Echoes of Us

by S. H. Timmins

  His own eyes are moist as he gazes down at me. “Can you give me another chance to earn your friendship back and forgive me?”

  I release his arm and tell him honestly, “You never lost it, but you hurt me. I finally got you back, and you acted like I was a dirty secret and were ashamed to even know me. I get that you have an image to uphold now and a scholarship on the line. In my head, I knew that, but my heart didn’t understand.”

  He sucks in a breath and then rushes on with, “I’m so sorry, Jo. I would NEVER intentionally hurt you. God, I’m such an idiot! I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I would love to make up for the years we’ve been apart. We can become the friends we were always meant to be. I don’t care what people say, and the school can’t kick me out because of where I started my life. Dad made sure of that after I told him. He also said I should drop to my knees and beg your forgiveness if I have to. I’ll do it, Jo. I’ll do anything for you.”

  Another tear cascades down my cheek. I never want to see this boy on his knees, especially not for me. “No, Cruz. I don’t want that. All I want is my best friend.” I need him more than he can know, and I don’t want to waste any more time apart. My heart will recover from this wound, but it would never recover from losing him again, so forgiving him is easy.

  He grabs me and hauls me against his chest for a hug. I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest. I can hear the rapid beat of his heart. He whispers against my hair, “I always have been, and always will be.”

  I sniffle and whisper, “Always together.”

  He shudders against me and then whispers back, “Forever.”

  And nothing in my life has ever sounded so perfect.

  An Innocent Offer and An Indecent Proposal

  “So, feel like explaining the rumor about you getting cozy with our newest football recruit?”

  Not really. I don’t even know how to answer Steph’s probing question. She was the only friend I allowed inside my protective bubble when I first arrived here. Carla became our friend in our freshman year here, as she attended a different school than us prior to this one. Steph would remember my deranged ramblings about the boy I left behind, but I don’t want to expose that raw nerve to her because she would pluck at it, and it’s still painful. I go with a partial truth, instead. “We went to the same school when we were younger. It was just a friendly hug between two kids who used to know each other. Nothing juicy to feed your overactive imagination.”

  She narrows her eyes at me, reading me better than I give her credit for. “Just two kids sharing an innocent hug? Is that how you’ll play this, Jezebel?” She grabs an apple slice of the shared lunch tray between us and bites down on the innocent piece of fruit like it’s the object of her frustration.

  I sigh and toss the bagel I was mangling instead of eating. I shoot a look down the table to where Cruz is sitting with my brother and his friends, oblivious at the moment. I haven’t missed the friendly smiles aimed at me during our lunch, and I know Steph hasn’t either. Carla is at a dance recital today, so it’s just the two of us. “Look, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, okay? I’ve had enough to deal with today, now that the ban has been lifted and I’m fair game in the eyes of every guy at this school. At least that’s how it feels. Did you know that when I went to my locker to drop my books off, there were a bunch of papers that fell out? Papers that had phone numbers written on them, and one that included a love letter!”

  She smirks at me and mock-gasps, “The horror!” She points an apple slice at me. “Nice evasion, by the way. It won’t work with me. I’m a pit bull, as you know, and I smell meat, so you may as well just come clean or I’ll be forced to use blackmail.”

  “Excuse me? What type of friend are you to resort to blackmail?” I pretend that I’m offended.

  She leans in closer. “The kind that knows you’re hiding something and unless I use drastic measures, you’ll keep hiding it. Am I right? Don’t answer that, because we both know I am. Therefore, unless you want me to visit the little boy’s room and write your cell number on a stall, I suggest you talk.”

  I feel my mouth part in shock. “You wouldn’t!” She totally would. She leans forward and places her hand under her chin, waiting for me to cave in. Damn it! “Fine, but this stays between us, got it?” I glance around to make sure no one is paying attention to us, then lean in. “He’s my Cruz.”

  At first, she scrunches her face in confusion. It’s been many years since I’ve mentioned that name. I wait for the wheels of her memory to move, then watch her eyes widen when she places the name. She grabs my hand and squeezes my fingers. “Holy shit! The boy who was your bestie and you’ve been pining for all these years?”

  I’m a little uncomfortable with her saying that out loud - even in a whisper - so I pull my hand away and just nod my head, begging her with my eyes not to say anything else right now. She seems to get it and leans back. All she says is, “Interesting.”

  Just as I’m about to get up and take the tray, I feel someone behind me. I look to Steph for some indication of who it might be and see she’s biting her lip and giving the person an appraising look. Great, that means the person is male. I swivel my head just as the person leans down, and I’m staring into the blue eyes of the boy I did tequila shots with.

  I can tell he’s smiling by the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Hey, stranger. I was hoping I could walk you to your next class?”

  Shit! Dean seems like a nice guy, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, especially so publicly, but I also don’t want to encourage him. I’ll have to let him walk me to class so I can tell him gently - and privately - that I’m not looking to date anyone right now. Byron may have dropped my leash, but I still have Victor to contend with. There’s no way I want this poor boy in the middle of what’s sure to be a war. “Okay,” I say.

