“What?” I called.
“It's me, Rachael.” She said as she opened the door and poked her head around the corner. “Do you mind if I come in?”
“Yes.”
“Oh well, I guess you'll have to put up with it for a minute.” she said walking in to the room and closing the door behind her. “Your dad asked me to come up here to see if everything is okay.”
“I told him I'm fine.” I whined.
“Ok, but he doesn't believe you and until you give him something he's going to keep asking.” she said sitting down on the edge of my bed. “You don't mind if I sit here do you?” she asked.
“It's your house Rachael. Do what you want.” I said rolling my eyes, she obviously wasn't asking for permission and I wasn't in the mood for games.
“Great, I'll bear that in mind.” she said smiling.
I rolled over on the bed to avoid having to deal with Rachael and buried my face into my pillow.
“Claudia, talk to me.”
“I don't have anything to talk about.”
“It might make you feel better.” I really did want to feel better at that moment.
“Promise you'll leave me alone if I tell you.” I said sitting back up and looking at her.
“Promise.” she said.
“Ok, well. We all went to the lake and had a snowball fight. It was amazing Rachael I had so much fun tonight.” I said smiling at the memory of the evening.
“Ok.” she said looking a little confused.
“Then Solomon drove me home and everything just went wrong from there.”
“What did he do?”
“He said he loves me.”
Rachael stared at me for a few seconds. “And then?” she asked when she realised I wasn't going to continue.
“Nothing. That was enough.”
She looked at me for a few more seconds, her eyes blinking rapidly and the she started laughing so hard she held her stomach.
“What's so funny?” I asked becoming more irritated.
“That's why you're so upset? Really?”
“You don't understand. Solomon's the best friend I've ever had. This complicates everything. Only two things can come from this; he'll either wake up tomorrow and realise that he was just drunk on the excitement of the night and he made a big mistake, or he could have actually been telling the truth. Which means I'll have to constantly mind what I say from now on and how I say it because he'll always be waiting for me to fall in love with him too. And I can't fall in love with him, because what happens if that doesn't work out? I lose him!”
Rachael laughed again, “You think too much Claudia. What could be better than having a best friend that is also in love with you? Sounds romantic to me.”
“You watch too many old fashioned movies Rachael. Love spoils everything, trust me.”
“Well, from my experience it only makes the friendship stronger.”
I glared at Rachael who avoided looking directly at me, a somewhat embarrassed look covering her face. “Oh.” I said finally realising what she was referring to, “Is that why you and my Mom had such an odd relationship?”
“It's not like how you think. Your Mom and me had an on and off relationship for as long as I can remember. And I fell in love with Charles a long time before they ever got together, at least I think so. By the time I told him how I felt about him, they were already together. I guess I should have always known, he really did only have eyes for her.” Rachael smiled softly as she spoke. “It never ruined our friendship though, I would have done anything for your father regardless.”
I rolled my eyes again, not sure how I should be feeling about the story Rachael was sharing with me. “So, I guess you were happy when my Mom disappeared then?”
“How can you say that?” she asked looking truly offended by my words.
“Sorry,” I said, for the first time regretting my disapproval of Rachael and Charles' relationship. “I didn't mean it.”
“You have no idea how your Dad went after he lost Denise. We thought we were going to lose him too, you know?”
I nodded, although I had never been given the full story, I had heard a little about how things were after Mom left.
“I guess my point is, your Dad really loved your Mom, I don't think he'll ever have the same feelings for me that he did for her. But there was a time when he needed me as much as I needed him and, well, if Solomon really loves you, he'll always be there for you. What's so bad about that?”
“How do I know if he really loves me Rachael? We've only known each other a few months.”
“You don't believe in love at first sight?” Rachael laughed. I glared back at her unimpressed with the joke. “I don't know Claudia. I don't want to sound cliché, but I guess you'll just know. You know when someone really pays attention to you, and makes you feel like you're the only person in their world and they just want to make you happy. Just pay attention Claudia, you'll know.”
“Hmmm” I groaned.
“All I'm saying is sometimes you have to take a chance. Sure he could wake up in a couple of days and realise that girl in his geometry class is actually way cuter than you, or he could know exactly how he feels and really care about you. You know him, what do you honestly believe?”
No, I wouldn't really consider Solomon a flaky character who didn't understand how he felt. It's just people make mistakes all the time, don't they? I considered her words for a short while and, although slightly half-heartedly, decided to give things a chance.
“Thanks.” I smiled at her, for once I was actually happy to have her around.
“So, do you think you'll be ok?” Rachael asked.
I nodded.
“Ok” she said, “I'll let your dad know it's safe to relax. I don't know what he thinks happened to you. As if you can't look after yourself.” she said getting up and walking over to the door.
“Rachael,” I called, “Thanks, and I'm really sorry I've been being such a brat.”
“Yeh, you have been haven't you?” she laughed, “You're forgiven and you're welcome. Anytime.”
