The Hart Brothers Series Box Set (Including the bonus book Sabin: A Seven Novel): Freeing Her, Freeing Him, Kestrel, The Fall and Rise of Kade Hart, Sabin: A Seven Novel

by A. M. Hargrove

  My mother stares at me with pinched lips. “You look sour-faced,” she says. Like she doesn’t? Sadly, I never remember her smiling.

  No wonder. I want to say to her, “How should I look coming back into the land of the unloved and unwanted?” But I don’t. I stretch my lips into a thin smile and say, “I’m tired. Work has been a bit tough these past few weeks.”

  “You need a real job, Serena, like your sisters have. I don’t know why you insist on that silly underwater stuff. You should be a secretary.”

  Here we go again. “Mother, I don’t want to be a secretary. I’ve told you this already. Dozens of times. I love what I do. Let’s not get into this again.”

  “I just don’t understand you. Wearing all that, that horrible equipment or whatever you call it. You’re going to die down there. It’s not a place for people.”

  “Mother, stop it. That’s a terrible thing to say to your daughter.”

  “It’s the truth, and you know it.” She points a long, fat finger at me.

  “No, I don’t know it. If I thought it was unsafe, I wouldn’t do it. But the fact is if done properly, SCUBA diving is perfectly safe. Now let’s end this discussion.”

  “I just don’t understand…”

  Groaning, I say, “I know you don’t. I love marine biology. If I didn’t love it, I wouldn’t be working on my Ph.D. And I love SCUBA diving. So that’s that.”

  She makes her usual harrumph sound, and then I hear the clicking of her false teeth. God help me if I ever have to wear dentures. If so, I hope I can get the kind that actually stay in my mouth. At least I take care of my teeth now. My parents never took me to the dentist because it cost money, so when I got to college I made my first ever appointment in the dental school clinic. It was embarrassing going to the dentist for the first time at the age of eighteen, but I did it. Luckily, my teeth were in pretty good shape. So now I practice great dental hygiene so I can avoid the denture trap. Click, click, click.

  “Where’s Dad?”

  “Napping.”

  I guess I wasn’t important enough for him to stay awake. “How are Joan and Kathy?” I don’t speak to my sisters much. They were angry with me for leaving because they no longer had their built-in nursing home provider. All of a sudden, they knew they would actually have to do something for their parents. It was ugly for the first year. The phone calls and letters were hateful. Looking back, I feel like an outcast in this family of mine. Maybe I need to have genetic testing done, because I don’t feel at all related to them.

  “Fine. Harold has been promoted to branch manager.” Harold is Joan’s husband and he works at the local bank. “Dougie is doing well at his engine shop, but Kathy complains about his greasy pants and fingers. I can’t blame her.” Dougie is Kathy’s husband, poor guy.

  “What does she expect? He works with engines. Engines are greasy. The man can’t help it.”

  “She thinks he should wear latex gloves and I agree with her. But he says it makes it too hard for his hands to handle the tiny parts.”

  “I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about.”

  My mother harrumphs again. She does that a lot. “Nevertheless, I gave Kathy money so she could have a shower installed in their garage and a special washing machine out there just for Dougie. He can clean up before he comes inside.”

  Oh, my god. I’ve heard it all. There was never enough money to buy me new clothes, but she gives my sister money to install a shower in her garage so her husband won’t get their house greasy. Once again, I’m reminded of where I fit into this family. “What about in the winter when it’s cold?”

  “He’s a man. He can toughen up then.”

  No doubt about it. I must have foreign blood in me. Maybe the stork really did drop me on the front porch. These people are damn crazy. I don’t say a word. “What about the kids?”

  Another harrumph and this time it’s accompanied by a long, drawn out moan. “The oldest, Evelyn, is a cashier at the Zippy Mart. She’s hoping to climb the ladder soon.”

  “What’s she shooting for? Head cashier?” I snicker, trying to hide my face. Evelyn is my age, twenty-five. I know, my niece is the same age as me. Weird.

  “Yes, she has high aspirations.” My sarcasm isn’t lost on my mother. “Serena, not everyone wants to swim underwater and look at the guppies.”

