Hudson

by Melody Anne

  “It sort of sounds like you are,” he told her. Shutters had closed over his eyes. She was confused about what they were arguing about. She felt as if a wall had gone up between them.

  “Maybe I am,” she finally told him. “I don’t think we have any shot at a future if you don’t understand who you are.”

  “And maybe we don’t have a chance for a future because you only live in the past,” he said, more venom in his voice than she’d ever heard come from his lips.

  “I think it’s time for me to go,” she said. She was unbelievably sad.

  “I’m not going to beg you to stay. It seems I’m doing that all of the time, and maybe I’m tired of the game,” Hudson told her.

  “I’m not asking you to,” Daisy said. She turned and walked from the room, grabbed her purse, and exited his house. She was halfway down the walk when he called to her.

  “Daisy, this is stupid,” he said from the doorway. She turned back and found him still looking frustrated, the shutters probably still in place. Her heart felt as if it was breaking. She didn’t understand how a simple discussion had so completely come between them. It made no sense.

  “I agree, Hudson. Go on your trip. You might find yourself,” she said before she turned around and walked to her car. She forced herself not to look back as she started it then drove away. She made it a few blocks before she burst into tears.

  Had they just broken up? Had they ever really been a couple in the first place? She didn’t know what had happened or what would happen next. She was sad, inexplicably sad. She needed to go home and figure out what came next. Right now she didn’t see a future, and she was unsure of what mattered from her past.

  She wasn’t sure what had happened between them or what was going to come next.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Hudson sat by the fire, his mood as cold and brooding as the morning mist. He didn’t understand why it had been so important for him to go on this trip. It was cold, damp, and he made far too much money to sleep in a tent, even a tent as nice as the one he’d set up.

  “Why does Joseph get a trailer and we’re in tents?” Hudson asked as he grabbed another log and threw it on the fire.

  “Because I’m old and if I get down on the ground I might not get back up again,” Joseph said with a laugh. “I did my tent days. Now it’s your turn.”

  “I’ve done my tent days too. I got a job so I wouldn’t have to sleep in one again,” Hudson said.

  “I like it. I feel like I’ve come home to my roots,” Finn said. “And besides, I slept in far worse places than this when I was overseas.”

  “Yeah, I hear you there,” Noah said. “People might not realize the difference in soils, but let me tell you, there’s a difference. Some ground is nice and soft, and some is unyielding. I’ve had a backache for weeks after a bad night on the ground.”

  “Me too,” Damien said. “Some of the places I slept while I served were less than pleasant. I’m afraid I’ve gotten spoiled over the years. I don’t think any of us, besides Joseph, is going to sleep well tonight.”

  That got a laugh out of Brandon. “I’ll sleep like a kitten,” he said. “Just roll me over and pet my belly.” He leaned back in his chair as he fiddled with his fishing pole, tying a knot and getting the hook ready for his bait.

  “You do realize that if you scratch a kitten’s belly, its claws come out and sink in, don’t you?” Hudson asked with a smirk.

  “Nope, not with me. All animals love me,” Brandon insisted.

  “I could spend all of my counseling time on you guys and retire a very wealthy man,” Crew said, looking at his own fishing pole as if it was a foreign object.

  “You might want to hire yourself to analyze whatever the hell is going on with you,” Finn told him.

  “I’m just fine, brother,” Crew said. But then he sighed. “Okay, I’m not fine, but I will be. Give me a little more time and I’ll share with you.”

  Finn looked as if he wanted to argue, but after a moment he sighed. “Please don’t take much longer. We always come to each other when we have a problem. I think this camping night’s a good idea because I don’t like the distance between us right now.”

  “I agree,” Brandon said. “We’ve all been hit with some pretty crappy stuff in the past few years. It should unite us stronger, not pull us apart.”

