Lilly asked, “How’s nursing school?”
“OK. Really crammed though. My brains feel like they’ve been through a meat grinder. Ralph has a roommate. Neat guy. Reminds me of you.”
Lilly looked up from the gravy. “A guy? A guy reminds you of me? Excuse me while I jump out the window.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. He’s into music, though. You should see his record collection. He has some weird ones like you do, The Electric Prunes, Billie Holliday, and a cool stereo, lots of pieces.”
“What type?”
“I don’t know. You know me, any record player that doesn’t need two pennies taped to the arm has got to be wonderful.”
“Oh, EO,” Lilly laughed. “I’ve missed you. If Tony doesn’t get home soon everything will be ruined.”
Eileen speculated, “Is it your anniversary? No … that’s around Christmas time. Your birthday is the Fourth of July. Is it Tony’s birthday?”
“No. It’s well, I don’t know … reminding him what he has at home?”
Eileen asked, “Is he straying?”
“No, no, he’s fine. We’re fine. Tell me about your roommates.”
Lilly opened the wine and sat. EO and Lilly drank the wine, laughed, and got giddy.
Tony came in quietly, unnoticed, until he said, “Hi, EO.”
Lilly stood and then started giggling as she almost tripped.
Tony said, “You two are looped. EO don’t you know she has no tolerance. None. Zilch.”
EO stood. “The wine was here when I got here. I’ve got to go Margaret is graduating and tonight is a big to-do”
EO and Lilly hugged. “I’m home ’til Sunday. Then I go back to Jamestown to work and take a killer science course. They say the third semester is intense. I’ll call tomorrow. Are you still working at Bronxville hospital?”
“No, tomorrow night I start working as a bar pianist.” Lilly slurred her words.
“A bar penis? Is that legal? Only in the New York area!” EO chuckled as she left.
“So Tons, I made a feast”
Tony repeated, “Tons? Did you just call me Tons?” Lilly giggled.
He picked her up. “When you have a drink, there’s only one way to communicate with you, Lillibelle.”
“No, no.”
Tony stopped, “No? You don’t have your period?”
“No. That’s dessert. I made roast beef and gravy and muffins …”
Tony looked around, “Everything’s turned off anyway. Let’s eat for dessert.”
Eileen and Lilly spent most of the time Eileen was home together. Eileen was full of stories about living with a group of other students. It sounded like a zany nut house. Lilly felt a twinge of jealousy. She felt she was missing something. Lilly asked about getting into nursing school with no high school diploma.
“One of my classmates dropped out of high school and had to take some college courses before she could start nursing, but she’s doing all right. Lilly, you could do it. You’re smarter than I am, even though neither one of us was any good in school.”
Lilly said, “Neither of us did homework or studied. I can’t believe how much time Tony spends reading texts and taking notes.”
Eileen said, “I sure study now. Nursing school’s tough. You worked in a hospital for two years, so it won’t be such a shock to you. Before I started, I believed Cherry Ames. I went in looking for an intern to steal me away, or a rich patient. Hospitals are shocking. Lilly, everyone in hospitals are sick!”
It became apparent that their financial need would be more than met soon after Lilly started working at the restaurant. Lilly wanted, casually, to bring up the idea of school, but she was afraid Tony might laugh at her. He mentioned it first.
“Lil, the lounge is right near Westchester Community College. Maybe you could see about picking up some classes,” Tony said while reading the New York Times one morning.
“You think so too? I mean … you don’t think I’m so stupid, I’d flunk out?” Lilly asked anxiously.
“Lilly, you have terrible self-esteem. You didn’t flunk out of high school.”
“I would have,” Lilly said quietly.
Tony said firmly, “Lilly, you’re smart, not the Columbus-discovered-America-in-1492 way. Instinctively, you have smarts. You read much more than any of our friends. You could be anything.”
She started with one English class that summer, which meant she spent the summer teetering between three selves. First the rock and roller singing her heart out with the band, second a highbrow lounge singer, and third an earnest student trying to prove to herself she was worthy of an education.
Hillary picked her up for daily trips to Rye beach, saying “Who’s coming with us today, Hemingway, Albee?” The summer became the most carefree time in their lives.
Fall brought revelations for each. Lilly signed up for three subjects. The night before her first class, Tony held her and said, “I’m so proud of you, going back to school. Look around and think, “Which of these people are smarter? You’ll see you’re a natural A.”
Tony’s first day back in school was spent evaluating professors and reaffirming friendships at Brighton. He walked into a class expecting his favorite instructor, and was met, unhappily, with a stranger.
“Professor Morriset died of a heart attack last week. I’m Professor Dennis Kelly. I’m joining the staff at Brighton.” The professor proceeded by presenting the material and class outline.
The name, Dennis Kelly, rang a bell, but Tony quickly dismissed it, deciding Prof. Kelly didn’t look familiar.
That night, Tony and Lilly exchanged impressions of their days.
“Tony, you were right. I mean I’m only taking biology and psychology and European history, but there are some people in the classes that are human doorstops.” Lilly bubbled on nervously and then added, “None of my teachers are professors. I thought all college teachers were professors.”
