“That’s all correct,” I said.
He smiled, and I almost cried, because when he smiled, I always felt at home.
“So, what is it?” he asked.
I glanced around the area, making sure no one was within earshot, and I leaned in closer to him, my lips slightly grazing his ear. “Thyme,” I told him. I stepped backward and gave him the kind of smile that forced him to frown. “Just give it a bit of thyme.”
“Thyme.” He nodded slowly, stepping farther away from me.
“Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t wait here all day,” the taxi driver called after me.
I turned to him and nodded before looking back at Graham, who was still staring at me. “Any final words?” I joked, nerves rocking my stomach.
He narrowed his eyes at me and combed my hair behind my ears. “You’re the best human being of all human beings.”
I swallowed hard. I missed him. I missed him so much, even though he was standing right there in front of me. I could still reach out and touch him, but for some reason, he felt farther and farther away. “One day you’ll be happy we didn’t work out,” I promised him. “One day you’ll wake with Talon on your left side and someone else on your right, and you’ll realize how happy you are that you and I didn’t work out.”
“One day I’m going to wake up,” he replied, his mood somber, “and it will be you lying beside me.”
My hand went to his cheek, and I placed my lips against his. “You’re the best human being of all human beings.” A tear rolled down my cheek, and I kissed him slowly, lingering against his lips for a moment before finally letting him go. “I love you, Graham Cracker.”
“I love you, Lucille.”
As I opened the taxi door and stepped inside, Graham called out to me one last time.
“Yes?”
“Time,” he softly said.
“Time?”
He shrugged his left shoulder and allowed it to drop quickly. “Just give it a bit of time.”
32
Graham
That night I awoke from a dream only to find myself in a waking nightmare.
The left side of my bed was empty, and Lucy was on a flight, traveling far away from me. It had taken everything inside of me to not beg her to stay when that taxi pulled up in front of the house. It had taken every ounce of me to not allow gravity to force me to my knees. If she’d stayed, I would’ve never let her go again. If she’d stayed, I would’ve started all over from day one, learning how to love her even more than I already had. If she’d stayed, I would’ve always flown, but I knew she wouldn’t—she couldn’t. With my current situation, there was no way I could’ve kept her and given her the love she deserved.
She was my freedom, yet I was her cage.
I lay in bed, my chest tight from the longing my heart felt, and I almost fell apart right then and there. I almost let my heart harden back to the way it was before Lucy walked into my life, but then a beautiful little girl started crying in the nursery, and I hurried to go get her. When I arrived, she reached for me and instantly stopped her crying.
“Hey, love,” I whispered as she curled in against me, lying her head on my chest.
We headed back to my bedroom, lay down, and within minutes she was sleeping. Her breaths rose and fell, and she lightly snored as she curled up against me.
It was in that moment I remembered why falling apart wasn’t an option. I remembered why I couldn’t allow myself to fall into a pit of loneliness—because I wasn’t alone. I had the most beautiful reason to keep moving forward.
Talon was my savior, and I’d promised myself to be a dad to her, not merely a father. Any person could be a father. It took a real man to step up to the role of being a dad. And I owed that to her. She deserved to have me fully.
As she clung to my shirt and found dreams that brought her comfort, I allowed myself to rest, too.
It amazed me how love worked.
It amazed me how my heart could be so broken and yet so full all at once.
That night my greatest nightmares and most beautiful dreams intermixed, and I held my daughter closer, as a reminder of why I’d have to rise in the morning, just like the sun.
Jane moved her things into the house the following week. She made herself comfortable in a home that held no love for her. She went about doing things as if she knew what she was doing, and every time she picked Talon up, I cringed.
“I was hoping the three of us could go out to dinner, Graham,” she told me as she unpacked her suitcases in my bedroom. I didn’t care enough to tell her not to sleep in my room. I’d sleep in the nursery with my daughter. “It might be good for us to start reconnecting.”
“No.”
She looked up, bewildered. “What?”
“I said no.”
“Graham—”
“I just want to make something really clear to you, Jane. I didn’t choose you. I want nothing to do with you. You can live in my house, you can hold my daughter, but you need to understand that there’s not an ounce of me that wants you.” My hands formed fists and my brow knitted. “I chose her. I chose my daughter. I’ll choose her every second of every day for the rest of my life because she is my everything. So, let’s stop pretending that we are ever going to live happily ever after. You are not my final sentence, you are not my last word. You are simply a chapter I wish I could delete.”
I turned and walked away from her, leaving her standing stunned, but I didn’t care. Every moment I could, would be spent with my daughter in my arms.
One day, somehow, Lucy would come back to us both.
Because she was always meant to be my last word.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Mari told me as I walked into Monet’s Gardens.
I took off my hat and nodded. “I know.”
