A Yonkers Kinda Girl

by Rose O'Callaghan

  “Have you told Everett yet?”

  “Not yet. I can’t find a way.”

  “Maybe tonight. I’ll watch the babies, and you two can go out.”

  “Not tonight. Everett bartends at the Knights of Columbus. It’s a part-time job.”

  “Tomorrow night?”

  “Everett’s bartending again, a bachelor party.”

  “Saturday night?”

  “OK.”

  The focus moved to the children as Eileen mashed a banana to feed Kara when she awoke. “This should be interesting. It’s her first solid food. Lilly, do you think you’ll settle down and get married, maybe have some snot-nosed brats?”

  “I don’t know about being married again, but I’d love to have a baby. But that’s a moot point.”

  “What do you mean? Lord it would be hard to have a baby without a man.” EO smiled and added, “And no fun.”

  “Eileen, I could borrow a man for sperm. That’s not difficult. He’d have to be special though. I’d want my baby to be special, to have a good heritage.”

  Eileen joined in, “I can picture you going into some singles bar, picking up some Samson-like specimen, and asking his IQ and bloodlines.”

  “No. Not a pickup. I’d never be able to take my clothes off.” Lilly laughed and then turned serious. “EO, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be naked with a man again.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s so scary. And with my scars, I guess I’m repulsive,” Lilly said quietly.

  “Repulsive? You have got to be joking!”

  “I’m not. I’ll never forget Adam looking at my scars. It was yucky. I felt like a freak. Then in Thailand, I had this problem so I saw the only doctor I could. He … he analyzed my scars. It was … he wanted to know all about it. I don’t want anyone to ever see my scars again,” Lilly said determinedly.

  “Lilly, I had no idea Adam was such a jerk.”

  “He wasn’t really.”

  “How about Tony? He saw your scars.”

  “But he really didn’t. I mean he saw them all the time, so he didn’t see them, and then when he noticed them again, it reminded him that I almost died. He was there at the hospital. He went through it too. When he touched my scars, he made me feel cherished. He saw me through love.”

  “If you married again, your husband would see you that way too.”

  “I failed once.”

  “You were just a kid. Besides you loved him, and he loved you. You know how it can be.” Eileen’s voice was thick with emotion.

  “That’s the problem.”

  “You still love him. You haven’t seen him in …”

  “Four years,” Lilly finished.

  “Is that what went wrong with you and Adam?”

  “Yes. At first it was OK, except he couldn’t see me without seeing damaged merchandise. It started to get better between us, but then he asked me about Tony. It was like Tony crept into the relationship. I never loved Adam.”

  Everett walked in the front door and joined them in the kitchen. Lilly watched Eileen’s family interact, liking Everett even more as he talked to his son and played with his daughter while he bantered with Eileen. Everett left for the Knights of Columbus soon after dinner. Lilly fell back to sleep before eight.

  That night Everett and Eileen discussed Lilly.

  “How long will she stay? Don’t get me wrong, she’s welcome, but it would nice to have a living room again,” Everett whispered.

  “Ev, she has no family. She’s exhausted both physically and emotionally. When she recoups some stamina, you’ll really like her.”

  “Sure,” Everett replied, half-heartedly.

  “I wish she would settle near here. It’s funny, when we were kids, we played mommies all the time. The kids love her.”

  “So, who are you thinking of setting her up with?”

  “No one. She’s still so hung up on Tony.”

  “Tony? Her ex-husband?”

  “della Robbia,” Eileen whispered as she got up to get Kara to nurse in bed.

  Everett ran his fingertips over the back of Kara’s head, and Eileen and Everett whispered about their babies. Eileen was about to tell him about their unexpected expecting when Everett commented, “Another few months and Kara will wean; then we’ll have our bed to ourselves.”

  The next day, Lilly and Eileen dropped the kids at Eileen’s mother’s and braved the raindrops to go shopping. Lilly spent nothing, holding back until her future was more clearly outlined. Eileen spent, in what appeared to be a wild manner. When they arrived back at the apartment and Eileen unpacked the baby’s rubber pants and socks, Jason’s sneakers, the toaster, and Everett’s tee shirts, her wild manner became more sedate.

