Hard Knox

by Nicole Williams

  “Specifics. What specifically is so ridiculous about you moving in with me for a temporary period while someone seems to stop at nothing—you being handcuffed to me while you toss back a bottle of water included—to fuck you?”

  I motioned down my body. “I don’t know about you, but who wouldn’t want to fuck me? If that’s the list we’re working off of for possible suspects, you might as well add the entire Sinclair student body. And faculty. And maybe even the alumni to be safe.”

  “Charlie!” Knox wasn’t controlling his voice any longer. Sitting up, his eyes finally went to mine. “This isn’t some fucking joke. This is your life.”

  “Exactly. My life.” I sat up too, just so I could be above him again.

  “Fine. You know what? If you care so little about it, why should I give a damn? If you don’t value your life enough to reach out and grab a life ring when you’re about to drown, then why should I bust my ass trying to find one to toss you?”

  I sat up taller. “Exactly. Can you find those bolt cutters already so I can leave now?”

  He leaned in so close to me that I could smell the same scents I’d tasted last night. It was like some kind of aphrodisiac, but it should have been more along the lines of toxic.

  “No,” he said firmly. “You don’t have to care about your life, but I can. And there’s nothing you can do or say to try to control that.”

  My mouth fell open. “But you just said—”

  “I was hoping to knock some sense into you with a sprinkle of reverse psychology. I should have known better than to expect common sense and you to get all buddy-buddy though.”

  I grabbed the pillow on the couch, wanting so badly to smash it into his face. When all he did was peak a brow and curl his fingers in a let-me-have-it motion, I tossed the pillow across the room and decided to beat him with my words. “I wish you could just quit your god complex already and leave the rest of us alone.”

  “God complex? You think I’ve got a god complex?” Knox shook his head with a look of disbelief.

  “You’re the one telling people what to do with their lives. You’re the one ordering me to move in with you because only you can keep me safe, only you can get to the bottom of this, only you are worthy of this task.” I threw my arms toward him in exasperation.

  “And what about you and your god complex? You’re telling me I can’t have a say in your life with my insane idea of wanting to preserve it. You’re the one thinking that only you can keep yourself safe, only you can get to the bottom of this, only you are worthy of this task.”

  Hearing them spit back at me, my words sounded far less poignant than I’d thought. In fact, they sounded more like the tantrum of some preschooler. I found myself reaching for my head, rubbing my temples. “It was a long night, and it’s turning into an even longer morning, so will you please just say what you’re trying to?”

  “I thought I was making myself pretty damn clear. Move in here. Not forever. Not for always. Just until we get to the bottom of this.”

  I made myself take a breath. Since locking horns wasn’t getting us anywhere, maybe a little logical thinking, peppered with some calm tones, would pave the way. “I hear what you’re asking. I even understand somewhat why you’re asking. There’s a part of me that appreciates you being all chivalrous and wanting to protect my virtue and apparently high-in-demand virginity.” When I noticed his jaw set again, I eased off the sarcasm, which was difficult to do given it was my default. “But I can’t move in here, Knox. I don’t even know where here is really. I don’t have a vehicle for commuting back and forth to school, nor am I particularly fond of public transportation ‘round these parts—talk about ways to not keep me safe. Not to mention what would the revolving door of Knox Jagger groupies think, what would my prolific fan-club think, how would we decide who got to use the bathroom first in the morning, who would do the dishes, et cetera, et cetera? That’s a heap of question marks without easy answers. Thank you, truly, but no thank you.” By the end of that spiel, I was out of breath and out of objections.

  Knox, however, had plastered on an expression that read something along the lines of Is that all you’ve got? “Let me address those trivial, albeit valid, concerns. One by one.” He only added the valid part when my eyes narrowed. “Here is 601 West Summit Avenue. It’s about five miles from campus. I don’t have any roommates, and I like it that way, except when a friend has hit rock bottom or, in your case, is getting roofied on a weekly basis.”

