by S. E. Lund
I didn't have time for a social life, although I had slept with a couple of women I'd met at a bar with my friends once or twice after Christie and I split. But nothing more. And nothing like the life I led with Christie before we ended it. We were busy with other couples we both knew, attending gallery openings, charity events, dinner parties.
Now, that was all gone and I really was alone.
I took out my cell and texted Ella.
JOSH: I've never spent much time in the photocopier room up till now, but it's become one of my favorite places.
I waited for her response, expecting something impertinent. Soon, I saw the little dots and knew she was writing me back.
The dots hung there for a long time, and I figured she had some smart retort to my text message. As the dots hung there and I waited in anticipation, I wondered what she'd say in reply. Something about how she'd been delayed and that I should really stay out of the photocopier room in the future if I wanted her to do her job. Whatever her response, I was smiling to myself, eager to read her text.
When the response came, I was underwhelmed
ELLA: I imagine.
That was it. All that time and she sends two words? I realized she had deleted the longer text she had actually written, having thought better of it. I knew she'd feel unsure of whether to respond at all, because I was her boss.
JOSH: I told you I'd remove myself as manager of Macintyre Publishing so we wouldn't be boss/employee.
ELLA: I know. Not sure if that really addresses the issue.
JOSH: Which is? The only issue I see is whether you're coming on Thursday.
ELLA: Not sure.
JOSH: You're sure to enjoy yourself. I happen to know you have the time off. What's stopping you? I've been clear that there are no strings attached. Just us and pure pleasure for four days. Isn't this what you wanted when you moved to Manhattan? To meet your own Mr. Big and use the experiences to write your bestselling chick-lit novel?
ELLA: Plot twist. In the movie, she marries Mr. Big.
JOSH: Are you marrying me?
ELLA: I'm never getting married.
JOSH: Then, it's settled. No marriage for you. Just pleasure. And great conversation.
ELLA: Like I say, we'll see. Try and enjoy the suspense.
JOSH: I hate suspense. I like to know what to expect.
ELLA: If I come to Bali, you can expect four days of sun, sex and satisfaction. How's that?
JOSH: Sounds like a plan.
I put my cell away but felt unsettled after my conversation with Ella. It seemed like she didn't want a committed relationship -- ever-- but at the same time, she didn't really seem to want a casual one fueled primarily by mutual lust. Was she afraid of falling in love? Maybe she didn't trust herself not to.
Whoever Jerkface was, he must have hurt her deeply to be so reticent about another meaningful relationship and yet afraid of a meaningless one. I could understand that sentiment, but I knew I couldn't be happy without sex in my life. If it had to be only casual, that would be fine with me until I did meet a perfect woman and get married. While I waited for that to happen, I saw no reason why Ella and I shouldn't be able to enjoy each other physically, even if we didn't become emotionally involved.
I tried to shove those uncomfortable questions out of my mind and focus on the game. I was even able to enjoy it for a while, but the game turned out to be way too one sided and my team was losing so I lost interest and turned to the news. That was even less satisfying and frustrating, so I decided to go to bed.
Sleep was a long time coming, and I only fell asleep after another sad bout of solitary masturbation with images of Ella in my mind's eye. In truth, Ella should have been there with me, enjoying a second orgasm of the night. She was young, intelligent, and beautiful and she was attracted to me and I to her. We would have been fucking our brains out, if all had been right with the world.
But of course, it wasn't.
The next morning, I went through my usual routine of getting up and cycling after which I would take a shower and grab a cup of coffee on my way to the office. I should have spent the day at the office in the financial district, but I wanted to finish up some work at the new building. As I rode through the park, I thought back to my first meeting with Ella, and smiled to myself at how sweet she had been, offering to help pay for my medical costs, in case I didn't have good insurance as a lowly bicycle courier.
My knees and elbows were all healed up, but that event had left a mark on me. I enjoyed the fact that she didn't know me as the Joshua Macintyre Jr. I was just a guy to her, someone she was attracted to, who she shared chemistry. When she found out who I was, and that I was her boss, she was hesitant. If I had remained that bicycle courier, we would have probably been fuck buddies by now, but that changed everything and I had to work my ass off just to get her to give me a chance.
So I was really happy to see her rushing along the sidewalk to the building entrance.
"Hey, lady, watch where you're walking!" I called out when I got up beside her.
She jumped at the sound of my voice, then when she got sight of me, I saw relief on her face when she recognized me.
"Oh, it's you," she said and held her hand over her heart. Then she smiled. "You trying for another set of scraped knees and elbows?"
"Every day at this time," I said in reply. "I'm extra careful now and use the bike lanes whenever I can, just in case the tourists don't obey the rules of the road."
"You weren't obeying them that day, if I recall."
"Neither of us were obeying the rules. You have to know that they block the bike lanes with construction equipment and other obstacles so sometimes, we bicycle couriers have to improvise."
She nodded and stopped at the sidewalk that angled up to the front door of the building.
