Tony felt restlessness about every aspect of his life. The closing of the station infuriated him. He knew the small independent stations were being squeezed from existence; direct oil company chain stations would replace them. He was as angry for his boss and his boss’ dippy nephew as for himself. Tony felt each day on campus was a day he was losing. He looked around at his friends and acquaintances and saw the carefree unencumbered college days as something he had had never had. The girls all looked prettier to him. He fantasized about them constantly. He resented spending his rare evening off from basketball going to see Cuando, listening to them harangue between sets, and chauffeuring Lilly.
Tony had almost forgotten Angela when he went to their next class. Angela was waiting with a box.
“These are cannoli. You probably don’t get to eat many cannoli married to an Irish girl.”
“Thanks. You didn’t have to.”
“I like to pay my debts. I liked talking to you.”
“Sure, any time.”
He noticed how pretty she was under the dreary attire she chose in her sorrow. She noticed his attention and looked away, unsettled. He was smitten.
Lilly missed Hillary. She was in Arabia, far from reach as a sympathetic ear. Hillary’s mother had died suddenly from a virus, Guillain-Barre syndrome that had rapidly paralyzed and killed her. Hillary’s father was torn apart by grief and guilt. And for the first time, one of Hillary’s parents needed her. Lilly tried to stuff all her roiling emotions back in as she stood up to go home and get ready for work.
**************************************
19. May 1974
Isabel and Lilly planned a Sunday dinner to celebrate Tito’s birthday. Lilly arrived early to help with the salad and the table. Isabel could see Lilly was upset.
Tito and Isabel had speculated and discussed what was happening with Tony. Every time the door opened – for Frank, then Joe, Nunzio and Tanta, and finally Nick and Karen – Isabel could feel Lilly cringe.
They were supposed to eat at one-thirty. Everyone pussyfooted around as the clock ticked to two, then two-thirty.
Frank came into the kitchen and said, “Let’s call. Maybe he fell asleep.”
Lilly said, “He’s not there.”
Frank turned to her and asked, “He never came home last night, did he?”
Lilly didn’t answer him, but turned to Isabel. “Let’s serve it. He can eat cold.”
They ate in an awkward silence, trying to keep Tony’s absence out.
Lilly and Frank gathered the dishes.
“I’ll do the dishes. You go in with your parents.”
“Lilly? You still love him don’t you? I mean really love him?”
Lilly kept scraping plates, not answering.
“Lilly?” Frank tried again.
“What? Do you want to see me cry? What do you della Robbias have for making me cry?”
Frank backed down. “I have my last exam Tuesday. How about you?”
“I finished Friday. All three exams.”
“Are you going full time next year?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Tony wants to go to graduate school, and if he does, I’ll have to wait.”
Lilly got ready to leave after the dishes and met Tony at the door.
“Excuse me,” she said, trying to walk by him.
“Lil,” Tony said putting his hand on her.
“Don’t,” she hissed. “It’s your father’s birthday. Go party.”
She walked to the elevators.
“Lilly, I was with Linus.”
He watched her go into the elevator, then turned into his parents’ apartment.
He noticed Isabel did not jump up to get him a plate of food. Tito stopped talking to his brothers and looked hard at Tony. He spoke without moving his eyes.
“Nunzio, Joe, go down to Nicky’s. I want to talk to my son.” Frank left with them.
Tony tried to cut him off. “Pops, I don’t know what Lil said, but I was with Linus. Remember Linus? My old roommate? Can you believe that of all six of us, Linus and I are the only ones who will graduate? Well, I met up with Linus last night …”
Tito said sharply, “I don’t care about your old roommate. It’s what you’re doing to your wife that’s bothering me. Don’t you see?”
“Pops, I’m not going to talk about Lilly.”
“Like hell you’re not! It’s not Lilly, it’s you.”
Tony stood and walked out.
Tito called after him, “Don’t you walk away.”
