American Sweethearts

by Adriana Herrera

  I waited for another minute, my eyes fixed on the screen waiting for the three dots to pop up promising another message, but nothing came.

  Everything had been said. I knew where I stood with J, now I needed to meet him halfway.

  I picked up my phone and sent another message.

  Is your man’s offer still on the table?

  I waited with my heart in my throat for a response and within seconds it came.

  Of course. Tom was serious. You just have to say the word. And why are you texting me? I thought you’d be riding Italian/Puerto Rican dick all the way into the New Year. Don’t act coy. We all know you two are fucking again.

  I didn’t even have the energy to act affronted.

  The Italian/Puerto Rican in question is not very happy with me at the moment.

  The message had barely sent when my phone was blowing up with a call from Camilo.

  I picked up ready to be reamed out, but when he spoke all I could hear was the love and concern I’d been getting from all my people today.

  “What happened?”

  I didn’t deserve them. Actually that wasn’t true, I did deserve all of it. I just needed to start acting like I knew it.

  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and told him.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Juan Pablo

  “I’m coming!” Who the hell popped in at noon on New Year’s Eve anyway?

  I’d fallen asleep after finally getting Priscilla’s text that she’d made it home. I was still hurt and for the first time ever wondering if I just wasn’t what she wanted. If when she saw me she just didn’t see her future. Because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how else to prove to her that I was in this for the long haul.

  I got to the intercom by the front door and hit the speaker with my head still buzzing with a hundred different conflicting thoughts. It only occurred to me when I heard the doorman’s voice that no one ever showed up to my place without texting first.

  “Hey, Mr. Campos. I have Bri and Reyes here. They said they’re here to see you.”

  I was stunned and wondered if I’d heard him right, but before I could ask anything he spoke again. “Bri says he’s Priscilla’s coworker.”

  I nodded as if he could see me and finally got my shit together and answered. “Yes, of course.”

  As soon as I put the receiver back, I looked around the apartment and realized I’d never put away my bag. It was in the middle of the living room where I’d left it last night. There was a half-eaten bowl of popcorn and a fair amount of fun-sized bags of Sour Patch Kids all over the couch that I’d taken from my stash of leftover Halloween candy. My house, which was usually pristine or, as Camilo liked to say, an homage to “Reformed Fuckboi Chic,” was a hot mess and I didn’t even care. I avoided the mirror in the hallway as I walked back to my room to put on a shirt and wondered if Priscilla had sent her friends to get all her shit back from my apartment.

  I went to answer and as soon as I opened the door I figured this wasn’t going to be a social call. I guessed who Bri was from the many times Pris had talked about him. He was lean, medium height and had very bright blue eyes and fiery red hair. His boyfriend, Reyes, was tall, hairy and had kind brown eyes. I stepped to the side so they could come in. Just because I felt like shit and probably looked worse, I didn’t need to act like I had no home training. “Please, come in.”

  I waved them over to the couch and we all tried to act like this wasn’t awkward as fuck until I finally broke. “Did she send you to get her stuff?”

  I surprised myself when my voice didn’t crack. But I wasn’t okay, not by a lot. I ran a hand over my face, feeling exhausted just from the effort it took to say that. Bri was looking at me like I was the sorriest asshole on earth. “We were deputized by Camilo to check on you.”

  Of course.

  I didn’t have it in me to even be pissed at him for interfering, he’d tried to call me last night and I’d just texted back that I’d call him today. So him deploying people to my house wasn’t even a surprise. “I’m fine.”

  Reyes, who so far hadn’t said a word, scoffed at my obvious lie.

  “Okay, I’m not fine. But I’m also not sure what I can do. I don’t want to be pushy or make Priscilla feel like I’m not giving her space. I didn’t handle things in the best way last night and I think instead of her feeling like I was being supportive, she probably ended up feeling like I was pressuring her or pushing my own agenda.”

  Bri was looking at me as if he was trying to read what I wasn’t saying. But after a moment he smiled, and leaned forward. “You should come to our house tonight. We’re having a New Year’s party and Pris is going to be there.”

  I shook my head forcefully and stood, not sure where I was going to go. I couldn’t leave them sitting in my living room and go hide in my room like I wanted, but I had to move. “No, I’m not going to go there and make her feel uncomfortable. That’s not cool.”

  Bri smiled even wider at my answer, like I’d gotten a test question right and now I was really fucking confused. “That’s fair, and I told her I would re-invite you. You know Priscilla, she needs time to come around, but I know she loves you. Since you guys reconnected she’s been slowly coming out of the funk she’s been in.”

  Reyes squeezed Bri’s shoulders as he talked, as though he needed to feel that physical connection, and once again I ached in the presence of that kind of partnership. Love that was so strong you had your own language.

  I stopped pacing and looked at Bri, hoping that he was right, and she’d be open to talking to me. “Are you sure? Maybe I should call her first.” I’d shut off my phone last night after she’d sent a very short text telling me she’d made it home, but maybe now in the light of day, she’d see things differently.