  He leans back and straightens, all smiles, and I feel like the biggest asshole. I scoop the tray off the table and don’t dare look to see who is watching this train wreck. I know Steph will have a shit-eating grin, but I have no idea what Byron’s face will look like.

  As I stand, he moves aside, but gently takes the tray from me. With nothing left to do, I follow him to the counter where we leave our trays for the cafeteria staff and allow him to lead us into the hallway.

  I’m trying to formulate a way to let him down gently, when he stops and stands in front of me, looking down at me with an adorable smile on his face. He really is cute. “I don’t want to come on too strong or make you uncomfortable. You look nervous, which is adorable, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since Saturday night. I thought maybe there was something between us, and I was hoping you felt the same way?”

  God, could he make this any harder? He looks so hopeful, and my stupid hormones are very aware of how attractive he is. The words I want to say get stuck in my throat and I have to swallow twice before I can speak. “I’m not really that girl. You know, the one who does that kind of thing at parties, or, well, ever really. I don’t want to lead you on. You seem like a nice guy--”

  “I didn’t think that! I don’t think that about you, honest.” He rushes to cut me off.

  I grind my teeth because that’s exactly what he thinks. I try another tactic. “If we hadn’t done those shots together, would you even know I exist? Would you even be here talking to me right now?”

  He looks hurt by my words, and I instantly feel bad. He gives me a very humble look as he says, “I’ve known you existed since sophomore year. I would have spoken to you long before now if your brother hadn’t threatened everyone to stay away from you. I meant what I said on Saturday, about you being the prettiest girl here. Honestly, if you hadn’t come up to me on your own that night, I wouldn’t have had the courage to approach you myself. I just want the chance to get to know you, Jolene. I’ve wanted that for a long time.”

  I’m speechless right now. I’ve had no one tell me the things he said, and my heart soaks up h
is words. There has been little kindness in my life for so long, and he has no idea the effect those words are having on me. He couldn’t know, which makes them even more special. My mouth is working before my brain catches up. “I’d like to get to know you too.” Did I say that? Apparently, I did.

  His shoulders seem to sag in relief, and his lips stretch into a genuine smile, and oh my god, he has dimples! “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that. Can I have your number? I asked your friend, but she rightfully told me I had to ask you myself. So, I’m asking.” His dimples deepen as he smiles wider.

  I bite my bottom lip and he watches the motion. “How about you walk me to my locker, since I need my books for the next class, and I’ll grab a piece of paper and a pen?”

  He nods his head. “Lead on, my lady.”

  I giggle at that. I sound like one of those silly girls in the movies when the cute guy says something clever or charming. I used to roll my eyes at those parts, but I don’t feel like rolling my eyes now.

  This day has been full of surprises.

  By the time I arrive home, I feel like I’m walking on a cloud. Dean asked if he could drive me, and since Carla wasn’t there with her car, I had no reason to say no. Steph had a slight bender with her car over the summer and her dad refused to fix it for her until she could cover half the repairs herself. She’s been working at her mother’s florist shop on the weekends to earn the money. I’m the only one out of the three of us without a car, but that is my choice. Victor wanted to buy me one for my sixteenth birthday, but I refused. I don’t accept gifts from him. I never know what it will cost me. Better to save my own money. Which means I really need to have a talk with him again about getting a job. He doesn’t want me to have one when he can easily supply anything I need, but I refuse to take anything from him, so that leaves me with very little freedom or cash.

  Dean has barely pulled out of the driveway when the front door whips open and a furious Victor is glaring at me from the entrance; still dressed in his business clothes, making him appear more forbidding in a tailored black suit. I knew my good mood couldn’t last. With my shoulders drooping in defeat, I slowly make my way up the stairs.

  He says nothing as I walk past him, but as soon as I’m inside and he’s shut the door, he yells, “Who the hell was that? Why wasn’t Carla driving you home?”

  I grip the straps on my backpack tighter as I turn to face off against him. His face is an ugly shade of red. I can’t remember the last time I saw him this angry. “Carla was at a dance recital today. He offered me a ride home, so I accepted. Steph’s dad was taking her somewhere straight from school and I didn’t want to impose. It’s not a big deal.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that. How do you know that boy?” And here is the heart of his anger.

  I feel my mouth flatten in annoyance but push words past my tight lips. “His name is Dean, and I met him here on the weekend when Byron had friends over.” It’s always better to lead with a version of the truth.

  “He’s a friend of Byron’s? Is he on the football team? Why is Byron allowing his friends to sniff around you?” His anger is gaining momentum.

  I’m panicking now because I know Byron will be blamed for this, and as much as I hate him, I can’t allow him to suffer for my doing. “Byron didn’t know I had met him. He’s not on the football team, he’s on the hockey team. He’s just a kid I met and go to school with. We hang in the same group, but I don’t really know him. He was just being nice.”

  The muscle twitches in Victor’s jaw. “Nice? Boys your age aren’t nice, they’re looking for a way under your skirt, and there is nothing nice, about that!” He emphasized the word nice each time he says it, almost spitting it out the last time.

