by K. C. Crowne
Jacklyn cleared her throat, her voice coming out loud and clear when she finally spoke, “I think it's time for the two of you to leave,” she said to Eli and the woman, her voice surprisingly firm. “It's too early for this nonsense. Some of us have work to do around here.”
My heart swelled with pride. I was again struck by just how special of a woman Jacklyn was. She spoke her mind and led with her heart. She’d seen that I was struggling against my temper and the temptation of booze and she stepped in for me. The past few days with her had been eye-opening. I felt that pang of regret and jealously again as I thought back to finding her in bed with Sawyer.
“Mr. Bucknell, I really would –” Bianca started to say, but Jacklyn cut her off.
“Miss – I don't even know who you are, but I don't think he wants to speak to you right now,” she said. “It’s really in your best interest if you leave before he gets angry.”
Her voice was firm, but friendly. Hard to say no to someone like her when she sounded as reasonable, and yet as resolute, as she did. Even the hardened business woman seemed to hesitate, as if there was no way to argue with the girl's strong will.
I heard footsteps, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Jacklyn walking over to the front door. She opened it and motioned for Bianca to leave. I smirked, feeling a warm sense of pride at the determined look on her face. At least for the moment, I forgot about finding her and Sawyer together, in bed. She was still Jacklyn, one of the few people I could count on, even more so than my other brothers sometimes. Hell, most of the time, truth be told.
Bianca pursed her lips, an expression of annoyance crossing her features, and she hesitated – but only for a moment. She turned and looked to Eli, but he cut her off before she could speak.
“I'll talk to him,” Eli said, speaking as if only Bianca could hear him.
I rolled my eyes. Talking to me wouldn't do much good. We'd already done all the talking that would be done. The ranch was not going to be sold and that was final. Bianca nodded and walked toward the door that Jacklyn was still holding open for her. She stopped, giving Jacklyn an appraising once over.
“I don't think we've been properly introduced,” Bianca said, reaching out her perfectly manicured hand to Jacklyn who didn't take it. “Eli didn't mention having a sister.”
“I'm not a Bucknell. At least, not by blood,” she said as her gaze flickered over to me and we shared a smile. “I just care about this family and this ranch, and don't want to see anyone taking advantage of them. That's all.”
“Ah, well, it would seem they care about you too,” Bianca said.
She turned to look at all three of us. Even Eli was silent, scratching his head and staring at Jacklyn like he’d just noticed her in the room with us. He hardly knew Jacklyn, hadn't really seen her outside of her quiet shell. He obviously didn't know how to take the sudden ferocity in her eyes and tone.
“I'll talk to them,” Eli said again, crossing the room to shake Bianca's hand.
Bianca's dark eyes darted back over to Jacklyn, but she didn't say another word. She walked out, swishing her hips, her heels clacking against the front porch. Jacklyn held the door open a second longer, staring Eli down. For a second, I thought she might try to kick my brother out of there too. There was a steel in her gaze I'd never seen before, and one I found incredibly appealing. I chuckled to myself, the tension dying down already now that the woman was gone. Knowing someone was on my side helped a lot.
“Stand down, Jacklyn, it's all good,” I said. “I can handle my brother.”
“All I want is to show you something, Milo,” Eli said, his brown eyes boring into mine. “Something of Mom's I found when we were moving things out of here after the fire. I really think it's important for you to see.”
My ears perked up. “What is it?”
I noticed a pile of what appeared to be letters, tied up with a rubber band, sitting on the table beside him. He motioned at them, keeping his gaze fixed on me.
“Letters written by our mother to her sister in San Francisco,” he said, speaking slowly as if for emphasis.
“What does that have to do with –”
Eli held a hand up to stop me from protesting, “Just hear me out, Milo. That's all I ask.”
