The Fox of Richmond Park

by Kate Dreyer

  ‘Argh! Stop!’ Vince pulled back and bared his fangs, ready to pounce, when another ear-splitting scream pierced his eardrums.

  ‘Arreeeee! Eeoo! Arreeeee! Eeoo!’

  A bird of the same species, but larger – Felipe, presumably – hurtled across the grass and collided with Vince in a maelstrom of feathers. Vince tumbled onto his back, shielding his face as the birds pecked at him with their keen beaks. Something stabbed at his ribs, puncturing his skin, as their claws tore away clumps of fur from his belly and legs.

  Vince lashed out with his claws where he could, but the birds were quick, working as a team, striking instantly at any unprotected patch of his face.

  Rita tried to get close. She flapped above the writhing animals and swiped with her small talons and beak as best she could, but she was too small to fend them off. One well-aimed bite from either of them and she’d be done for.

  ‘Rita!’ Vince howled desperately.

  Just then, a deep voice boomed from the air. ‘Gabriela! Felipe! What are you doing? This behaviour is completely unacceptable!’

  A gust of air from a vast pair of ghost-white wings rustled the birds’ already dishevelled feathers, and they retreated. Rita scrabbled across the grass to Vince. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

  ‘Ugh… I’ll… be fine,’ he groaned, pulling himself to his feet.

  They looked over at the new arrival. A swan. Twice as big as the grey-and-pink birds, with a wingspan longer than Vince himself, nose to tail. His bright-orange beak was not sharp, but his long snaking neck was pure muscle. Vince didn’t fancy his chances. Vince pushed Rita behind him with a wounded paw. ‘Go,’ he whispered. ‘Fly away, now!’

  ‘No, I’m not leaving you here.’ She dodged his paw and flapped onto his head, gripping his short hair with her talons.

  ‘Ow! What are you doing? Get off!’ He shook his head and Rita fell to the floor with a stumble. Vince instantly regretted it, but she tidied her feathers and hopped in front of him without a word.

  ‘You have my most sincere apologies,’ the swan began. His deep voice was gentle, but it didn’t relax Vince. ‘My name is Oswald, I oversee everything here, and Gabriela and her mate have not acted according to the rules of this residence.’

  ‘They’re trespassing!’ Gabriela screeched from behind Oswald. ‘Trying to steal eggs!’

  ‘We weren’t!’ Vince snapped at Gabriela, then addressed the swan. ‘If you just show us the quickest way out, we’ll be on our way.’ He lifted his foreleg to lick his grazes.

  ‘Unfortunately, I can’t allow that, I’m afraid. Not yet, anyway. Our rules state that trespassers must be detained until the vote.’ Not waiting for a response, he yelled at the top of his voice. ‘Gentlemen!’

  From behind Oswald, two geese and one more swan trotted out of the bushes. The second swan was as imposing as Oswald and the geese only slightly less so, with their sinister uniform of jet black necks and feet, white chests and grey wings.

  Over by the fence, the otters had not moved or spoken a word, but were now quickly retreating.

  ‘Now, Gabriela, Felipe, you know that’s not how we do things here. Get away home now and I’ll pop by in the morning to check you’re okay. Save it for after the vote next time, eh?’ Oswald smiled.

  The two grey-and-pink birds clucked their annoyance and left, disappearing in the direction from which they arrived.

  ‘Come on, lads, you know what to do,’ Oswald said to his newly arrived friends.

  Honking impatiently, the three birds moved in. Their huge webbed feet flapped on the grass, long necks extended haughtily. They gathered either side of Oswald and formed a semi-circle around Vince and Rita. Vince flattened his ears and took a step back, his hind legs slipping down the bank towards the water. He was an adequate swimmer, for a fox, but four water birds – huge ones at that – would have no trouble stopping him.

  ‘What… what are you doing?’ Vince barked.

  ‘All transgressions must be dealt with in the appropriate manner, and punished accordingly,’ one of the geese said. ‘This is how we do things in the wetlands, and it’s worked very well for us thus far.’

  They’re worse than the deer!

  ‘This is ridiculous!’ Rita flapped.

  ‘Well, you’re obviously free to go, madam,’ the other goose said. ‘Never in the history of the wetlands have we detained a bird, even an outsider land bird such as yourself. I doubt we could if we tried. But if you insist, then we can put you with your… ahem… friend.’ He waved his enormous wing towards Vince.