  “Yes, Brandon, that’s the point of this boys-only night,” Joseph said. “We need our women in our lives, we need them to make us better men, to make us more empathetic, and kinder. We need our other halves to be well-rounded. But we also need each other, and the moment we think we don’t we truly lose something valuable.”

  “Why do we have to discuss feelings and problems, though?” Hudson asked. “Why can’t we just be together and have fun?”

  “Because life isn’t always fun. Sometimes it’s hard and we get knocked down. That’s why we have family, so we can help lift each other off of the ground when that happens,” Joseph said.

  “How many times have you been knocked down?” Crew asked.

  Joseph chuckled. “More often than I’m willing to admit, but that’s why I surround myself with people I love and admire. They always pick me back up again, and they never make me feel bad that I fell in the first place.”

  “I’m ready to fish,” Hudson said. This conversation was going to a place he didn’t care for it to go. He walked down to the river. His brothers and uncle did the same, but they all stood several feet apart as they cast their lines in the water.

  The first hour was slow, then Hudson’s rod went down and his line went screaming out, the wheel spinning as it shook.

  “I have something,” he called excitedly as he set his hook, then started the dance of lifting his pole, reeling, letting the fish run and tire and lifting again . . . over and over and over.

  “Damn, Hudson, that looks like a big one,” Noah said as he moved up next to him. “All I’ve caught is this tiny thing.” He held up a six-inch trout. “But I wasn’t throwing it back because I’m determined to have fresh fish tonight.”

  “Oh, this is a fighter,” Hudson said, laughter spilling from him as his line went screaming out again before it bounced several times as his fish tried to shake off the hook. He kept the line taut, pulled up, reeled in, then did it again and again.

  “I have the net,” Damien said, his own voice excited.

  After about twenty minutes, his fish finally made an appearance, a beautiful, shiny, Chinook salmon that wasn’t happy about being caught.

  “Don’t you dare lose my fish,” Hudson hollered as Damien stepped into the river with the net, ready to scoop Hudson’s prize up.

  “Have some faith,” Damien said as Hudson drew the fish closer. It was a runner; that was for damn sure. He fought it for another couple of minutes before Damien swept the net out, making a perfect scoop. The fish thrashed in the net, and all of the men gathered together and whooped and hollered.

  “I haven’t had fresh-caught salmon in way too long,” Joseph said as he clapped in delight.

  “This thing has to be a solid forty pounds,” Hudson said in awe as he pulled the fish from the net and held it out.

  “Let’s get a picture,” Joseph said. “All of you boys gather together.”

  The six brothers came together, arms wrapped around each other, smiles on their faces as Hudson held up his monster fish and Joseph captured the picture.

  “This one’s going on the wall,” Joseph said. “I’m so damn proud of you all.”

  Hudson’s smile faded as he stared down at his fish. And then he felt a punch to his gut. For the first time in so long he couldn’t remember when, he felt stinging in his eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” Finn asked, no teasing whatsoever in his tone. Everyone stopped and turned. And horror of all horrors, Hudson felt tears fill his eyes. What in the hell was going on?

  He turned away and blinked as he stared at the river and memories flooded him. “Please take the fish,” he said to anyone clo
se by. The fish was grabbed from his hand as one of his brothers patted him on the shoulder. The hand rested there, letting him know he was waiting without interrupting.

  It took a few minutes for Hudson to gather himself together and then he finally turned, his brothers and Uncle Joseph standing by.

  “Do you remember that last time we camped with Mom and our father?” he asked.

  Finn got a glint in his eyes. “Yeah, that was the day Neilson backhanded Mom and sent her to the ground, causing a huge bruise on her face.” All of his brothers frowned, including Damien who hadn’t been there.

  “That was all I remembered until right now,” he said. “There was so much bad in our past with that man who fathered us, that I’ve pushed it down for a very long time. But what I failed to see through the anger at what that man had done, was the good that came after. It took me catching this fish to bring it back to me.”

