged my chin with his fingertips, waiting for me to meet his gaze. “Breathe, Blair-bear. We’ve got all the time in the world. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and whatever happens happens—or doesn’t. It’s okay.”

  I watched his expression as he spoke and knew he meant exactly what he said. If we didn’t make love tonight, he would be fine with it.

  But would I?

  Would I feel like I’d let my nerves get the better of me?

  Ash leaned down and kissed my forehead, then stepped around me to get our things from the back seat.

  What was it about those kinds of kisses that made me swoon?

  Did he know that?

  Did he know how safe and adored and cherished those little kisses made me feel?

  There was a lot of comfort in those innocent brushes of his lips.

  And they made all the difference in the world.

  I cleared my throat, swallowing the swell of emotion his tender moment caused, and reached for one of the bags. “Let me help.”

  He shook his head and nodded toward the front of the cabin. “I’ve got this. But if you could get the door, it should be unlocked.”

  “No problem.” I set off at a quick clip to get the door before he reached it, cutting through the grass to save time. Five steps later, I turned my ankle in a small sinkhole and nearly fell on my ass. “Shit!” I yelped, barely catching myself even as my shoe was wrenched sideways hard enough to pry it from my foot.

  “Are you okay?” Ash was by my side in an instant, the bags carelessly tossed into the grass and his arm wound around my waist to help me keep my balance.

  I winced as I balanced on my good foot and lifted the injured one so I could rub at my ankle. “I twisted it. Stupid shoes. I wasn’t thinking about how the heels would sink into the dirt when I took off ahead of you.”

  His expression was full of worry as he listened to me hiss every time I tried to move the injured joint. “Phil said it was kind of soggy from that little storm that passed through here last night. He meant it as a heads-up for if we decided to walk down to the lake, so we wouldn’t slip on that slope. I wasn’t thinking about the front yard. Dammit. I should have warned you.”

  “It’s not your fault I can’t walk. These shoes were an ambitious choice for someone with zero balance.” I attempted to make a joke but hissed again when I gingerly tried to put some of my weight on that foot.

  “That’s it. I’m taking you inside.”

  Before I could respond, he swept me up into his arms and marched us both toward the cabin. “Ash, the bags are sitting in the dewy grass. Our things will get wet.”

  “Screw the bags. I’m far more concerned about you.”

  He didn’t even pause when he reached the door, just turned sideways for a split second and suddenly the door flew open, banging into whatever was behind it before rebounding and thumping him in the back.

  “Ash, be careful. We don’t need both of us injured.”

  “It’s fine,” he ground out, looking almost angry as he carried me over to the couch and set me gently onto the cushions.

  “Are you mad at me?” I looked up at him, feeling tears threaten at the stark look on his face. I’d ruined everything with my clumsy tendencies and ridiculous shoes.

  His brow furrowed for a moment before he took a seat on the coffee table in front of me and took my hand. “Blair, I’d never be angry at you. Certainly not for something that was my fault. I wasn’t thinking. I was so distracted by you, by my excitement at finally having you all to myself, that I forgot to look out for you.”

  “It’s not your job to look out for me twenty-four-seven, Ash. I’m a grown woman. A clumsy one, but still.” I tugged his hand and drew him forward until I could reach up and touch his face. “I feel so bad for ruining this. I’m so sorry.” I looked around the cabin and felt tears threaten again. “You did all of this for me, roses and twinkle lights and a fire in the fireplace. I don’t even know how you managed all of this in such a short amount of time, but you did, and you did it all for me, to make this weekend perfect and look what I did.” My voice cracked on that last part and he reached for me, pulling me close enough so he could drop several sweet, light kisses to my lips.

  “Baby, you haven’t ruined anything. Not a single thing. So, don’t even think that. Every moment with you is perfect because it’s you. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just. You.”

  “You have me,” I told him in a wavering voice. “Clumsy, inexperienced, moment-ruining me.”

  He leaned back and gave me a long look. “Don’t speak that way about yourself. Not ever. You haven’t ruined anything. Not a single damn thing. You’re not clumsy; you’re human. And you’re not inexperienced. You’re pure and perfect and smart enough not to settle for less than you deserve.”

  “Not completely pure.” I hated that it was true, but Cliff happened. I couldn’t pretend that wasn’t part of my past.

  “That didn’t count. Not as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Why not?” I asked, curious at the look on his face. He hadn’t immediately gotten that murderous look he usually sported when Cliff was mentioned.

  He looked almost . . . content.