  ‘Well, I’m not leaving,’ she replied, her tiny face twisted into a grimace.

  ‘Rita, no! Just go. You don’t need to stay here. Go and find help or something,’ Vince pleaded.

  Oswald shook his head. ‘That would not be wise, madam. The animals you see here are just a small percentage of the inhabitants of the wetlands, and we take trespassing very seriously. Any animals you bring back will be dealt with swiftly, by the full force of our community. We don’t want to hurt you, sir. Just come with us, and we can sort this out in a reasonable manner.’

  ‘You said something about a vote, right? Like a trial?’ Vince asked. He’d done nothing wrong. Not really. They might just let him go free.

  ‘Of course. We are civilised, you know. The community will decide what happens to you.’

  Vince growled under his breath, but with nowhere to run and no hope of fighting the birds alone, he relented. ‘Fine.’

  ‘Excellent. Roger, Frank? You want to do the honours this time?’ The two geese stepped forward and waddled towards Vince.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Rita squawked. ‘If you hurt him, I’ll—’

  Roger and Frank honked loudly at Rita before grasping Vince’s scruff and tail between their strong beaks. Vince snarled, but didn’t resist.

  ‘Right, this way!’ Oswald said, much too cheerily for Vince’s liking, and the pair of geese led him away, flanked by the two enormous swans. Rita kept close to Vince, hopping uncertainly among the birds’ flat, wide feet.

  After a long walk across the grass and along a winding path, the birds dragged Vince into the foliage, emerging on the other side at the bank of an expanse of water so large that Vince couldn’t see the other side. The scent of fresh fish was too much to bear and Vince groaned, wondering if his meagre mouthful of Sid’s beetles would wind up being his last meal.

  Vince remained on the bank, held tightly by the geese, as the swans descended into the water and paddled out towards the middle of the deep lake. They returned quickly, pushing a square, wooden platform with their broad chests. Oswald honked an order to Vince to get on, and he did as he was told, stepping into the shallows then stumbling as he clambered onto the unstable surface. Rita followed, her tiny weight making no difference to the balance. The four birds gathered on one edge of the platform and pushed it away from the bank, towards the dark depths of the centre of the lake.

  ‘You’ll remain here while we make arrangements and inform everyone,’ Oswald said.

  Vince paced back and forth, sniffing the platform, desperately inspecting every crevice in the wood. For what, he didn’t know. ‘And how long will that take?’

  Oswald replied, ‘Should all be sorted by tomorrow evening. We like to get things done as soon as possible, but we are largely diurnal birds by nature, you understand. My colleagues will ensure you don’t try to leave in the meantime. And there will be additional security on the shore, just so you know.’

  A fox trapped by birds. If his friends back in the park knew, they would never let him live it down. ‘And what happens if I’m found guilty? Those grey-and-pink things tear me apart?’

  ‘That will be decided by the jury,’ Oswald said. ‘Sometimes we let nature take its course, but yes, the Screamers occasionally assist with punishment protocols.’

  ‘Screamers? Is that what they’re called? Mother help me…’ Vince stopped pacing.

  ‘Yes. Southern Screamers, brought here from South America
by the humans. Never been myself. Heard the weather’s lovely.’

  Vince was too exhausted and starving to listen any more. He lay down on the rough wood and began to clean his wounds.

  Of all the animals he’d expected to come across, a bunch of water birds were the last he’d imagine could outwit him. They were slow on land. Doddery. Powerful, but not terribly smart. And in darkness too… If he’d just been more careful, quieter, quicker, he could have made it out safely. He was a fox, after all. Sneaking was meant to be his speciality.

  Oswald directed Frank and Roger to stay behind on the water and guard Vince, while he and the other swan swam back to the shore and waddled into the bushes. Perhaps to get a bit more sleep before sunrise but, more likely, to guard the bank, ready to attack if necessary.

  Vince turned to Rita, a lump in his throat. ‘What do you think he meant by “let nature take its course”? Do you think they’d just leave me on here to die? I don’t know what’s worse. Screamers or starvation.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Rita said softly. ‘Everything will be okay. I’m sure.’

