Othergirl

by Nicole Burstein

  ‘Just tell me what you’re drawing,’ I moan.

  ‘Nope, can’t,’ Toby replies. ‘It’s a surprise.’

  The last week has been hard. The Vigil people wanted me to spend it at home – they said that I should recuperate from my adventure, but I think they just wanted to make sure any potential media attention would die down by the time I went back to school. There was a fear that the story would leak and my name would get out, and the term ‘lying low’ got bandied about, but I decided that I couldn’t take any time off school. Not with exams looming. They weren’t as impressed with my steely resolve as I thought they would be.

  School was strange, because of course nobody knew what had happened, yet I felt totally different. I felt taller, if that makes any sense. Taller and somehow more substantial. Looking people in the eye doesn’t feel nearly so scary any more. Is this what confidence is? It’s like having a secret identity of my own: Louise Kirby, by day a mild-mannered schoolgirl, by night a total badass.

  As it turned out, there weren’t any media problems to manage. We emerged above ground that Saturday to find the world continuing just as it had before. The sun had set and the streetlights had come on, and people walked past us, oblivious to what had gone on just under their feet. Toby and I were put in a taxi home together, but we were too tired to talk. He did surprise me though, about halfway through the journey, when he reached out and took my hand as it lay on the central armrest. I hardly even noticed it at first, but when I did, I managed to give his hand a gentle squeeze, as if to say, in my own quiet way, that things were going to be fine.

  ‘OK, I’m done!’ Toby exclaims at last, setting down his pens and holding his sketchbook out.

  He’s drawn a caricature of me wearing a mask and a cape, soaring across the white expanse of the page. I think that maybe he’s made my cheeks a little too hamster-like, but it’s cute. It’s so very cute.

  ‘So, I’m a superhero now, am I?’ I tease, not able to keep the smile from my face. ‘What’s my power, then?’

  ‘Generally just being awesome,’ Toby says, mirroring my grin.

  Toby’s had a lot to deal with at home over the past week. After cultivating his perfect ‘good teen’ image with his parents, the front room covered in tiny shards of frosted glass was a little hard to explain. He also had to sign loads of forms and have lengthy interviews about how he got caught up in everything.

  We’re disturbed by a rap at the window, and we turn to see a masked face there, and a little hand waving and impatient. Toby jumps up to let Erica in.

  ‘I hope I’m not interrupting anything?’ she says with a smirk, before coming over to give me a hug. ‘So, how’s it going, Tobes?’

  It turns out that one week isn’t really enough time for Toby to adjust to Erica – the Erica he’s seen around school for years – being a superhero. Plus there’s all the awkward fanboy stuff to contend with whenever he encounters her in full costume. Despite everything we’ve been through, especially all the frozen-melty stuff, he still reacts to her as if she’s this glittering, unapproachable celebrity who generously deigns to speak with him. Of course Erica milks it for all she can.

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ Toby mumbles. ‘I should probably get going though?’

  ‘You’re not going to stay and girl talk?’ Erica pulls her mask up and off her face.

  ‘I’d better not. There’s this essay I’ve got … and it’s due in …’

  ‘See you later, Tobes?’ I ask, and at my voice he instantly relaxes.

  ‘Yeah, see you later!’ He scuttles out of my room, nearly banging his head on the door frame as he goes.

  ‘He is so ridiculously cute!’ Erica comments after him, before sliding down beside me on my bed.

  ‘So, how is everything?’ I ask.

  ‘It’s all good. They haven’t charged me for any of the damage in the Mission Room, if that’s what you mean. But forget about that – tell me about you! How’s Toby?’

  ‘It’s nice. He’s nice,’ is all I can admit without blushing.

  ‘Look at you, all loved up. I knew it would happen with him. I knew it!’

  As easy as it would be to tell her everything about Toby, I hope she doesn’t mind that I want to keep it to myself right now. It’s just that it’s so new, and I think I might deserve some secrets of my own for the first time.

  ‘What about you? Are you coming back to school any time soon?’ Unlike me, Erica has chosen to take all the time off that she’s allowed. Partly so that she can focus on her training, but also so she can start spending some quality time with her mum.

  ‘So about that,’ she starts, and the pause that follows makes me hold my breath. ‘It’s just that I feel like I have so much work to do, you know? All that power, and I’m so scared of losing control. And it’s not as if I can leave it for later. I have to start now, if I’m going to have the future I want. But with everything that’s happened, it’s been suggested that I think about moving somewhere else until I’m ready for the big league.’

  ‘So what does that mean? Are you going to the Paris team?’ I could manage Paris. A few hours on the train would mean loads of fun days out.

  ‘No.’ She pauses again, and doesn’t look me in the eyes. ‘They want me to go to New York, to be part of the team over there.’

  ‘You said no, right? Because of your age and your mum and everything else? You can’t go to New York!’

  ‘I can. I’m going over there to finish my education, and to train with Solar and the rest of the East Coast team. It’s all been arranged. That’s what I’ve come over to tell you.’

  I’m waiting for that feeling to overcome me, the bitter taste of rage and hurt. But it doesn’t arrive. Instead what I feel is an unexpected stillness. I wonder if I’m in shock and whether a reaction will come later, but right now there’s just a vaguely pleasant quietness that keeps me calm. Yes, the thought of Erica being an ocean away isn’t great, but I can also see her doing a huge amount of good out there.

  ‘OK, then.’ My lips are numb as I say the words, as if I can’t quite believe that I’m saying them.

  ‘OK?’