  “And I just got called out for making light of this . . .” I mumbled.

  “While you’re here, you can have use of my truck since, smart Plan-B-thinking me, I also have a motorcycle. No need to worry about your vehicle impairment or dislike of public transportation.”

  As he went through each of my concerns, I started searching for other objections. Valid wasn’t even on the list of criteria.

  He continued, “As to the revolving door thing, that’s far more exaggerated on campus than the reality, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we’ll exchange the revolving door for a steel, finger-print-required one. Regarding your fan club—”

  “Prolific,” I clarified. “If you’re going to quote me, get it right. Journalism 101.”

  “Regarding your prolific fan club and what they’ll think, since when do you give a shit what anyone thinks?”

  He had me there. I wouldn’t even try to keep lying about that one. “I don’t.” I drew a line with my hand under the text on my shirt.

  “And the bathroom will be a first-come, first-served basis, but if I get there before you, don’t worry. I’m not one of those chumps who takes half an hour to style my hair. I’m pretty much a wash-and-go kind of guy. That goes the same for the household chores. If you see some dirty dishes and want to do them, knock yourself out. If you see them and don’t, no big. This isn’t reinventing the wheel, Charlie. This is you crashing at my place until things simmer down and a jackass is in prison.”

  I hated how much sense he was making and how simple he made it all seem. I hated it because it was transferring to me, and I didn’t like being influenced by someone. “It could never work.”

  “Is that because that’s what you’ve convinced yourself you should think, or is that what you really believe? And if you even think about lying to me, I’m calling bullshit before the words are out of your mouth.”

  Flopping back down, I hung my head over the back of the couch arm. Maybe a blood rush to the head would help me out-think Knox. “You’re a pain in my ass.”

  He tugged on a chunk of my hair, chuckling. “Yeah, but I’m also the same person who’s going to help save your ass, so it really balances out in the end.”

  “What makes you so sure you can help me figure out who is doing this? What makes you think I can’t do it all by my lonesome?”

  His fingers went from tugging my hair to combing through it so methodically it was like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. “I have a lifetime of experience mucking around with lowlifes. I know how to speak their language. I know how they think. I can anticipate their next moves. The only better candidates you could find to help you weed this bastard out are down at the state pen.” Knox’s fingers fell from my hair. “And I don’t doubt you could go it alone, but together, we’ll get it done twice as fast. We make better allies than enemies, so let’s get this done, and then you can go back to living in the lap of luxury in Sinclair’s sprawling dorms.”

  I bit my lip, debating if I should voice my next question, but the day I refused to ask certain questions was the day I might as well give up my journalist name-tag. “What do you mean you have a lifetime of experience dealing with lowlifes?” As soon as I said it, Neve’s accusations assaulted my mind.

  “I grew up in bad places, around bad people doing bad things,” Knox said, sounding far away. “Kids didn’t play outside in my neighborhoods. They ones who did either wound up the casualty of a drive-by or were never seen or heard from again. Every house was full of people eith
er making, selling, or consuming some kind of illegal substance. By the time I was thirteen, I didn’t have a friend who wasn’t a member of a gang. By the time I was sixteen, half of those friends had been killed or were serving life sentences. Life was hard, and the people were harder. That was my life for sixteen years. I know how the scum of the earth operates because I was right there with them for so long, I forgot good people were in the world still.”

  Knox’s confessional had left me reeling. When I’d asked my question, I hadn’t expected to be handed raw, jagged pieces of his past. Now that I had them cradled in my hands, I wasn’t sure what to do with them.

  “So what made you leave the dark side for the light?” My voice was so quiet, I barely recognized it.

  Knox inhaled and held it. “The utter and total devastation of my whole world.”

  I wanted to lean my head over the couch and look at him. I wanted to experience what he was feeling, see what emotions were playing out on his face, but to do that would have felt like spying on someone in their most private moment. Not even I would stoop to that level.