"Maybe if we can't follow rules, we should avoid each other. You know. One of us has to be responsible."
"Don't say that," I said. "We can be grownups. We're both gainfully employed."
"Well, not really..." she said with a grin. "I am unpaid..."
"Okay, we both went to college and got degrees. So there's that."
"Yes. But we both have made bad decisions when it comes to romance."
"And that's why this won't be a romance. Just pure unadulterated pleasure."
She glanced around and then turned back to me. "You keep saying that like you're trying to convince yourself."
"I know it's true," I replied. "I'm just trying to convince you."
She smiled. "I have a job to get to."
"Think about it," I said and removed my helmet and glasses and ran a hand through my hair. "You should come with me. It'll be memorable. You'll be able to include real details in your stories."
She tapped her head. "I have it all up here. Stuff I haven't actually done, I can research online."
"Nothing like the real thing," I said as I walked with her to the front door, and into the building where we waited for the elevator. Luckily, we were the only people waiting and when the elevator doors closed, I was pleased to be alone with her. I rested the bike against the wall and moved closer to her, leaning against the wall beside her.
"Have dinner with me tonight. Last night, I sat alone in my apartment and ate some takeout food in my underwear. It was pathetic."
She laughed and glanced at me. "That does sound pretty pathetic, but actually, I did the same. Except, I was wearing my nightgown."
"We should at least do it together," I said. "Then it wouldn't be so pathetic."
The elevator doors opened and it was time for her to get off.
"This is me," she said and started to leave.
I grabbed her arm. "Come have dinner with me tonight. If you want, we could go somewhere nice, or stay in and sit in our pajamas. There's a Nicks game on."
"I'm currently watching Mr. Mercedes on Superchannel."
"We could watch that, too."
She left the elevator without responding.
"Text me
," I called out as the elevator doors closed.
She smiled. "I can't. Working late. Then I need to go right to bed so I can get up early and go at it again. Work work work until Sharon's presentation on Tuesday."
"If you change your mind, you know where to find me."
Her smile suggested that she was definitely deciding that she didn't want to get mixed up with me, no matter how much I promised her it would be just casual. I went the rest of the way up to my apartment, ruminating on what I really wanted from her. I enjoyed her wit and her beauty, plus she was hot in bed.
Maybe it wasn't a good thing for me to become involved with her.
I wasn't going to let that stop me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ella
Dammit.
He wasn't going to let up. He took every chance he could to contact me, whether by text or email or in person.
The problem was, I was beginning to look forward to it, despite all my best intentions. It was so tempting to just let myself fall for him, but everything was happening far too quickly.
He was just so easy to be with. Fun. I enjoyed his sense of humor and of course, his obvious interest in me was flattering to my ego, which was still bruised.
Josh was wealthy, handsome, and successful. Any woman would be more than happy to receive his attention.
Except me. I feared it.
He could have me twisted around his little finger so easily...
I spent the weekend at the office working on the presentation, making sure it was ready for Sharon's meeting on Tuesday, going over every detail, trying to make sure each slide was perfect and the whole thing flowed. I checked every number three times with the source material. I sent copies to each of the editors involved in providing the data for their input.
It kept me busy all day Saturday and Sunday.
I didn't see Josh during that period, but he made sure to text me.
I continued to give the excuse that I was working late and needed to go right to bed when I was done for the night.
On Saturday afternoon, he called me while he was out shopping.
My cell rang and I checked the call display to see whether it was him, although there were very few people in the entire world who knew my number other than Steph -- Sharon, Josh and Cindy from the office. That was pretty much the extent of it and since both of them were only steps away, I knew it was him.
"Hello, Josh."
"Hello, Ella. I'm down at Mr. Ho's place by the office and am wondering what to get for supper."
"It all depends," I answered, smiling at his blatant attempt to talk me into having dinner with him.
"Depends on what?" he asked, his interest piqued.
"On what you feel like eating, of course," I replied and stared off into the distance, trying to imagine him standing at the fruit and vegetable stalls at the small grocers down the street from the main office in the financial district. I could see him picking up pieces of fruit and smelling them, feeling the cucumbers, checking out the fresh seafood in the display case.
"I want to know what you're interested in eating."
"Oh, I already have my dinner taken care of. Sharon brought us some homemade lasagna and garlic loaf for supper. But thanks for thinking of me."
"Rats," Josh said, and I could hear the disappointment in his voice. "You wouldn't prefer some General Tso's chicken and rice? Some nice egg rolls?"
"Sadly, not tonight. We're working through supper to get this finished."
"Okay, but don't say I never tried."
"I could never say that."
I hung up and smiled to myself, enjoying his attention, regretting that I really couldn't take time off even if I wanted to. I didn't want to -- not really. Josh was like a triple chocolate fudge sundae with whipped cream on top. You know you shouldn't eat it, but that doesn't stop you from wanting it.
