Echoes of Us

by S. H. Timmins

  I don’t know who he’s asking, but I guess it applies to both of us. Dean is the one to reply. “Just wanting a moment alone to speak with Jolene.”

  Cruz stiffens slightly at that. “Is that right? I thought you said plenty to her on the phone Friday night.”

  Dean’s nostrils flare as he speaks through his clenched teeth. “That was a private conversation that doesn’t concern you.”

  Cruz places his tray heavily on the table, drawing even more eyes our way. “That’s where you’re wrong. Even if Jo wasn’t important to me, the fact you left her in tears would make it my concern.”

  Dean has the grace to look chagrined by that. “I was upset and didn’t handle it well, I’ll agree with you on that, but I’m not having the rest of this conversation with you.” He looks back down to where I’ve been all but forgotten. “Jolene? Can I talk to you, privately?” He emphasizes the word “privately” and glares up at Cruz.

  “I don’t think so. Jolene doesn’t have to go anywhere with you.” I don’t have to see his face to know Cruz is getting pissed, just by his tone.

  I feel like a bone between two dogs right now. I don’t like it. I stand up and look Cruz in the eyes. “I can speak for myself.” I glance at Dean in time to see his smug smile. I want to smack it from his face. “I don’t know what we could say to each other. You said plenty on Friday.” I watch his face fall slightly and feel bad. Damn it! I gentle my voice. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I never meant to.”

  He lifts one shoulder. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Please?”

  Knowing I won’t get him to leave otherwise, I nod my head. Cruz reaches for my arm, and that’s when I hear the voice of the devil say, “Cruz, I saved you a seat. It’s not so ‘dirty’ down here.”

  I turn my head and glare in Tisha’s direction, then direct my anger at Cruz. “I’m suddenly not hungry. When you’re done having fun, I’ll be by the football field.” His eyes flash with pain, then he looks down the table at Tisha.

  I don’t want to see either of them, so I ask Steph to empty my tray for me and walk away. I don’t even bother checking to see if Dean is following me. I walk through the cafeteria doors and keep walking until I reach the end of the hallway and the back exit which leads to the field. I continue walking until I reach the stairs leading to the first seating section. I stop and sit, anger and confusion at war inside of me.

  Dean is right there, watching me warily. I don’t blame him. I feel like I’m housing multiple personalities today. “Are you okay?”

  I laugh, but it comes out choked. “Not really.” I give myself a mental shake and direct my frustration at him. “What was so important you couldn’t say it inside?”

  He leans back, then looks off onto the field before bringing his eyes back. “I want to start by apologizing. I was rude, and you didn’t deserve it.”

  I wince. “Yeah, I did. You had every right to be upset. I should have been honest with you from the start.”

  “No. I didn’t really give you much choice. I can see how it was all me. I saw you talking with Cameron last week and it made me jealous. I was trying to move too fast. I guess I knew, deep down, that I never stood a chance.” He looks down at his feet and it droops his shoulders. He reminds me of a wounded puppy.

  “It wasn’t like that. I told you I’d never dated before. Hell, the whole school knows that - Byron made sure of it. I thought that was how it was supposed to be. I let you set the pace and lead. I never expected to feel anything but friendship for Cruz. You have to believe me about that. We have so much history between us, and I guess there’s something there that makes him different from other guys. I can’t explain it, but he’s a part of me.” I think this is the moment I realize what Cruz and I are to each other.

  Dean smiles sadly at me. “You make it sound pretty incredible. I’d say I wish I met you first, but I’d have to go back to your childhood to do that. Listening to the way you talk about him and watching your face while you do? Well, I hope one day someone looks at me like that.”

  “You really are a great guy, Dean. Any girl will be lucky to date you.” I mean that, too.

  “Any girl but you, it seems.” He puts his finger up when he sees I’m about to argue. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. Not anymore. I can see what you and Cameron mean to each other. Anyone with eyes can see it. He’s the lucky one.”

  “I hope we can still be friends?” I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true.

  This smile reaches his eyes and isn’t so sad. “I’d like that, even though it’s usually the last thing a guy wants to hear.” He laughs and I know he’s not upset.

  “If there’s another girl you want me to scout for you, I’m your pal.” I snort at how corny that sounded.

  He gives me a sheepish look and I’m instantly intrigued by it. “Actually, that’s one of the things I wanted to ask you, but it will sound awful and I’m not sure how you’ll react.”

  Now I’m really curious. “There is someone! Do I know her?”

  “Funny thing, well, not really. I hope you can see the funny side. When we were at Riley’s for the party, I spent a lot of time watching someone. I’m an ass for doing that when I was there with you, then giving you a hard time over Cameron. I told myself I was just admiring a pretty girl, and it didn’t mean anything. After I spoke to you that night, I had time to realize I wasn’t as upset as I should be. I mean, it upset me, but it hurt my pride more than anything.” He has an adorably goofy grin on his face, and I can’t help but smile with him. “So, um, I was hoping you might put in a good word for me with your friend, Carla.”