  “Sounds ominous,” I said, my fingers twitching toward his. “Care to expand?”

  Knox was quiet—lost to his memories or his thoughts or his pain. I couldn’t be sure, but when my fingers gave up and wove through his, he seemed to come back to life. “I think that’s enough show-and-tell for me for one day. Or one decade. Why don’t we set a time for when to move your things over here instead?”

  His confession had left me in unfamiliar territory between agreeable and sympathetic. Then I remembered another valid concern. “What about Harlow? I can’t just bail on her—especially if some turd’s going to stop at nothing to get to me. There’s such a thing as mistaken identity, and I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to her.”

  Knox’s hand warmed in mine. Or maybe it was mine warming in his. They were so tightly fit together, it was difficult to tell.

  “Did you really just use the word turd to describe your would-be rapist?”

  I raised a shoulder. “Shit seemed like such an overused cliché.”

  “You’re unreal,” he replied, sitting up beside my head, which was still dangling over the couch arm.

  So much for my blood-rush theory. I was pretty sure I was only about one, maybe two, objections away from agreeing to move in with Knox Jagger.

  “While you were passed out again, thanks to this ‘turd,’ I called Harlow and described what had happened and what I had in mind. She, a woman possessing actual survival instincts, said she’d crash at her boyfriend’s place while you were here.”

  “You talked to Harlow? You told her you were going to try to coerce me into moving in with you?”

  “This would hardly be a solid plan if I didn’t cover every angle of it, would it?” His smirk was just starting its slide into position.

  “So, fine. Harlow’s good to go. But even if I did move in here, you couldn’t be with me all the time, Knox. You can’t protect me twenty-four-seven.”

  The morning sun glowed around him, framing his head in a yellow halo. If that wasn’t irony . . .

  “Well, no, I can’t be with you all the time. Campus security frowns on guys following girls into the women’s bathroom, not to mention your professors probably wouldn’t be too eager to see Knox Jagger squatting in on their classes.”

  Imagining Neve’s face when she noticed Knox in her Journalistic Ethics class almost made me laugh out loud.

  “But in a way, I will be with you everywhere you go.”

  My brows knitted together. “I don’t understand.”

  “Once this douche learns you’re living with me and assumes we’re a thing, he’ll be less brazen. He’s going to triple-think his moves when he knows I could be around any corner.”

  Rolling onto my side, I propped my head up with my hand. “And brazen wasn’t roofie-ing me while I was handcuffed to you?”

  The closest thing to a sheepish expression went into place on his face. “He was drunk or driven by extreme emotion—or something else that made him forget caution. I guarantee you he won’t make the same careless mistake again. He’ll be more sneaky, hanging even farther back in the shadows, which means you need to be ten times more on guard.”

  “Good thing I’ve got you and your shadow following me around,” I said under my breath. I’d have been lying to myself if I said I wasn’t worried. That someone was targeting me specifically, and seemingly relentlessly, didn’t do anything to convince me that this would all blow over soon.

  “I don’t want to deceive you, Charlie. Moving in with me isn’t a guarantee that you’ll be safe. There’s still a risk out there; we’re just decreasing it. We’re buying time. This isn’t fool-proof, and there’s still danger out there just waiting for you to make a mistake.”

  I allowed myself two full breaths to let the fear have its way with me. I gave myself that time to feel the adrenaline firing inside me. Then I let it all out with one long exhale. “Where would the fun be if my life weren’t in danger every now and then? Danger keeps a girl on her toes.” Sure, I was exaggerating my confidence, but fake it till you make it, baby.

  “Not to be crass, but I don’t think this guy’s interested in you staying on your toes.”

  Staring at the ceiling, I moved on from the topic at hand. Where and how this guy wanted me was not a welcome thought. “Not that I’m agreeing to this insane idea, but let’s just say I’m considering it . . . is there anything else we need to go over?”