I'd never known of any letters before. I didn't know that our mother had an ongoing correspondence with her sister. Not that it had any relevance to our situation whatsoever, but my curiosity was piqued. We had so very little from our mother, and we knew even less about her life before she was our mom. We'd met our aunt from San Francisco only a handful of times when we were younger, but she was also gone. There was no one with any connection to our mother that we knew of. It was just the three of us. That was the only reason Eli got my attention with the letters – it would give me some more insight into the woman I still missed dearly.
“I'm listening,” I said after a few moments.
I turned and stared at Eli, arms crossed in front of my chest. Sawyer was at his side, and Jacklyn walked over to stand by mine, as if to show her support. Something about the way Eli was looking at me told me that I was going to need it. Eli picked up a letter and handed it over to me. I read the first few lines out loud.
Dear Maxine,
How are you doing? It's been too long since I've heard from you. I imagine the excitement of the big city is keeping you busy. I am so very jealous.
I stopped and raised an eyebrow at Eli. So far, it felt like nothing more than just two sisters corresponding with one another. As if he could read my mind, he nodded and pointed at the letter.
“Keep reading,” he said.
With a sigh, I continued.
Maxine, I know Father always wanted us to keep the ranch in the family, but it's hard not to imagine what my life would be like without it. My husband has taken to it, he loves it as much as our father did, but I simply can't stop dreaming about a life with more freedom.
I no longer wish to be tied to this place. It's always going to be a place filled with bad memories for me. Of course, Milton doesn't understand it - this is his dream. Coming from Texas, this is all he's ever wanted, and he's content. The boys seem happy too. So for now, this is where I'm going to stay, but I do wish to hear more about your life in San Francisco.
Maybe one day I can convince Milton to sell this place and I can join you up there. For now, I can only dream of what it might be like.
Love,
Patricia
I pored over the words several times, my heart sinking with every reading. It was hard to read the letter and to know our mother apparently felt that way about the ranch. It was clearly my mother's handwriting, so I had no doubt about their authenticity. She had written these words, but I had never seen the misery she had written about. She'd always seemed so happy and at peace here, never mentioned any bad memories, or dreaming of a life away from the ranch.
I stared down at the letter, reading it to myself a few times more before handing it back to Eli.
“It's one letter, Eli. We all know how much Mom loved this place, she was probably just having a bad day or got into an argument with Dad.”
“There's more where that came from,” Eli said. “Many more.”
He motioned to the pile of letters on the table. As tempting as it was to delve into them, to read my mother's words and get inside of her head, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to shatter the memories of my childhood. I didn't want to spoil the images I'd carried with me through my entire life.
“I don't have time for this,” I growled, pushing past my brothers. “I need to get to work.”
“Milo, please –” Sawyer tried to beg.
I turned and glared at him. He stood tall, but kept his mouth shut.
“I've had enough,” I said. “There's work to be done. Either you can join me, or you can leave. It's your choice.”
Jacklyn followed me out, not saying a word as the two of us walked out toward the stables. Sawyer hadn't followed me like some small part of m
e had been hoping he would. Instead, he chose to stay inside with Eli. It was probably for the best though. After everything I'd seen from him that day, I was on the verge of telling him to get the hell out. Sleeping with Jacklyn then taking Eli's side on something like this? The feeling of betrayal ran deep. I'd always thought he was on my side, the one brother who would always be next to me instead of standing against me.
Needless to say, the last few days had really made me see a different side of him – a side I didn't particularly care for.
“I'm sorry,” Jacklyn muttered from a few feet behind me.
I wasn't sure what she was apologizing for. For sleeping with my brother? For what had just happened? Either way, I didn't want to talk about it. Any of it.
“Let's drop it,” I said, a knot forming in my throat. “Never mention it again.”
If Sawyer made Jacklyn happy, so be it. Who was I to judge? It wasn't like I could ever have her anyway. She was too young, too sweet for me. Even though she was closer in age to Sawyer than anything, it was hard to remember that she was even that old.