She stood tall and shifted her feet around. “You really should go. I don’t feel comfortable with you being here.”
I nodded once more. “I know.” But, I stayed, because sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is stay. “Does he love you?”
“Excuse me?”
I held my hat against my chest. “I said does he love you? Do you love him?”
“Listen—”
“Does he make you laugh so hard you have to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes do you share? Does he try to change you or inspire you? Are you good enough for him? Does he make you feel worthy? Is he good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed beside him and wonder why you’re still there?” I paused. “Do you miss her? Did she make you laugh so hard you had to toss your head backward? How many inside jokes did you share? Did she try to change you or inspire you? Were you good enough for her? Did she make you feel worthy? Was she good enough for you? Do you sometimes lie in bed and wonder why she’s gone?”
Mari’s small frame started to shake as I asked the questions. She parted her lips, but no words left her tongue.
So, I continued speaking. “Being with someone you aren’t meant to be with out of fear of being alone isn’t worth it. I promise you, you’ll spend your life being lonelier with him than you would being without him. Love doesn’t push things away. Love doesn’t suffocate. It makes the world bloom. She taught me that. She taught me how love works, and I’m certain she taught you the same.”
“Graham,” Mari said softly, tears falling down her cheeks.
“I’ve never loved your oldest sister. I’ve been numb for years, and Jane was just another form of numbness. She never loved me either, but Lucille…she’s my world. She’s everything I needed, and so much more than I deserve. I know you might not understand that, but I’d go to war for her heart for the rest of my life if it meant she’d find her smile again. So, I’m standing in your shop right now, Mari, asking if you love him. If he is everything you know love to be, stay. If he is your Lucille, then don’t for a second leave his side. But, if he isn’t…if there is even a sliver of your soul that doubts that he’s the one—run. I need you to run to your sister. I need you to g
o to war with me for the one person who always stayed, even when she owed us nothing. I can’t be there for her right now, and her heart is broken halfway across the world. So, this is me, going to war for her by coming to you. This is me, begging you to choose her. She needs you, Mari, and I am going to assume that your heart needs her, too.”
“I…” She started to fall apart, shaking as she covered her mouth with her hands. “The things I’ve said to her…the way I’ve treated her…”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she said, her head shaking. “She was my best friend, and I tossed her and her feelings to the side. I chose them over her.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It was a choice, and she’d never forgive me.”
I grimaced and narrowed my eyes. “Mari, we’re talking about Lucille here. Forgiveness is all she knows. I know where she is right now. I’ll help you get there so you can do whatever you need to do to get your best friend back. I’ll handle all of the details. All you have to do is run.”
33
Lucy
Monet’s gardens at Giverny were everything and more. I spent time walking around the land, breathing in the flowers, taking in the sights day after day. In those gardens, I almost felt like myself. Being surrounded by that much beauty reminded me of Talon’s eyes, of Graham’s crooked smile, of home.
As I walked a stone path, I smiled at all the passersby who were taking in the experience of the gardens. Oftentimes I wondered where they came from. What had brought them to the point they were at in that very moment? What was their story? Had they ever loved? Did it consume them? Had they left?
“Pod.”
My chest tightened at the word, and the recognition of the voice that produced it. I turned around and my heart landed in my throat when I saw Mari standing there. I wanted to step closer, but my feet wouldn’t move. My body wouldn’t budge. I stood still, as she had.
“I…” she started as her voice cracked. She held an envelope tight to her chest and tried again. “He told me you’d be here. He said you visit every day. I just didn’t know what time.” No words from me. Tears formed in Mari’s eyes and she tried her best to keep it together. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m sorry for losing my way. I’m sorry for settling. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I just want you to know, I left Parker. The other night I was lying beside him in bed, and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. He was holding me so close, but I felt as if I was falling apart. Every time he told me he loved me, I felt less and less like myself. I’ve been so blind to the truth that I let my fear of being alone drive me back into the arms of a man who didn’t deserve me. I was so worried about being loved, that I didn’t even care if I loved back. And then, I pushed you away. You’ve been the only constant in my life, and I can’t believe I hurt you the way I did. You’re my best friend, Lucy, you’re my heartbeats, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—”
She didn’t have time to say anything else before my arms wrapped around her body and I pulled her closer to me. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I held her tighter.
“I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m so sorry for everything.”
“Shh,” I whispered, pulling her closer to me. “You have no clue how good it is to see you, Pea.”
She sighed, relief racing through her. “You have no clue how good it is to see you, Pod.”
After some time of settling down, we walked across one of the many bridges in the gardens and sat down, cross-legged. She handed me the envelope and shrugged. “He told me to give this to you, and he told me to not let you leave the gardens until each page is read.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know,” she said, standing up. “But I was instructed to give you time to read it by yourself. I’ll be exploring and I’ll meet you here when you’re done.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” I opened the package, and there was a manuscript titled The Story of G.M. Russell. I inhaled hard—his autobiography.