Josh wouldn't be good for me. He was a super-rich business mogul who would marry someone society girl like his ex. I was out of his league and I knew it. The last thing I wanted or needed was to spend the rest of my life feeling looked down on because I wasn't the right kind of people.
Ever hopeful that I'd given in out of sheer exhaustion from saying no, Josh texted me on Sunday afternoon.
JOSH: I bought a couple of really great tenderloin steaks and some sweet corn from the grocer down the street. I could grill them up on the BBQ on my roof-top patio if you'd like to join me. The view is fantastic and I promise you, the company couldn't be finer.
I exhaled, wanting to go to him, but at the same time, kicking myself for being so weak-willed.
ELLA: Sorry. Sharon bought us a couple of containers of Kung Pao Chicken and rice for supper. Working late again!
JOSH: Can't blame a man for trying...
ELLA: At some point, I would think a guy might get tired of being turned down...
JOSH: You are obviously unaware of my incredible persistence. Some would call it obstinacy. Or maybe blindness... But I prefer to call it impressive staying power. *Grin*
ELLA: LOL
ELLA: No comment. Not enough data to judge.
JOSH: I can help you with that. I like to ensure a woman has adequate knowledge of my best attributes.
ELLA: You think that's your best attribute? I would think it would be your moral character or intelligence or compassion or wit...
JOSH: Those, too.
ELLA: Have a great evening and enjoy your tenderloin. As for me, I'll be working on Sharon's presentation on the spring schedule for her meeting.
JOSH: You could come by later for a nightcap...
ELLA: I'll be so tired by the time I get home, I'll be good for nothing but sleep.
JOSH: If you change your mind...
ELLA: Good night. Sleep tight.
I put my cell away and tried to focus on the presentation, but Josh's persistence had me smiling to myself.
Around four in the afternoon, a woman entered the office with a tray of coffee and a box of donuts in her hand. She was striking, with black hair and patrician features, dressed immaculately in a business suit. She went right into Sharon's office and I thought nothing of it until I got a call from Sharon to join them.
The door to Sharon's office was cracked open and I was just about to open the door and go inside when I heard them mention Josh's name. I stopped and listened, curious what they'd say about him.
"...and he was looking for a wife and he had me vetting candidates. Can you believe it?" the woman said.
"Joshua asked you to find him a wife? Seriously?" Sharon asked, her voice shocked.
"Yes," the black-haired woman answered. "He said he was too busy to find one himself. He needed to get married to receive instalments on an incentivized trust his father left for him. He would only get money on his wedding anniversaries. A cool twenty-five million each year. So, he asked me to find suitable women and arrange the meetings."
"That's so utilitarian. It's disgusting, really, when you think about it. I never would have thought of Joshua like that."
"He's a business man, in the end. He said he was too busy for romance, but he needed that twenty-five million dollars to help his paper get off the ground running. The boys all thought they'd get a one-fifth share of the fortune, which would have been close to two billion each, but no. His father didn't believe in inherited wealth. He wanted them to work for their own fortunes."
"That sucks," Sharon replied.
I stood in the darkness of the hallway and felt like my blood had turned to ice. Josh hired the headhunter to find him a wife so he could get twenty-five million dollars? He was willing to have me as his little fuck buddy while he looked for a real wife?
As much as I didn't plan on getting married any time soon, it hurt me to think that I wasn't good enough for him to consider as a potential wife. In fact, I felt like I was going to cry.
I left the hallway and went to the staff washroom and did just that. While I cried, I realized that I didn't want to just have a dirty fling with h
andsome and wealthy bachelors like Josh. I wanted something real.
While I sat on the toilet and wiped tears away, I texted Josh.
ELLA: I'm sorry I can't come with you to Bali, but I just can't do casual sex. I need something more. Something deeper. I was with my ex for years and I realize that I'm on the rebound and you can't trust yourself when your heart has been broken. But the last two weeks have shown me that I just can't do meaningless but pleasurable. I'm worth more than that. Good luck with your life but it's better this way.
My finger hovered over the send button. Did I really want to do it? Josh told me that he was down on romance because of his bad experiences, but he was willing to hire a headhunter to find him a wife so he could get married for money.
It just didn't seem like the man I had come to know over the past few weeks, but I had to admit that if he really was trying to find a wife so he could get his first instalment and was happy to use me as a fuckbuddy until he met a woman good enough to be his wife, I couldn't be with him.
I tapped send and then went back to my office and sent a message to Sharon that I didn't feel like coffee or a donut and to go ahead without me.
Then I cried my eyes out alone in my office.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Josh
I read over her text several times, rubbing my jaw and trying to figure out what happened to change her mind.
ELLA: I'm sorry I can't come with you to Bali, but I just can't do casual sex. I need something more. Something deeper. I was with my ex for years and I realize that I'm on the rebound and you can't trust yourself when your heart has been broken. But the last two weeks have shown me that I just can't do meaningless but pleasurable. I'm worth more than that. Good luck with your life but it's better this way.