Recipe for Two

by Tia Fielding

  Wyatt nodded. “I think I get it.”

  “But you…” Izzy held his gaze. “Everything feels different with you.”

  Warmth spread through Wyatt’s chest as he drew Izzy up the stairs to his bedroom.

  “You can’t stay the whole night, sorry,” he said. “But maybe you can stay a while?”

  Justin had said Izzy could visit now, but he didn’t want him staying overnight. Wyatt figured that was because he wanted to stay in denial about the fact they could have sex, and he wasn’t suddenly going to be cool wandering downstairs in the morning and finding Izzy making breakfast in his boxer shorts or something. So while Wyatt wasn’t totally happy with still being treated like he was a kid with a curfew, he got that Justin really was trying his best. And he knew that Justin was trying to show he trusted him here, and he had faith that Justin would eventually come around. Or, even if he didn’t, that he at least wouldn’t stop Wyatt and Izzy from seeing each other. It wasn’t perfect, but Wyatt would take it.

  Izzy squeezed his hand. “I’ll stay as long as it’s okay for me to stay, Wyatt.”

  Wyatt led him into his room, and closed the door.

  Izzy wandered over to his desk and then his bookshelves. He inspected the books for a moment, then turned around with a smile. “These are all books about baking.”

  “Yeah.” Wyatt flushed.

  “I didn’t even know there were this many books written about cupcakes.”

  “That’s a drop in the ocean, trust me,” Wyatt said. “You should see Dad’s bookshelves.”

  Izzy’s smile grew. “Shit, this room is about as big as my whole trailer.”

  Wyatt shifted awkwardly, because he didn’t know how to respond to that. Was he supposed to apologize for his family being rich?

  But Izzy didn’t seem to be looking for a response. “Oh, hey!” He grabbed a figurine off the shelf. “Groot. Cool!”

  “You know who Groot is?”

  “Yeah, I was in prison, Wyatt, not in an alternate dimension.” Izzy put the figurine back.

  Wyatt laughed. “You want to watch the movie?”

  “Sure,” Izzy said.

  It felt so good to lie together on Wyatt’s bed, the pillows shoved behind them, their bodies pressing together as they watched the movie on Wyatt’s laptop. It wasn’t the dirty fantasies Wyatt had imagined a million times in the past, where he got Izzy in his bed and things got hot and heavy. It was better, in some ways, because it was real, and because it just felt so good to be allowed to have this. They kissed a little, but their kisses were sweet rather than heated, and Wyatt didn’t think either of them needed to take it any further tonight. They were rediscovering one another in a new way, slowly and gently.

  It was close to midnight by the time the movie ended, and Wyatt took Izzy down to the kitchen and made chicken cordon bleu paninis. He made extras for Izzy and Sam for breakfast as well.

  “You really are amazing,” Izzy told him, reeling him in for a kiss.

  Wyatt laughed, heat rising in his cheeks. “It’s a chicken sandwich. Anyone can make a chicken sandwich.”

  “I wasn’t talking about the sandwich.” Izzy rubbed his thumb along Wyatt’s cheekbone. “I’m talking about you.”

  Wyatt’s heart skipped a beat.

  “I love you,” Izzy said softly. “I love you so much, Wyatt. I don’t ever want to have this taken away from me. Not again. I—I couldn’t deal.”

  There was fear in his eyes that Wyatt guessed was mirrored in his own, because neither of them had had this before. And both of them were terrified of losing it.

  “I know,” Wyatt whispered back to him, his chest swelling. “I know. And I love you too.”

  They kissed again under the bright lights of the kitchen.

  Chapter 20

  It felt like a miracle, being able to spend time with Wyatt again. Izzy wasn’t invited to another family dinner yet, but he hadn’t expected it and if invited, he wouldn’t have gone. He would’ve found an excuse. Because Justin…well, Justin was trying his best, but things were still strained between them.

  It lasted until one morning, when after a badly slept, nightmare-ridden night, Izzy had an anxiety attack in the break room.

  One moment he was fine, just tired and trying his best to soldier on with his workday like everyone has done at some point in their life. The TV in the corner was on as usual, but someone had left it on a documentary channel and just as Izzy was going to the fridge to get milk for his coffee, his brain perked up and absently, he heard the sound of prison cell bars closing with that rattling thud.