  “That’s not what I do, Mother.”

  “So you say.”

  “What about Harold Junior?”

  “He’s going to the community college. He wants to be a plumber, of all things. He won’t amount to much.”

  I rub my forehead. Never a kind word. I’m sure she hasn’t any idea what kind of money good plumbers can actually make. It’s probably because she’s sat on her ass her whole life. “And Kathy and Dougie’s kids?”

  “Ruth is still working at the hospital cafeteria and Little Dougie is still in high school. He wants to follow Big Dougie into the business. He’ll have greasy hands just like his daddy. He won’t amount to much, either. Kids these days. ”

  “Poor things,” I mutter under my breath.

  “What was that?”

  “Oh, that’s nice. I see they’re all in challenging careers. Very stimulating.”

  “Yes, and that’s what you should’ve done. Instead of studying goldfish. I just don’t understand you, Serena.”

  “I know you don’t, Mother.”

  “So what time is dinner tonight?” she asks.

  My friends talk about how they get spoiled when they go home and visit their family. Not me. My mother treats me like a servant, sent here to cook and clean. This is why I only stay for a couple of days. It’s about all I can deal with at a time.

  “Whenever,” I mumble. “I guess I need to get the laundry started so I have clean sheets to sleep on.”

  “And when your father wakes up from his nap, you’ll need to grab the ones from our bed, too.” And here it begins. “Don’t forget to mop and dust. All the rugs need vacuuming and the bathrooms need scrubbing.”

  “Just out of curiosity, do Kathy or Joan ever do any of this stuff for you?”

  She stares at me like I have a tree growing out of my head. “Why would they do that? They never sleep here.”

  Silly me. I should’ve known the answer to that. Face palm. Thank the lord I’m only staying for two nights. Otherwise they’d have to institutionalize me.

  Two hours later, clean sheets are on my bed, the house is dusted, vacuumed, and my father is up from his nap and hasn’t spoken a single word to me. Who are these people?

  “Mother? Do you ever do your own housework? There was so much dust in here I had to use the vacuum attachment.”

  She blows out enough air to fill a hot air balloon. “Serena, I am incapable of that. You of all people should know. I’m too old.”

  Now it’s my turn to look at her like she’s fucking crazy. She’s seventy-five. While that’s not young by any means, that is certainly not too old to dust for Pete’s sake. And I tell her as much.

  Her mouth twists into a hateful snarl. “Let me tell you one thing, missy. When I birthed you through my loins, you ruined me. You ripped my innards to shreds and destroyed me, you thankless little ingrate. And here you stand and dare to tell me I’m not too old? You have some nerve!”

  Birthed you through my loins? Ripped my innards to shreds? What the fuck? Who is this woman and what century is she living in?

  “Excuse me, Mother. I was just saying that sitting all day does not help your situation. It only worsens it. Maybe if you got up and moved around a little you would feel better.”

  “Oh, and how would you know this? Did your guppies tell you that?”

  All the years of pent up frustration and disgust for the way I’ve been treated my entire life unleashes before I can stop myself. “No, Mother, they did not. Go ahead and sit in your recliner. Sit there until you rot away, because that’s exactly what’s going to happen to you, by God. I’ve had enough. You people are crazy. I don’t know ho
w I ever was born into this family unless an alien beamed me here. I swear to God, I do not have your DNA in me.”

  For a moment, we are both frozen, stunned that I had the nerve to speak up for once. And for a half a second, I’m ashamed of what I said. As much as they deserve payback for everything I’ve suffered over the years, I also don’t want to be nasty to them. I want to be the better person.

  Once that bubble of time bursts and she gets over that I’ve stood up for myself, her eyes bug out of her head in a cartoon-like fashion and she jerks her arm toward the door. “Get out of this home right now. Your father and I slaved, Serena, we slaved so you could have the life that you do today. And this is the gratitude we receive. I will not have that kind of talk bandied about.”

