Sighing, I picked up my school book and started flicking through the pages, I was supposed to be doing my homework but the weekend had been so slow due to the snow storm that I was too bored to concentrate.
I flicked through the pages again and again, almost expecting a solution to my boredom to pop from the pages as they flashed past. I was almost through for the fourth time when my phone rang.
“Hey.” I said excitedly, finally someone to talk to.
“Hey. What you up to?” Solomon replied.
“Just trying to get through this homework.”
“Do you want to go somewhere?” he asked.
Yes! “Where?” I asked, keeping it casual.
“Me and Emily are meeting the guys down at the lake. It's completely frozen over. Everyone's going to be down there.”
I laughed, remembering Veronica's comment about the kids coming out to play. It seemed kind of strange for a group of teenagers to be meeting up at a frozen lake, but considering I didn't have anything better to do I agreed.
“Great. I'll be there in about 10 minutes to pick you up.”
I put down the phone and looked up at the family. Charles was totally absorbed in his work and Veronica and Rachael had become so invested in the movie they were watching they looked like they were on the verge of tears.
”That was just Solomon. He invited me down to the lake.”
“Oh yeh? When?” Charles asked as he stacked up some of the papers he'd printed out.
“He'll be here in about 10 minutes.”
“Solomon wants to take you down to the lake in the middle of the night?” he asked, peering over the papers like a cat about to pounce.
“Dad, it's 8 o'clock. Besides he's coming with Emily, and every one's going to be there, apparently.”
“Hmm.” he said scratching his head.
“Solomon's harmless.” I reassured him.
“Yeh, fine.” he said, “just don't be back late please.”
“Sure.” I said and ran up to my room to get ready.
Solomon took a little longer than 10 minutes to arrive. I ran outside to meet him as soon as I heard his car pull up as I didn't want him coming to the door to be questioned by Charles, who had seemed distracted since I told him I was going to the lake.
Despite the cold weather Solomon was dressed quite casually, a t-shirt, hoodie and jeans. No gloves or scarf as I was expecting to see him in. Feeling relieved not to have to wear my own scarf and gloves I pulled them off when I got into the car. I had only put them on to try to appear normal anyway.
“Where's Emily?” I asked when Solomon got into his side of the car.
“She ended up going with Susanne and Stacy.”
“I can't imagine Susanne hanging out at the lake in this weather.” I said.
“Everyone's got to let their hair down sometime.” he said, casually glancing over me. The reflection of the street lights danced in his eyes; which were a pale smokey blue, almost mimicking the atmosphere outside the car.
It didn't take long to reach the lake, and there were already quite a few cars parked up near the woods that surrounded the lake. The playful screams that seemed to echoed through the atmosphere reminded me of the playground when I was in elementary school.
Solomon put one hand around my waist and held me as we walked down a shallow hill that led into the woods. His grip was firm and purposeful, but sent the most erratic sensation through me that he might as well have been tickling me. I threw one hand over my mouth and held as tightly as possibly, hoping to disguise the fact that I was laughing. Of course Solomon noticed quickly loosening his grip slightly.
“You don't mind, do you? It's just I didn't want you to fall.”
“It's ok.” I said leaning myself back into his grip, and we continued walking until the screams and wails became louder. “What are they doing?” The sound didn't seem befitting of a group of high schoolers.
“Having a snow fight.”
“People really do that?” I said, catching glimpses of people running through the trees.
“You've never had a snow fight?”
“No. It didn't snow much back home.” I crouched down to scoop up a ball of snow. “And the one time it did snow enough to stick to the ground, the administration of the orphanage wouldn't allow us to go out to play. I think they were worried someone would get ill.” The snow ball quickly started melting in my hand, there was no way I would be able to participate in a snow fight unless I could manage to cool down a little.
“Don't worry. I don't think you'll get ill.” he said, crouching down to scoop up his own snowball, it was a lot bigger than the one I had made. He stood up and patted the ball in his hands for a few seconds and stared at me.
Oh Great! I thought closing my eyes slightly, waiting for him to throw it at me. But he didn't, instead he sighed deeply and quickly scanned the other teenagers who were running around.
“Claudia, you made it!” A voice called from behind me. I turned to see Emily running towards me with a smile on her face, but before I could reply a huge snowball flew straight into her face.
“Solomon!” she screamed, brushing the snow off her face and bending down for another snowball.
Solomon laughed quietly and ran away with Emily chasing behind him. Taking this as an opportunity to practise I bent down and tried scooping up another snowball. The snow starting to melt as soon as I managed to roll a ball out of it. Closing my eyes I tried to relax, hoping it would help me to cool down.
I took a few deep breaths, remembering to exhale slowly and scooped up another ball. I hadn't trained cooling down as much as I had trained heating up, in fact I never trained cooling down. I tried focusing on every opposite feeling to the ones that usually caused the heat. Anger was the main cause of me heating, as well as fear and, more recently, ... I opened my eyes and looked around quickly to see if Solomon was returning, my cheeks warm at the thought of him.