Tony went home. He walked in expecting to see Lilly on the sofa waiting for a fight. Instead, she wasn’t there. He panicked and went to the bedroom to check her dresser. He had just opened a drawer when she came in carrying two suitcases.
“Are you going to help me pack?” She said sarcastically.
“Lilly, I was with Linus. I met him at the Rathskeller, and we went back to his place to talk. I fell asleep watching Duck Soup.”
“You got Duck Soup right. I watched it waiting for you.” She started throwing clothes into the suitcases.
“Lilly? Whose are those? Where are you going?”
“I borrowed them from a waitress at Chez Labait. I’ll send them back.”
“Where are you going?” Tony asked. She walked around him to gather her belongings, “Lillian, you’re my wife.”
“Not for long.”
“Lil, you can’t just leave. We are married. I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“With Linus? What does Linus look like these days?”
“You remember Linus. He’s black, six-five, played hoop ’til he popped his knee a couple of years ago.”
“Bullshit! What does SHE look like? What’s her name?” Lilly said shrilly.
“Who?”
“Her … her! That woman! The one you wish you were with when you’re making it with me.” She went to the closet.
“Lilly?”
“Don’t deny it! She’s everywhere. You compare me to her all the time. Well, I hope she’s good in the sack ’cause I gave you all I’ve got, and that wasn’t enough.”
“Lillian, I haven’t slept with anyone else.”
“Liar!”
“You little fool. You’re throwing it away on paranoia.”
“Paranoia! You should have been a psych major. What a waste,” she said, trying to put all her shoes in one suitcase.
“Lilly, you’re not being practical. You’ll never be able to carry a suitcase with your arm.”
She realized he didn’t believe she was leaving. “You arrogant bastard. You don’t think I’m going? Well, Babe, stand back and take a picture ’cause I’m off.”
“Lil, the apartment, everything. The picture on the living room wall.”
“It’s paid for. It’s yours. Rents paid ’til June, then you are on your own.”
“On my own! Goddamn. You wouldn’t have had to support me if I didn’t have to marry you.”
“Have to marry me? I wasn’t pregnant. You didn’t have to do anything.”
She finished packing haphazardly and started to drag the suitcases to the door.
“You’re pissed off ’cause the band broke up.”
“What?”
“You thought you’d be under contract to Warner Brothers or Capitol by now.”
“Oh, did I miss it? The phone call from the Knicks for the twenty-seventh round draft choice? Go back to your girlfriend!”
“Pick up some shampoo while you are out.”
Tony didn’t tell anyone Lilly had left him. Sometimes he swore to himself he’d give her hell when she came back. Once, he woke thinking he had heard her. He rose to meet no one.
Frank came over twice during the week. He made a point of not noticing the dishes everywhere or the emptiness of the apartment.
Brighton’s graduation was the following Sunday. Tony had to bring the robe to his mother’s to be ironed.
“Where’s Lilly?” Isabel asked.
“She has a cold,” Tony said weakly.
He had to tell his parents she was gone at graduation. “She left last week. She’ll be back. She needs some time.”
His parents looked sadly sympathetic. He also told them he had accepted a job in California. “I’ll be outside San Francisco, about thirty miles. It’s a computer company. They’ll pay for me to get an advanced degree from Stanford. I have to be there in June.”
His parents saw the futility of protesting. Tony returned home alone. He was completely desolate. He called information in Brooklyn. There were listings for seventeen A. Jameses, but only three Aradellis. He called the first Aradelli.”
“I’m looking for Angela Aradelli James.”
“Yeah? And who are you?”
“A friend from Brighton, Tony della Robbia.”
“I never heard her mention Tony della Robbia.”
“Can I have her number?”
“This is her number. I’ll get her.” Tony figured it was her father. He heard him calling, “Angie, hey Angie. It’s some guy says he knows you. Della Robbia. Della Robbia? He from Flushing?”
“No. Give me the phone … hello?”
“Angela? It’s Tony. I was wondering, could I see you?”
“But …”
“She left me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“How would you? I could come pick you up.”
“Maybe that’s not such a good idea. I mean …. why don’t I go there?”