  From roommates, to chores, to turds—we’d covered a gamut of topics.

  “Just one more thing—one important thing.” I could feel Knox waiting for me to look at him. He waited until my eyes met his before continuing. “What happened last night . . .” He chewed the inside his cheek for a beat. “I want you to know that will never, ever happen again.” Even as he said it, his gaze dropped to my mouth. “I just don’t want you to be worried or feel uncomfortable living here because a repeat of that could happen. Contrary to popular belief, I can behave myself when I really put my mind to it.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say, but he was clearly waiting for me to acknowledge what he’d just said. Was I as conflicted over what had happened last night as he was? I doubted it. Was I so certain I never wanted a repeat of it to take place? Not even. Was it a mistake? I couldn’t be sure yet. I guess it was truly a matter of only-time-will-tell.

  “Oh. Okay. Sure.” My gaze drifted back to the ceiling because looking at him only confused my thoughts more. “Thanks for that . . . oath?” I squinted. That wasn’t the right word. “For that promise?” Closer but not quite. “For that—”

  “Solemn vow,” he filled in, his voice strong. He sat up even higher, and his free hand curled around the crucifix dangling at his chest. “I swear on this that I will never let that happen again.”

  Well, I guess that confirmed it. Knox’s and my relationship had gone as far as it would ever go. If he was throwing out solemn vows and swearing on religious relics, he was pretty much writing a message in the sky that a repeat of what had gone down between us would not be happening. To him, it must have been a mistake.

  “Great. I’m convinced.” As the flood of emotions drained out of me all at once, something else made its way to the front of the queue. The handcuffs binding us only made it seem that much more urgent. “Eh . . . Knox?” My foot tapped frantically.

  “Eh, what?” he replied.

  “Nature is calling again”—I’d found myself in this same bladder-bursting predicament last week—“and from the feel of it, won’t be patient.” Seriously, it was like a whole gallon of lemonade had just been funneled into my bladder. Maybe it was another effect of the drugs, or the fact I just hadn’t gone pee in close to twelve hours, but whatever was responsible for it was also about to be responsible for making a mess on Knox’s couch. I supposed that would be one way to get the roommate invitation revoked. House-breaking seemed kind of standard when it came to roomie requirements.r />
  His gaze drifted down my stomach right before moving to the cuffs. “Well, lead the way. I’m next on nature’s call list.”

  I popped up and swung my legs over the couch. “I am not peeing with you in the same room. No way.”

  “Why not? I wouldn’t hesitate to go with you close by.”

  “That’s because you’re an animal.”

  “If I was an animal, I wouldn’t use a toilet.”

  Both my feet were tapping now as I looked over my shoulder toward where the bathroom was. “So you’re a particular animal, but either we can go in search of those bolt cutters—quickly—or we can keep arguing about this, and I’ll make you wish you’d invested in plastic seat covers like our great-grandmas did.”

  “That’s a new couch. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do anything that would make me have to go furniture shopping again. After my last experience, I’m pretty convinced that hell is going to be the inside a furniture superstore.”

  I crossed my legs to see if that would help. From the feel of it, nothing would help other than reliving myself. “Then what are we waiting for?” I went to stand, but Knox stayed put, bringing me right back down on the couch.

  “For you to agree to be smart and move in until we get this guy.”

  I whipped my head from side to side. “That’s too big of a decision to make in my present state. After I heed nature’s call, I’ll do some more considering and give you my answer.”

  “Yeah. That doesn’t work for me.”

  Knox stayed put when I went to stand again. “So help me God, I will drag you to the garage if I have to in order to find those bolt cutters.” I glared at the handcuffs, wondering if there was anything I despised more. The person who was trapped in them with me was in the running for that honor.

  “So do it.” He smiled at me. Actually smiled.

  “You’re going to regret that when I go all bionic-woman on you,” I warned. I grabbed his handcuffed wrist in my free hand and, making sure I had a good hold on it, pulled.