  Something switched in his brain. An irrational feeling of fear washed over him.

  They’ll send me back. Oh my God, they’ll send me back!

  His knees gave way, and he collapsed into the corner of the kitchen area where the cabinets met. He curled up there, shaking and struggling to breathe. Everything got fuzzy then.

  Please don’t send me back, please, I promise I’ll be good, just don’t send me back, please, don’t make me go back…

  “…Izzy, what are you talking about? Izzy? Come on, man?”

  “Justin, I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

  I don’t want to go! Please, I’ll do anything, I don’t want to go back, please…

  “Someone turn off that fucking TV!”

  “…as fast as you can.”

  “Izzy, breathe for me, okay?”

  The door banged, and Izzy flinched, curled up as he was still. Then arms wrapped around him, and suddenly Wyatt’s scent enveloped him.

  “Hey, it’s okay, Izzy. I’m here now. You’re not going anywhere.”

  “W-Wy?” Izzy gasped.

  “Yeah, yeah Izzy, I’m here. It’s okay. Just breathe.” Wyatt grabbed his hand and put it on his own chest. “Breathe with me, okay. Just like this.”

  Izzy came to slowly, like his brain was turning on section at a time. The fear lingered, and at first he didn’t even know what made him so scared.

  “W-what happened?” he stuttered into Wyatt’s chest.

  “There was a documentary on the TV,” Justin said from somewhere nearby.

  Izzy shrunk again, closer to Wyatt still. Justin. Justin was mad at him. Hated him. This was not good. Izzy started to tremble.

  “Hey baby, it’s okay, Justin isn’t mad at you.”

  He clutched Wyatt’s shirt and tried to keep breathing.

  Izzy wasn’t sure how long it took for him to actually be able to feel even relatively normal again. By the time he could let go of Wyatt and uncurl from his ball of anxiety, Justin was sitting on a couch on the other side of the room, scrolling away on his phone.

  “There you are.” Wyatt smiled at him, then kissed him gently.

  Izzy groaned, feeling embarrassed as fuck. “How long did I…”

  “Over half an hour. Good thing Lou found you fast. He saw you go down.”

  Izzy couldn’t even remember Lou being in the room.

  “And Justin called me,” Wyatt added, then took his hand and squeezed his fingers.

  “Shit. I’m sorry, I—”

  “No, Izzy. You tried to tell us,” Justin interrupted him in a gentle voice Izzy hadn’t heard before.

  “Yeah. This was your first panic attack outside nightmares here, right?” Wyatt kept touching him as they sat on the floor, and Izzy found that it let him come down softly and slowly, which was what he needed right then.

  “Yeah, I…I think this is what they are like without…” He looked down and shook his head. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “Without weed,” Justin concluded, and Izzy nodded. “I’m sorry, Izzy, I didn’t know it was this bad.”

  “You thought it was an excuse to get high,” Wyatt said bluntly, his tone filled with blame towards his brother.

  “Wy, please don’t—”

  “No, he’s right. I didn’t believe you fully.”

  When Izzy looked at Justin, he saw his boss wiping a hand over his face tired
ly.

  “I just…it seemed safe, you know? I don’t like pills, even if I could afford them. I don’t want the risks and weed is…” Izzy shrugged. “I don’t even like it, but it’s the only thing that relaxes me after I have one of those dreams and…I didn’t really know I could have panic attacks from triggers like this.”

  “Well, apparently you can,” Justin said softly.

  “Here, let’s get up and go sit down on the other couch,” Wyatt murmured.

  It took some effort to get his body to work again after being curled up in a corner for a while. Izzy felt shaky and would’ve stumbled without Wyatt being there to balance and support him.

  Once they settled on the couch adjacent from Justin’s and Wyatt curled up against Izzy, still holding his hand and making sure the connection was there.

  “I don’t even want to think what would’ve happened if someone left the TV on at the end of the day and you were the last one to leave, Izzy,” Justin continued his thought. “I think we need to get you that medical marijuana card, just in case.”