I flicked the mush of ice from my hands. So, the opposite of anger could be joy. The opposite of fear is safety and the opposite of Solomon is .... Peter? I laughed at the irony as both safety and joy could also be attributed to how I feel with Solomon. But Peter was possibly a safe bet.
I started scooping up balls of snow and thought of Peter. There wasn't much to him really, he would simply sit at the table playing his games. After a few attempts the ball began to feel different, I could almost feel the coldness of it. I scooped up as much as I could and stood back up patting it softly to make it look rounder.
I need to throw this quickly, I thought glancing around for a victim. Emily was running back in my direction this time being chased by Solomon, who eventually stopped running and started laughing. I looked down at the ball in my hands trying to block him out and maintain my focus on Peter. It was going to start melting soon, so without thinking too much about it I lined myself up and threw as hard as I could.
The ball hit Solomon right in his face. The smile he was wearing, faded until he was a complete picture of shock. I wasn't sure if I should be proud of my shot, and seeing his face covered with snow did have its comedic appeal, but somehow I couldn't help feel guilty.
“I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you in the face.” I said.
“It's fine. That's what a snow fights about.” he said.
“I feel bad though, I mean you didn't throw one at me.”
“I know.” he said bending down to get another snowball, “I just couldn't hit you first, that's all.” he stood back up, patting his snowball and smiled at me.
Before saying anything else I turned around and started running. I felt the snowball hit my shoulder so I quickly stopped to collect another snowball and turned to throw it back.
We stayed at the lake for over an hour running around and chasing each other with snowballs. I managed to get Susanne, Stacy and Martin at least once. Emily and Michael I caught a number of times and Solomon I caught square in the face twice. Eventually I started to feel the chill a little, but I wasn't c
old. Instead it sent tingles through my body, exhilarating me. Apart from Solomon's unusually cool touch, this was the first I actually felt cold. It was nice, I wondered why people complained about it so much. I could have stayed at the lake all night, but the rest of the group couldn't handle being in the cold any longer and got ready to leave.
“You ready to go?” Solomon asked me.
“Yeh, I guess.” I said scooping up my last snowball.
“That's not for me I hope.” he said raising his hand in defence.
“No, I was actually hoping I could take it home with me. I wish it wouldn't melt.” I rolled the ball in my hands until it started to melt. "It's so beautiful. Don't you think?" I dropped the melted ice onto the ground and cupped my hands together hoping to keep the cool in.
“Are your hands cold?” Solomon asked taking my hands in his and rubbing them softly. His eyes were the palest blue I'd ever seen, almost white.
“They're fine. Yours are though.” I chuckled lightly, he was actually trying to warm my hands, but his were a lot colder than mine. I wrapped my hands around his instead and rubbed them for a few seconds, but they didn't seem to be warming. Without thinking I pulled his hands up to my face and pressed them against my cheek.
I'd rarely held anyone's hand, and no one's had ever felt as cool as Solomon's; whose were cold even in warm temperatures. Small sparks of heat shot through me causing me to lose the coolness I had managed to reach, but even as my body heated, his hand still remained cold against my cheek.
Solomon made a soft sound as if he were clearing his throat. “How are you so warm in this weather?” he said raising his eyebrows. He brushed his fingers lightly along my cheek, sending a cool sensation all through my body, making me giggle softly. His eyes are dancing again, I thought, swallowing deeply. I would have normally felt embarrassed in such a situation, but instead of pulling his hands away and apologising for my strange behaviour I simply stood there looking at him, thinking about how handsome he looked in the blue glow that came from light against the snow and matched the shade of his eyes.
Solomon has the strangest effect on me.
“Are we going? I'm freezing.” Emily called over.
Solomon slowly broke his gaze from mine and looked over to Emily.
“You should get her home.” I said letting go of his hands and putting my hands into my pockets. He walked over to his car and opened the door for me, then went over to Emily and the others, he seemed to be explaining something which Emily didn't look too happy about, and then after a while, he came back to the car and got in.
“Are you coming Emily?” I called to Emily who was still standing with Martin and Stacy talking.
“It's ok Claudia, he's going to come back for me.” she replied.
“Ooookay.” I said and got into the car.
“How odd does that girl act sometimes?” I said to Solomon as he started up the engine.
“Hmm.” he said without really paying attention to what I was saying. He was looking straight ahead at the road but the look in his eyes were distant, as if he was lost in thought.
I left him to his thoughts and started playing with the radio, flicking from station to station. I wasn't a big music fan but whenever I heard a song I knew I would let it play for a while and hum along with it.
“Having fun?” Solomon asked as we pulled up to my driveway.
I laughed and turned off the radio. “I had the best time tonight Solomon. Thanks so much for inviting me.”
“As if I'd go without you.” he said.
I fiddled with my seat belt for a while, not really wanting to leave, but then I remembered Emily waiting for him in the cold. “I'd better go.” I said finally unbuckling it.
“Before you go, I wanted to ask you something.”
Cool. I thought turning in the seat to face him.
“Err,“ he mumbled looking around nervously, “I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the cinemas tomorrow night?”
“Yeh, I don't mind. As long as Emily doesn't get to choose the movie.” I laughed.
Solomon nodded his head a little, then took a deep breath. “I kind of meant just the two of us, you know?”