Being petite with a sweet face made her seem perpetually young. Or maybe it was just my natural desire to protect her. I'd always wanted to protect her, ever since the first day she'd started working at the ranch. There was just an innocence about her that you didn't find in the world all that often. It was something I wanted to guard. To protect. To keep safe.
I hadn't dated much. I never really had much time for it, and I honestly had no desire to do that whole scene. Having a family appealed to me, but it was hard to imagine any woman wanting to put up with me. I was damaged, I readily admitted that, and I wasn't about to change.
Jacklyn walked on ahead of me, heading toward the stable. I stayed back as I tried to get my head and heart back under control. My mother's words were rolling over in my head. All these years, I thought the ranch was a dream for both my mother and my father. Finding out that it had all been nothing more than a carefully constructed image – a lie – felt like a kick to the balls.
That's exactly what Eli had wanted to do though. That was the purpose of rolling out the letters. He'd wanted to fill my head with doubt. Well, it was still only one letter – a moment in time. We had no context for the thing and didn't know what was happening when she'd written it. She could have been having a down day. She could have just gotten into a fight with Dad. A million different things could have happened that made her write that damned letter.
I pushed the thoughts away and looked ahead, watching Jacklyn leading Casper out through the front of the stables. She smiled happily at the animal, lost in her own head. She loved the place and loved the horses as much as I did. Maybe more. It was then I realized, I wanted to keep the place for her – not just for me. It was a thought that shook me to my very core.
* * *
Later that day, it was time for dinner, but I hated to pull Jacklyn away from the fields. She'd been out there with Casper all day, training and riding him. He'd already come a long way under her care. Her long, strawberry blonde hair flowed around her as Casper galloped steadily. She looked at peace out there atop that beautiful horse. She rode as if nothing else mattered but her and the animal underneath her. Casper was a miracle, and had it not been for her and her sister, well, she wouldn't have been riding him today.
During the fire, I'd told her to get the hell out of there. Her life mattered more than the horses. She'd refused. I was away in Texas with my brothers for the funeral of an uncle. We'd left the place in her care, and she'd handled it well. She'd not only managed to get out alive, she saved all the horses too. Given how bad the fires were, it was something I wasn't sure could be done.
Not only had she saved the horses, she helped deliver Casper in the middle of all the chaos the fires brought. Many – probably most – would have just given up. They would have abandoned the horses and ran for their lives. Hell, I told her to do just that. Even though these horses were like children to me, there was no way I could have lost her. As hard as losing the horses would have been, losing Jacklyn would have been a hundred times harder.
For her though, there was no way she could have left the animals to fend for themselves or die. They were her children too and losing them would have done terrible things to her. She was so attached to them, I don't know that she would have ever recovered from their loss.
I still wasn't entirely sure how they'd managed to get out in time, but I was grateful. I didn't know the whole story; it was still hard for Jacklyn to talk about. She'd been friendly with the arsonist and had no idea what he'd been doing. I knew she blamed herself – though there was no reason for it. None of us knew. I'd met the guy. I'd taken him in. He'd been staying at the ranch the entire time the world was burning, and yet none of us had a clue he was the reason for all of the destruction. It wasn't her fault. None of it was. She was the hero of the story as far as I was concerned.
She glanced my way and I waved at her, a signal to come on in. She hopped off Casper's back, patting him gently, then led him toward the stables. I headed back toward the house. At one time, we had a chef on hand to cook for the guests and us, but since the fire, we hadn't started renting the lodges out again. There was still some repair work that needed to be done so for now, we were on our own. I wasn't the best cook on the planet, but I could grill up some meat pretty damn well. Jacklyn was better than all of us, but that wasn't part of her job description. Then again, most of what Jacklyn did around here wasn't part of her job – she did it because she was part of the family. A valuable part too, and one that maybe I -- maybe all of us -- had been taking for granted for years.