  Izzy frowned. “I don’t think—”

  “Izzy, it’s either that or having Ativan at hand.” Justin’s tone was serious, even caring. “I’m so sorry for everything that has happened. But you’re going to be part of the family and we take care of our own.”

  Wyatt made a little sound and squeezed Izzy’s fingers more tightly.

  “I could get edibles, if I had the card,” Izzy said quietly. “I don’t like smoking it’s…I just don’t like the smell or the burn.”

  “Yeah, I’ve emailed our doctor and he’ll figure it all out for you. I’d also recommend therapy, but you’re an adult and you’ll get to make that decision for yourself.” Justin grinned a bit, making Izzy smile back weakly.

  “I should get back to work.” Izzy felt awkward as it was, having lost time.

  “You’ll take the rest of the day off with Wyatt.” Justin got off the couch and stretched. “And Wy, your Dad needs your help around ten tomorrow at the studio, so if you’d be home by then?”

  Wyatt tensed, then relaxed, and nodded. “Okay.”

  With that, Justin went back to work, leaving Izzy and Wyatt sitting on the couch a bit speechless.

  “That was…” Izzy huffed.

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I guess we could go to the trailer and take a nap?”

  “A nap sounds good.” Wyatt sounded exhausted, and Izzy could understand.

  “I’m sorry I worried you, sweetheart,” he murmured, kissing Wyatt’s forehead gently.

  “This is a relationship, Izzy. It’s the good and the bad and everything in between, right?”

  “I guess so. Still sorry, though.”

  “Yeah okay, I get that. You can make it up to me after a nap.” Wyatt grinned at him, and Izzy felt a rush of heat travel through his body.

  “Okay, that’s acceptable.” He could definitely work with that deal.

  They managed to get to the trailers without meeting anyone, which suited Izzy just fine. He’d rather not face anyone until he could be sure he felt better again. The panic attack had shaken him more than he thought possible, and the aftermath wasn’t easy, either.

  He jumped at the sound of the trailer door closing with the usual bang when the spring on the top of the door pulled it shut.

  Wyatt just smiled at him kindly and pulled him to his bedroom. He undressed Izzy, then put him to bed on top of the covers and pulled a blanket on top of him.

  “I know you don’t want to be under the covers before you go shower after work,” he explained as he climbed over Izzy to join him.

  “Good thinking,” Izzy murmured, feeling shaky and unsettled still. It went in waves. “It goes in waves,” he said out loud. “I feel better and then worse again.”

  “It’s okay. I’m here and we’ll nap, and when you feel better we get something to eat. You didn’t have time for lunch, right?”

  Time before his treacherous brain took over. Izzy frowned and thought back. “No, I was making coffee, I think…”

  “Okay. Then we nap and I’ll make something to eat when we wake up.”

  Izzy nodded, made sure they were both comfortable, and tried to relax enough to sleep.

  * * * *

  He woke up briefly to Wyatt getting out of bed.

  “Sleep, I need the bathroom,” Wyatt murmured and kissed his cheek. Izzy sighed happily and heard Wyatt’s chuckle, then he was out like a light again.

  “Baby, there’s omelets if you wanna wake up?”

  Izzy struggled to wake up, then stretched and smiled when he felt Wyatt’s touch on his arm. Quickly, he grabbed Wyatt’s wrist and tugged.

  Wyatt let out an “oof” and giggled as he sprawled on top of Izzy.

  “You cooked for me?” Izzy murmured, looking into the sparkling eyes of his partner.

  “Uh-huh. I did.” Wyatt kissed him and they made out slowly for a moment.

  Then Izzy winced. “Okay, I got to get up. You’re literally on my bladder.”

  Wyatt looked wide eyed for a moment, then burst out laughing, which didn’t help Izzy’s predicament at all. He rolled Wyatt to the side and got up.

  “Romance is dead!” Wyatt hiccupped as he continued to snicker.

  Smiling, Izzy headed to the bathroom.

  * * * *

  They had “linner,” apparently that was something between lunch and dinner. Izzy wasn’t quite sure if Wyatt didn’t just make that up right then, especially with the giggling and all. Somehow, Izzy had ended up sleeping for over three hours. He wasn’t really that surprised, after all he’d slept poorly during the night and then the whole panic attack deal.