“No, I have all professors this semester, because I’m in all upper-level courses and Brighton is a university.”
Then he told her, “Morriset died.”
Lilly said thoughtfully, “Morriset. That’s the computer genius right?”
“Yup. He died of a heart attack. I’ll bet he wasn’t even forty-five. They replaced him with a bozo named Kelly.”
Lilly perked up, “Kelly? What Kelly?”
“Dennis. Your uncle. You said he was a teacher, but you never said he was a college professor.”
They let it hang in the air for a minute.
Lilly said, “Maybe it would be better not to mention me.”
“Hell, no! He probably carries a grudge, and he’ll flunk me.”
Tony had to schedule a meeting with each professor to inform him or her of his student-athlete status and to work out an accelerated schedule for work that could be done before basketball season. He went to Prof. Kelly’s office after two more classes, thinking their mutual relationship to Lilly had somehow gone unknown.
“Mr. della Robbia, I was glad we could meet privately for reasons other than athletic schedule changes. Are you married to my niece?”
“Yes,” Tony answered firmly, not sitting in the chair he was offered.
“I’d like to see her. Her aunt would, too. Could this be arranged?”
Tony hesitated, “I don’t know. She works nights. She’s a musician.”
“Yes, I remember how beautifully she plays piano. Perhaps on a night off.”
“She doesn’t have a night off. She works Sunday through Wednesday in a restaurant lounge, and then weekends in a rock and roll band.”
“Quite industrious! Perhaps a Friday? I have no classes on Fridays.”
“She does. She is a college student. She has classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.”
“The lounge?”
“It’s part of Chez Labait restaurant in Portchester.”
“Do you think she would welcome us?”
“I don’t know. The break from her family was very
painful for her.”
“We could go on Tuesday. Could I invite you as a guest?”
“Sorry, I work as a mechanic. School is very expensive.”
Dennis said, “We have often thought of Lilly. If we had been better prepared, we could have handled it better.”
Tony said, “It was out of your hands before Lilly ever got on the plane. Lilly did say she thought she would have liked you under better circumstances.”
“Even though we doubted her? She said that?”
“Yes. Years ago, when it all happened.”
“She was so mature.”
The Kellys decided to strike while the iron was hot, so they went to the lounge that evening. Lilly played to the regulars, not noticing them for a long time. She startled when she saw them, losing her timing. Lilly wanted to get up and run. She played the next song shakily and then stopped for a break, leaving the restaurant rapidly. She called Tony at work.
“They’re here. They’re here.”
“Who? Lil aren’t you at work?”
“Yes, of course.” She stopped, realizing he must’ve told her uncle where she could be found. “You dirty rat! You double crosser!”
“Lilly, why are you so upset? They wanted to see you.”
“Don’t talk to me.” Lilly hung up and returned to the restaurant. The Kellys were gone.
Tony picked her up after work. Lilly wouldn’t acknowledge him. They sat in the car, Tony tried to wait out the silence.
“Lil, why are you so upset?” He asked, “Did you at least talk to them?”
Finally, he said angrily, “Damn it! Would you answer me?”
By the time they arrived at their apartment, they were both frustrated. Lilly went into the bedroom and got changed, and then went to the living room with a pillow and blanket. She lay on the sofa. Tony followed her.
“Lillian, this is ridiculous.”
She turned away from him.
Lilly woke screaming in the middle of the night. Tony came out and sat with her, trying to understand his wife.
He whispered softly, “Lillibelle, why?”
She held him tighter and shook her head. He held her until he could hear that her breathing had calmed.
“Lillibelle, don’t turn away from me. Why does this bother you so deeply?”
“I don’t know.”
He held her at arm’s length and searched her distressed face.
She said, “Why do they want to see me now? No one else in the family would care if I fell of the face of the planet. It makes it all so real. I don’t know. I don’t know. It was like when I came back. We had to get going, like we were in a race or something, that dumpy apartment and the job, and learning to be married. I didn’t have time to think.”
Tony said slowly, “You’ve never had to face being raped.”
“Don’t.” She put a finger to his lips.
Tony said evenly, “Lil, don’t you see what you’re saying? It’s like you repressed it. You buried it. It’s going to keep resurfacing until you deal with it.”
Lilly shook her head. “What’s to face? If I get angry or enraged, where do I put it? He’s dead. I wish I could’ve shot him. Tony, hold me. Make love to me.”
Tony and Dennis remained in the lab after the next class.
When they were alone, Dennis said, “I guess Lilly doesn’t want to see us.”
Tony answered, “It’s not you. To Lilly you represent a very painful and frightening time in her life.”
“I had no idea seeing us would affect her to such an extent. She was poised, graceful, truly a professional. Until she saw us, and then she was completely rattled.”
“You unearthed some gruesome skeletons.”