  “Oh, my god!” Oh. My. God. “Carla?”

  “Would that be weird? It’d be weird, right?” He looks so damn cute with a hopeful, yet guarded look in his eyes.

  “No! At least, I don’t think so. We didn’t really date, so it shouldn’t be weird.” I don’t know what the protocol is for something like this.

  “We kissed, though.” His cheeks are pink at the reminder.

  We did, but the earth didn’t move, or anything else. “I don’t think that makes a difference. Only one way to find out, right?”

  His eyes widen slightly in panic. “Wait! What do you mean by that?”

  “Well, I’ll find out if she likes you and then I’ll give her your number. Is that okay?” I chew my lip as I think back. Has Carla ever shown an interest in him?

  “Okay, I guess that’s fine. You’ll let me know, right? What she says, I mean. No, not what she says, just if she takes my number. Unless you want to tell me what she says?” He rushes through those words and I find it amusing.

  I’m about to say I’ll text him and let him know when Byron comes streaking towards us. He skids to a stop and takes a second to catch his breath. “Sis, you better come with me.”

  An uneasy feeling rushes over me. “Why?”

  “Chick fight! It was the best and worst moment of my life. After you left, Cameron had a few words with Tisha. She did NOT take it well. She said a few things about you, and before anyone knew what was happening, Steph went all psycho on her ass. They were on the table, in the food, and rolling in the mess they made on the floor. It was fucking hot. Then Cameron decides to be a hero and break it up, and shit got ugly. Tisha screamed that he took advantage of her, which we all know is a load of crap. That girl would spread her legs for anyone if it pleased her. Cameron got pissed at that, so I tried to help him. I was only going to help him keep the girls apart, but my future wife had other plans. She tried to get around me and back at Tisha, but I couldn’t allow that. So I tossed her over my shoulder. How was I supposed to know she’s wearing a thong? When she yelled at me that I was flashing the whole school her ass, I thought the logical move would be to cover her ass with my hand. It’s not my fault she was moving around so much I ended up copping a very nice feel.” The wide grin on his face says he doesn’t feel guilty about that one bit.

  “Cameron was holding Tisha back, who was still sc
reaming like a banshee, and that’s when Principal Peterson came in. Steph got sent home for fighting and they excused me because I was only trying to stop the fight - Steph didn’t mention the ass-grab - but your boy is in serious shit. They’re in the office and it doesn’t look good. She told him he would pay for using her, right before they were escorted out.” He gives me a worried look, and I know it must be bad for him to look that way. He holds out his hand. “He’s gonna need you, and time is already wasting.”

  With numb fingers and frozen limbs, I place my hand in his, then he’s leading me back to the school. Dean follows quietly behind us, but my whole focus is on what could happen in that office.

  Something inside me cracks open and a flood of anger and hate rushes through me. If Cruz can prove he’s innocent, because I know he is, it will be my greatest pleasure to bring that bitch down.

  The Point of No Return

  The school dismisses both Cruz and Tisha for the day. They gave Cruz a warning about proper conduct and discretion regarding his “extracurricular activities” and a reminder that he represents the school on and off the field. They sent Tisha home for fighting, but her claims of forced sexual contact have no validation and Cruz has enough support to prove he had never been alone with her. The only time he had, was the night of the party where he met her, and Byron is quick to explain that they didn’t disappear long enough for anything like she was claiming to happen. He also went into great detail about what she told everyone the next day, all while wearing a huge smile on her face. There are others in our group who validate the information, so the school drops the sexual misconduct claim.

  I spend the rest of the school day pondering what exactly transpired between the two of them and how this makes me feel. Not good, that’s for sure.

  I’m exiting the school when I spot Cruz’s truck in the parking lot. I’m not sure if speaking to him right now is a good idea - especially with the way I’m feeling - but he’s already spotted me and is waving. Great. I walk at a slow pace, trying to gather my thoughts and make sense of my feelings before I reach him.

  He smiles at me, but I can see the strain around his eyes. “Hey, I was hoping you’d let me drive you today. Do you have to go straight home?”

  I look over at where Carla’s car is parked and see her watching me. I wave to her and point to Cruz’s truck. She signals that she will head out. I look back at Cruz and say, “I have nowhere I need to be right now.”

  His smile comes easier this time. “Great. I wanted to show you something.”

  “Okay,” I say, but I’m feeling anxious now about being alone with him. All I can picture when I look at him is Tisha Lawrence wrapped around his body. He opens the passenger door for me, and I muster a smile of thanks for him.

  Once he’s pulled us out of the parking lot, he turns briefly with a wary look. “I guess you heard about what happened when you left the cafeteria?”

  I stare straight ahead and reply, “I did. It’s all anyone was talking about, but Byron was the one who told me. He came and got me before heading to the office and giving his statement. I had to get to class, so I couldn’t wait around to find out how it went.”