  Noah smiled as the memory flooded him as well. “You caught a fish that day too,” he said. “I remember it was huge!”

  “Yeah, I have no idea what kind of fish it was, but Neilson stormed off after we all yelled at him, and Mom said she wasn’t allowing our trip to be ruined. She took us all down to the water and we fished for hours. She was laughing as we pulled up tiny little trout, and then my pole went down just like it did today,” Hudson said. He was choking up a bit again, but he pushed the emotion down.

  “That fish took forever for you to reel in. I remember jumping up and down with excitement,” Noah said. “And Finn kept telling you that you could do it.”

  “And then I got it to the bank and the damn thing got off of the hook,” Hudson said, remembering the panic he’d felt so many years earlier as if it had happened yesterday.

  “I totally forgot about that part. You dove into the water and tackled the fish, coming up with your arms full of a wiggling, scaly, pissed-off fish,” Noah said, laughing hard as he remembered the look of determination and triumph on Hudson’s face.

  “Then Mom taught us how to cut the fish up, and she fried it over the campfire. It was the best damn thing I’ve ever eaten,” Hudson said. He looked at the fish Brandon was now holding. “Let’s cut this up and fry it just like Mom did. Let’s be thankful for a woman who raised us with grace even through the worst parts of her life.”

  “Hell yeah,” Finn said.

  Hudson turned to his uncle, clearing his throat before he spoke again. “Thank you, Uncle Joseph. I didn’t think I needed to remember my past. I was afraid I’d be angry and hate the world if I did, but you’ve reminded me that our past was filled with love, laughter, and fun. There were some bad moments, but there was a hell of a lot more good times than bad.”

  “We can choose to focus on the bad in life, or we can appreciate the good,” Joseph said. “That’s where I wanted you to start on this journey. That’s what I want you to share with Damien.”

  “I guess Daisy was right. It’s good to honor our pasts, the good parts, the parts that connect us to those we love the most.”

  “I’m right too,” Joseph said, puffing out his chest.

  “Are you ever wrong, Uncle Joseph?” Brandon asked.

  “Nope. Never,” Joseph said.

  Hudson, Finn, and Noah took the fish and cleaned it while Joseph, Damien, and Brandon stayed at the water trying to catch another. Hudson felt freer than he had in a very long time.

  He looked down at the water and noticed the look on his uncle’s face as he watched Damien, who was choosing to stand farther away from Joseph and Brandon.

  “What do you think is going on with Damien?” Finn asked.

  “You’ve been noticing the looks from Joseph as well?” Hudson asked.

  “Yeah, every time we meet,” Finn said.

  “I don’t know. And I don’t think it will do us any good to ask. I think Joseph will tell us if and when the time is right,” Hudson said.

  “I guess we have to wait,” Finn said.

  And Hudson was okay with that. He was going to finish this day and night with his family, and then he was going to go tell the woman he was in love with that they could have a past and a future. They could have it all.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Daisy paced back and forth on her deck. She looked out at the land she’d lived on her entire life as her eyes filled with tears. Hudson was gone — he’d gone on his camping trip with his family, leaving her a short message saying he was bending, could she do the same?

  “Is your plan to wear out the boards before you move?” Darla asked with a laugh. She was sitting back enjoying the sunshine and a margarita.

  “Maybe. If I can’t have it, maybe I’ll just burn it all down,” Daisy said with a pout.

  “That’s a good attitude,” Darla said, smiling, making Daisy glare at her.

  “I don’t have a very good attitude right now.” She paused then plopped down in the seat next to her best friend. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a bear.”

  “You are, and I love everything about you, so I can take it,” Darla told her.

  “I just love it here . . . and I’m missing Hudson. I haven’t seen him in four days. Why do I miss him? We’re so different. I believe in the past, in preserving things, while he’s the opposite. He doesn’t want to look back, only forward. He wants to build over what once was, and I find that tragic.”