  There was a serene smile on his face when he said, “Because you didn’t care about him. And he certainly wasn’t capable of caring for you the way you deserved. As far as I’m concerned, what counts—what truly counts—is the first time you make love to someone who holds your whole heart in their hands, your future and your dreams. Someone who gives you life and stops your heart in equal measure. Everything before that is irrelevant because, while there may have been physical touches exchanged, true lovemaking means touching each other’s soul.”

  My chin quivered as I looked up at him. “That was so beautiful.”

  “You’re what’s beautiful.” He swept his thumb over my cheek, whisking away a tear I couldn’t hold back. “Please don’t cry. It wasn’t my intention to upset you.”

  “I know. I just hate that you know a
ll that, have experienced all that before. I know I have no right to feel that way, you’re not judging me for Cliff, but knowing you cared that much for someone else . . . I just . . . it just makes me sad for some reason and—”

  “Whoa, whoa,” he said, reaching up to cup my face with the other hand, as well. “Why do you think that?”

  “You just said—”

  He shushed me and shook his head. “Baby, I was talking about you.”

  I blinked at him stupidly for a moment, two more tears rolling down my cheeks as I did, as the words sank in. “I thought you were talking about your first time.”

  “I was. Or what will be my first time, anyway. My true first time. With you. Because no one ever had my heart before you.”

  “You really meant me?” I swallowed thickly and tried my best not to let more tears fall.

  “How can you not see, even now?”

  “See what?” I asked quietly, swiping at my damp cheeks.

  He searched my face for the longest time before leaning in and kissing me. A slow, deep, toe-curling kiss that was so full of emotion I could hardly fathom that it was truly meant for me.

  He broke our kiss and leaned his forehead to mine. “Stay right here. I need to get our things inside before the dew saturates everything.”

  I gripped his shirt in my hands and tugged him back before he could get up. “You’re really going to just up and walk out after all of that?”

  He smirked at me and dropped a soft kiss on my forehead. “Yep. Drives you crazy, doesn’t it?” I let go of his shirt and he stood, making his way over to the front door.

  “You’ve been driving me crazy for years, Ashton Hunter. Don’t know why I expected any different now,” I called out behind him, smiling despite my dismay at his hasty departure.

  “Me neither, sweetheart.” He winked at me as he darted out the door.

  Ashton

  Damn her.

  She almost made me lose control.

  Again.

  I almost blurted it out.

  Almost gave away that moment when it wasn’t the right time.

  But I caught myself.

  Barely.

  How was I supposed to hold back when she looked at me the way she did? When she clung to me and I could feel the excited tremble in her hands as she ran them over my chest. Every time I kissed her, she did that, and I wasn’t sure she even realized. It was a tender, tentative exploration that made my whole body burn with need.

  The more my desire built, the more I had to fight for control. I couldn’t rush this. It had to be perfect. For her, but also for me.

  I’d waited years for this. For her. For us.

  And I’d wait another night, because tonight all that was important was tending to her injury, making her comfortable, and assuaging her fears.

  Inexperienced? How could she think for one second that was a disadvantage?

  It was far worse to have a long line of lovers you wished you could erase. I knew that for a damn fact. And, yes, I’d abstained since I realized my feelings for her, but somehow that didn’t feel like enough. I wanted it all back; every touch I wasted on someone else.

  Cliff was Blair’s one regret . . . I had many.

  But there would never be another name added to that list. I could take comfort in that at least. This was it, as far as I was concerned.

  She was the one.

  My last first kiss, my last first everything.

  And my true first time.

  I wrangled the bags off the lawn and headed back to her with a smile so wide my cheeks ached, but I couldn’t stop. In that cabin, just a few yards away, was my every fantasy . . . my every desire.

  Tonight, I’d show her exactly how much she meant to me without ever removing one stitch of our clothing.

  She fought me when I insisted she remain on the couch with her ankle elevated while I took the bags to the bedroom and got her an ice pack for her injury.

  While I was getting the ice, I poured us both a glass of wine—Moscato, of course, because it was her favorite—and carried it all back to her while she pouted at being barred from moving.

  I handed her one of the wine glasses and set the other one on the coffee table before gingerly taking her ankle in my hands. She let out a soft hiss as I lifted her leg high enough to add another pillow beneath it and there was an even louder reaction when I laid the towel-wrapped ice pack over her flesh.

  “Shit, that’s cold!” She drew a breath in between clenched teeth, and I gave her a little wink, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of her foot even as I dragged the throw blanket from the back of the couch and covered her with it.

  “I can stoke the fire a bit, if you’d like. This cabin can be pretty drafty. Whatever I can do to make you comfortable, baby.” I ran a hand over the blanket where it covered her calf, stroking toward her knee and back down again in a gesture of comfort.