  “What did he tell you?” His voice has lowered in frustration.

  “That Tisha was running her mouth off about me and Steph defended me. He said you both tried to break the girls up, but then Principal Peterson arrived and sent you to the office, along with Tisha and Steph.” I don’t want to let him know the extent of the information I’m aware of, needing him to tell me himself.

  “He, um, mentioned nothing else?”

  He did, but I’m not admitting it. “What else is there?”

  I watch out the side of my eye as he blows his bangs out of his face like he always does when he’s frustrated or thinking too hard. “Tisha was making crazy accusations against me. None of it’s true, but thanks to her, I’ve got the school watching me more closely.”

  I'm still playing dumb. “What accusations would get the school involved?”

  His voice is a deep growl of helpless anger. “The kind where she accuses me of taking advantage of her and forcing myself on her.”

  And there is the root of my problem; I don’t doubt that Cruz is innocent of those claims, but something obviously happened between them. “Why would she say that?"

  "I have no idea. She was more than willing to do stuff the night of the party, and I didn’t even have to encourage her. She was fine until today, then she snapped. Is this normal for her?” He sounds genuinely confused.

  I snort. “The words normal and Tisha don’t belong in the same sentence. She’s always been a bitch and a drama queen. Her parents are loaded, and she thinks that buys her the right to do whatever she wants. She’s always loved reminding me I don’t belong here and I’m dirt beneath her shoes. I’m sure her little stunt today was because of me, not you.”

  I can feel him staring at me, but I still refuse to look. “I’ve heard her digs at you, and I feel like a dick for not saying something to her sooner. I didn’t know how you’d feel about me fighting your battles. I couldn’t let her comment today slide, though. I said something, then Steph went even further in your defense and that’s when the fight started. I’m sorry I didn’t say something to her before. I’m even more sorry I did anything with her if she’s been such a bitch to you.”

  I take a deep breath and go for it. “Why did you do anything with her?”

  I can feel the tension thicken the air inside the truck. “I was still mad about you possibly forgetting me and embracing your new life here. Byron took me back to the fire and introduced me to her. She was eager to give me a personal welcome to the school, but I was still reeling from finally seeing you again after all those years. I held her off, but my curiosity about you had me asking your friend Carla where you went. I felt shitty about the way things went between us and wanted a chance to explain. When I walked into the kitchen and saw you with Dean, my anger and jealousy drove me back out the door and accepting what Tisha was offering. It’s not an excuse, but there you have it.”

  I’m almost vibrating with the need to know what exactly she offered him. I can taste the words on my tongue and know if I open my mouth, they’ll spill out. I bite down on my lip, but it’s not enough and the burning question sneaks out. “What did she offer you?” My voice is almost a whisper.

  Again, I can feel him staring at me before he looks back to the road. “Do you really want me to answer that question?”

  No. Yes. I don’t know, but it will haunt me if I’m left to imagine the worst. “Honestly? Not really, but I’d rather hear it from you than her.”

  He sighs beside me. “Fair enough, I guess. Okay, without going into too much detail, we kissed, and hands wandered, then she found the button on my jeans, got on her knees, and welcomed me to the school. I swear that’s all that happened. It disgusted me afterwards, and I left the party. I barely touched her. She was the one who made all the moves.”

  Oh, my god! That’s so much worse than I was thinking. I feel sick from his words and the visuals they’ve created. I push the button to lower the window and suck in some fresh air. Tears are swimming in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I know Cruz isn’t a saint, and I knew he must have done something like this with Tisha, but it hurts. It hurts a lot. Not because he did that. Well, yes, that too. What hurts the most is that she’s been with him in a way I’ve never experienced. Cruz is sexually aware enough to accept a blow job from a girl he just met, and I’ve barely kissed a guy. How am I supposed to compete with a girl like Tisha, or keep a guy like Cruz interested? I’m not ready to jump into bed with anyone, even Cruz. How long is he going to wait until I’m ready? Will my innocence be a wall between us?

  I’m even more secure in my decision about what I need to do. Steph knows the plan and I only have to wait a few more weeks.

  There’s too much silence between us, and I know he’s waiting for me to say something. “Thank you for being honest.” I hear the waver
in my voice, and he can’t miss it either.

  “Damn it, Jo! I don’t want this to hurt you, and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you, but you’re right about deserving to hear it from me. I promised to always be honest with you and we've never held anything back. I’m a normal guy who’s almost eighteen. If a chick offers something like that, and you’re single, you’d have to be a monk to refuse. I’m not proud of it, but that doesn’t change the facts. I’ve been with girls and done plenty of things, but that’s in the past. It has nothing to do with us now. I’m with you. None of them matter. You’re all I want, understand?” When I remain silent, he makes a frustrated noise in his throat. “Let me ask you something, okay?” I nod my head for him to ask. “Why does it bother you? Would you rather I hadn’t been with anyone at all before you?”