  Eileen and Lilly settled into an evening of TV. Everett arrived home shortly after two. He woke Eileen.

  “Eileen,” he whispered.

  EO roused, “How was it?”

  “The norm. They got drunk and stupid and told dick stories. Eileen, you said Lilly was hung up on her ex. Do you think if she saw him again, she’d get over him?”

  “Maybe.” Eileen sat up in bed. ”Why, did you see him?”

  “Yeah. He’s quiet. Funny though. Good tipper. He didn’t drink too much, the party was for his brother.”

  “Frank?”

  “He’s getting married at Saint Clare’s at one. They were all talking. If the rain stops, they’re going to the Bronx River to take pictures of the bridal party at the bridge after the ceremony. Tony is going to be best man.”

  “You mean if, by chance, we were to take a walk in the park at the right time. Wow! You didn’t tell him?”

  “Of course not. I never spoke to him.”

  Tony arrived at his parents early. The excitement of the day was already building. Frank looked panic-stricken, but spoke calmly. Tony and Frank dressed in their old bedroom, now Tanta’s. Tony was embarrassed by the two-tone blue tuxedo, but decided this was Frank’s day to be as tacky as he chose.

  A bridesmaid, Patty, arrived with boutonnieres. She walked to Tony to pin on the flower. She spoke quietly so he had to bend to hear her. Her touch was a second too lingering, her voice, a hair too low. Tony recognized the seduction that was on. He hesitated, not putting her off, but holding her at bay.

  The wedding ceremony went off as planned. The sun shone. It was at the park, while pictures were being taken that Tony decided not to take Patty home.

  He was leaning on the railing of the bridge, listening to the photographer trying to appease both the bride and her unreasonable parents. He was amused watching a toddler running unsteadily as his father pretended to be unable to catch him. Tony scanned the whole park, touched by the familiarity.

  Patty walked up and stopped beside him. She made the negative comments about marriage and weddings Tony had come to expect when women learned he was divorced.

  “I’ll never get caught. Who needs to be tied down? I’ll bet you feel that too. And on April Fools’ Day! Once-burned, twice-shy.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Debbie said you were divorced, so you must feel marriage is the pits.”

  Tony stared at her coldly, repeating, “The pits? As in coal pits, or the pits as in the seed of a tree?”

  He turned away, watching the people strolling on the paths on the first nice day to carry a promise of spring. His eyes rested again on the tot running from his father. His view was obscured by a couple of young mothers with babies in arms. He recognized EO pushing an empty stroller.

  Tony walked off the bridge to start up the path to greet EO when EO saw him and jumped. Her reaction warned him that Lilly’s face would be behind the other baby’s head. He froze momentarily, and then turned back to the wedding party. The photographer was finished, and everyone was headed for the cars. Tony watched them too.

  Tito turned, calling to him, “Tony?”

  “I’ll meet you there, Pops,” he answered.

  Tony started up the path to meet Lilly.

  **
*************

  Lilly agreed when Eileen suggested a stroll in the park. Her friend seemed a little on edge, but Lilly attributed it to her pregnancy. Eileen was trying to convince her to settle in the New York metro area.

  Lilly joked, “You mean Yonkers?”

  “That would be nice,” Eileen answered innocently.

  “Would the apartment beneath you be close enough?” Lilly teased.

  “I’m serious. You have no roots. You’re a refugee for Christ sake. Summer camp nurse, Caribbean resort nurse!”

  Eileen looked up and saw Tony on the bridge looking back at her. Having set the wheels in motion and knowing she no longer had control over the outcome, Eileen was suddenly frightened. She knew how vulnerable Lilly was and how devastating the next few minutes could be for her.

  Eileen whipped Kara into the stroller took Jason from Lilly, startling all three. Kara screamed, Jason bucked, and Lilly looked at Eileen as through she had lost her marbles. She followed Eileen’s eyes and saw Tony walking toward them.