  Bri stood up and Reyes followed, still quietly letting his man handle the business they’d come here for. “Call her. I think she’d like that. She’s doing a lot of thinking today. She has a lot of decisions to make.” He smiled at what I was sure was a startled look on my face. “You guys can work this out. I know it.”

  I wasn’t nearly as confident as he was about that but went in to give them both dap anyway. “Thanks for coming to check in on me, and I’m sorry that little shit, Camilo, got you out of bed for this.”

  Reyes laughed at that and finally said something. “He’s friends with Bri. They know each other from work stuff, and he’s always been great to him. If somebody’s good to my man, they can call me anytime for anything.”

  Bri blushed, his cheeks flaming red, as Reyes leaned in to give him a kiss. When he looked up again Reyes clapped my shoulder, as he took Bri’s hand with the other. “Come through tonight.”

  “I’ll think about it, thank you.” I walked them both to the door and then went back to my bedroom to get my phone. I paused to slide a hand over Priscilla’s satin pillowcase and looked around, noticing her things everywhere. Her tub of Palmer’s on the night table, the copy of Pleasure Activism she’d been reading for the third time, bookmarked with an old Metro Card. A pair of Nikes she’d left here so we could go for runs together when she stayed over. If I went to the bathroom I’d find even more of her there. That old shower gel I’d stopped using because it reminded me too much of her was back in the shower. Her toothbrush and her bonnet were in there too. We’d finally gotten a chance to be together in this place. In the apartment that I’d always wanted to see her in. I wanted to have that forever, for this to be her home. For me to be her home. If she needed time, I would give her time, but I would also make it very clear, that if she was willing to fight for us, I would be there with her. Shoulder to shoulder.

  The messages and missed calls flowed into my phone, but Pris’s number wasn’t in any of them. Camilo had sent a few asking how I was and then saying he’d asked Bri to check on me. My mother asking about plans for tonight. Nesto worried a
bout me, after most likely getting the tea from Milo. Patrice saying Easton had talked to Priscilla and that she was okay, but they wanted to know how I was doing. All our people, holding it down for us while we figured things out.

  I took a deep breath and tapped out a message to her, hoping that she would respond.

  Good morning. I hope your night wasn’t as shitty as mine. Camilo already had Bri stop by here to do a welfare check, I’m almost 100% sure you’re next.

  The three dots made an appearance a couple of times then disappeared, but after a few moments a message came.

  Milo does the most. JFC. Good morning... Night was pretty shitty.

  I made myself send the next text because I wasn’t going to ambush her in front of strangers.

  I got re-invited to Bri’s party...

  A minute went by, then another and I was starting to wonder if she was going to leave me on read, which in my book would be a big fucking NO to the question of me attending the party.

  Maybe I’ll see you there.

  That was definitely not a no.

  Priscilla

  I wasn’t sure what I was even doing. I hadn’t been this fucked up about anything in a while, and that was saying something considering the half-dozen breakups with J along the years and the ongoing drama with my job.

  But I’d been on my own thinking about what I wanted all day, making plans, doing pros and cons lists until my hands hurt from writing. Thinking, dreaming, wondering if I could really take so many chances at once. Because my job was a big one, but so was letting myself believe J and I could really do this again. That this time it would work when we’d messed things up so many times before.

  I’d gone over every possible scenario in my head until I’d gotten sick of it and gotten in my car to go to Bri and Reyes’s party, but instead, my car somehow drove its damn self to Juan Pablo’s building. Almost as if I was in some kind of fever dream, I found myself in my New Year’s Eve attire, knocking on his door at 5:00 p.m. He’d texted he’d be at the party and I’d been vague and weird, because that seemed to be the only thing I could manage today.

  The party wasn’t for another couple of hours though. I’d told Bri I’d come early and help. Instead I was showing up at J’s house unannounced, and I hoped I was doing the right thing. I rang the bell once, not wanting to use the key he’d given me, and waited with my heart pounding so hard I felt the pulsing in my ears.

  I heard noises on the other side of the door and had to press a hand to my diaphragm to regulate my breathing. The lock clicked open and before I had time to think about what I would say he opened the door. I wanted to kiss him, tell him I wanted a do-over for last night. Thank him for giving me space, for believing in me, for offering a shoulder. For a lifetime of being the only person in the world who could truly see all of me, and never hesitating to tell me I was perfect just the way I was.

  But the only thing that came out of my stupid mouth was, “Hi.”

  He looked surprised and unsure, which was something that happened with this new Juan Pablo. In the past he would always front like he had it all under control. He never hesitated to let you know he had it handled. This Juan Pablo asked for help, he said what he was thinking, he could be vulnerable, and that made him so much stronger.

  We stood there in awkward silence until he stepped aside and lifted a hand to wave me in. “You want to come in? I was just making myself a snack.” I nodded and came inside. Noticed the little Christmas tree we’d gotten together was lit, and that he had the fireplace on. I wanted to change into sweats, take off my makeup and wait for the next year of my life—which I was sure would be full of changes—here with Juan Pablo.

  He stood by the couch, his arms crossed over a Yankees hoodie, his expression unreadable. I could tell he was thinking hard about what to ask, wondering what I’d come here to do. After all, he’d been very clear about what he wanted, I was the one who hadn’t made up my mind.