  She shook her head, giving me a grateful look. “The blanket is enough, thank you.”

  “Okay, but maybe I should make absolutely sure you’re warm enough by adding a little of my body heat to the equation.”

  “Now that sounds like a great idea,” she agreed, grinning.

  I plucked my glass from the coffee table and moved it to the end table beside the couch even as I lifted her upper body and slid into a sitting position on the couch under her, setting her down sideways on my lap. “How’s this?”

  “Perfect,” she offered with a small sigh. “Well, as perfect as we can get it with a swollen ankle and an ice pack involved.”

  “Ice play can be fun, sweetheart.”

  She rolled her eyes. “So, you’re into the freaky stuff, huh?”

  “If you think a little ice is ‘freaky,’ you’re in for a surprise.” I reached up and barely grazed her nipple with the side of my hand.

  There was a flash of heat in her gaze as she said, “Surprises are my favorites.”

  “Really? Because you’re my favorite,” I responded in complete sincerity as I absently reached down to adjust her ice pack. It had slipped as we were shifting positions, and despite my flirtations, I was determined to keep it where it would do the most good tonight. On her tender ankle.

  The other stuff would come soon enough.

  When I looked up from what I was doing, she was staring at me with the sweetest smile.

  “What?” I asked, feeling like I missed something.

  “I’m your favorite?”

  “Absolutely.” I gave her a slow wink. “I guess that’s one more thing I assumed was obvious but you somehow missed completely.”

  She tilted her head to one side and gave a half shrug. “I must be dense.” Her fingertips trailed down my chest then made a slow sweep back up before descending again. “Maybe you should spell it all out for me. Slowly.”

  I gave a low groan and caught her wrist just as she made a move to dip lower, her intent clearly aimed at the button on my pants. “Whoa there, little one. Let’s give that ankle a night to stop throbbing and see how you feel in the morning. I told you, there’s no rush. We have the whole weekend. Let me baby you for a while.”

  “You could still baby me in bed. I bet you’d do a stellar job of taking care of the patient.” She grinned and tried to wrestle her hand out of my grip. “You could start by massaging my ankle and see what else needed rubbing from there.”

  I snorted involuntarily at the come-on and shook my head. “I’ll rub your ankle, if you think that will help, but I’m sticking by what I said. Let me spend tonight taking care of you.” She flashed a pouty look and I chuckled, explaining, “I need to be sure you’re okay, so I can be as . . . vigorous . . . as I’d like with you tomorrow.”

  Her cheeks flushed instantly with the insinuation and she seemed to lose some of her pout, though not all. “You’re being too protective again. I’m fine, really.”

  “Oh, you are?” I challenged.

  She didn’t hesitate. “Absolutely.”

  “Then you won’t have a problem d
oing a few jumping jacks. Say ten to start?” I couldn’t help smirking as she started to chew her lip. For good measure, I threw in, “Oh, and if you could put those heels back on first, that’d be great. It’d be a total turn-on, you know, assuming you weren’t screaming in pain the entire time. I mean, I plan to make you scream plenty, but in a more preferable way.”

  Her eyes narrowed and she reached for my nipple, tweaking it until I cringed. “Ass.”

  “Just looking out for you, baby.” I rubbed my poor, abused nipple.

  “Why can’t you be the sex-crazed jerk I always thought you were?”

  “Oh, I’m definitely that guy, but this isn’t just sex and even I’m not enough of a jerk to rush through it simply because my dick is campaigning for a faster ETF.”

  “Your dick isn’t the only one unhappy about this delay. Just sayin’,” she grumbled before scrunching her face and asking, “Wait, what’s ETF?”

  “Estimated time of fucking.”

  She laughed long and hard, the last of her annoyance dissipating before my eyes. When she was done, she leveled me with one of those stunning smiles of hers and asked, “So, what is that ETF anyway? Just wondering.”

  “The very instant I’m sure your body is capable of taking the pounding I’m planning on unleashing on it, and not a second before. Much as I’ve wanted this—and make no mistake, I’ve been planning and plotting this for literally years—I refuse to rush into it. There’s been too much buildup in my mind and I’m not giving that up. I have plans for this body.” I ran a finger across her collarbone and made sure my tone left no room for argument. “Big, meticulous plans that you need to be at one hundred percent for.”

  Not that she gave a shit, since the next thing out of her mouth was, “You keep talking like that and I’m going to start conspiring with your dick in an effort to expedite this pounding.” Her hand—the one I’d just ten seconds ago loosened my grip on—began to trail toward the button on my jeans again.

  “Temptress.” I held her off easily.