  ‘You’re sure are you, Rita? Really? Because to me, it looks like I either have to stay here and face some kind of vote where Mother knows what will happen to me, or try to escape and be drowned by geese or attacked by those…’ He waved a paw towards the bank. ‘…Screamer things back on land. That’s if I don’t starve to death on this stinking piece of wood first.’

  Rita drew a black-and-white wing over her head. ‘I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you here.’ She began to sob. ‘It’s all my fault. No wonder you hate me. First the train tracks, now this. I’ve ruined your adventure…’

  Vince softened his voice. ‘It’s not your fault, you didn’t know. And, hey, what happened to “everything will be okay”?’

  ‘Quiet!’ Frank honked from the water. Vince shot him a look.

  ‘I’ll try to find help,’ Rita whispered through her feathers, sniffling between words. ‘I can be back at Richmond Park by morning.’

  ‘No, Rita. You heard what Oswald said,’ Vince whispered back. ‘Anyway, who’s going to come and help me? The foxes?’ He shook his head. ‘Even if they all came – which they wouldn’t – it sounds like they’d be way outnumbered. And what are they going to do? Swim all the way out here? You saw what those two grey birds did to me. I won’t risk the others getting ripped apart or drowned. I just have to face this trial and suffer the consequences.’

  Rita sighed. ‘You’re probably right. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Listen, just try to rest. We’ll be able to think more clearly after some sleep. I’m going to try to nap while it’s still dark. Mother knows how I’m going to sleep during the day on this stupid thing, right out in the open.’

  ‘Quiet, both of you!’ Roger tutted. ‘What’s a goose got to do to get some peace around here.’

  Rita scowled at the goose and lowered her voice further. ‘Okay, sleep well. And I am truly sorry. I promise I’ll never get you into trouble again.’ She lowered herself onto the wood a little way away from Vince and tucked her head under her iridescent blue-black feathers.

  Vince curled his tail around his battered body and wished her a goodnight. He watched through his brush as Rita quickly fell into a deep slumber, her tiny chest rising and falling with her breath. The smallest of chirps whistled from her beak each time she exhaled, which brought a smile to Vince’s face. For a short while he stared at her, the gentle bobbing of the floating platform and tranquil sound of water lapping at its edges serving as both an unwanted reminder of his imprisonment and a soothing lullaby. With eyelids dropping and the throbbing pain in his sides and legs fading, he drifted away. Back to Richmond Park, back to his den, and back to Sophie.

  *

  Kara settled on a branch and gulped down the lifeless mouse she’d plucked from the ground moments ago. A small reward to herself for her good work so far. After she’d departed Richmond Park, a tabby cat pointed her down the road Vince had travelled and told her of the chattering magpie tagging along. At the side of the road a quivering vole, urged by the grip of Kara’s talons on her back, confessed to seeing him approach the train tracks, but hid before she saw which way he went, scared she might end up his next meal. Kara let her go in return for the information, but made a mental note of the location of her burrow, planning to stop on her way back to Richmond Park for a vole-sized snack.

  Kara would have to up her fee. Edward didn’t say anything about a magpie. Vince was close by, though, she was certain. If someone could give her some proper information, she could track him down before daylight, maybe even organise an ambush too. Job done in one night! If that wasn’t worth an extra rabbit…

  Down below, a badger snuffled in the undergrowth, muttering to himself. ‘These small beasts, always stealing my supper. I don’t know…’

  Kara called down to him. ‘Hey, you!’

  ‘Uh… what’s that? Sid hears another visitor?’

  ‘You seen a fox around here?’

  Sid looked up at the owl ‘Ah! A moon-faced bird! What a dark heart you have!’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘Around your face. A dark heart of feathers.’

  ‘Oh, yeah. I asked you about a fox…’

  ‘A fox, have I seen?’ Sid cocked his head and stared intently at a nearby log for several blinks, before looking back up at the owl and replying, ‘Maybe Sid has, maybe Sid hasn’t. Many red-furred mammals I have met over the moons. One is very much like another.’

  ‘Have you or haven’t you? I need to find him.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘None of your business.’

  ‘Then Sid has not.’ The badger shrugged and continued on.

  ‘Hang on!’ Kara stepped from the branch and glided across to a lower one in front of Sid. ‘Another visitor, you said just now… You have seen him, haven’t you? His name is Vince.’

  ‘No bells does that ring in Sid’s ears.’

  ‘Alright, fine, a magpie, then?’