  Lilly dropped her eyes to the baby in the stroller, breaking the intensity of the moment. But then she had to look up to see if he were really wearing a two-tone blue tuxedo. He was.

  Tony stopped about ten feet from Lilly. They looked at each other and smiled. She went to him. They hugged and kissed each other.

  “Hello, Lil,” Tony said in a deep, intimate voice.

  “Hi, Tony. How are you? You look great. Do you live in Yonkers? Aren’t you a little snazzy for the park?”

  “Frank was just married. They had pictures taken here. I saw you from the bridge.”

  “Frank’s married? That’s great. Is she nice?”

  “Debbie seems OK, a little dingy, but OK.”

  “How’s your family? Tito and Isabel and all?”

  “OK. You? You look a little skinny.”

  “I’ve been third-worlding it for twenty months, but I’m OK.”

  “How does one third-world it?”

  “I’ve been on the Thai border, working with Cambodian refugees. I’m a nurse.”

  “You’re a nurse and a refugee worker. Lil, that’s great!”

  “How ’bout you?”

  “Nothing that exciting.”

  Where do you live?”

  “Soho, in Manhattan. I bought a warehouse and converted it. I live in half and rent the rest.”

  “Did you go to graduate school?”

  “Yes, I went to Stanford for graduate school. I work for a bank now, but I’m leaving that.”

  Tony looked at the toddler Lilly had been carrying. “Is he your son? He’s handsome?”

  “No,” Lilly answered, too eagerly, then blushed. “These are EO’s babies.” She hesitated, then blurted out, “I’m not married.”

  He nodded unconsciously, “Neither am I.”

  They fell into a void of words, unable to think of what to say next.

  Tony said, “I have to get to the reception.”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you live in Yonkers?”

  “No, I’m visiting Eileen.”

  “I’d like to see you to talk.”

  “Sure. I don’t know when I’m leaving or where I’m going actually.”

  “When did you get back from Cambodia?”

  “Two days ago.”

  “After the reception? This evening?”

  “I’m babysitting Eileen’s kids tonight.”

  Eileen interjected, “You’re welcome there.” She gave him the address.

  Tony agreed. Lilly walked straight to a bench and sat in a heap. Eileen sat.

  “Lilly, you have a date with your ex. Let’s go. We’ve got to make you gorgeous.”

  “Eileen, it’s not a date. We’re going to talk a little,” Lilly said sensibly. But then she gushed, “EO, did this really happen? Holy smokes. I mean I really saw him and spoke to him.”

  Eileen whispered reverently, “Almost like to God, huh?”

  Lilly saw her foolishness and laughed.

  Tony arrived at eight-thirty, shortly after Eileen and Everett had left. Lilly made coffee and they talked.

  “I thought Stanford was in California?”

  “It is, in Palo Alto. I lived there for two years, working for a computer company. I left shortly after you …” Tony said, his voice trailing off.

  The silence that followed told them both the subject was verboten.

  Tony looked around the tiny apartment. “Where are you staying?”

  “You’re sitting on it.”

  “Where do you live though?”

  “I’m currently between addresses. Next winter, I’m going to work in the Caribbean. Actually, almost everything I own is in the satchel.”

  “You travel light.”

  “Like Janis sang, ‘Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.’”

  “I guess I’m encumbered, but on May first, I start the Appalachian Trail.”

  “The Appalachian? The whole trail?”

  “Georgia to Maine. I plan to walk it in four months.”

  “Will you have a companion or do it alone? Oh, that’s none of my business.” Lilly added the last part embarrassed.

  “No, it’s OK. I’m going alone. I thought I had Frank hooked on the idea for a while, but …”

  “Debbie must be special. Frank was such an advocate of the ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ school of love.”

  Tony laughed. “Your sister, Colleen, was at the wedding. She knows Debbie.”

  “How is she?”

  “I didn’t speak to her. There were about three hundred people at the extravaganza. We nodded to each other, though.”

  “Colleen … it’s so strange. Seeing you, then hearing about Colleen, as though, I don’t know … Yonkers is full of ghosts.”

  Tony laughed and took her hand. A comfortable pause developed in the conversation.