Dennis said, “That wasn’t our intention. Bridget lied to us, or rather to herself. She denied Lilly’s attack. She told us Lilly was a liar and had been in a car accident. I didn’t know what to believe. We visited last spring and spoke to Colleen. She told us the truth. That’s the reason we moved back, to help raise the twins. Has Lilly gotten therapy …”
Tony interrupted, “No, we’ve been hanging on for years, and she’d never go. It’s all mixed up for her. The O’Dwyers tragedies and the shit with her mother is … like part of the rape, more than she can think of. I never knew until last night. She is still so vulnerable. Colleen might have told you about Lilly like a good sister, but she has not seen Lilly since your sister put her on the plane.”
“Colleen told us all the family was forbidden to see her. She misses her sister.”
“If they all defied her, Bridget would have given in. Also, they never stopped Bridget from using Lilly as her private punching bag.”
Tony left, shaken at the depth of his own anger.
Tony was powerless as he needed the course. The following class Dennis asked Tony to remain after class. He gave him a plant.
“Tell Lilly, her Aunt Ellen sent this for her. It’s an African violet. Ellen said Lilly would know.”
Lilly was listening to Eric Clapton on the stereo and playing piano. She saw the plant and stopped.
“Aunt Ellen sent that?” She took it and put it on the piano. “That’s nice.”
Tony stood behind her bewildered.
Lilly said matter-of-factly, “Stew’s for dinner. You know most people don’t eat dinner at two in the afternoon.”
“My mother always said musicians were weirdos.”
“Funny, that’s what my mother said about I-Talians.”
******************************
18. Spring 1974
The band broke up in the spring of seventy-four. They had been constantly bickering about songs and styles. It came to a head one afternoon when Randy and Jay were arguing about a song.
Lilly, who always stayed neutral, said, “All right, damn it! You should hear yourselves! Jay, you think we could be the Grateful Dead, and Randy you think we’re the Rolling Stones.”
Randy turned to her. “Well, if it isn’t the queen of the Ramada Lounge. What do you think, we should add Shadow of Your Smile?”
“Hell, no! She wants Misty,” Jay added
“Drop dead! I’ll come back when you’re in your cages.”
She walked out.
Lilly was desperate. She drove to the park and walked around, but it was too cold and blustery and she couldn’t find the distraction she sought in the empty park. She walked and watched the thin sheath of ice on the murky water. She saw a duck with baby ducklings swimming in the middle of the river.
“Damn fool. Don’t you know winter’s not over yet,” Lilly muttered. One duckling disappeared beneath the surface.
“Oh no … ,” she cried as she realized a predator had sucked it under. She sat on a bench to cry. Things were falling apart all over her life. She could see the writing on the wall for the band, and she was terrified she could see the writing on the wall for her marriage, too. Even the restaurant, Chez Labait, was being sold. Renovations being planned would eliminate her job. She felt Tony was a ticking time bomb that she could at least partly understand, but not diffuse.
The gas shortage had driven most stations, including Tony’s, out of business. Tony could not find a job that would accommodate basketball and school, even with seven years’ experience. He became depressed. Lilly tried logic, saying he would have to quit in May to find a real job after graduation and to consider it a vacation. He became more depressed and angry with her. The station was the only job he’d ever had, and Lilly thought some of his anger was fear. He spent all his spare time at Brighton’s library and computer lab.
Lilly could sense the presence of an intruder. She felt like she was back in high school, with Tony surrounded by “Fifis.” She didn’t know how serious the intruder was or anything about her, but her presence permeated every facet of their lives. Lilly was pretty sure Tony had not slept with her, but there was the ghost of a third person in bed with them.
The intruder was a sad-eyed Italian girl in one of Tony’s classes. One day after class, he came
across her in a parking lot, trying to get her car started.
Tony checked out the engine and said, “When did you get a tune-up? Your oil is older than time.”
She replied, “Alex always took care of it, I guess, before he went overseas last year.”
“Who’s Alex?”
“My husband, or he was my husband. He was ki … He went to Vietnam and was killed in action September 17,1973.” Angela shuddered.
“I’m sorry,” Tony replied inadequately.
“You’re Tony, right? I’m Angela James.”
“James? You look Italian.”
“I am. I was Angela Aradelli before I married Alex.”
Tony looked at the engine. “Where are you from?”
“Brooklyn. You?”
“Yonkers. How long were you married?”
“Three months.”
“You were still on your honeymoon, Angie. Can I call you Angie? I have to get a part for your car. Want to come?”
“Sure. Do you really know about cars?”
“I’ve been a mechanic for seven years.”
“You seem so young. I thought I was older than you.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty four.”
“You are.”
She noticed his wedding band as he drove. “This your wife’s?” Angela said, picking up a barrette from the dashboard.
“Doubtlessly. Lilly has a million of those things. I got her a box for them last Christmas, but it seems no matter where I sit, I sit on one.”
“Lilly … is she Italian?”
“No. I told her when we were married, she’d have to become Italian, but, so far, she’s resisted. She’s still a Mick down to her toes.”
“How long have you been married?”
“Mmmm … three, maybe three and a half years. Forever.”
“Did you know her long before that?”
He thought for a minute, “It’s been close to eleven years.”
“I married Alex three months after I met him.”
“Whirlwind?”
“He was going to Vietnam, and I loved him.”
“I can understand that.”
“You love your wife very much?”
“We’ve had our moments.”
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 25