Rachael left the room and I lay back on the bed. Is Solomon being in love with me really so bad? If I'm honest, I think I would be extremely jealous if he ever fell in love with anyone else. I can only imagine he would dedicate his whole self to whoever he falls in love with. How could I give that position in his life to anyone else? Maybe Rachael is right, this could be the beginning of a really intense friendship, I thought, or at least I hope so.
CHAPTER 17
Solomon called early the next morning to say he had to run a few errands for his aunt so he wouldn't be able to collect me for school. At first it felt like a blessing in disguise, I had been dreading school that morning and had barely slept, my mind constantly running over the night's events. I wasn't sure if I could bare seeing Solomon so soon after what had happened. I still wasn't sure if he had meant what he said but I was sure that my reaction wasn't what he had expected and wasn't going to be easily forgotten.
I leaned back against the living room sofa staring at the clock, trying to decide whether to go or not. I really didn't want to, but I would have to face Solomon sooner or later. It was still early, so a slow walk through town would be a nice way to clear my mind a little.
By the time I arrived at school the car park was already full of cars and students in small packs, talking and laughing. I noticed Solomon's car parked in our usual parking place and wondered if he really did have to do errands for his aunt or if he simply came to school early on his own.
Maybe I should have stayed at home, I thought again, but before I had a chance to quickly slip back out of the school yard Emily's head popped up from behind the car. She had been leaning through the back door looking for something.
“Hey, Emily.” I called over as her eye's caught mine.
“Hey. You are in big trouble girl?” she said crossing her arms in front of her as I approached.
“Why? What happened?” I asked.
It really was too early for games, I thought rolling my eyes impatiently.
“What did you do to Solomon last night?” She said, her eyes closing to narrow slits. She wasn't smiling anymore! I rarely saw Emily angry so I knew she meant it as a serious accusation.
“Nothing. What do you mean?” I said trying to appear confused.
“Come on Claudia. He told us he was going to ask you out, and when I saw him later that night he did not look happy.”
“Why would he tell you that?” I asked folding my arms in front of me defensively.
“So he had an excuse to leave me in the snow, freezing my behind off. Which by the way is why I have a roaring headache today.” She said massaging the bridge of her nose.
“Emily, I'm sure you just got the wrong end of the stick, nothing happened.” I was trying to sound confident, but the image of Solomon’s face as he started up his car ran through my mind. I had been feeling quite optimistic about how things would turn out up until that point.
“Oh well, I'll leave you two to it.” she said grinning mischievously. “I've got to catch up with Stacy anyway.” and then she ran off calling out to Stacy who was just getting out of Susanne’s car.
Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes momentarily, hoping to regain some composure. Emily's statement obviously meant that Solomon wasn't too far away. I turned slowly to peek over my shoulder hoping I was wrong.
“Hi” he said giving me a quick smile. “Where's she running off to?”
“I don't know, she said something about catching up with Stacy.” I answered watching Solomon's expression closely. “So, how you feeling this morning?” I asked smiling meekly.
“You mean after you broke my heart?” he said smirking at me.
“Please don't, I'm so sorry, I...”
“I'm joking.” he said quickly, his smirk turning into a full smile. “I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.” I stared hard at him; studying his face to determine whether it was a genuine joke or just his way of masking his true feelings. I had come so accustomed to his smile that it was easy to see the disjointed appearance of this one. He walked around the car and stood in front of me, “Don’t look at me like that Claudia, I was just kidding.” He said frowning slightly.
“Yeh, ok.” I said forcing a laugh. “We’d better get to class, the bell’s about to go.” Definitely should have taken a day off, I thought as we walked towards the school building.
With all the social studies I had done during my lessons at the facility, this was one I had never had. The whole issue of love and how confusing and awkward it was.
I looked back up at Solomon who was still smiling a somewhat off smile. A good thing, I guessed, but something that made the whole situation harder to bear. After all, it was hard enough thinking that I really may have broken his heart, but watching him try to act as if everything was fine, when it clearly wasn’t, was possibly worse.
“What lesson do you have now?” I asked, hoping to distract myself from how uncomfortable I felt.
“English.”
“Oh, I think I have Maths.”
“Yeh, you do. I’m on the same floor as you.” He grinned. I smiled back, happy to see his smile was looking a little less tense. “So, how did you enjoy the snow last night?” he asked.
“I haven’t had so much fun for a long time, it was great.” I said, “The snowball fight part anyway.” I added quickly.
“Look Claudia.” He said suddenly looking serious. “I want to apologise for last night. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.”
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” I said trying to cut the conversation short.
“No seriously. I shouldn’t have come on so strong. I really hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”
“To be honest, you did.” I said, figuring that it was a conversation we were going to have to have before things continued as usual.
“I’m sorry. I understand what you were trying to say. I don’t want things to change between us either. Not in a bad way anyway. What can I do to make things better?”