That was another reason I was angry at Sawyer for sleeping with her. If he hurt her – or if he caused any sort of awkwardness in regard to her living with us – I was going to be pissed. Losing Jacklyn because my brother couldn't keep it in his pants would devastate me, and I knew she'd be just as hurt. Sawyer would have to find his own place if it came to that. I'd choose her over him any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I hated the thought of kicking my own brother out, but with the way things were going, he didn't seem like he wanted to be there anyway. He was with Eli and wanted to sell the place. At least Jacklyn wanted to be there. At least she was willing to stand and fight for it.
When I got inside the house, it was quiet. Eli's car was gone, which I was grateful for. I noticed that Sawyer's truck was also gone, and relief rushed over me. At least I wouldn't have to put up with their shit tonight. I walked into the dining room and sitting on the table right at my usual place, was the pile of letters Eli had toted in before. A note from Sawyer said, “Please just look at them.”
I growled to myself. If they weren't my mother's words, I might have tossed them away. But knowing that they were from her pulled at my heart just a bit. I never wanted to do something because Eli wanted me to do it – I was too damn stubborn for that. But this was different. These were insight into my mom. Insights from my mom. She was a woman I'd wanted to know more about my entire life and now, I had the chance.
I picked up the letters just as Jacklyn came in the front door. Sitting down, I opened the next one to our aunt Maxine and started reading and was only a few lines into it before Jacklyn joined me at the table.
“What do you want for dinner?” I asked. “Looks like it's just you and me tonight.”
I didn't look up at her and kept my eyes glued to the page in my hand. I had a hard time being this close to her after what I'd seen this morning.
“I think we need to talk, Milo,” she said, her voice softer than usual.
“About what?” I asked.
Yes, I was playing dumb on purpose. Maybe what she wanted to talk about wasn't what I thought it would be about. Maybe, it had something to do with the ranch or one of the horses. I hoped to God it wasn’t going to be about her and Sawyer.
“About this morning; about what you saw,” she said. “Sawyer and me.”
I cringed at her words. Obviously, I wasn't going to get th
at lucky. Sighing, I put the letter I was holding down and met her gaze, though it was harder than hell to do. Her beautiful blue eyes were still the same sweet, innocent ones I'd seen when she first started here. She was so beautiful, it hurt.
“There's nothing to talk about, Jacklyn,” I said gently. “You're a big girl. You can make your own choices.”
“I know that,” she said, biting her lip. “I just don't want things to be awkward between us.”
“They won't be,” I lied.
“I hope not. Because what happened with Sawyer was just fun, nothing more,” she said. “And maybe it was stupid, but it’s not a big deal. There was nothing more to it than that.”
“I understand.”
Boy, did I ever. I couldn't recall the last time I'd been with a woman. It had been a couple years, at least. Jacklyn was like me – we were content where we were at and didn't go out much. We hung out at the ranch, even spent our days off there, often working with the horses even when we didn't have to. Not that I ever took a day off, and she technically got them, but rarely seemed to do anything different with her free time either.
“It was probably stupid of me to sleep with Sawyer,” she said. “Since we live and work together and all. But I think he and I have an understanding. I doubt it'll happen again anyway.”
I shrugged, trying my best to act like I didn't care, though her words made me feel inexplicably happy. “As long as there's no drama between the two of you that affects the work, it's all good.”
“Is it, Milo?” she asked.
Her face fell, and her eyes clouded over a bit. It was almost like she was hoping for a different response. Not sure what she wanted, I nodded.
“Sure,” I said. “Who am I to meddle in your personal life?”
“I just –” she stopped and shook her head. “You know what, never mind. It doesn't matter.”
“What doesn't matter?” I asked her.
“Nothing,” she said, unable to meet my eyes.
She stood up, but I grabbed her hand and turned her toward me. I wasn't sure why I did it, but it felt like the right thing to do. She stared at my hand holding onto hers, her mouth open as if she wanted to speak but couldn't find the words.