  ‘Yeah. I can see you really liking New York. I think you’d be perfect out there.’

  ‘For some reason I thought you’d be angry with me or something. And anyway, I’ll be home to visit loads, and there’s always the internet. I can see us chatting more than we do now!’

  ‘I would have thought I’d be angry too,’ I admit, ‘but I really think this is right for you. What does your mum say?’

  ‘She’s excited. She’s been looking for a way to leave for ages and make a new start. I think this will be good for her too, for both of us. No more secrets. And I’ve still got so much to learn. It’ll be nice to start over with people who don’t already know me and what I’ve done.’

  ‘What’s going to happen to Jay?’ I ask.

  ‘The Vigils have their own ways of dealing with people like him. Let’s just say he won’t be causing any trouble for the foreseeable future.’ She pauses. ‘You know what I’ve been thinking, though?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That Jay was right about a lot of things. So much about how the Vigils work nowadays has to do with PR and branding and monetising. And even though he was clearly completely mad, he wasn’t completely wrong.’

  ‘Here’s what I think,’ I start. ‘I think that you need to remember who you are, and your own heroes. Think of the Amazing Clara and everything she did. If you don’t like how things are working, you can change things. You can be that person who changes things for the better, but from the inside out. Be the superhero you always wanted to be, and the others will follow. You can be – the Amazing Vega!’

  She reaches over and hugs me, a tight squeeze that makes my eyes bulge. I don’t think she even realises how strong she is now.

  ‘I love you, you know that?’ she whispers into my ear.

  ‘I love you too. We’re family, right?’

  ‘Definitely!’
When she releases me she turns away quickly, but not before I catch the faint sizzle of a tear evaporating from her hot cheek. ‘So, have you got too much homework to do, or can we watch a film or something? Also, can I borrow some clothes? Because it is absolutely impossible to relax in this costume!’

  I stick a film on my laptop, but to be honest we hardly watch it. We’re too busy chatting about everything we can think of. It reminds me of before, when she’d come over and tell me about her schoolfriends, about who fancied who, who was failing history and who had stolen a bottle of vodka from their parents. But now, instead of the likes of Annabel or Heather, it’s Hayley Divine she’s gushing about. Who’d have thought that the crazy intricacies and social politics of a legion of superheroes would be so similar to life in the playground?

  ‘I should probably get going,’ she says as the credits start to roll.

  ‘You could stay here for a bit longer if you like.’

  ‘No, I should go. But I miss this, you know? I miss just being able to come round here and tell you anything. I miss how things were.’

  ‘Things were always going to change,’ I say. ‘Even if you were completely normal, we’d be doing different things at college, and then university. We’re not kids any more.’

  ‘I guess this is growing up, right?’

  ‘A part of it maybe.’

  I help her back into her costume and then open the window.

  ‘Best friends for ever?’ she asks, and she really means it, like her life might depend on the answer.

  ‘Best friends for ever,’ I confirm.

  ‘You’re awesome, you know that?’ she whispers. Then she pushes herself onto my window ledge, finding her balance as she prepares to fly away. I think before everything happened I would have shrugged off a statement like that, but right now I kind of believe her. I do feel a little bit awesome, just being me.

  I recognise a hesitation in her, an unwillingness to go, and that’s all I need to realise that whatever happens in the future, we’ll always be there for each other. She turns, and there’s that familiar flash of mischievous grin, before she’s off into the clouds and on to whatever adventure comes next.

  Acknowledgements

  Firstly to my parents, Nigel and Elaine, and my brother James: your love and support has meant everything to me. I’m lucky to have such a large family, every single one of whom has offered nothing but kindness and encouragement along this whole journey. Thank you.

  Bryony Woods, my agent, you spotted something in me all that time ago, and I am forever grateful that you did. I couldn’t have survived this process without you! To Charlie Sheppard and Chloe Sackur and all the team at Andersen Press, thank you for believing in Louise and Erica, and for helping me bring them to life.

  To all my colleagues at Waterstones, especially the incredible people I’ve worked with at Piccadilly, thank you so much. Nicky, Leah, Mary, Peter, Roger, Eva, Pete, Amber and Cam especially – look! I put your names in the back of my book! My other bookselling chums, Teresa, Lisa and Jenn, you just don’t know what your friendship has meant to me over the last few years.

  Huge thank yous must go to my teachers on the Birkbeck Creative Writing MA: Toby Litt, Julia Bell and Michael Rosen. And to those misfits I met in Toby’s class (we imaginatively named ourselves Toby’s People), none of you had the guts to name one of your children after Toby, but I did! But seriously, guys, thank you.

  To the manager and all the staff at Edgware Starbucks, thank you for letting me write my novel (and rewrite it, and rewrite it again) in your fine establishment. I’m also lucky to have found a real community of friends here, long live the Edgware Skcubrats!

  I’ve had four wonderful guides through the world of comic books: Dan, Jim, Adrian and Eli. You guys have been terrific enablers, thank you for welcoming me into your world with open arms and enthusiasm.

  To my closest friends: Lisa, Michelle, Vic, Alice, Ben and Laura-Jane. Whether you live near or far or overseas, this is a book about friendship, and it’s you who have taught me all about it. I love you guys for ever.

  There have been a vast quantity of writers I have met along this journey – you know who you are – and every single one of you has been an inspiration.

  A special thanks must go to The Arts Council, which has provided me with the means over the last year to bring this book to fruition.

  And finally, to Cameron Krokatsis, the one person who I wish could read this, but never will.