  ‘A single pie-bird? Alone? Well, such a sight Sid’s eyes would never forget! But perhaps… Hmm, let Sid think…’ He furrowed his brow.

  ‘I really don’t have time for this,’ Kara muttered.

  ‘Well, no creature has time, moon-faced bird. Time is no one’s. Time cannot be held in paws or claws, nor hidden underground, nor eaten with beak or jaws. Sid knows this, and you should do well to learn, pale-feathered one. You park dwellers are most unwise, it seems. Most unwise indeed.’

  ‘How do you know I’m from a park?’ Kara tilted her round head almost horizontally. ‘You did meet them. Tell me which way they went.’

  Sid’s ears drooped. ‘Ah, the moon-faced bird is correct. Alas, Sid has said too many words, yet again. Botheration.’ He let out a sigh and shook his head. A moment later, his ears perked up again and he blinked at the owl. ‘Sid has decided he must return to bed.’ He started to drag his cumbersome body away from Kara as fast as his stumpy legs could manage, ducking under a bramble in an attempt to prevent her from following.

  ‘Stop right there!’ Kara shrieked from the tree.

  Sid looked over his shoulder at her. ‘You, moon-faced bird, are rude. And old Sid does not help rude birds, he does not.’

  Kara sneered. ‘Maybe there’s something I can do for you? A favour? There must be something you need.’

  Sid ignored her and carried on nosing his way through the thick leaves.

  Crazy old idiot. Fine, have it your way, badger, she thought as she spotted the entrance to his sett and flapped down to it. Sid emerged from the thorny bush and she waited for him to get closer before lunging at him. Her talons briefly seized his snout, leaving short stripes of raw pink flesh as he shook her off. He didn’t seem to notice, and retaliated with a surprisingly swift swipe of his paw, but she dodged it by a whisker.

  ‘Get out of Sid’s way.’ Sid snapped his teeth in her direction before ploughing ahead, his bulk simply too much for her to compete with, despite her fierce agil
ity. ‘What exactly does the moon-faced bird think she will do, Sid wonders. Follow me underground? Sid doesn’t think so. I may be old, but still in working order, my claws and teeth are. Be gone now, rude bird.’ He sniffed at the opening of his sett, then ducked inside.

  He was right, of course. She could follow him, no problem, but then he would have the advantage, and having a wing torn off by a senile badger was not her idea of a nice evening, nor would it help her find the fox. A different approach was called for.

  She hopped back to the sett, lowered her head close to the entrance, and shrieked down into the chamber. ‘Hreeeeek! Hreeeeek!’

  ‘Quiet, bird!’ the badger’s voice yelled from within.

  ‘Sorry, am I bothering you?’ she said sweetly, before another, ‘HREEEEEEEK!’

  Around her, mice dived through the grass, desperately searching for cover, while birds fled the trees. Unchallenged, Kara’s screams filled every cranny of the woodland.

  ‘Be gone, bird, I said! Off with you!’

  Kara pictured the trembling badger, paws over his small ears, and cackled, then continued the harassment. ‘HREEEEEK! I CAN KEEP THIS UP ALL NIGHT,’ she shouted. ‘HREEK HREEK! HREEEEEEEK! TELL ME WHERE THE FOX WENT AND I’LL STOP! HREEEEEEEK!’

  Sid poked his head from the hole. ‘Mother Nature, please! Alright, noisy bird, you’ve beaten Sid. Now quiet!’

  ‘The fox?’

  ‘South, back home, the red-furred one and his friend went. The red-furred one loves another. Could not be without her, he said. That’s all Sid knows. Never left these woodlands, Sid hasn’t.’

  ‘Back to Richmond Park? Are you sure?’

  ‘Oh, yes. The pie-bird convinced him. Too many dangers. Return to his true love, she said he should.’

  ‘Hmm, he did have a thing with that Sophie, didn’t he?’ Kara said to herself, then addressed the badger again. ‘I didn’t see him on my way here. If you’re lying to me…’

  ‘Why would Sid lie? Sid does not know these creatures. They appeared, ate Sid’s food and left. No regard for Sid, these creatures had. It matters not to me what the moon-faced bird wants. Perhaps the red-furred one was hiding. Perhaps a different route, to avoid some unknown danger. Sid does not know. Sid only knows what he has told the moon-faced bird.’