  “Where did you go … to nursing school?”

  “Jamestown. Eileen was there. … I didn’t know where else to go. Eileen got me settled in.” Lilly’s voice grew quiet.

  “It was a painful time for me too,” Tony said.

  Lilly stood up to get Kara’s bottle. Tony felt she was running away.

  “Lilly, I have a whole box of your things.”

  “My things.”

  “There are barrettes and clothing and jewelry and your perfume.”

  “My perfume? Chanel 19. I haven’t had that in … four years. You kept all that stuff.”

  “I didn’t feel right about throwing it out, so I packed it in a box. It’s in the catch room.”

  “The catch room?”

  “My apartment has three bedrooms, one is the junk room, one’s the catch room, and the third’s the bedroom. I stole this warehouse for seventy-five hundred dollars. I have a friend who’s an architect. She made it really nice.”

  “You said you have half a warehouse.”

  “The other half has a big apartment, not as big as mine. That’s TJ’s, and a studio. A photographer’s studio.”

  Tony changed the subject as he asked, “Don’t you miss the music?”

  “The music? Yes, I have keyboards in Jamestown. I’ve got to find a band of some sort wherever I finally light.”

  “Light?”

  “I’ve been feeling a little like a fly, darting around. Eventually, I’ll light or land somewhere.”

  “Did you have a band in Jamestown?”

  “Several … three. The first was awful. You know, ‘oooh, oooh baby’ in about twenty different songs, all the same beat from top-forty dance tunes. The second was the best band. They weren’t afraid to try different riffs. The third was young. A couple of the guys weren’t real musicians, only people who wanted to be musicians. None of the bands were as good as Cuando, before we all lost the faith. Do you hear from Jay and Hillary?”

  “They live in Houston.”

  “I didn’t know how to get in touch with them. Did they have a boy or a girl?”

  “A boy. They have another. I
don’t remember what sex. I hear from them at Christmas. Last year, Jay came to New York on business and ended up staying with me. He had a hotel, but we got talking and laughing and before you knew it, it was three a. m. so he camped out on my sofa.”

  “Did they ever come back here?” Lilly said, bubbling Kara.

  “What do you mean?”

  They were in Saudi Arabia. I wrote to them at their apartment on Palmer Avenue, but it came back, so I wrote at her parent’s house on Beach Road in Amagansett, but it came back. Her mother had died. We were such good friends.”

  Tony looked at Lilly for a minute, realizing what she had lost. He mumbled, “They came back to New York. Jay finished Pace, and then he got a good job in Houston.”

  “Was Hillary very angry that I left?”

  “I don’t really know. I was gone to California by July. She wouldn’t have talked to me about you anyway. I wasn’t pleasant company.”

  “I think I let a lot of people down. The day I left, during our last argument, I said some foul things, some really cruel things. I didn’t mean them.” Lilly stood facing away from him, swaying Kara to sleep.

  Tony reached up to touch her back. “We were both wrong.”

  Lilly felt electrified.

  Everett and Eileen arrived home.

  “You’re so early,” Lilly said. “You didn’t have to …”

  “Barefoot and pregnant tires easily,” Everett answered. “Besides with a growing family, we can’t afford the movies.”

  Eileen glared at him. Tony stood.

  “Lilly, if you’d like your box, want to take a ride?”

  “Sure, I’d like to see your warehouse,” Lilly said. “Eileen, could I borrow a jacket again?”

  Everett walked by them to the bedroom. Eileen took off her jacket and gave it to Lilly.

  “We’ll be sleeping when you get home. Just knock quietly, and I’ll wake up. Better yet, cough like a baby, and I’ll wake right up. Night, Lil. Take care, Tony.”

  Eileen leaned closer to Lilly and said quietly, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be OK with him.” Eileen pointed her head toward the bedroom.

  “I know, Eileen. He’s just a little off balance.” Lilly hugged Eileen.

  Tony and Lilly walked out of the apartment and into the night, stealing side glances at each other. They walked quickly in the drizzling April evening. Tony stopped in front of a black Corvette.