“Oh, and, Lucy?” Mari called out, making me turn to look her way. “I was wrong about him. The way he loves you is inspiring. The way you love him is breathtaking. If I am ever lucky enough to feel even a fourth of what you two have, then I’ll die happy.”
As she walked away, I took a deep breath and started chapter one.
Each chapter flowed effortlessly. Each sentence was important. Each word was required.
I read the story about a boy who became a monster who slowly learned to love again.
And then, I reached the final chapter.
The Wedding
His palms were sweaty as his sister, Karla, straightened his tie. He hadn’t known he could be so nervous about making the best decision of his life. Throughout his whole life, he’d never imagined falling in love with her.
A woman who felt everything.
A woman who showed him what it meant to live, to breathe, to love.
A woman who became his strength during the dark days.
There was something romantic about the way she moved throughout the world, the way she danced on her tiptoes and laughed without any regard for appearing ridiculous. There was something so true about how she held one’s eye contact, and the way she smiled.
Those eyes.
Oh, how he could’ve stared into those eyes for the rest of his life.
Those lips.
Oh, how he could’ve kissed those lips for the rest of his days.
“Are you happy, Graham?” asked Mary, his mother, as she walked into the room to see her son’s eyes glowing with excitement.
For the first time in forever, the answer came so effortlessly. “Yes.”
“Are you ready?” she questioned.
“Yes.”
She linked her arm with his, and Karla took his other. “Then let’s go get the girl.”
He stood at the end of the aisle, waiting for his forever to join him—but first, his daughter.
Talon walked down the aisle, dropping flower petals and twirling in her beautiful white gown. His angel, his light, his savior. When she reached the end of the aisle, she ran to her father and hugged him tight. He lifted her up into his arms and the two of them waited. They waited for her to join them. They waited for those eyes to meet their stare, and when they did, Graham’s breath was stolen from his soul.
She was beautiful, but that wasn’t a surprise. Everything about her was stunning, and real, and strong, and kind. Seeing her walking toward him, toward their new life, changed him in that moment. In that moment, he promised her all of him, even the cracks—they were, after all, where the light shined through.
When they stood together, they locked their hands as one. His lips parted when it was time, and he spoke words he’d dreamed of speaking. “I, Graham Michael Russell, take you, Lucille Hope Palmer, to be my wife. I promise it all to you—my broken past, my scarred present, and my complete future. I am yours before I am my own. You are my light, my love, my destiny. Air above me, earth below me, fire within me, water surround me. I give you all of my soul. I give you all of me.”
Then, in every cliché way possible, in every facet of their lives, they lived happily ever after.
The End
I stared at his words, my hands shaking as tears rolled down my cheeks. “It has a happily ever after,” I whispered to myself, stunned. Graham had never in his life written a happily ever after ending.
Until me.
Until us.
Until now.
I stood up from the bridge and hurriedly found my sister. “Mari, we have to go back.”
She smiled wide and nodded knowingly. “I was hoping you would say that.” She took off the heart-shaped necklace Mama gave to me and placed it back around my neck. “Now come on,” she softly said. “Let’s go home.”
34
Lucy
I stood on Graham’s porch, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn’t certain what was on the other side of that door, but I knew whatever it was wouldn’t make me run. I was going to stay.
Forever and always, I was staying.
I knocked a few times and rang the doorbell, and then I waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
When I turned the doorknob, I was surprised to find it open. “Hello?” I called.
The room was dark, and it was clear that Graham wasn’t home. When I heard footsteps, I tensed up. Lyric came from the bedroom hurriedly, two suitcases in her hands. She didn’t see me right away, and when she looked up, there was a look of panic in her eyes.
“Lucy,” she said breathlessly. Her hair was wild, like how Mama’s had always looked, and her eyes were bloodshot. I knew I owed her nothing. I knew I didn’t have a word to say to her, or comfort to give her way.
But the way her eyes looked, the heaviness of her shoulders…
Sometimes the ugliest people were the ones who were the most broken.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She snickered, and a few tears fell from her eyes. “As if you care.”
“Why do you think I hate you?” I blurted out. “Why in the world do you hate me?”
She shifted her feet and stood tall. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you do, Lyric. I don’t know why, but it seems you’ve always had a problem with me, especially after Mama passed away. I just never understood why. I always looked up to you.” She huffed, not believing me. “Seriously.”
She parted her lips and at first, no words came out, but then she tried again. “She loved you more, okay? She always loved you more.”
“What? That’s ridiculous. She loved all three of us girls the same.”
“No, that’s just not true. You were her heart. She was always talking about you, how free you were, how smart you were, how amazing you were. You were her light.”
“Lyric, she loved you.”
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