  Slaved? I was the slave around here. And I was the one who worked for what I have. If I hadn’t poured myself into my studies, I would be working as a cashier, right next to Evelyn. And I did it all while taking care of her home, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing bathrooms, doing laundry, and cooking so she could sit on her ass and do nothing. I was a young child, for fuck’s sake. Did I ever receive any thanks? Not once. Did I ever receive any hugs or kisses? Never. Did she tuck me in at night and read me bedtime stories? Not once. Did she hold me while I cried because the kids were so mean to me? Never. The only thing she did was tell me I was nothing but trouble for her.

  I massage my temples in a weak attempt to stave off the impending headache. They only come when I visit home. I don’t even bother to consider why.

  “I meant what I said, but I don’t wish you harm. You are my mom, and I only want the best for you even if you don’t want the same for me.” I trudge back up to my room and grab my duffle. This visit, though short, has made me weary. On the way out I say, “You have my number. You know where to find me if you need me.” In the end, they are still my parents and if not for them, I would have never found my love for the sea because I wouldn't exist.

  I don’t wait for a response, because I know there won’t be any. My wheels squeal and spit gravel as I back out of the driveway. It’s not because I lay down the gas pedal; it’s because I need new tires and they can’t find purchase on the less than ideal surface. Money isn’t exactly flowing for me. I can’t say that I’m happy for the way things turned out, but honestly, I’m not sad either. I don’t feel the least bit attached to my parents, nor do I feel the tiniest bit of affection for them. For a mother who “birthed me through her loins,” she never formed any kind of attachment to me. No bonding at all. I feel no sense of loss, and it’s because I’ve been alone my whole life. My friends take a greater interest in me than my parents.

  The drive back doesn’t take long, as it’s only about three hours from Magnolia, South Carolina to Beaufort, where I’m living for the summer. I’m only here for a few more weeks and then it’s back to Duke to continue working on my Ph.D. Good thing I’m unattached. Sure does make moving a ton easier.

  There is supposed to be a dive going out tomorrow but I didn’t put myself on the list because I hadn’t planned on being here. But now …

  When I get home, I make that call. When I hear they still have room, I squeal.

  “Sounds like someone is a little excited to go.”

  “Come on, Dan, you know I live and breathe this stuff.”

  “Yeah, but I thought you were out of town this weekend.”

  Dan Robinson is the dive master I usually link up with here. “I was but I came home early.”

  “Early? It’s still Friday. Are you sure you even went at all?”

  “Yeah, but let’s not talk about it. I want to talk about something that gives me joy.”

  “Hmm, that bad, huh?”

  “Worse. So, what time does the boat leave?”

  “Early. Five forty-five. See you at the marina. I’ll have filled tanks for you. Just bring your equipment.”

  “Okie dokie. See you in the morning.”

  We’ll be diving a shipwreck off the South Carolina coast. I always love those. You never know what you’re going to find. I have all sorts of cool artifacts I’ve collected from dives, such as coins, jewelry, cups, pottery, Civil War memorabilia, etc. But mostly I like to collect information for my research, which is mainly about how environmental pollutants are impacting the sea life.

  The alarm buzzes and I hop out of bed, eager to start my day. It doesn’t take me any time at all to grab my gear and get to the marina. I only live a short mile away. Dan greets me with a hug.

  “Have you eaten?” he asks.

  “No, I’m always too keyed up before a dive.”

  “There’s coffee and some bagels. Grab something. I don’t want you heaving over the side on the way out.”

  “Come on, Dan. You know I don’t do the sea sick thing.”

  “Eat, Serena, or your ass stays on the dock.”

  Giving him a little salute, I say, “Aye, aye, Captain.”

  I choke down half the bagel, but the coffee slides down without a problem. By the time I pour my second cup, the others arrive.

  “Serena, I didn’t know you’d be here.” Greg, an associate from the marine biology program, boards the boat.

  “It was a last minute thing. My out of town plans sort of changed.”

  “Cool. Glad you could join us.”

  “Same. You know how I love this.”

  Greg laughs. “Yeah, you must’ve been a fish in your former life.”

  Then I see my friend Melody Hampton hopping onto the boat.

  “Hey Mel!”

  Her face brightens. “Serena! You’re supposed to be out of town.”

  “Ugh. Long story. I’ll tell you on the way.”