Unless you know how to turn time back I thought. “Maybe it’s best we just forget it ever happened.”
“You want to forget that I told you how I feel about you?” he said narrowing his eyes at me.
“Yes,” I answered.
“That’s what would make you happy?” He asked. I nodded.
He turned his head to look down the hallway “Ok, let’s just pretend it never happened.” He said with a sarcastic twinge to his voice. After a few seconds he clicked his tongue and turned back to face me. “I’d better get to class.” He said smiling softly. I nodded and agreed to meet him at lunch before going into my own class.
Lunchtime looked set to be a lot less uncomfortable, as I found only Susanne at the table when I got there. “Where is everyone?” I asked after I sat down next to her.
“The boys are probably at practice. Not too sure where the girls are.” She replied.
“Ok, that’s cool. Just the two of us.” I said relieved for a moment to not have to deal with Emily’s questions or Solomon’s awkwardness.
Susanne turned to face me with an excited look on her face. “So ... “ She said, pausing for long enough for me to realise what might be coming next. “Are you going to tell me what happened last night?”
The smile on my face dropped, “Last night when?” I said, knowing exactly what Susanne was referring to.
Susanne rolled her eyes, “You know he told us why he wanted to drop you home alone?"
I groaned, wondering why he would tell everyone and on top of that why everyone was so concerned about the results.
“Come on Claudia,” she said, “I’ve known him since we were in diapers. I just want to know if he did it and what's happening next.”
“Fine. He asked me out if that’s what you’re referring to, but I said no.”
“Why would you say that?” she said her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
“Because we’re just friends.” I said adamantly.
“It was just a date, he wasn’t proposing.”
“He might as well have been.” I muttered.
“What do you mean?”
Please don't make me say it. I thought, looking around quickly to make sure no one could overhear. I looked back at Susanne, wondering how much he had told them. “He said that he’s in love with me.” I whispered, almost defeated by the submission.
“Really? Wow.” Susanne said resting her chin on her hand, “It’s not exactly hard to believe, I’m just surprised he said anything.”
“Why .. isn’t it hard to believe?” So, I guess he hadn't told them that part, so then was it really that obvious?
“Come on. You would have to be blind not to notice how he looks at you.” she said tilting her head to the side. “So, what happened after he confessed his love for you?”
If I weren't the object of this conversation, I could have laughed, it was unusual to see Susanne who was normally very logical and level headed to be even interested in such a topic.
“I really don't want to talk about it.” I said, as unusual as it was having this talk with Susanne, I still didn't want to go over it again.
“Oh my God” she said almost mimicking Stacy precisely, “You can't just leave me hanging like this?”
“I don't want to talk about it Susanne. Besides we've already agreed to pretend it didn't happen. So just forget about it, okay?”
“You agreed to pretend it didn't happen? Was that your suggestion or his?” she asked her face suddenly changing to one of concern. I just scowled and looked down at the food in my tray. “Wow,” she continued. “That was pretty callous Claudia. Even for you.”
Susanne was now looking down at her tray picking at the food. I wasn't sure if it was the coolness in her voice or the words she had just used that offende
d me more.
“What's that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“Claudia, your little 'angry-at-the-world' act can be cute sometimes, but I thought Solomon was your friend.”
“He is. He's my best friend.”
“Yet you never realised for one minute, that he might have feelings for you?”
“No, I just thought he liked me as a friend too. Susanne you must know I would never hurt him intentionally.”
“Well, you are either the biggest tease, or the most naive girl I've ever met.” she said looking back at me, then she sighed loudly and continued, “but for the sake of our friendship, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it's the latter.”
I looked back down at the food in my tray feeling like a child who had just been told off by their mother for being naughty. I didn't really have anything to feel bad about, I hadn't done anything wrong after all, but for some reason I couldn't feel angry with Susanne. Her 'say-it-as-she-sees-it' style was after all, the exact thing that I liked about her.
Picking slowly through my food, I thought over what Susanne had said. It was true, I had noticed the way he looked at me, the way he talked to me and just the way he was in general with me, it was different to how he interacted with everyone else. I had noticed. But I had convinced myself it was just friendship. And Solomon was right. It was because I was scared. But I had a right to be scared didn't I? Everyone knows most school romances don't last, and I didn't want to lose him!
We sat, eating in silence for a short while, until Stacy and Martin came up to the table.
“Emily's going home.” Stacy said exaggerating her concern, “She's not feeling well at all.”
“Must have been all that waiting around in the cold last night.” Martin said, smirking at me.
I bit the inside of my lip, please don't let me go through this again, I thought.
“Never mind last night” Susanne said abruptly, “she's never taking care to dress up warm enough.”
“Well, she told me to give you Solomon's car keys. She said he has sports after lunch and then he's staying behind for more practice after school. Can you get them to him?” Stacy said handing the keys to Susanne.
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