“Yonkers?”
“I have a car, remember?”
He spent the next hour frantically regretting the call and picking up the apartment. He tried to look relaxed when she arrived. Angela looked equally leery.
“I don’t know why I came. I don’t go out. You sounded sad.”
“Come in.”
“This is nice. Real nice. You play piano?’
“No. That’s Lilly’s.”
“Oh, yeah. You said she was a musician.”
“Want some wine?” He led the way to the kitchen.
Angela said, “Sure. I could cook.”
“Sure.”
She looked around, “You sure have a lot of spices.”
“There’s chicken, but it’s frozen.”
“When did she leave?”
“Last week.”
She sat next to him. “Why did she leave?”
“She thought … I don’t know. We’ve had arguments before, but she never left. I don’t know where she is. Her best friend is in Saudi Arabia, so she’s not there. It’s like she’s vanished.”
They drank wine and talked. He had bought the wine two days after Lilly left, in a sentimental mood, thinking when Lilly came back, they’d drink it, talk, and go to bed. Instead, Tony and Angela drank it, talked, and went to bed.
He woke alone. He got up and walked making sure she was gone. His relief was short-lived. Angela came back with a bag of groceries. He decided to let her cook breakfast. He compared her hypercritically to Lilly. She wasn’t as pretty or as agile. But Angela’s morning cheerfulness was real; she was not the glaring grump Lil could be in the morning.
He read the paper, giving sarcastic commentary about the world, half expecting Angela to come up with a witty retort. Angela looked confused. He let up.
“Did you graduate?”
“No. Next year.” Angela spoke about her plans in vague terms. “After that, I suppose I’ll have to get a job until I remarry and have kids.”
“What type of job?” Tony asked.
“I don’t know. Whatever”
“What are you majoring in now?”
“Liberal Arts.”
He was beginning to find her dreaminess irritating. “Angie, would you do me a favor?”
“Well, maybe. What?”
“Would you show me how to iron a shirt?”
“OK, I’ll iron a shirt for you.”
“No. Show me. I have to learn. Lilly always ironed.”
She followed him back to the bedroom. “Are you lost? Like helpless?”
“No,” Tony answered, annoyed. “I don’t know how to iron.”
“Or shop,” Angela added.
“Lilly ironed and shopped and cooked, but I’m not helpless,” he protested. “We had our agreement.” He smiled. “When we were married for about six months, she went on strike. I vacuum and dust and clean the bathroom. We both do dishes.”
“What are you going to do if she doesn’t come back?”
“She … ” He stopped. “I appreciate your showing me how to iron, but I don’t want to talk about Lilly anymore.
“She’s all you’ve talked about since I came here. I’d better go.” Angela walked to the door.
The next day Lilly’s grades arrived. His move to California was planned for June tenth. He got a small U-Haul and gave away the rest of their things. He packed her remaining clothing and mementos in a box. He took it to California.
The day before he left Yonkers, he received separation papers and a letter stating he was being sued for divorce. The lawyer was from Binghamton. He called information for new listings in Binghamton for della Robbia, then O’Dwyer.
As he drove out of New York on his cross-country trip, he finally believed she was out of his life.
************
20. Summer 1974
Lilly turned twenty in Jamestown. She had fled there because EO was there, and Lilly didn’t know where else to turn. EO took her in, sensing Lilly’s desperation. EO lived with four other girls in a big old house. Two other roommates were in their last semester at Jamestown Community College, and two worked in a tool factory.
When Lilly arrived, EO was cramming for finals and graduation. She stayed on a few days after graduation to help orient Lilly, and then returned to Yonkers, giving her room to Lilly.
Lilly was accepted into the nursing program of the community college. She found a job waitressing, but then discovered that her shoulder could not handle the weight of trays. That led to another job playing piano at a lounge. She also found a job giving piano lessons. Lilly moved woodenly between these jobs. She was profoundly depressed.