  “I’m going to leave the force.”

  He stumbled back like I’d slapped him, and I almost laughed. I lifted a shoulder and sank down in the armchair that I’d begun to think of as mine, and leaned down to unzip my boots. I needed somewhere to put my eyes when I said this.

  “It’s time. I haven’t been happy in the job for a while. There are a lot of good people there and they can do the work better than I can right now. I want to try making a go of this project, of getting the space open.” I lifted my eyes first, and found him still standing by the couch. “I texted Camilo and Tom. I told them I’ll take them up on the space. And if the offer’s still there, I’d love to talk to Yariel’s agent. But that’s not the only reason I’m here.”

  My temples throbbed as I stood up, needing to go to him. It felt right for me to be the one to make my way to him now, since in the past month he had come to me so many times. I needed to be the one to take this last leap of faith for us. To tell him that I could see how much he’d changed and that now I could also clearly see a future for us.

  “I needed to tell you I’m sorry for last night.” He opened his mouth to protest and I shook my head gently, and took both his hands in mine needing the connection when I said it. “No, J. I do need to say it. If this is going to work we both have to have more faith in each other. You’ve shown me in these past few weeks that you’re willing to do that. That you’re ready for whatever if it means we’re working for the future we both want. And I want so many things, so many,” I said with a laugh. “But all of them, all of them, involve you. I love you. I do, so much and it seems like that’s never going to stop.” I shook my head, as our eyes locked together, his already a little watery with tears. “I love you, J.”

  He brought his face closer and his arms tightened around my waist. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. And my dream, mi reina, my prayer, is that you will let me be there for you as you go for yours.” I gasped, choking on my tears, as he pressed his lips to mine and that kiss was perfect. Strong and soft at once. I could taste my future in that kiss, feel the strength of what we had in Juan Pablo’s arms.

  “I love you, Priscilla. I’m so happy you’re here.” His voice was soft, and he spoke as he pressed tiny kisses on my neck and my jaw. I didn’t want to move from here. Or leave this place again, until we’d had time with each other, until I felt grounded in this new chance I’d gotten with this man.

  I pulled back and smiled at him helplessly. “Would it be rude to cancel on Bri? I’m supposed to help set up.”

  The smile I got in response was just on this side of filthy and how did he still make my stomach flip? “I’ll make it worth your while if you do.”

  I laughed and kissed him again. “I have no doubt you will. So, what? Netflix and Chill for New Year’s?”

  He bit his bottom lip in that way that made every nerve in my body tingle with anticipation and went in for another kiss, but just as our lips met, he said, “As long as I get to give you your midnight kiss.”

  I whispered back, smiling against his mouth, “All my New Year’s Eve kisses from now until forever belong to you.”

  That was a promise I would work hard to keep.

  Epilogue

  Not quite a year later

  Priscilla

  “Are you crying?” It was hard keeping the amusement out of my voice, even though Juan Pablo had tears streaming down his face as he looked around my brand-new working space.

  “Yeah, I’m fucking crying. Look at what you did, mi reina. This is amazing.” He turned his head back and forth, like he hadn’t been in here practically day and night for the last week helping get everything ready for the grand opening. He knew this place almost as well as I did. But even I had to admit seeing it bustling with people made it all look real.

  I came closer and rubbed my thumbs on his cheeks and smiled at him. “You’re a sap.”

  “And you’re a badass.” I preened and pushed up for a kis
s.

  I felt like a badass.

  After a year of transitions—leaving the force, moving in with J and writing a fucking book—I’d reached the last one of my humungous milestones. I finally opened the doors to Come As You Are: Community Store and Growth Space.

  Camilo’s man had come through. I’d been able to open this place in the heart of Harlem and I couldn’t wait to get to work. I couldn’t believe this was my life. That I was doing something I felt passionate about and got to go home to a man that, even after twenty years, still gave me butterflies. I felt J’s arms wrap around my waist and I leaned into him, my head right against his.

  His beard brushed my face when he leaned in to ask me something. “What are you thinking?” I could almost taste the smile in his voice. The same giddiness that was cursing through my veins.

  “I’m thinking, my cup is full, Juan Pablo.”

  He grunted and pressed his arms tighter around mine, that hot as fuck rumbling in his chest that still made me weak in the knees. “You sure we bought enough wine, you know how Camilo gets.” I laughed with my lips pressed to his neck.

  “They’re here with Libe, he’s always on his best behavior when she’s around.”

  “That’s true,” he conceded. “She’s the only one that can whip him into shape.”

  “I can tell from the jealousy in your eyes that you’re talking about me, Juan Pablo,” Camilo called as he made his way to us from across the room with the rest of the guys right behind him. I could feel J’s grin from the way his cheeks popped against my face.

  Nesto came in for a hug first. “Prima, this place is bomb. I love it. That Maldonado hustle always comes through, baby.” Nesto’s reference to his and my mother’s maiden name made me practically burst with pride. There were so many people whose shoulders I’d stood on so that I could be here tonight.

  “I know that’s right!” My dad responded as Nesto gave me another hug.