His voice was trembling, almost shaking as he spoke. Why would he be so nervous about going to the cinema's with me? And why would he want to go with me alone?
Oh!
“Do you mean, like on a date?” I asked.
He nodded again. Slowly, I straightened myself in my seat sighing, perhaps too loudly. This should be a good thing, shouldn't it? Why does it feel so wrong? And why am I so scared? Of course I'm not scared. It's just ...
“We can't go on a date Solomon.” I said. “I thought we were just friends.” Quickly I ran over the events of the night trying to figure out exactly when things changed from 'just friends' to 'we can be more than that'. Dammit! I said to myself remembering when I held his hands against my cheeks. “I am so sorry, if I gave you any signals that made you think I might feel differently about you.” I said.
“Well, kind of … I guess.” he said. “And you've never really rejected any of mine.”
“Your .. signals?” I said thinking back over the last weeks. What signals?
“You don't have a lot of experience with boys, do you?” he asked.
It was true. Apart from the year I lived with Mrs Maples, I had always attended a girl’s school and at the facility I had a tutor who came in to teach me. I shook my head, “What does that matter?”
“Well, it explains why you're so oblivious to the effect you have on us.” he said, “On me anyway.”
I shook my head slowly, Please stop Solomon, I thought. But instead he sat up in his chair and turned to face me.
“Claudia,” he said, taking my hand in his, “I'm in love with you.”
My heart seemed to explode and sink all at once. He was in love with me! But ...
“How do you know? How can you be sure it's not just a side effect of a fun night in the woods? What happens if you wake up tomorrow, or the next day and realise you made a mistake?”
“What?” Solomon said, his utterance sounding almost as confused as he looked.
No, I reminded myself, we're just best friends. But the reality was that even our friendship was in jeopardy now, how could it continue smoothly after such a confession.
“No, Solomon.” I groaned, pulling my hand away and rubbing my head. “Maybe it's the cold, and you're tired. You should go home and rest.”
“That's not exactly the response I was hoping for.”
“I'm sorry, it's just ... why would you go and do something like that?”
“What? Fall in love with you?” he laughed.
Don't say it! I thought, still not convinced that he was actually thinking straight.
“Seriously, can you blame me Claudia? I mean look at you!” he said raising his hands in exasperation. “Firstly, you're beautiful. You're funny, smart, charming....”
I couldn't help but chuckle a little. “Charming? Really? Not a word I'd used to describe myself.”
“I know. I guess that's another reason I like you. You don't actually realise how amazing you are. I don't know how to explain it Claudia, it's just the way that I feel when you're with me and how I feel when you're not. And how every night I go to bed and wonder if you’re ok and think of what I can do to make you smile!" Solomon was smiling, but it was the saddest smile he'd made so far.
I shut my eyes tightly, tears burning behind my eyelids. The night has been almost perfect up until now. How do I reverse this?
“I'm so sorry Solomon. I don't feel the same way.” I said slowly, my heart falling deeper into the pit of my stomach as I said them.
Solomon shook his head. “That's not true Claudia. I know you feel the same way.”
“What?” I said faintly. How can he be so sure? Yes, I care about him, as a friend, as my best friend right?
“Claudia, I know you're scared ...”
“I'm not scared.” I interrupted, not en
joying his interpretation of my reaction.
“You are Claudia. You're scared of admitting how you feel, because you're scared of getting hurt.”
“No.” I shouted, anger quickly replacing the sadness I was feeling. "I'm not scared of anything least of all getting hurt, because I am never going to let that happen." I hissed through clenched jaws.
Solomon stopped speaking and just looked at me, his gaze drifting rapidly around my face as he considered what to say next, but he didn't say anything. Instead he turned and looked out of the window.
I took several deep breaths, regretting each word I had just spoken, “Solomon, I'm sorry, I just ... ” I put one hand on his shoulder, “You're my best friend, I don't want things to change between us, please.” my last word almost a plea.
“It's fine.” he said abruptly. “You don't need to apologise.”
I stared at him for a while, wishing I knew what to say to make everything better. But the truth was I did know what I could say, I just wasn't sure if it was right.
“I'd better go, Emily's waiting.” he said shrugging his shoulder slightly as if asking me to remove my hand.
“Yeh, sure. I'll see you tomorrow, right?” I asked.
“I guess.” he said, still looking through the window.
As I reached the house door I looked back to Solomon, wondering if I should wave, but he wasn't even looking in my direction. He was leaning forward with his head on his steering wheel, and then, after what seemed like the longest time, he started his car up and drove away.
I went into the house and after closing the door, leaned back against it. The tears that burnt the behinds of my eyelids finally gushing forth. What just happened? Why would Solomon say those things? Surely he can't mean it!
“Is everything okay?” Charles said coming down the stairs.
“Yeh. Fine.” I said, avoiding eye contact with him.
“Did something happen?” he said rushing down the stairs with a worried look on his face.
“No.” I said loudly, “I said I'm fine.” I brushed past him quickly and rushed up the stairs to my bedroom.
I wasn't in my bedroom for long before there was a knock at the door.
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