One of her roommates, Lenore, was from Johnson City. She took Lilly home one weekend because Lenore’s father was an attorney. It was decided that Lenore’s father would handle the divorce. They hashed out the details in his study. The irony of both ends of her marriage occurring in a Johnson City was not lost on her. Lenore’s father filed the papers through his office in neighboring Binghamton.
Lilly did not realize how hard she had slammed the door when she ran out. She had envisioned a scene out of a 1930s romantic comedy, where, after a long series of missed communications and misunderstandings, the woman runs off. Her hero challenges insurmountable odds to win her back. Lilly expected Tony to knock at the door every day. She imagined his progress tracking her down.
After graduation, Lenore moved back to Binghamton to work with her father. The other two graduate nurses got their own apartment after taking state boards. Lilly was aware that a new set of roommates would come in with the start of the school year, but she stayed six weeks alone. She worked and slept. On her days off, Lilly slept twenty hours and never left the house.
September brought four new roommates, but Lilly did little more than acknowledge them. Two roommates would be in the nursing program with Lilly, one in secretarial arts, the fourth in liberal arts. The girls were all from the southwest New York region. Two were sisters, Issy and Carly. The rest were not previously acquainted.
Lilly buried herself in school, studying, and working. After her class started patient care in the hospital, Lilly imagined scores of situations that would put a member of the della Robbia family in the hospital in Jamestown, only hundreds of miles from Yonkers.
The day she received the papers finalizing the divorce, she went into her room and sobbed. Then she changed the name on the mailbox from della Robbia to O’Dwyer and privately informed her instructors. A few days passed before her roommates, all eating and talking in the kitchen,
confronted her.
“Lilly, are you divorced? I saw the mailbox. O’Dwyer?” Jane, the secretarial student, asked.
“Lonnie, I don’t think it’s anyone’s business,” Lilly snapped. She added, “I’m sorry. It’s just … I have my own problems. Don’t take it personally, but my name is O’Dwyer, Lilly O’Dwyer, and that’s all.”
“People’s names don’t just change,” Lonnie said. “Besides, I’m Lonnie, she’s Jane. We’ve lived together for three months, and you don’t even know our names.”
Lilly stopped and took another tack. “Well, actually there was this rich old man named O’Dwyer in the hospital. He wanted to marry me. He was in heart failure. I figured he had five or six hours to live so I said, ‘What the heck?’” She gestured.
Issy laughed. “But before he could change his will, he croaked?”
“Sure. Issy?” Lilly asked uncertainly, getting the name right this time. “Well, I have to study.” She started to return to her room.
“Lilly, we’re having a party Friday night,” Issy said.
“Fine,” Lilly answered.
“What I mean is … we’re all putting in money for dips and junk. You could invite any friend you’d like. It will be BYOB.”
“I’ll contribute, but I can’t attend. There’s a piano recital. Two of my students will play.” Lilly went upstairs.
Carly said, “She’s such a cold fish.”
Issy said, “No, she isn’t. She must have gotten divorced. She stayed here alone on Thanksgiving, and she’s never mentioned family or gotten mail. Maybe she was an orphan who got married really kind of young to make her own family. Now, she’s alone.”
Carly said, “I don’t know, Issy. I’m glad the Lady Glum won’t be here to ruin the party.”
Lilly went to the recital Friday as planned. One student, age ten, did a fine rendition of “Moon River,” while the other, age eight, did “Jingle Bells.” Lilly watched the parents.
The woman who ran the music school taught music in a public school by day and ran her school with an iron hand at night. She had dismissed Lilly’s suggestions for recital songs as inappropriate. Lilly had not argued, but listening to the mediocre fare of the recital made her mad.
She didn’t notice all the cars on the normally quiet street and didn’t remember the party until she was on the porch. The music and excitement seeped out the cracks around the windows and doors. She tried to think of somewhere else to go, but the library at the college wouldn’t be open this late on a Friday night. Lilly hadn’t made any friends since she had come to Jamestown. She resigned herself and went inside.
A Yonkers Kinda Girl Page 26