  “I didn’t think it was a big deal,” I try to say meekly, but somewhere between Saturday and today, my mouth has lost its filter and my emotions are running the show. My anger is evident in the tone.

  His voice has dropped several octaves, and he practically growls when he asks, “You don’t think it’s a big deal that this boy wants to fuck you?”

  My knees tremble because he has never spoken like that before; with such blatant vulgarity. I’m used to it from Byron, but never from Victor. I know I’m treading in dangerous waters now. Just then, my cell phone goes off in my backpack. Before I can process what’s happening, Victor lunges for my bag and rips it from my shoulders. He unzips my front pocket and reaches in for my phone.

  I snap.

  I lunge at my bag to get it away from him, but he easily avoids my grasping hands. He lifts my chiming phone and tosses my bag behind us. With anger directing my actions, I claw at the hand holding my phone, hearing my voice screaming at him, but it all seems so surreal. Victor gets his arms around me and slams me back into the door, his body pinning me in place. With his muscled weight and height, it’s almost laughable how easy it is for him.

  There’s still a wealth of anger on his face, but his eyes fill with sick delight. He leans down close to my face and whispers, “Be very careful, little girl. I’m not one of your boys to scratch with your kitten claw and get away with it. I have to admit, though, I like this new side of you. I’ve always suspected you hid a fiery passion behind that cold exterior.” He leans in even closer and drags his lips just a sliver away from my neck and then up to my ear. I shudder in revulsion and fear, which seems to delight him further. He chuckles quietly, then breathes his words in a seductive purr. “I’d like to see that passion and fire unleashed when I have you like this in a less vertical position.” He pulls back and doesn’t hide the lust in his eyes. No, he displays it boldly for me to see. I feel bile hit the back of my throat but try to wipe the storm of emotions from my face. I don’t want him to have the satisfaction of my terror.

  He pulls his upper body away from me but leans just a fraction closer with the bottom half. He’s aroused, and I feel tears burning my eyes. He smirks and pulls away completely, waving my phone between us. “How grateful would you be if I were to hand this back to you right now?”

  I can’t help the anguish that trembles through me at what he’s implying. He nods his head like he can hear my thoughts. “I want a promise from you, princess.” I can’t help the tears that flow down my face or the way my head shakes back and forth to let him know I won’t be doing that. He tips his head and asks, “Don’t you want to hear the promise before you decide? Maybe I should start with the consequences if you refuse. Not only will I take your phone and not give it back, but I’ll be the one driving you to and from school from now on and speaking to any boy that dares to look in your direction. How does that sound?” I shake my head harder. “That’s what I thought. Are you ready to make that promise now, hmm? All I want from you is the promise that you won’t let any of those boys touch what I have guarded and protected. You’re mine! You belong to me, and that includes every part of you.”

  I’m barely breathing from the absolute horror of what he said, but I whisper out, “You’re a monster.”

  He leans back in and brings his head down so his lips are just an inch before my own. “So I’ve been told. Now, what will it be, princess?”

  Just as I’m about to tell him I’d rather die; we hear footsteps stomping toward us.

  Victor pulls away from me abruptly and spins to face Byron, who freezes and looks between his father and me, not missing my tears and the state his father is in. I don’t know what conclusions he’s drawn, but it becomes moot when I see the mess of his face. My hand flies up to my mouth.

  Victor moves quickly in his direction, taking his son’s face in his hands and tipping it back for a better look. “Who did this?”

  Byron jerks his head away and glares at his father. “It was just a stupid fight. Don’t pretend you care.”

  Victor grabs his shoulder and gives him a shake, then yells, “I’m not in the mood for your sullen attitude right now. Answer the damn question!”

  Byron heaves a breath and mumbles, “Just some kid shooting his mouth of
f.”

  “Why aren’t you at football practice?" He demands to know from his son.

  I’ve noticed that Byron won’t look at me when he answers his dad. “Coach banned us both from practice and this Friday’s game.”

  Victor’s face hardens. “We’ll just see about that after I have a few words with him.”

  He turns to leave, but Byron grabs his arm before he can take one step. “Let it go. I deserve it. I shouldn’t have let my temper get to that point.”

  Victor gives him a meaningful look but nods his head. “You’re right. Maybe this will be a good lesson for you. Fine, I won’t call the school.” He turns back and holds out my phone. He gives me a look filled with meaning, “I trust you won’t forget this again? I’ll have your promise on it, Jolene?”

  If he can lie so easily, so can I. I nod my head and snatch my phone out of his hand, walk to where he tossed my bag, grab it from the floor, then sprint up the stairs to the safety of my room.

  I lock the door behind me and walk on shaky legs to my bed. I sit down numbly on the edge and allow my bag to slide from my limp fingers. My phone is still cradled in my hand. I unlock the screen and open my messages. The message was from Cruz, telling me he looked for me before football practice, but someone told him I’d already left. He wants me to call him later. We exchanged numbers before classes started this morning, and after we cleared the air between us.