  Darla reached out and took Daisy’s hand. “Why do you want to stay here so bad?” Darla asked.

  “Because it’s home,” she said.

  “What makes a home?” Darla pushed.

  “A home,” Daisy said with a whole lot of sarcasm.

  Darla laughed. “I love it here too, Daisy, but changing the land and having Hudson build his dream doesn’t take the land away, it just makes something new where maybe lots of people can have some of the peace you’ve experienced over the years.”

  “They’ll ruin it,” Daisy said.

  “Answer me this,” Darla said. “Will this property be the same if your grandfather isn’t here anymore? He’s planning to move, so would you still want to be here if you are all by yourself?”

  Those questions stopped Daisy cold. “It wouldn’t be the same place without gramps,” Daisy admitted.

  “And now that you’ve found someone you can share with, laugh with, and love with, would it be the same without him?” Darla pushed.

  “I don’t know. But why does anything have to change? Why can’t it stay the same?” Daisy asked.

  “I love that you hold on to the past. It’s something you’ve needed for a very long time because of all of the crap you’ve been through, but can’t you compromise a little bit? Can’t you hold on to the past while still looking ahead to the future? Some change is good and meaningful in our lives. Other change, the bad kind of change, we can fight. But if everything in your life is a fight, what truly has meaning?”

  “I’ve been fighting for so long I don’t know if I can stop,” Daisy told her.

  “I’m not telling you to stop. I’m telling you to focus. You’ve jumped from one place to another, fighting for other people, but have you ever stopped to figure out what matters the most? What can you fight for that enhances your own life? You’ve been working on writing a story about the school, so why not put all of your energy into that? You can write a beautiful story and share your love of history with millions around the world, and you can embrace your past while still living in the present. You can have all of a little bit, or a little bit of all.”

  Daisy was quiet for several moments as she thought about her best friend’s words. Was she so busy trying to hold on to everything that the most important things were slipping through the cracks?

  Her life was a mess. And she didn’t have the answers.

  “I want to save the school,” Daisy finally said.

  “More than you want to save this land?” Darla asked.

  Daisy thought for a few moments on that. “Maybe. I’ve been holding on to this place because it brings me closer to my parents, but they wer
e the ones who left without me, so why am I holding on so tightly?”

  “Because you love your parents. There’s nothing wrong with that. But this place was never theirs. It was your grandfather’s and it was yours, and your gramps wants to move on. He wants to embrace his future and he wants you to do the same.”

  “I know what my past is, but I don’t know what my future holds,” Daisy said.

  “And that’s terrifying for a lot of people,” Darla told her. “It’s something I struggle with too.”

  “You don’t struggle with anything. You’re the most confident, self-reliant person I’ve ever known,” Daisy told her.

  “I had to build that confidence through years of being knocked down. But when I see the tragedy so many people go through, it reminds me of how blessed I really am. I have great parents, I have a great job, and I have a best friend who’s like my sister. I don’t have a lot to complain about.”

  “I love you, Darla,” Daisy said as she climbed from her chair and hugged her bestie.

  “I love you too. You know that,” Darla said. Then she pulled back and wouldn’t let Daisy look away. “Do you love Hudson?”

  Those words sent both a shiver and a shot of heat through Daisy. “I don’t know. I’ve never loved anyone besides family,” Daisy told her. “So I don’t know what romantic love feels like.”

  “You miss him, right?”

  “Yes, like crazy and it’s only been a few days.”

  “And when you’re together you’re filled with all sorts of tingles and happy hormones?”

  Daisy laughed. “Yeah, it feels like I’m flying.”

  “And how does the thought of losing him feel?”

  Daisy’s eyes filled with tears. “It hurts. It hurts more than anything I’ve felt before.”

  “That’s your answer, Daisy. You know how you feel about him. You’re just scared to admit it, even to yourself.”

  “I wasn’t going to fall in love — not ever,” Daisy said.