  Melody and I hang out a lot. We are in the same Ph.D. program at Duke. Two positions opened up here in Beaufort for research, so we both applied and got them. We have a lot in common, mainly diving and studying marine biology, which makes us both super geeks. But we don’t care because we love being that way. Anytime we hang out with other girls, they give us a hard time about it.

  “Okay, listen up everyone,” Dan says. “We’re headed out about sixty miles, and the seas are rough with up to six foot swells. If anyone needs drugs, take them now. We’ll be dealing with some moderate currents, too. We have wind today, people.”

  “Oh, yay, wind, sea, currents.” Sarcasm oozes from Melody as she digs around in her pack for her meclizine. She battles the inner ear phenomenon otherwise known as mal de mer. Seasickness. I’ve seen her turn as green as a tree frog, poor girl.

  “You’ll be fine, Mel, once you get in the water,” I say.

  “Bleh,” is her only response.

  “Don’t forget to eat, Melody,” Dan reminds her.

  “Already did,” she hollers back.

  The engines roar to life and while most people hate the smell of diesel fuel, I love it. It tells me I’m getting closer to my goal. Excitement surges in my blood and my adrenaline kicks in. Even though we have a couple of hours to get to our destination, I can feel my body prepping itself. This is what I was born to do.

  “So what happened?” Greg interrupts my thoughts.

  “Huh?”

  “You’re here.”

  I have no intentions of getting into my family shit with him.

  “Nothing really. Just a simple plan change and I found myself back home, so I called Dan last night.”

  “Cool.”

  Not cool. While I like Greg as a dive buddy, he’s been hinting around at taking it to another level, and I have no interest in him that way. He is nice and sort of attractive, I suppose. But he reminds me of how I would like my brother to be, if I had one—calm, relaxed, and just a regular guy. But there’s nothing else there, as in no fire, or chemistry if you will. In fact, the idea of even kissing him gives me the willies.

  The boat hits some big chop and I’m thrown into Greg. He grabs me and steadies me.

  “Whoa, I got you.”

  “Thanks, that was unexpected.” I’d been bending over to pull an elastic ban
d out of my bag when it hit and I almost hit the deck. “Dan was right. This is gonna be a super rough ride, I think.”

  “Yep.”

  I look over at Mel and she’s still looking okay. “Hey, Mel, how’re you doing?”

  “So far so good.” She motions me over to her with her finger. Anxious to get away from Greg, I comply.

  “Thanks for the rescue. I like him just fine as a friend, but I think he’s trying to take it to the next level.”

  “I got that vibe, too. So what happened that you came back? And why the hell didn’t you call me?”

  “Ack. My mother. Remind me not to visit there again. It’s too depressing to talk about.”

  “That bad?”

  “Worse. They’re … I don’t know. They act like I’m their maid. It was awful. Let’s not talk about it. I don’t want it to ruin my day.”

  “No probs.”

  I glance at her to give her my thanks and notice she’s wearing her favorite necklace. It’s a family heirloom that her grandmother gave her—a locket suspended on a lovely gold chain. “You gonna wear that diving?”

  “Oh, I never take it off. I can’t. My Mimi is in here.” She opens up the locket to reveal a picture of her grandmother.

  “You always wear that diving? I’ve never noticed before. I mean I know you wear it all the time, but I guess I never paid attention to you wearing it on a dive.”

  “Oh, yeah. I always wear it.”

  “Won’t it get ruined underwater?”

  “Nope. I’ve never taken this thing off. I stick it inside my neoprene and it hangs there just fine. I had the jeweler put a tiny gasket inside so it would be safe. He told me to make sure I rinse it so the salt doesn’t linger. But I can’t ever take this off. Mimi said she would be with me every day if I wore it, so I do. And I had extra pictures of her made, just in case.”

  “That’s so cool y’all were so close. I never had that so I’m jealous. I’d wear it, too.” I am a bit envious. Melody is close to her family and I can’t imagine what that emotion feels like.

  Melody just smiles and lovingly fingers the locket.

  We have one other passenger, a guy named Finley. He’s kind of new around here, but has been on several dives with us. He smiles at me and shakes his head. He feels for Melody, too. He should see her when she’s totally green.