  “So, about that repayment?” he said once they’d cleaned up.

  Wyatt blushed. “Yeah?”

  Izzy let his voice drop in register. “Yeah. I think I have an idea for that.”

  “You do?”

  “Mhmm…I was thinking I want to taste you again.” He leaned closer to Wyatt. “When we were apart, all I could think was how you taste. I want you in my mouth, Wyatt.”

  Wyatt let out a little squeak, then blushed deeper.

  The door opened and Sam stepped in. “Oh, hi guys!”

  Wyatt squeaked again and dashed into Izzy’s bedroom.

  Izzy grinned. “Hi, Sam.”

  “Oh God no, no sex in the common areas!” Sam groaned loud enough that Wyatt would hear.

  Izzy chuckled and shook his head. “I can agree to that.” Then, in a lower volume, he said, “He gets flustered easily.”

  Sam smiled in a fond way. “Should I go catch a movie or something?”

  “It’s been a rough day, so maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Once he’s more comfortable here…”

  “Yeah, I get it. And honestly I don’t mind as long as you don’t get loud. I just don’t want him to feel bad.” Sam grabbed a drink from the fridge and leaned his hip to the counter. “How do you feel? I was doing a delivery when it all went down but Lou filled me in.”

  “I’m good now. Justin…I guess he just now got that I don’t even like smoking and it really was self-medicating, you know?”

  “Oh, well that’s good.”

  “I’d say so. He’s going to get me a referral for a doctor who would prescribe medical cannabis. Just so I could have edibles around.”

  Sam raised his brows. “That’s excellent. I’m glad.”

  “Same. Trust me. And today was…it was eye-opening for sure.”

  “If there are any triggers you figure out and I can help by avoiding, let me know.”

  “Apparently prison related things can be…bad.”

  “I’m not that surprised. You can have PTSD type of stuff going on without realizing or without anything super horrible happening. Brains aren’t logical.” Sam put his empty soda can into the recycling bin. “Okay, I showered at work, so I’m good to go. I’ll be back around…let’s say ten? I’ll go visit a friend and see a movie or something.”

  “Thank you
.” Izzy felt grateful as hell. “You’re a good friend, Sam.”

  “Thanks.” They hugged briefly. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” Sam grinned and called out, “Was nice to see you Wyatt!” then cackled at the embarrassed whimper they could hear from the bedroom.

  * * * *

  Sam left and Izzy made his way to the bedroom. He found Wyatt hiding under the blanket, his face toward the wall. When Izzy tugged at a corner, he got an over the shoulder glare.

  “Aw, come on, it was cute.” Izzy chuckled.

  “I was hard and then Sam was there and ohmigod, Izzy!”

  He went to sit on the edge of the bed and gently touched Wyatt’s shoulder, tugging at the blanket questioningly. “Sweetheart? Are you genuinely upset about this? I need to know. I don’t want to be a jerk.”

  Wyatt sighed and seemed to think for a while.

  “No, not…not in a bad way. It was just embarrassing as hell. I don’t…”

  “This is all new to you. Sam is someone you like as a friend and now he potentially saw you as a sexual being for the first time since you’ve known him,” Izzy spoke slowly as he unwrapped his thoughts.

  Wyatt nodded slowly. “I guess that’s it. It’s like it was somehow embarrassing to even talk about it with Harper and she’s my best friend, right?”

  “But she’s also your older sister who has known you since you were born. I guess it’s the same thing, in a way.” Izzy smiled as Wyatt rolled onto his back. “I’m sorry nonetheless. If I’d known he was coming home right then, I wouldn’t have started anything, I swear.”

  “I know.” Wyatt grabbed the edge of his blanket and pulled it off himself completely. “How about you show me how sorry you are? Wasn’t that the deal or something?”

  Izzy smirked. “Eh, close enough.” He lifted his hand to touch Wyatt’s stomach. “What kind of day are you having?”

  “I think mostly regular boy day. Why?”

  “Well, I’ve been thinking that maybe we need to figure out how this”—he let his fingers slide lower, scratching Wyatt’s treasure trail—”works on your different kind of days. When you’re girl, you might not like some things, right?” It made sense to Izzy. He knew what dysphoria was, thanks to some Google research.